January 16 2010 01:35PM
Update: Fixed. Question: Does it matter? Sigh... If we were hanging out together right now and talking about the Oilers Game this afternoon against the Sharks, we would probably sit back and agree that the game reminds us both of the All Ireland semi final boxing match back in 2009. “The one where Munster fought Leinster?” you would ask, “yes, the very same, the 75 kg class if we recall correctly” ” we would reply. Then we would laugh and laugh, for we would have also ingested a good amount of peyote prior to having the conversation. But that’s just how we roll when we get together isn’t it?
It might very well take a good amount of natural hallucinogens to make this game interesting. Firstly it’s a matinee, which we all know is about as exciting as the 2008 All Ireland semi final match – The Snore on the Shore. Secondly, the Sharks are in town sporting a record of 30-10-8. Patrick Marleau is having his best season in years and Dany “The Bastard” Heatley hasn’t been hit by a train, despite all of our prayers to the Gods of Justice. They have even picked up Manny Malhotra - a utility player coveted by most of the Nation over the summer – and put him to good use this season. All of it smacks of a team that will exit in the second round, but not before they continue to lay a beating on the Western Conference for the remainder of the regular season.
What are we supposed to say about this game really? Sometimes it’s like the 2009 All Ireland Semis (shown above.) Sometimes you are a little fat kid sent in to fight some monster that has somehow made it into your weight class. Sure, you could have probably slimmed down prior to the tournament starting and beat the crap out of some weaker kids. But that takes dedication Nation, dedication that you don’t have.
SAME GOES FOR THE OILERS TODAY
Sure, they have beaten good teams before. Often confoundingly so. It isn’t as though the Oil are going to lose every single one of their remaining games, even though it feels like it is an outside possibility. Maybe the Oilers huff and puff and land a big time punch on the opposition. Maybe they duck and weave and tire him out and win on a split decision. Or maybe they come out into the middle of the ring and take a 12,000 ton punch to the grill and get a quick KO mercy.
The good thing is that the Oilers go into today’s game as an underdog and a win would be considered “huge” by anyone who hasn’t seen the Western Conference standings of late and doesn’t realize that the Oilers are somehow on the verge of being mathematically eliminated from the 2010-2011 playoffs too. You could make a convincing argument that the Oilers would be underdogs in Minor Hockey Week the way they are currently playing, but with a home record of 14-4-6 the Sharks could be considered jerks for even making the Oilers show up and play. But do you know what happens when the big kid knocks out the little kid? He’s a bully. Know what happens when he is knocked out by the little kid? He’s a wuss. So really it’s kind of a no win situation for the Sharks today. Right? Right?
1. Patrick Marleau is having a whale of a season in the new regime in SJ. We think he has like 31 goals or some such thing. Wasn't it just last season that he was taking mad heat in San Jose?
2. To the best of our knowledge, Dany Heatley hasn't been hit by a bus, which proves the voodoo priest we visited on our vacation was a fake.
3. Remember Jeff Hackett - former tender for the Sharks? When you were little, didn't you think his mask covered in teeth was awesome? Totally.
4. We used to think the Sharks coming out through that big Shark mouth was lame. Then we thought about how the Oilers must look coming out of a simulated Oil Derrick built from breadsticks back in 1995 and we thought better of chirping the Sharks on that account.
5. What do you give the Oilers for a chance today? 5%? 10%? A rational equation approaching negative infinity? (Update: Yeah, that sounds about right.- WG4)