GDB LIII: the mediocre Battle of Alberta

bingofuel
January 30 2010 05:21PM

If the image above were even remotely true, the mediocre Oilers would feel empowered, even emboldened by their shameful performance over the last, oh, two months. But with 12 losses in a row, mediocre's probably too generous a word.

How about downright sucky? That's right. This team right now is one Simpsons reference from being the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.

But fear not, Nation, for there is still hope. And that hope lies in the fact that Calgary's star as fallen faster than every teenaged girl's panties when they hear the name Edward Cullen.*

The Calgary Flames are 1-6-3 in their last ten. While their misguided attempt to mimic the DFF has a flattering tone to it, let's be realistic. They are the superior team tonight. What they have in terms of, you know, hockey players, we need to come at with grit, heart, crust and whatever ever sports metaphor is appropriate at this moment.

But make no mistake. As Gregor pointed out yesterday, this is the battle of the losers. True bottom of the barrel sports on CBC's famous Hockey Day In Canada.

Puck drop

Dubnyk gets the start tonight in the 2010 Edmonton Oilers Goalie Crap Shoot™, but regardless of who stands in goal tonight, the odds are not in the Oilers' favour, as they've dropped all Battle of Alberta series' this season to the Flames.

Comrie's out again, even though he played against St. Louis last game. Mono will do that to you, and I imagine Comrie's frustrated as hell. He's a high-powered athlete, and this illness has reduced him to a bag of skin and bones. If nothing else, I'm hoping Comrie's eventually complete recover and return to the line-up will help reinvigorate this team some.

Something has to.

What else?

If you're feeling like a bit of a glutton for punishment, you can join Gregor and some of the other Nationeers at the Pint tonight, where they'll no doubt be shouting at the television with such vim and vigour that they'd probably field a more passionate team of hockey players than the Mighty Oil.

Me, I'll be at home looking for an upset win tonight. A win that means I won't feel totally upset is what I'm saying.

Somehow, the Oil win this one 3-1 tonight.

*This twilight reference brought to you by my young cousin, who will speak of nothing else.

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Bingofuel is the handsome cyborg who pulls all the levers behind the curtains of the OilersNation. When he isn't running the site, he's plugged into a wall socket, recharging. Or Brownlee and Wanye are playing "keep away" with him. He gets little to no respect.
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#1 Jeremy
January 30 2010, 05:25PM
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That is awesome news! I myself will be in attendance at The Pint tonight as well, just as a random co-incidence. You probably won't recognize me with an Oilers jersey on instead of the Dick-In-A-Box suit I am wearing in my profile pic.

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#2 Sandra
January 30 2010, 05:47PM
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This will be a high scoring affair. JFJ will probably get his ass kicked and will be out for the rest of the year along side Khabby with a bad back.

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#3 Jodes
January 30 2010, 06:05PM
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Yeah I agree.. In the words of Russell Peters, "Somebody gonna get hurt real bad".. I'm think possibly Souray again or Penner..

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#4 Harlie
January 30 2010, 06:27PM
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I think that hammer and sickle should be replaced with an ON fist!

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#5 Harlie
January 30 2010, 06:36PM
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p.s - I had mono before. Back in high school I was dating a popular girl and I went to a party at a nerd chicks place. Her rent's were gone and she was lettin me and my friends tap into the liquor cabinet and I ended the night as the last guy up swaying to the sounds of Julian Lennon singing "too late for goodbyes" as i leaned over and kissed that big chested nerd chick. A week later I was in the hospital drinking codeine by the doctor's orders. Getting back into the swing of school thing a couples of weeks of recovery later I learnt what it meant to have the kissing "disease".

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#6 Pajamah
January 30 2010, 07:10PM
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Mono sucks.

Had it for a month as well, don't think I slept more than 3-4 hours in a row for more than 3 weeks of it.

Luckily was unemployed, and got to spend the whole time stapled to my classy ikea futon.

Got really good at Super Mario 3

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#7 wax for my stick
January 30 2010, 07:53PM
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As much as I want to watch the oilers win a game, Calgary is gonna have there way with the Oil and there small forwards tonight, ecspecially(correct spelling?)in physical department...(sigh)

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#8 Sandra
January 30 2010, 08:05PM
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If Calgary loses, there will be a cleaning of the barn of Sutters.

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#9 Wanyes bastard child
January 30 2010, 08:09PM
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Hey Wanye can I punch vic in the throa...

Wait wrong thread...

GO OILERS!!!!

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#10 Harlie
January 30 2010, 08:10PM
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Sandra wrote:

If Calgary loses, there will be a cleaning of the barn of Sutters.

http://i39.tinypic.com/23m7tjd.jpg

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#11 Sandra
January 30 2010, 08:10PM
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And we're stuck with Paul Loreao?

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#12 Wanye
January 30 2010, 08:11PM
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Best believe I'm at the Pint. 2 Rye and Cokes in and there has just been an Ender the Dragon sighting

Lock and load.

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#13 Harlie
January 30 2010, 08:16PM
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@Wanye

Fire It Up..Fire It Up...FIRE IT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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#14 Harlie
January 30 2010, 08:18PM
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Wanye wrote:

Best believe I'm at the Pint. 2 Rye and Cokes in and there has just been an Ender the Dragon sighting

Lock and load.

Louis: Who's that? Ordell Robbie: That's Beaumont. Louis: Who's Beaumont? Ordell Robbie: An employee I had to let go. Louis: What'd he do? Ordell Robbie: He put himself in a position where he was going to have to do ten years in prison, that's what he did. And if you know Beaumont, you know ain't no god damn way he can do ten years. And if you know that, then you know Beaumont's gonna do anything Beaumont can to keep from doing them ten years, including telling the federal government any and every motherf'ing thing about my black ass. Now that my friend is a clear cut case of him or me. And you best believe it ain't gonna be me.

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#15 Dan the Man
January 30 2010, 08:20PM
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It's the battle of Alberta and no Stortini??!!??

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#16 wax for my stick
January 30 2010, 08:21PM
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Well were down one nothing already and we had to listen to paul brandt's "cheesy" rendition of oh canada...f_cking boo-urns!

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#17 OB1 Team Yakopov - F.S.T.N.F
January 30 2010, 08:27PM
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Canes win again, looking more and more like it's going to be a 2 team race between us and the Leafs.

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#18 David S
January 30 2010, 08:31PM
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Wow. Horcoff getting into it?

Clearly Zack wasn't needed tonight.

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#19 West End Mike
January 30 2010, 08:31PM
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Garbagekov is already doing all he can to earn the DFF star tonight.

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#20 David S
January 30 2010, 08:38PM
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West End Mike wrote:

Garbagekov is already doing all he can to earn the DFF star tonight.

Moreau just upped the ante.

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#21 Sandra
January 30 2010, 08:42PM
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Captain Moreau again. Quinn never played Macytyre either against the flames before or against any tough guy really. Maybe thats why there was so many concussion. I vote that macT was a better coach than Quinn.

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#22 RossCreekNation
January 30 2010, 08:43PM
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Sandra wrote:

If Calgary loses, there will be a cleaning of the barn of Sutters.

Ummm... no. No there will not.

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#23 Sandra
January 30 2010, 08:45PM
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hello

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#24 Travis Dakin
January 30 2010, 09:01PM
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RossCreekNation wrote:

Ummm... no. No there will not.

There should be...

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#25 dragon
January 30 2010, 09:06PM
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Car-Chi 4-2 looks like Cam Ward standing on his head.

Nobody can best us to Hall right now.

Not even this good-looking first line.

Moreau & Grebeskow are incredible!

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#26 Heavyd
January 30 2010, 09:07PM
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@Travis Dakin

Any news oin those tickets?

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#27 RossCreekNation
January 30 2010, 09:07PM
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@Travis Dakin

I was fan of Daryl (the coach) in San Jose. And in Chicago. I'm not ready to turf him.

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#28 RossCreekNation
January 30 2010, 09:09PM
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@dragon

And Grebeshkov leads everyone on either side in ice-time thru 1st period. Yikes!

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#29 ChaseEmDown
January 30 2010, 09:16PM
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The oil have assisted on all 3 Flames goals.

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#30 Senator Theo
January 30 2010, 09:16PM
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Gulp

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#31 Ninjafoot
January 30 2010, 09:16PM
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2 in less than a minute...and Dion to boot. Dammit.

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#32 devoknows
January 30 2010, 09:18PM
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Go Oilers Go

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#33 Dan the Man
January 30 2010, 09:19PM
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Who ya gonna call? SLUMPBUSTERS!

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#34 ChaseEmDown
January 30 2010, 09:22PM
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Game over folks.

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#35 Dan the Man
January 30 2010, 09:24PM
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If McGratton scores I am punching a kitty.

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#36 Travis Dakin
January 30 2010, 09:25PM
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Heavyd wrote:

Any news oin those tickets?

I'm pretty sure we are going to be still going down. Sorry bro. If it does change I will get a hold of you.

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#37 RossCreekNation
January 30 2010, 09:29PM
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Dan the Man wrote:

Who ya gonna call? SLUMPBUSTERS!

Oh, YOU KNOW IT!!

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#38 Heavyd
January 30 2010, 09:30PM
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@Travis Dakin

No problem.

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#39 Heavyd
January 30 2010, 09:31PM
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c'mon Oilers show some emoction.

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#40 Travis Dakin
January 30 2010, 09:37PM
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Ok, Well this really stopped being awesome.

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#41 Garett
January 30 2010, 09:39PM
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At this point, having lost more games in a row than I have fingers and losing the last game in the battle of Alberta which we have lost all 5 previous games... Why not just start a huge bench clearing brawl?????? I am very serious here! If we are gonna continue to let teams humiliate us, why not make them phisically hurt for it??? It looks like a blowout, 5-1, I'm tired of being a cushy door mat. Let's be a cushy looking door mat with f#*king hidden spike and poison contraptions built into it to hurt and punish our opponent! I want to see the Oil go Charleston Chiefs on these f'n Flamer ass douche bags. I hate the Flames more than I hate gooch stink, damn losers! I f'n hate the Sutters too, do they seem abnormally slow and unfortunate looking to anyone else, what a homely bunch...

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#42 dragon
January 30 2010, 09:41PM
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Travis Dakin wrote:

Ok, Well this really stopped being awesome.

Thank God for Glenlivet. Now I can enjoy this tragicomedy...

I was wondering why is Moreau still the captain. 'Cause it fits!!! That's why...

...I'll go play pingpong with my 4 year old son...

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#43 Travis Dakin
January 30 2010, 09:44PM
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dragon wrote:

Thank God for Glenlivet. Now I can enjoy this tragicomedy...

I was wondering why is Moreau still the captain. 'Cause it fits!!! That's why...

...I'll go play pingpong with my 4 year old son...

Your 4 year old son is still awake at 9:30?!?!

You're the coolest Dad EVER!!!! haha

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#44 6 ring circus
January 30 2010, 09:47PM
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So is Tamballini still wondering on who wants to be an Oiler? One word can some up the Oilers BRUTAL!

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#45 Garett
January 30 2010, 09:51PM
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Paul Brandt's twangy cow town horse sh*t music blows farm goats. Whatta Wrangler Wretard. Take your stupid sappy "my girlfriend left me, my truck broke down and my dog died" garbage and shove it up yer *ss!

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#46 Senator Theo
January 30 2010, 09:52PM
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I wish we were better.

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#47 Dan the Man
January 30 2010, 09:53PM
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This country music night thing or whatever it is is just adding insult to injury. The only thing that makes this night OK is if Souray comes in the third and beats up Iginla...well that and a post game ceremony where Moreau rips the C off his jersey and hands it to ...umm... aaaahh FML!

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#48 The Real Scuba Steve
January 30 2010, 09:53PM
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I truly believed we were going to win, was I stupid.

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#49 Giggsunited
January 30 2010, 09:55PM
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Garett wrote:

Paul Brandt's twangy cow town horse sh*t music blows farm goats. Whatta Wrangler Wretard. Take your stupid sappy "my girlfriend left me, my truck broke down and my dog died" garbage and shove it up yer *ss!

+1

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#50 Giggsunited
January 30 2010, 09:56PM
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The Real Scuba Steve wrote:

I truly believed we were going to win, was I stupid.

+1 lol

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