GDB MINUS 1: Emotional faceoffs

Wanye
September 27 2009 05:17PM

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And so the preseason that saw the return of Mike Comrie, the continued fall of Rob Schremp and the dehydration of Nikolai Khabibulin draws to a close with tonight’s tilt against the Canucks. And about time if you ask us – although an uninspired preseason could lead to a brick of a start to the regular season too.

We have had the honour of observing a great many of these preseason games and like many in the Nation we are starting to shake our head at the preseason version of these Edmonton Oilers of ours. To say that the Oilers have been, well unemotional at best, is an understatement.

Anyone catch the game against the Flames? Good gravy was that a stink bomb. And the most recent outing against the Bolts? It probably left many in the City of Winnipeg thankful they haven’t had to pay that kind of money to watch that bad of an end to a game since the Jets left.

Yes, it’s a nerve racking time to be a fan of the 2009-2010 Edmonton Oilers. We traditionally use this preseason hockey to irrationally seize upon heroes, goats or anything in between to carry us through the long winter. And with the exception of Comrie's four point night and the continued emergence of young Eberle, there hasn't been much for us to get wound up about.

quinn2

Hopefully the Mighty Oil can start to show some life in this final preseason game tonight. We would be even more concerned if it weren’t for the presence of Coaching Newbies Pat Quinn and Tom Renney though. They seem to be watching things from the bench, arms crossed in thinkery and building some sort of plan. One must imagine that they have come to the following conclusions:

Fact: Sheldon Souray can wire the puck. This probably took about eleven seconds for the Coaching Staff to figure out, if they didn't already know it to begin with. Mr Sexy hasn't lost a step nor a MPH over the offseason and should be counted on to have another excellent campaign.

Fact: Jordan Eberle will eventually be a dandy. Even if the kid is eventually sent back down to Junior, Jordan Eberle has stamped his mark on the hearts of many an Oiler fan in the past couple of weeks. It may not be today, but at some point in the near future he is going to take to the ice for his rookie campaign as an Oiler and will give us many a thrill in the process.

Fact: Khabibulin is old and old things tend to try out quickly. So what exactly happened the other night against the Flames to our new 'tender? (whispers in ear) He got dehydrated? Doesn't that only happen to long distance Kenyan runners on mile 367 of a marathon? It happened in preseason hockey? How many years have we signed him for?

(insert awkward pause here)

Fact: The Oilers in their current state absolutely blow at faceoffs. This is really starting to get out of control. We watched the game against the Lightning with a buddy who doesn't really follow hockey all too much. We consider him a work in progress and often sit him in front of a TV and ply him with alcahol and explain all of the tiny details about the Oilers that he could never figure out on his own. At some point during the third period he leaned over and said "boy, the Oilers sure aren't good at winning those puck drops are they?"

When a European-Canadian of dubious lineage, who doesn't even follow the game can spot this glaring hole - things are getting dire indeed.

Fact: The only thing lower than the faceoff % of these here Oilers is their emot-o-meter as seen is the graph below charting the performance of the Oilers in the preseason:

preseasongraph

Job Numero Uno Tonight: EMOTION

Alrighty Oilers. Listen up and listen good. It seems that the entire corps of Centremen have somehow made it into the NHL without passing Faceoffs 101 in Minor Hockey. We will leave this glaring and horrifying hole aside for the moment in the hope that you are merely saving all your faceoff wins for the regular season.

There are few other valid excuses for your absolutely abysmal performance in the circle of late. But there are even fewer reasons we can think of that would justify the cyborgian lack of emotion you have been displaying thus far. We have seen long term coma patients that have more jump to them than you.

Despite our better judgement we will be in RX1 again this evening, crushing $8 hockey beers and trying to pretend that things are going to be OK. Maybe do your increasingly nervous fans a favour and show a little jump on the eve of the regular season will you? Geez.

Lineups

Here are your lineups for tonight’s game, courtesy of the Oilers website. Try and guess which team is which!

Khabibulin gets the start, Pisani, Moreau and Pouliot remain injured.

5 Ladislav Smid D 10 Shawn Horcoff C 13 Andrew Cogliano LW 19 Patrick O'Sullivan RW 22 J-F Jacques LW 24 Steve Staios D 27 Dustin Penner LW 33 Steve MacIntyre RW 35 Nikolai Khabibulin G 38 Jeff Deslauriers G 43 Jason Strudwick D 44 Sheldon Souray D 46 Zack Stortini RW 67 Gilbert Brule C 71 Lubomir Visnovsky D 77 Tom Gilbert D 83 Ales Hemsky RW 85 Liam Reddox LW 89 Sam Gagner C 91 Mike Comrie C

And here is your other lineup, starting with Cory Schneider in net. A suckier bunch of sucks hath not existed if you ask us:

3 Kevin Bieksa D 5 Christian Ehrhoff D 6 Sami Salo D 8 Willie Mitchell D 14 Alex Burrows RW 18 Steve Bernier RW 21 Mason Raymond LW 22 Daniel Sedin LW 24 Darcy Hordichuk LW 29 Aaron Rome D 30 Andrew Raycroft G 33 Henrik Sedin C 35 Cory Schneider G 37 Rick Rypien C 39 Cody Hodgson C 42 Kyle Wellwood C 55 Shane O'Brien D 56 Matt Pope RW 65 Sergei Shirokov 73 Tanner Glass RW

Final note

Did anyone notice the Canucks have a player named Tanner Glass? Is that a terrible name or what?

Prediction: Oilers 4 Canucks 2.

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Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#101 ScubaSteve
September 27 2009, 07:00PM
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TonyT wrote:

He must be wearing Sex Panther.

Works 40% of the time, everytime.

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#102 Sam
September 27 2009, 07:00PM
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JF Parise? lol

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#103 Shapeman
September 27 2009, 07:00PM
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@ TonyT: so 60% of the time he'll work all of the time?

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#104 David S
September 27 2009, 07:00PM
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The Towel Boy wrote:

Seriously RX1 highlight crew…did we really need 14 different views of Comrie’s 1st goal tonite?

I'm really diggin' our newest mini-mite.

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#105 The Towel Boy
September 27 2009, 07:01PM
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@ freeze:

The atdhe.net feed is much faster loading on the PS3.

I normally watch via PS3 but I can't use it tonite..the wife has taken control of the tv. So now I'm sitting here....in my den, with my smoking jacket on...watching the game.

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#106 Shapeman
September 27 2009, 07:04PM
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whoa he ripped it

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#107 Shapeman
September 27 2009, 07:04PM
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salo that is

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#108 ScubaSteve
September 27 2009, 07:04PM
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Lubo needs to listen to Don Cherry. Get your stick out of the way!

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#109 ScubaSteve
September 27 2009, 07:10PM
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Why is it so hard to stop the Sedin cycle?

You bury one of them into the boards. Done.

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#110 Shapeman
September 27 2009, 07:13PM
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stupid sedin sisters......

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#111 freeze
September 27 2009, 07:14PM
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brutal period.

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#112 Porter
September 27 2009, 07:14PM
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Piss! Stupid alien baby sisters... I hate Shirokov already as well...

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#113 Skidplate
September 27 2009, 07:14PM
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Fack!

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#114 Wanye Gretz
September 27 2009, 07:15PM
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I'm surrounded by Canucks fans. All I can hear is "dude" and "bro", the air smells faintly of weed and you know none of them have to get up and work in the morning

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#115 The Towel Boy
September 27 2009, 07:15PM
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Any word on Cogs?

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#116 The Towel Boy
September 27 2009, 07:15PM
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Hemsky...jeeze.

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#117 Skidplate
September 27 2009, 07:16PM
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Wanye Gretz wrote:

I’m surrounded by Canucks fans. All I can hear is “dude” and “bro”, the air smells faintly of weed and you know none of them have to get up and work in the morning

I guess you fit right in then...

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#118 Sam
September 27 2009, 07:17PM
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Steadilly Bad Steve realized hes not a skilled player and lost the visor I see?

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#119 ScubaSteve
September 27 2009, 07:17PM
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@ Wanye Gretz:

The worst thing about watching the game with Canucks fans is hearing them calling the sisters by first names, like they know them.

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#120 Shapeman
September 27 2009, 07:19PM
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wtf did souray break the glass again?

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#121 Skidplate
September 27 2009, 07:22PM
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Make them pay

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#122 The Towel Boy
September 27 2009, 07:24PM
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Nice JFJ.

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#123 Archaeologuy
September 27 2009, 07:24PM
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If I didnt know better I would say that JF Jacques has sold his soul for a pair of hands.

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#124 Skidplate
September 27 2009, 07:24PM
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SCORES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nice play Jacque!!!

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#125 Shapeman
September 27 2009, 07:25PM
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they should give hemmer an assist jsut for getting the puck to souray there

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#126 Skidplate
September 27 2009, 07:26PM
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Black Jacque Shellac!!!!!

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#127 Sam
September 27 2009, 07:28PM
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Are they making cuts tonight or tomorrow?

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#128 Shapeman
September 27 2009, 07:34PM
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@ Sam: tomorrow morning

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#129 Skidplate
September 27 2009, 07:35PM
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That period went rather fast! Too bad we got outscored :|

Sounds like nice hustle after the canuckleheads scored twice.

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#130 Sam
September 27 2009, 07:35PM
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Thanks Shape!

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#131 knobert
September 27 2009, 07:38PM
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jfj for mayor

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#132 Skidplate
September 27 2009, 07:39PM
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Leafs lose....

Vesa Toskala 7 Goals, 17 saves 0.708GAA 58:13 time

Looks like the "Monster" might be their starter.

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#133 Shapeman
September 27 2009, 07:41PM
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@ Skidplate: hmm i may be able to make a deal in my pool with that performance by Toskala hmmm.....

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#134 Jack Bauer
September 27 2009, 07:46PM
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Whats the latest Nashville/Edmonton trade rumors out there?

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#135 Shapeman
September 27 2009, 07:53PM
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omg quit cutting out like every 2 seconds

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#136 Shapeman
September 27 2009, 07:54PM
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ok wow they scored hodgson from ehrhoff

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#137 Sam
September 27 2009, 07:54PM
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Brutal on the PK as usual

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#138 oilersordeath
September 27 2009, 07:54PM
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God I FU$%ING hate the Casucks!!

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#139 Skidplate
September 27 2009, 07:55PM
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Gosh darn it :(

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#140 Shapeman
September 27 2009, 07:56PM
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god staios i know ur emotional and full of heart and all but cmon dont push they guy into your own net

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#141 Skidplate
September 27 2009, 07:56PM
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Quit taking penalties!!!!

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#142 BarryS
September 27 2009, 07:58PM
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Shapeman wrote:

god staios i know ur emotional and full of heart and all but cmon dont push they guy into your own net

Seems to me the canuck was already falling down

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#143 Shapeman
September 27 2009, 07:59PM
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woot vis and his awesome speedy poke checks

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#144 Wanye Gretz
September 27 2009, 07:59PM
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@skidplate

Well played.

Hemsky has sprung to life tonight

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#145 Shapeman
September 27 2009, 08:02PM
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#2 Brule?

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#146 Skidplate
September 27 2009, 08:02PM
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Wanye Gretz wrote:

@skidplate Well played. Hemsky has sprung to life tonight

That's good because we cetainly need him to have a big year for us to go anywhere...

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#147 Wanye Gretz
September 27 2009, 08:02PM
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Broooo-let!

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#148 Archaeologuy
September 27 2009, 08:02PM
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Decision goes to Hansen

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#149 Skidplate
September 27 2009, 08:03PM
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Brule the Brute!!!

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#150 Sam
September 27 2009, 08:03PM
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Brule >>>>> Pouliot

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