LET THE GAMES BEGIN

Wanye
February 12 2010 02:42PM

We will lead off by saying that we get excited about the Olympics. A 13 year old girl at a Justin Bieber autograph signing type excited. So you will have to take us with a grain of salt once the games kick get underway as we post 12,789 gushing comments like “Aren’t the Canadian Mens’ two man bobsled team the BOMB? Can you believe that Lyndon Rush won’t sled with Pierre Lueders anymore? What’s up with that?

Most people are going into these games with the attitude of “Olympic hockey is the only thing that matters and don’t waste my time with anything else.” We can respect the fact that the Ice Hockey is numbero uno prioritato at these here games and we can guarantee that you can get your Olympic Hockey fix right here provided you are cheering on the home team.

And while the 3 Nations are temporarily coming together for a common cause, it in no way means that we have anything in common with that TLP – who we might add is an American and probably holds out some sort of weird hope that Ron Wilson can Coach the Red White and Blue to a fourth place finish.

FAT CHANCE

Cheering for Team Canada is going to be a damn sight better than the status quo up here in Edmonton, which has consisted lately of 12,789 articles about “who gets traded when and for what” and researching “all time losses in a row.” In fact it might be difficult for us to get our collective Oilers loving heads around cheering for hockey that matters again, but we are going to give it a shot.

Plus, there isn’t a single Oiler on Team Canada, which will give all of us pain stricken Oilers fans a two week break from having our hearts kicked in by the same old suspects on a nightly basis without being a turncoat and cheering for a different team. It’s basically one of the first win-win scenarios we have seen here in awhile.

To kick off the Olympic fun, we are going to give you a quick breakdown of some Olympic Hockey Biz. Let’s start getting our heads in the game Nations.

OLYMPIC BREAKDOWN

Remember the 2006 games in Turin? Wasn’t that just the worst thing that ever happened ever? For the thousands of four year old Nation readers out there who may not remember the last Olympics and might think that the greatest hockey country in the world finished respectably, think again.

Final Standings – 2006 Olympic Men’s Ice Hockey

1. Sweden (Gold)

2. Finland (Silver)

3. Czech Republic (Bronze)

4. Russia

5. Slovakia

6. Switzerland

7. Canada

8. United States

9. Kazakhstan

10. Germany

11. Italy

12. Latvia

You might look at the top of the standings and ask yourself “Gee whiz, where’s the Canadian team? I could swear we sent all our best players over to Italy to play…” Look down the ladder. Waaaaay down there to 7th place. Yep, that’s right. 2 spots ahead of the birth place of Borat sits the Canadian team. Small consolation that we finished ahead of the Americans when you let the Swiss finish ahead of you in the standings.

Ugh. The Swiss.

PAYBACK

You have to think that the Canadians – and the Americans for that matter – are looking for sweet, sweet revenge at these here Olympic Games. Before we start pumping ourselves up about the new roster, we thought we would take a look back at the roster that screwed the pooch back in ’06 and see who is returning to dispense some West Coast Payback on our collective behalf.

2006 Olympic roster

G Martin Brodeur (back)

G Roberto Luongo (back)

G Marty Turco (gonzo)

D Rob Blake (A) (gonzo)

D Jay Bouwmeester (gonzo)

D Adam Foote (gonzo)

D Bryan McCabe (gonzo)

D Chris Pronger (A) (back)

D Wade Redden (gonzo)

D Robyn Regehr (gonzo)

F Todd Bertuzzi (gonzo)

F Shane Doan (gonzo)

F Kris Draper (gonzo)

F Simon Gagné (gonzo)

F Dany Heatley (back)

F Jarome Iginla (back)

F Vincent Lecavalier (gonzo)

F Rick Nash (back)

F Brad Richards (gonzo)

F Joe Sakic (C) (gonzo)

F Ryan Smyth (gonzo)

F Martin St. Louis (gonzo)

F Joe Thornton (back)

Reserves

Dan Boyle (back)

Jason Spezza (gonzo)

Eric Staal (back)

Oh man, it is no small wonder that the Canadians did so crappy in 2006? Do you see who some of these players are? Kris Draper? Todd Bertuzzi? Bryan McCabe? Har har har har har!

*wipes eyes, blows nose*

That’s good stuff. Let’s look more in depth at the changes to the squad.

GOALTENDING

Turco is out, Fleury is in and this will be Brodeur’s squad to lead onto the ice in Van City. Nothing too crazy here we don’t think. Turco is getting a bit long in the tooth and MAF has won a Cup and theoretically has what it takes to win big games. We would clearly consider this Brodeur’s squad though and Fleury is in charge of sitting in the stands near the bench, looking as cool as he can muster and telling girls in the bar that he is “an Olympic gold medalist in training.”

DEFENSIVE CORPS

Amazingly, only one defenseman from 2006 is returning to the Olympic Team; world famous baby daddy Chris F.U. Pronger. Technically Niedermayer was on the 2006 squadron too, but an injury took him out of the lineup and threw McCabe in. The idea that some of these players were the best defenseman that the 2006 Edition of Canada could produce is a tad alarming.

This 2010 edition being iced is certainly a superior squad, younger, tougher and much more sexy with the deletion of Adam Foote. Some of the ‘06 defensemen led to a hearty round of laughter and table smashing here at OilersNation HQ. McCabe? Redden? Please, our sides are hurting. Wade Redden couldn’t be loved less in NY and McCabe has gone to Florida where NHL’ers retire 4 years before they actually leave the league.

FORWARDS

10 forwards aren’t coming back from last Olympics and that is just A-OK from where we sit. This is certainly a new squad, let’s hope there is going to be a different result. We are pumped beyond belief to see the Corey Perrys the Ryan Getzlafs of the world in a Team Canada Jersey. Finally we too can cheer for some players that have been sticking it to the Oil for what seems like hundreds of years without guilt of abandoning the home squad.

Ladies and Gentlemen – your 2010 Olympic Roster

G Martin Brodeur

G Marc-André Fleury

G Roberto Luongo

D Dan Boyle

D Drew Doughty

D Duncan Keith

D Scott Niedermayer – C

D Chris Pronger – A

D Brent Seabrook

D Shea Weber

F Patrice Bergeron

F Sidney Crosby – A

F Ryan Getzlaf

F Dany Heatley

F Jarome Iginla – A

F Patrick Marleau

F Brenden Morrow

F Rick Nash - A

F Mike Richards

F Corey Perry

F Eric Staal

F Joe Thornton

F Jonathan Toews

Reserve

F Jeff Carter

HOW WILL THEY DO?

Yes Amanda, we are number one.

We are the same guy who picks Oilers in every single hockey draft every single year regardless of how the team is actually going to look. Our 933rd place standing in the NationDraft will attest to that and so it should come as no surprise that we are going to pick Canada to win Gold. But unlike picking Comrie to outscore Bobby Ryan (which we also did) we think that the Canadians actually will win Gold, picking with our brains over our hearts.

Predicato del resultat:

1. Canada (Gold)

2. Russia (Silver)

3. Sweden (Bronze)

4. Finland

5. United States

6. Czech Republic

7. Slovakia

 

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Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#101 Chris.
February 12 2010, 08:08PM
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Bryzarro World wrote:

Beijing had fireworks and we have Indians?? I don't mean it to be racist at all. I'm just saying that is not the first impression that I would want to give the world of our country. We got a guy boarding down a mountain and a "welcoming" that nobody was clapping for......

How can a small nation like Canada compete with China: an economic juggernaut more than a billion people strong, that switches from having it's hat in it's hand for global earthquake relief in May, while simultaneously planning the most extravagent opening ceremonies ever?

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#102 Bryzarro World
February 12 2010, 08:21PM
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Chris. wrote:

How can a small nation like Canada compete with China: an economic juggernaut more than a billion people strong, that switches from having it's hat in it's hand for global earthquake relief in May, while simultaneously planning the most extravagent opening ceremonies ever?

LOL.... How much money again were spent on the olympics again?? And that lame ass was all we could open with? I've seen more electrifying openings at Oiler season openers. Bloody Canada Day celebrations have more uumph that that... where have you been hiding?? You telling me that our city has a bigger budget for Canada day than VANOC for the games? If you can't afford a show then don't bid on the freaking thing!

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#103 Matt Henderson
February 12 2010, 08:23PM
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@Bryzarro World

you're complaining about something that isnt even done yet. Its not as if the snowboarder jumped through his hoop and then everyone went home.

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#104 Heavyd
February 12 2010, 08:27PM
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@Bryzarro World

And let me guess that if you were the one that decided what to do at the opening ceremonies, you would ahve done 1000000000 times better? Right?

Another troll makes his way into the comments section.

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#105 Bryzarro World
February 12 2010, 08:28PM
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@Matt Henderson

Sorry.... I should have said so far... and I wasn't the one that went off the handle first but I guess I should have been smarter than to be baited in by blabber.

I'll reserve my judgement for the end but so far it isn't looking too good...

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#106 Bryzarro World
February 12 2010, 08:32PM
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Heavyd wrote:

And let me guess that if you were the one that decided what to do at the opening ceremonies, you would ahve done 1000000000 times better? Right?

Another troll makes his way into the comments section.

And this comming from a Cyclops? Do they call you that cause you are a "one nut wonder"?

Don't know if I'd do billion times better but I think I could have done a better job. Again it's not over so we will see....

I think Tambo could have done a better job of puttin that together. I would hire somebody that would do a better job than these ppl. I would have lasers, guitars, beer, chicks with hockey sticks shooting golf balls in seal bikinis, Fraggles, Rush, Bret Hart, Tron and chicks..

Another tuff guy behind the screen.... lol

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#107 Chris.
February 12 2010, 08:35PM
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@Matt Henderson

Top to bottom: I like our men's hockey roster. We have balanced scoring up front that can compete with the Russians, but a vastly superior D; more depth and experience than the Americans; and the Swedes are rounding out their group with the likes of Sammuel Phalsson and Mattias Weinhandl...

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#108 Dan the Man
February 12 2010, 08:48PM
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David S wrote:

Damn. Jennifer Hedger is hot.

And married, apparently.

*Begins to sob and crosses Hedger off "potentials" list.*

Ever see this video of Jennifer Hedger making out with another chick?

The slo-mo part is the best.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fs9U6AqTlKw

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#109 Harlie
February 12 2010, 08:57PM
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Dan the Man wrote:

Ever see this video of Jennifer Hedger making out with another chick?

The slo-mo part is the best.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fs9U6AqTlKw

I'm embarrassed to say that my wife and I used to watch that show when it was first on. Carolyn Jarvis who used to be at Global in Edmonton was on that show to.

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#110 Bam
February 12 2010, 08:58PM
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So how about that Pow-Wow on TV? When do the Olympics start again?

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#111 Bryzarro World
February 12 2010, 08:59PM
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@Dan the Man

Loved It!!

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#112 Bryzarro World
February 12 2010, 09:00PM
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Bam wrote:

So how about that Pow-Wow on TV? When do the Olympics start again?

The Olympics? I thought this was just another CBC special...

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#113 Wanyes bastard child
February 12 2010, 09:03PM
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Given the light show and effects, I think we are going to see Betty Fox and a hologram of Terry Fox lighting the flame...

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#114 Heavyd
February 12 2010, 09:03PM
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@Bryzarro World

How am I hiding behind a screen?

I am stating a fact theat you wouldn't be able to do a better, cause if you could do a better job then wouldn't they have picked you for the job?

So tell me what you would have done with the opening, big guy?

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#115 Dan the Man
February 12 2010, 09:03PM
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Harlie wrote:

I'm embarrassed to say that my wife and I used to watch that show when it was first on. Carolyn Jarvis who used to be at Global in Edmonton was on that show to.

Me too, I remember Jennifer Hedger chasing people around with her vibrator in an episode.

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#116 stilldrinkingthekoolaid
February 12 2010, 09:04PM
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Remember ! You read it here first!

Gold-----Russia Silver---Finland Bronze --Sweden 4th-5th USA/Canada 7-12 who cares

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#117 Dan the Man
February 12 2010, 09:06PM
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My money is on Rita McNeil to light the flame.

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#118 Bryzarro World
February 12 2010, 09:10PM
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@Wanyes bastard child

Yup.. think that would be cool

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#119 Harlie
February 12 2010, 09:31PM
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I Michael Jean or however you spell her name sleeping? BAHAHA looks like it.

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#120 Harlie
February 12 2010, 09:31PM
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Dan the Man wrote:

My money is on Rita McNeil to light the flame.

she's supplying the gas and hot air

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#121 Bryzarro World
February 12 2010, 09:33PM
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I would have lasers, guitars, beer, chicks with hockey sticks shooting golf balls in seal bikinis, Fraggles, Rush, the 1990 Toronto Maple Leafs, Bret Hart, Tron and chicks at these opening ceremonies..

Although some of the effects are pretty cool.

Cyclops can have KD Lang...

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#122 Wanyes bastard child
February 12 2010, 09:44PM
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@Bryzarro World

Well now all the world is going to be thinking "Whos that Canadian guy who sings like a chic..."

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#123 Horcsky
February 12 2010, 09:44PM
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Well, we can safely say Slovakia will be no threat at the Olympics. Not with Ziggy Pallfy carrying their flag, HAHA!

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#124 Bryzarro World
February 12 2010, 09:51PM
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Wanyes bastard child wrote:

Well now all the world is going to be thinking "Whos that Canadian guy who sings like a chic..."

She did get a little more butch didnt she...

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#125 Wanyes bastard child
February 12 2010, 09:52PM
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Bryzarro World wrote:

She did get a little more butch didnt she...

Its true, I play on online browsing game and talk to people from all over the world in skype chats, most are watching right now and didn't know until I pointed it out to them...

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#126 jeanshorts
February 12 2010, 09:53PM
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@Wanyes bastard child

I seriously thought it was Clay Aiken at first.

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#127 Bryzarro World
February 12 2010, 09:58PM
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jeanshorts wrote:

I seriously thought it was Clay Aiken at first.

LMFAO.... I was watching thinking she reminded me of someone else... and now... BANG.. Clay freaking Aiken

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#128 jeanshorts
February 12 2010, 09:59PM
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@Bryzarro World

I was all like "What the? Clay Aiken isn't Cana- oh. my. god. KD Lang?"

And then I sent out a search party to look for my wiener.

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#129 Dave
February 12 2010, 10:00PM
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Disaster!

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#130 Bryzarro World
February 12 2010, 10:03PM
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Friends from Chicago breakin my balls on Facebook.. Saying we a nation of Native Americans and Tranny Singers... WHY Vancover... Why???

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#131 Bryzarro World
February 12 2010, 10:07PM
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LOL... the set doesn't even work properly... WOW

WTF did I just watch?? That was the "big moment"?? All that build up for that?? Was a bigger let down than the movie Troy

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#132 Shawn Cronin
February 12 2010, 10:13PM
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Poor Gretz is going to be wetter than k.d Lang after twatching that Hedger video if this journey goes on much longer.

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#133 Shawn Cronin
February 12 2010, 10:14PM
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I just realized I typed "twatching", unintentional, but strangely fitting......

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#134 Bryzarro World
February 12 2010, 10:15PM
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Is anyone listenig to these announcers? He thinks that Wayne has a special torch because it is staying lit for longer that it is supposed to. Guess that switch that they did was a little too fast for him.

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#135 Wanyes bastard child
February 12 2010, 10:15PM
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Well at least Travis won't have to fight anyone.

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#136 jeanshorts
February 12 2010, 10:17PM
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Maybe, just maybe, they could have thought of something better than having Wanye Gretzky stand in the back of a truck in the rain and drive him around for 10 minutes until he finally got to the torch.

I don't know. I'm not on VANOC or anything. What do I know.

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#137 Bryzarro World
February 12 2010, 10:18PM
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Atta Boy Gretz

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#138 Bryzarro World
February 12 2010, 10:19PM
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jeanshorts wrote:

Maybe, just maybe, they could have thought of something better than having Wanye Gretzky stand in the back of a truck in the rain and drive him around for 10 minutes until he finally got to the torch.

I don't know. I'm not on VANOC or anything. What do I know.

Could have at least borrowed the Popemobile or could have used the USS Enterprise to transport him to the flame.... that would have been cool....

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#139 cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan
February 12 2010, 10:22PM
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no hologram... no terry fox's mom... broken ass sh*t with millions and millions watching.. and gretzky in the rain...

merry olympics everyone!!!! meeeerrrryyy olympics

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#141 Dan the Man
February 12 2010, 10:24PM
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Catriona LeMay Doan is a complete FOX, I nominate her for next weeks ice girl.

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#142 Bryzarro World
February 12 2010, 10:25PM
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I'm glad they are replaying all the "highlights" of the ceremonies that I want to forget while she sings the song that I already heard wayyyy too many times...

Cableguy said it best.... Merry Olypmics!!

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#143 jeanshorts
February 12 2010, 10:25PM
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Man they just had a kickass fireworks show to celebrate the OLYMPICS!

WHOOOOOO!

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#144 Travis Dakin
February 12 2010, 10:26PM
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Wanyes bastard child wrote:

Well at least Travis won't have to fight anyone.

guns are put back in the holster. For now.

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#145 Bryzarro World
February 12 2010, 10:27PM
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Wanye wrote:

The Olympic commentary on here is so awesome. I really wish I wasn't driving home from Calgary using my knees while the opening ceremony had gone down.

*sad face*

What's that room mate? You PVR'd the ceremony?

*looks over at 4 skates and considers a rematch*

Maybe when you watch it again the other arm will go up when the torch is being lit....

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#146 rubbertrout
February 12 2010, 10:27PM
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Dan the Man wrote:

Catriona LeMay Doan is a complete FOX, I nominate her for next weeks ice girl.

You're on crack. I want to hand her some sugar cubes she is so horsey.

What was with fatty mcneckbeard's new IAMCANADA rant? I liked the rant but really, couldn't they have picked some tight little hottie? Jamie Sale?

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#147 cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan
February 12 2010, 10:29PM
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rubbertrout wrote:

You're on crack. I want to hand her some sugar cubes she is so horsey.

What was with fatty mcneckbeard's new IAMCANADA rant? I liked the rant but really, couldn't they have picked some tight little hottie? Jamie Sale?

i found his neck fat fascinating

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#148 jeanshorts
February 12 2010, 10:32PM
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@rubbertrout

Man, that dude pumped me right the hell up. They should get him to talk to the Oilers before games.

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#149 Dan the Man
February 12 2010, 10:38PM
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rubbertrout wrote:

You're on crack. I want to hand her some sugar cubes she is so horsey.

What was with fatty mcneckbeard's new IAMCANADA rant? I liked the rant but really, couldn't they have picked some tight little hottie? Jamie Sale?

I've been known to smoke some rock, I can't argue with that but Catriona is still hot AND she would CRUSH you with her thighs.

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#150 David S
February 12 2010, 10:39PM
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Well, well, well. This sounded like another made in Canada ("don't show off toooo much") non-event. But I do have to say, I caught the Nellie Furtado segment while at the gym and almost fell off my bike. Holy mother of god she was hot. Was that not the hottest dress in modern history??? Dammnnnn!

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