GDB MINUS 1: Emotional faceoffs

Wanye
September 27 2009 05:17PM

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And so the preseason that saw the return of Mike Comrie, the continued fall of Rob Schremp and the dehydration of Nikolai Khabibulin draws to a close with tonight’s tilt against the Canucks. And about time if you ask us – although an uninspired preseason could lead to a brick of a start to the regular season too.

We have had the honour of observing a great many of these preseason games and like many in the Nation we are starting to shake our head at the preseason version of these Edmonton Oilers of ours. To say that the Oilers have been, well unemotional at best, is an understatement.

Anyone catch the game against the Flames? Good gravy was that a stink bomb. And the most recent outing against the Bolts? It probably left many in the City of Winnipeg thankful they haven’t had to pay that kind of money to watch that bad of an end to a game since the Jets left.

Yes, it’s a nerve racking time to be a fan of the 2009-2010 Edmonton Oilers. We traditionally use this preseason hockey to irrationally seize upon heroes, goats or anything in between to carry us through the long winter. And with the exception of Comrie's four point night and the continued emergence of young Eberle, there hasn't been much for us to get wound up about.

quinn2

Hopefully the Mighty Oil can start to show some life in this final preseason game tonight. We would be even more concerned if it weren’t for the presence of Coaching Newbies Pat Quinn and Tom Renney though. They seem to be watching things from the bench, arms crossed in thinkery and building some sort of plan. One must imagine that they have come to the following conclusions:

Fact: Sheldon Souray can wire the puck. This probably took about eleven seconds for the Coaching Staff to figure out, if they didn't already know it to begin with. Mr Sexy hasn't lost a step nor a MPH over the offseason and should be counted on to have another excellent campaign.

Fact: Jordan Eberle will eventually be a dandy. Even if the kid is eventually sent back down to Junior, Jordan Eberle has stamped his mark on the hearts of many an Oiler fan in the past couple of weeks. It may not be today, but at some point in the near future he is going to take to the ice for his rookie campaign as an Oiler and will give us many a thrill in the process.

Fact: Khabibulin is old and old things tend to try out quickly. So what exactly happened the other night against the Flames to our new 'tender? (whispers in ear) He got dehydrated? Doesn't that only happen to long distance Kenyan runners on mile 367 of a marathon? It happened in preseason hockey? How many years have we signed him for?

(insert awkward pause here)

Fact: The Oilers in their current state absolutely blow at faceoffs. This is really starting to get out of control. We watched the game against the Lightning with a buddy who doesn't really follow hockey all too much. We consider him a work in progress and often sit him in front of a TV and ply him with alcahol and explain all of the tiny details about the Oilers that he could never figure out on his own. At some point during the third period he leaned over and said "boy, the Oilers sure aren't good at winning those puck drops are they?"

When a European-Canadian of dubious lineage, who doesn't even follow the game can spot this glaring hole - things are getting dire indeed.

Fact: The only thing lower than the faceoff % of these here Oilers is their emot-o-meter as seen is the graph below charting the performance of the Oilers in the preseason:

preseasongraph

Job Numero Uno Tonight: EMOTION

Alrighty Oilers. Listen up and listen good. It seems that the entire corps of Centremen have somehow made it into the NHL without passing Faceoffs 101 in Minor Hockey. We will leave this glaring and horrifying hole aside for the moment in the hope that you are merely saving all your faceoff wins for the regular season.

There are few other valid excuses for your absolutely abysmal performance in the circle of late. But there are even fewer reasons we can think of that would justify the cyborgian lack of emotion you have been displaying thus far. We have seen long term coma patients that have more jump to them than you.

Despite our better judgement we will be in RX1 again this evening, crushing $8 hockey beers and trying to pretend that things are going to be OK. Maybe do your increasingly nervous fans a favour and show a little jump on the eve of the regular season will you? Geez.

Lineups

Here are your lineups for tonight’s game, courtesy of the Oilers website. Try and guess which team is which!

Khabibulin gets the start, Pisani, Moreau and Pouliot remain injured.

5 Ladislav Smid D 10 Shawn Horcoff C 13 Andrew Cogliano LW 19 Patrick O'Sullivan RW 22 J-F Jacques LW 24 Steve Staios D 27 Dustin Penner LW 33 Steve MacIntyre RW 35 Nikolai Khabibulin G 38 Jeff Deslauriers G 43 Jason Strudwick D 44 Sheldon Souray D 46 Zack Stortini RW 67 Gilbert Brule C 71 Lubomir Visnovsky D 77 Tom Gilbert D 83 Ales Hemsky RW 85 Liam Reddox LW 89 Sam Gagner C 91 Mike Comrie C

And here is your other lineup, starting with Cory Schneider in net. A suckier bunch of sucks hath not existed if you ask us:

3 Kevin Bieksa D 5 Christian Ehrhoff D 6 Sami Salo D 8 Willie Mitchell D 14 Alex Burrows RW 18 Steve Bernier RW 21 Mason Raymond LW 22 Daniel Sedin LW 24 Darcy Hordichuk LW 29 Aaron Rome D 30 Andrew Raycroft G 33 Henrik Sedin C 35 Cory Schneider G 37 Rick Rypien C 39 Cody Hodgson C 42 Kyle Wellwood C 55 Shane O'Brien D 56 Matt Pope RW 65 Sergei Shirokov 73 Tanner Glass RW

Final note

Did anyone notice the Canucks have a player named Tanner Glass? Is that a terrible name or what?

Prediction: Oilers 4 Canucks 2.

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Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#51 Gunner
September 27 2009, 06:23PM
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WTF is going on?

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#52 David S
September 27 2009, 06:25PM
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The Towel Boy wrote:

Ok, my feed went wonky now.

Same here. BTW - watch out for the atdhe.net feed. Looks like its been hacked by a malware site.

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#53 Shapeman
September 27 2009, 06:25PM
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go to http://oilers.nhl.tv/team/console.jsp?catid=4&id=47389 for the oilers website link. once there go to the livewire page

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#54 Fiveandagame
September 27 2009, 06:25PM
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freeze wrote:

feed is b0rked.

BORKED!!! nice.....

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#55 The Towel Boy
September 27 2009, 06:25PM
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I want to punch Greg down in the "Internets Control Center" right about now.

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#56 BarryS
September 27 2009, 06:26PM
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must be the main oiler server acting up

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#57 The Towel Boy
September 27 2009, 06:27PM
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@ David S:

Hmmm...my scanner thingy didn't mention anything about the atdhe.net fee...but yeah...I'm using the Oilers TV feed anyways.

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#58 BarryS
September 27 2009, 06:27PM
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Somehow we have to get hemsky against hortachuk all the time.

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#59 Gunner
September 27 2009, 06:27PM
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Quinn must've had a "talk" with Hemsky. He's flying out there.

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#60 The Towel Boy
September 27 2009, 06:31PM
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Man, if we could capitalize on these 2 on 1's...we'd be set!

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#61 Gunner
September 27 2009, 06:32PM
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I really like how our D step up and are much more aggresive throughout the neutral zone.

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#62 BarryS
September 27 2009, 06:34PM
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Call me old but i don;t like those intermission loud what they did last year spots.

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#63 The Towel Boy
September 27 2009, 06:34PM
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Wow.

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#64 Sam
September 27 2009, 06:34PM
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Who is this Comrie guy?

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#65 The Towel Boy
September 27 2009, 06:35PM
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Just wow.

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#66 Wanye Gretz
September 27 2009, 06:36PM
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Damn that was a SICK play by Lubo.

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#67 Fiveandagame
September 27 2009, 06:36PM
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OH MAN!!!! Vishnovsky... I heart him.

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#68 Shapeman
September 27 2009, 06:36PM
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god im glad i picked comrie in my hockey pool

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#69 Sam
September 27 2009, 06:36PM
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Bieksa should eat my crum

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#70 Gunner
September 27 2009, 06:36PM
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My feed is like a minute slow. I'm like wow what?

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#71 Shapeman
September 27 2009, 06:37PM
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and lubo of course

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#72 The Towel Boy
September 27 2009, 06:37PM
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Bieksa needs to PAY dearly for that hit. Don't we have a goon or something in the lineup?

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#73 Sam
September 27 2009, 06:37PM
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JFJ!!!

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#74 Gunner
September 27 2009, 06:38PM
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Whiffcoff... dirty pass by JFJ

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#75 The Towel Boy
September 27 2009, 06:38PM
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Wow...that was sweet.

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#76 Wanye Gretz
September 27 2009, 06:38PM
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Horcoff: 2 different colored eyes, 1 goal.

Good deal

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#77 Fiveandagame
September 27 2009, 06:39PM
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HOLY CRAP!!!! wtf??? JFJ with the sexy hands? and Horcoff didn't wiff?? wow... Just wow.

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#78 Gunner
September 27 2009, 06:39PM
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@ The Towel Boy: Who did he hit? I never saw it..

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#79 Jay
September 27 2009, 06:39PM
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well that line is stayin' together for the season

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#80 Gunner
September 27 2009, 06:41PM
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Rome = new NHL huggy bear

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#81 freeze
September 27 2009, 06:41PM
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good period! someone get kHabby on an IV drip - stat!

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#82 The Towel Boy
September 27 2009, 06:41PM
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Gunner wrote:

@ The Towel Boy: Who did he hit? I never saw it..

Gagner

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#83 freeze
September 27 2009, 06:42PM
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Jacques has been a revelation. I'm surprised 'made of glass' Salo got up from that.

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#84 Sam
September 27 2009, 06:43PM
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...and JFJ flattens Salo

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#85 The Towel Boy
September 27 2009, 06:43PM
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Well, if it wasn't obvious before...I'd say this JFJ kid has the chops to stay in the bigs.

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#86 BarryS
September 27 2009, 06:44PM
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BarryS wrote:

Somehow I think J-F Jacques, Steve MacIntyre, Jason Strudwick, and Zack Stortini all end up with fighting majors tonight but hopefully not instigator penalties.

1. Strudwick - fighting

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#87 cableguy
September 27 2009, 06:46PM
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The Towel Boy wrote:

Well, if it wasn’t obvious before…I’d say this JFJ kid has the chops to stay in the bigs.

we shall see if he can keep it up.

his prior 50ish games should leave people a bit on the skeptical side.

ahh, f*** it, pass the Kool-aid over here.

JFJ!!!!! ZZZZOMG!!!

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#88 Shapeman
September 27 2009, 06:46PM
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anybody elses feed crap out suddenly?

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#89 Shapeman
September 27 2009, 06:46PM
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oh nvm its back

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#90 ScubaSteve
September 27 2009, 06:47PM
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@ The Towel Boy:

Yeah, he looks good on that top line. I wouldn't be surprised to see him start the year there, especially b/c Comrie and O'Sullivan have developed some nice chemistry.

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#91 freeze
September 27 2009, 06:47PM
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back with elevator music.

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#92 The Towel Boy
September 27 2009, 06:49PM
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@ cableguy:

haha...it's amazing how different a guy looks when he's not stuck on the 4th line with two other ham n' eggers.

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#93 BarryS
September 27 2009, 06:50PM
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Gunner wrote:

My feed is like a minute slow. I’m like wow what?

Are you listening on the radio as well? Otherwise how do you know your feed is slow? TV and computer are always behind the radio broadcasts.

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#94 TonyT
September 27 2009, 06:52PM
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Jacques is quickly becoming my favourite Oiler.

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#95 BarryS
September 27 2009, 06:54PM
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freeze wrote:

back with elevator music.

Don't know what elevator you live in, but mine don't play this kind og music.

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#96 The Towel Boy
September 27 2009, 06:54PM
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@ freeze:

Oh, did you miss the lovely PSA grpahic with Strudwick...reminding patrons of RX1 to watch out for flying pucks? GET DOWWWN!!

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#97 TonyT
September 27 2009, 06:54PM
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He must be wearing Sex Panther.

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#98 The Towel Boy
September 27 2009, 06:55PM
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Seriously RX1 highlight crew...did we really need 14 different views of Comrie's 1st goal tonite?

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#99 The Towel Boy
September 27 2009, 06:56PM
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@ The Towel Boy:

Answer: Yes

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#100 freeze
September 27 2009, 06:58PM
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@ The Towel Boy: I did. Probably while I was waiting for the feed to load on the PS3. Takes forever!

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