GDB MINUS 1: Emotional faceoffs

Wanye
September 27 2009 05:17PM

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And so the preseason that saw the return of Mike Comrie, the continued fall of Rob Schremp and the dehydration of Nikolai Khabibulin draws to a close with tonight’s tilt against the Canucks. And about time if you ask us – although an uninspired preseason could lead to a brick of a start to the regular season too.

We have had the honour of observing a great many of these preseason games and like many in the Nation we are starting to shake our head at the preseason version of these Edmonton Oilers of ours. To say that the Oilers have been, well unemotional at best, is an understatement.

Anyone catch the game against the Flames? Good gravy was that a stink bomb. And the most recent outing against the Bolts? It probably left many in the City of Winnipeg thankful they haven’t had to pay that kind of money to watch that bad of an end to a game since the Jets left.

Yes, it’s a nerve racking time to be a fan of the 2009-2010 Edmonton Oilers. We traditionally use this preseason hockey to irrationally seize upon heroes, goats or anything in between to carry us through the long winter. And with the exception of Comrie's four point night and the continued emergence of young Eberle, there hasn't been much for us to get wound up about.

quinn2

Hopefully the Mighty Oil can start to show some life in this final preseason game tonight. We would be even more concerned if it weren’t for the presence of Coaching Newbies Pat Quinn and Tom Renney though. They seem to be watching things from the bench, arms crossed in thinkery and building some sort of plan. One must imagine that they have come to the following conclusions:

Fact: Sheldon Souray can wire the puck. This probably took about eleven seconds for the Coaching Staff to figure out, if they didn't already know it to begin with. Mr Sexy hasn't lost a step nor a MPH over the offseason and should be counted on to have another excellent campaign.

Fact: Jordan Eberle will eventually be a dandy. Even if the kid is eventually sent back down to Junior, Jordan Eberle has stamped his mark on the hearts of many an Oiler fan in the past couple of weeks. It may not be today, but at some point in the near future he is going to take to the ice for his rookie campaign as an Oiler and will give us many a thrill in the process.

Fact: Khabibulin is old and old things tend to try out quickly. So what exactly happened the other night against the Flames to our new 'tender? (whispers in ear) He got dehydrated? Doesn't that only happen to long distance Kenyan runners on mile 367 of a marathon? It happened in preseason hockey? How many years have we signed him for?

(insert awkward pause here)

Fact: The Oilers in their current state absolutely blow at faceoffs. This is really starting to get out of control. We watched the game against the Lightning with a buddy who doesn't really follow hockey all too much. We consider him a work in progress and often sit him in front of a TV and ply him with alcahol and explain all of the tiny details about the Oilers that he could never figure out on his own. At some point during the third period he leaned over and said "boy, the Oilers sure aren't good at winning those puck drops are they?"

When a European-Canadian of dubious lineage, who doesn't even follow the game can spot this glaring hole - things are getting dire indeed.

Fact: The only thing lower than the faceoff % of these here Oilers is their emot-o-meter as seen is the graph below charting the performance of the Oilers in the preseason:

preseasongraph

Job Numero Uno Tonight: EMOTION

Alrighty Oilers. Listen up and listen good. It seems that the entire corps of Centremen have somehow made it into the NHL without passing Faceoffs 101 in Minor Hockey. We will leave this glaring and horrifying hole aside for the moment in the hope that you are merely saving all your faceoff wins for the regular season.

There are few other valid excuses for your absolutely abysmal performance in the circle of late. But there are even fewer reasons we can think of that would justify the cyborgian lack of emotion you have been displaying thus far. We have seen long term coma patients that have more jump to them than you.

Despite our better judgement we will be in RX1 again this evening, crushing $8 hockey beers and trying to pretend that things are going to be OK. Maybe do your increasingly nervous fans a favour and show a little jump on the eve of the regular season will you? Geez.

Lineups

Here are your lineups for tonight’s game, courtesy of the Oilers website. Try and guess which team is which!

Khabibulin gets the start, Pisani, Moreau and Pouliot remain injured.

5 Ladislav Smid D 10 Shawn Horcoff C 13 Andrew Cogliano LW 19 Patrick O'Sullivan RW 22 J-F Jacques LW 24 Steve Staios D 27 Dustin Penner LW 33 Steve MacIntyre RW 35 Nikolai Khabibulin G 38 Jeff Deslauriers G 43 Jason Strudwick D 44 Sheldon Souray D 46 Zack Stortini RW 67 Gilbert Brule C 71 Lubomir Visnovsky D 77 Tom Gilbert D 83 Ales Hemsky RW 85 Liam Reddox LW 89 Sam Gagner C 91 Mike Comrie C

And here is your other lineup, starting with Cory Schneider in net. A suckier bunch of sucks hath not existed if you ask us:

3 Kevin Bieksa D 5 Christian Ehrhoff D 6 Sami Salo D 8 Willie Mitchell D 14 Alex Burrows RW 18 Steve Bernier RW 21 Mason Raymond LW 22 Daniel Sedin LW 24 Darcy Hordichuk LW 29 Aaron Rome D 30 Andrew Raycroft G 33 Henrik Sedin C 35 Cory Schneider G 37 Rick Rypien C 39 Cody Hodgson C 42 Kyle Wellwood C 55 Shane O'Brien D 56 Matt Pope RW 65 Sergei Shirokov 73 Tanner Glass RW

Final note

Did anyone notice the Canucks have a player named Tanner Glass? Is that a terrible name or what?

Prediction: Oilers 4 Canucks 2.

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Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#151 Fiveandagame
September 27 2009, 08:03PM
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Wow I think Brule is learnin from Comrie!

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#152 oilersordeath
September 27 2009, 08:04PM
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Easliy a draw, good scrap

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#153 BarryS
September 27 2009, 08:05PM
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Mostly body shots byArchaeologuy wrote:

Decision goes to Hansen

mostly body shots by Hansen he walked into a couple from Brule. closer to a saw off if you ask me

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#154 knobert
September 27 2009, 08:05PM
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jebsus, I don't think Gagner can stand up tonight. must be the rocker on his skates?!?!?!

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#155 Archaeologuy
September 27 2009, 08:08PM
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@ BarryS: I thought hansen connect with more big rights at the start and it ended fairly equally.

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#156 Shapeman
September 27 2009, 08:11PM
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damn it Jacques-Horcoff-Hemsky might just be our top line this year if they keep this up

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#157 Porter
September 27 2009, 08:11PM
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JFJ is a beast tonight!

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#158 Archaeologuy
September 27 2009, 08:12PM
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Can jacques keep playing this way in the regular season? He is playing like a man possessed.

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#159 Fiveandagame
September 27 2009, 08:13PM
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Does anybody else wonder when ever they show the crowd at rexall and you see some guy crushing a RX1 beer wearing an Oilers jersey

"is that Wanye Gretz?"

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#160 Shapeman
September 27 2009, 08:13PM
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omg they finally play some van halen and its cut off by the game......

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#161 David S
September 27 2009, 08:15PM
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Other rinks have gratuitous shots of ice girls and we have the smooch cam. Soooo sad.

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#162 Eric
September 27 2009, 08:15PM
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The Oilers are starting to get it........

This may just be next week's line-up.

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#163 BarryS
September 27 2009, 08:17PM
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jee wiz the sisters were on the smootch cam and they didn't. must be fighting

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#164 Shapeman
September 27 2009, 08:18PM
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OMG VAN HALEN CUT OFF AGAIN WTF????

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#165 BarryS
September 27 2009, 08:19PM
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Fiveandagame wrote:

Does anybody else wonder when ever they show the crowd at rexall and you see some guy crushing a RX1 beer wearing an Oilers jersey “is that Wanye Gretz?”

what's with all those people drinking beer through straws?

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#166 Fiveandagame
September 27 2009, 08:21PM
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BarryS wrote:

what’s with all those people drinking beer through straws?

Thats just wrong...

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#167 ronaldo
September 27 2009, 08:21PM
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Just got here and have heard nothing on the game. Looking for a game review in 24 words or less. Challenge thrown.

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#168 Shapeman
September 27 2009, 08:25PM
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@ ronaldo: comrie scores, wellwood scores, comrie scores, horcoff scores, salo scores, H Sedin scores, JF jacques scores, Ehrhoff scores, brule fights

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#169 oilersordeath
September 27 2009, 08:26PM
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WHat a sh!t call, that piece of shi!t turned into it!!!

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#170 Archaeologuy
September 27 2009, 08:26PM
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@ ronaldo: JFJ still hot. Visnovsky Great Defensively. Staios in the box. Hemsky looking better. Comrie still making his case. Brule better than pouliot. The end.

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#171 Shapeman
September 27 2009, 08:26PM
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here it is we lose in the next 2 mins god damn it

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#172 Shapeman
September 27 2009, 08:28PM
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cmon oil make it to the shootout and kick their asses

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#173 Fiveandagame
September 27 2009, 08:29PM
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could the music get worse?

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#174 oilersordeath
September 27 2009, 08:29PM
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It will be over here in OT

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#175 Wanye Gretz
September 27 2009, 08:29PM
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@Fiveandagame

I can assure you that if I am on the scoreboard I will stand and expose a wang so big the Oilers will be immediately awarded a goal

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#176 BarryS
September 27 2009, 08:30PM
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Fiveandagame wrote:

could the music get worse?

Its a hockey game not a concert. they should rip out the dvd players is all areans!

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#177 ronaldo
September 27 2009, 08:31PM
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@ Wayne Will your buddy appreciate you ripping off his track pants?

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#178 David S
September 27 2009, 08:31PM
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Announcer guy doing his best impression of Captain Obvious - telling the most knowledgeable fans in the NHL that 5 minutes of OT is coming up.

And yeah. X a billion on the bad music thing.

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#179 BarryS
September 27 2009, 08:32PM
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that should be in all arenas

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#180 freeze
September 27 2009, 08:32PM
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Gilbert with a laser!!

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#181 Archaeologuy
September 27 2009, 08:32PM
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WOOOOOOOOOo

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#182 Shapeman
September 27 2009, 08:32PM
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GIBBBYYYY!!!!! WHOOOO

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#183 oilersordeath
September 27 2009, 08:33PM
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Over for the Casucks baby!!!! YEAHHHHHHHH!!!

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#184 The Towel Boy
September 27 2009, 08:33PM
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Look at that...faceoff win = OT winner. Heh...whoda thunkit?

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#185 Fiveandagame
September 27 2009, 08:33PM
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we actually won...wow.

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#186 Wanye Gretz
September 27 2009, 08:34PM
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I don't care what "Good Hairstyles Digest" says Gilbert is decent

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#187 Porter
September 27 2009, 08:34PM
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Yeah Baby! Great play by Penner on that faceoff, and Brule drove the net hard....

Great win!

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#188 Shapeman
September 27 2009, 08:34PM
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gibby just pulled a mini souray there

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#189 sofapimp
September 27 2009, 08:35PM
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first star jfj on team for sure

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#190 David S
September 27 2009, 08:35PM
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How about that Tom Gilbert huh? Helluva D.

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#191 BarryS
September 27 2009, 08:35PM
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Who's a thunk it, 9 goals in the game and not a soft one in the lot.

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#192 Shapeman
September 27 2009, 08:36PM
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only disappointing thing is ganger didnt play the greatest out there tonight.. no that he was bad but he was definitely overshadowed by our other players out there

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#193 sofapimp
September 27 2009, 08:37PM
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great win now were tied for first goin into season

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#194 BarryS
September 27 2009, 08:37PM
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Shapeman wrote:

only disappointing thing is ganger didnt play the greatest out there tonight.. no that he was bad but he was definitely overshadowed by our other players out there

That's a good thing, Gagner wasn't needed to keep us in a game. Made some good plays but then all the penalties didn't help much.

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#195 Shapeman
September 27 2009, 08:37PM
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so that gives comrie what 11 points in 5 games now? not too shabby take out his first 2 games and he still has 6 points in 5 games

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#196 ronaldo
September 27 2009, 08:38PM
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Bring on the cup!!!! Koolaid, Koolaid, tastes great! Oh yeah!

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#197 Shapeman
September 27 2009, 08:38PM
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@ BarryS: true nough

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#198 jake
September 27 2009, 08:40PM
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Shapeman wrote:

only disappointing thing is ganger didnt play the greatest out there tonight.. no that he was bad but he was definitely overshadowed by our other players out there

he is just waiting til late February...(mean shot I know)

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#199 BarryS
September 27 2009, 08:40PM
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I think I'll get the bandwagon painted and buy a couple new horses to pull it.

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#200 David S
September 27 2009, 08:41PM
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Our team is going to be soooooo sick of PP and PK drills by the end of next week.

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