OCCD6: Teary Times

Wanye
February 18 2010 10:24AM

Question: say you put Scott Hamilton and Darren Pang into some sort of foot locker together. Say you then grabbed somebody walking by, pulled one of them out of the foot locker and said "QUICK! QUICK! Is this Scott Hamilton or Darren Pang? QUICK!" Before slamming them back in the foot locker, do you think the passer by would be able to tell who they saw?

We sure wouldn't.

For all we can tell Darren Pang and Scott Hamilton are the same person. They look alike, they are both roughly the size of a flea and both are doing a boat loat of commentary on the 2010 Vancouver Olympics. Seriously, they are TWINS! Wait, imagine they were twins? Wouldn't that be something? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

*wipes eyes*

BUT SERIOUSLY

We know we didn't deliver on an Olympic update yesterday, breaking the sacred covenant between crazy internet guy and all 11 readers of these sites - and for that we apologize. If it means anything we wrote two articles the day before, including one that called for a rousing Canadian win over the Finns, when in fact as we all know it was Norway that was handed the beat down in the first game.

Yes, you have correctly called us out on it. We did come home from crushing a spicy bottle of Captain Morgans only to remember we needed an Olympic Update AND an Olympic Game post.

"Thish can't be that hard" we thought to ourselves, "we haf written articles in the bag before today and we will do it again." We thought we were being so Jonathan Willisian too, what with our calculation of the salaries of the Canadian Team. We looked each and every number up and even had an argument with ourselves about using cap hit numbers or actual salary in our figures. We were thinking THIS hard while greased about Team Canada salaries. For YOU Nation.

Doesn't ANYTHING please you?

*wipes tears from eyes*

SPEAKING OF IDIOTS TALKING ABOUT THE OLYMPICS

How about a slow clap for the British newspapers, everyone. Have you seen how they are trashing the Vancouver games in the lead up to the Olympics in London?

"As Vancouver faces up to Games that appear to have been cursed, there is one positive outcome for London. Many believed that London would be overshadowed hopelessly by the glitz of Beijing in 2008, but Vancouver may have provided a buffer of reality that will make whatever London does look like light relief compared with Canada's gloom." - Eason.

"You may have read of transport chaos in Vancouver, $400,000 worth of tickets recalled because of safety concerns, events postponed and a bob track criticized for its part in a young man's death. You may reasonably conclude from it that these Winter Olympic Games are close to farce, that the red seen everywhere among the crowds is a reflection of official embarrassment. You would be wrong. The passion for their Games is tangible among Canadians. They talk in this most westerly province of this vast country of little else." - Neil Wilson, the Daily Mail.

Now outside of James Bond, we could generally give two squirts about what anyone in England thinks, with about 8 exceptions. This especially goes for a bunch of foppish newspaper reporters from England. "Close to a farce?" "Compared with Canada's gloom?" Seriously?

A HAIL OF INSULTS

Now maybe over in Britain, redirecting your National Dental Plan contributions for the past 50 years has left you with the ability to control the weather and a national smile that could blind a newborn baby. But over here we can't actually do anything about the beautiful weather. So cancelling $400,000 worth of tickets due to safety concerns from a lack of snow actually makes sense.

And maybe over in Britain, it would be strange for people in your typical loveless British marriage to speak of the Olympic Games while the Olympic Games were going on in their own back yard. Perhaps two gentlemen wouldn't speak of the results of the previous day at the Olympics while being shoehorned onto a stifling London Tube car, eating in one of your hundreds of indescribably awful restaurants or whilst being spied on by one of the millions of closed circuit television cameras you have seen fit to install everywhere to spy on your citizens.

But over here, yeah we "talk in this most westerly province of little else." All across the Country as a matter of fact. We are kind of silly like that we suppose - we get excited about things generally one would get excited about.

What is the matter with you, British Press, exactly?

Are you trying to lower expectations back home so that if the Games go off poorly Londoners won't think that the bar has been set that high? Are you just pricks looking for things to bash before you go home to 25-dollar lunch buffets that are so gross our travelling companions were once heard to remark "With food this bad, how does anyone in England manage to survive past breast feeding?" Is that it? Making snippy commentary whilst overseas somehow diminishes the dreariness of life back home?

Whatever it is, kindly clam up before we fire up the Nation War Wagon™, grab jeanshorts and all 367 Ogden brothers and drive on whatever highway to take to get to England and start fights at your precious soccer games. Yeah, that's the ticket. Big fights at soccer games. You ponces wouldn't know what hit you then, would you?

Great, now we are all worked up before 10:30 AM. Nothing good happens on these days.

*wipes tears from eyes*

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
Avatar
#1 OB1 Team Yakopov - F.S.T.N.F
February 18 2010, 10:29AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Go easy on the sack beatings, but I just started watching the Olympics last night and noticed the TSN/SN crews were working together.

What up with that?

Avatar
#2 Petr's Jofa
February 18 2010, 10:36AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Wanye wrote:

"grab jeanshorts and all 367 Ogden brothers" and "all 11 readers of these sites"

So if I discount Jeanshorts and myselfs am I to assume that there are 358 illiterate Ogden brothers?

Avatar
#3 Ender
February 18 2010, 10:38AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Wanye wrote:

Whatever it is, kindly clam up before we fire up the Nation War Wagon™, grab jeanshorts and all 367 Ogden brothers and drive on whatever highway to take to get to England and start fights at your precious soccer games.

I'm in, but only if we can bring the old guy from RossCreek's youtube clip. With that guy on board, you know we'll be bringin' the thunder.

Avatar
#4 Dyckster
February 18 2010, 10:41AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

A Canadian jounalist fights back a little - http://www.thestar.com/opinion/article/767108--cheap-shot-brits-have-own-problems

"Lisa Simpson performing a sex act" Tee Hee.

Avatar
#5 OB1 Team Yakopov - F.S.T.N.F
February 18 2010, 10:43AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

"grab jeanshorts and all 367 Ogden brothers"

As the Original, I'll gladly lead the charge.

Avatar
#6 Oiler_Kiwi
February 18 2010, 10:53AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

It's opinions from a journalist. Get over it. You really should get your knickers in a twist too much young man.

Have lived in Scotland for 22 years and haven't heard of this National Dental Plan you talk of. Can you enlighten me on this?

Avatar
#7 Ender
February 18 2010, 10:54AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers
Dyckster wrote:

A Canadian jounalist fights back a little - http://www.thestar.com/opinion/article/767108--cheap-shot-brits-have-own-problems

"Lisa Simpson performing a sex act" Tee Hee.

I had to look for myself; I just about died laughing.

http://www.davidairey.com/london-2012-olympic-logo-disaster/

Avatar
#8 Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things
February 18 2010, 10:59AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers
Oiler_Kiwi wrote:

It's opinions from a journalist. Get over it. You really should get your knickers in a twist too much young man.

Have lived in Scotland for 22 years and haven't heard of this National Dental Plan you talk of. Can you enlighten me on this?

It's the UK's best-kept secret (which, ironically enough, is quite evident upon casual inspection).

Avatar
#9 smiliegirl15
February 18 2010, 11:02AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

@Oiler_Kiwi

Have lived in Scotland for 22 years and haven't heard of this National Dental Plan you talk of. Can you enlighten me on this?

ummmm - that was his point...

Avatar
#10 Eric Johnson
February 18 2010, 11:02AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Nation War Wagon! Sign me up. I'll kick the clotted cream right out of their tea bags.

As for the pang hamilton look-a-likeness

I have the same theory about Corey Hart and David Duchoveny.

Seriously google them... same dude.

Avatar
#11 Jamie B.
February 18 2010, 11:09AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Yeah, no one in the history of the world should take seriously anything a British newspaper writes, but the one I really loved was some snarky comment about Vancouver's transportation/traffic. Can anyone even IMAGINE what it will be like in London during the Olympics? They're definitely trying to make themselves look better by comparison. Good luck with that one, pricks.

*Disclaimer: I lived in London for a while and loved it very much. Their newspapers, however, made me want to punch a baby.

Avatar
#12 The Towel Boy
February 18 2010, 11:10AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

The Brits are just jealous they don't have KD Lang.

Avatar
#13 Homie
February 18 2010, 11:13AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

British writers are asses.

Remember this? http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/othersports/athletics/3010232/Deadmonton-comes-alive.html

Avatar
#14 I'm a Scientist!
February 18 2010, 11:15AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

I believe it was also a brit that coined the term 'deadmonton'.

*starts to draw up plans to turn the now defunct band wagon in to a shiny new super-powered war wagon*

...let's see....canon here...ninjas hiding here...loudspeaker playing Avril Lavigne over there...hmmm....cauldron of steaming hot Tim Horton's at the front...

Looking good boys....looking good.

Avatar
#15 I'm a Scientist!
February 18 2010, 11:16AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers
Homie wrote:

British writers are asses.

Remember this? http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/othersports/athletics/3010232/Deadmonton-comes-alive.html

Ga! Same comment!

*high five for being so super cool*

Avatar
#16 PattQuinn'sChesthair
February 18 2010, 11:25AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers
Oiler_Kiwi wrote:

It's opinions from a journalist. Get over it. You really should get your knickers in a twist too much young man.

Have lived in Scotland for 22 years and haven't heard of this National Dental Plan you talk of. Can you enlighten me on this?

Lemme hadle this one Wayne,... AHEM...

Sod Off, Wanker.

I always wanted to say that

Avatar
#17 Clangger
February 18 2010, 11:29AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers
Ender wrote:

I had to look for myself; I just about died laughing.

http://www.davidairey.com/london-2012-olympic-logo-disaster/

I like this comment left by someone on that site: "It looks like a woman going down on another man :P haha." IT really does. HAHAHA

Avatar
#18 Harlie
February 18 2010, 11:32AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

isn't Buzz Killington from the UK? Nuff said.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTz0oisC3F4

Avatar
#19 Clangger
February 18 2010, 11:32AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

http://www.heavy.com/post/2012-olympics-logo-looks-like-lisa-simpson-giving-head-1854

Avatar
#20 rubbertrout
February 18 2010, 11:38AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

SInce Gregor has been lax in his ice girls duties I present the following:

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/347215-25-hottest-ice-girls-of-the-nhl

Discuss.

I don't really want to hear about Travis' tightening sensation in his pants whilst thinking about "the children".

I think everything is better in Texas myself. Grace had me with the splits and the goalie pads are a thing a of beauty.

Avatar
#21 papaburgundy
February 18 2010, 11:43AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Damn British arrogance! They just have to bash other countries to deflect attention away from their own inadequacies. Classy words British press! I say the next dictator that attacks Britain, I say we stay out of that war!

Avatar
#22 Rob in Toronto
February 18 2010, 11:46AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Wayne wrote: "Are you trying to lower expectations back home so that if the Games go off poorly Londoners won't think that the bar has been set that high?"

When I first heard these complaints in the British press, this was the first thing that came to mind. Then again, the British press in general is far from a paragon of integrity and quality, so we probably shouldn't get too worked up about it. These are the people who gave the world the tabloid, after all.

Avatar
#23 I'm a Scientist!
February 18 2010, 11:54AM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

@rubbertrout

Wow, a slow response to this post...i wonder where everyone is? Oh wait...nevermind.

Avatar
#24 Dan the Man
February 18 2010, 12:03PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

I'm kicking the next Brit I see in the junk.

Avatar
#25 Dan the Man
February 18 2010, 12:06PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers
rubbertrout wrote:

SInce Gregor has been lax in his ice girls duties I present the following:

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/347215-25-hottest-ice-girls-of-the-nhl

Discuss.

I don't really want to hear about Travis' tightening sensation in his pants whilst thinking about "the children".

I think everything is better in Texas myself. Grace had me with the splits and the goalie pads are a thing a of beauty.

Thanks for the Ice Girls, they were truly awesome. The best one was the one that said her favorite book was Facebook.

Avatar
#26 Harlie
February 18 2010, 12:09PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

is there anything gayer than underwear or Gonch as I call them, being called knickers?

Avatar
#27 I'm a Scientist!
February 18 2010, 12:15PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers
Harlie wrote:

is there anything gayer than underwear or Gonch as I call them, being called knickers?

Perhaps you didn't see US figure skater Johnny Weir?

Avatar
#28 Harlie
February 18 2010, 12:17PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

@I'm a Scientist!

well played!

Avatar
#29 Pajamah
February 18 2010, 12:21PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Sarah Jessica Parker and Secretariat

Same dude, I swear!!

Avatar
#30 BUCK75
February 18 2010, 12:33PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

I was watching BNN this morning & they were talking about the Brit's getting all over us about our Olympics. But at least epileptics can look at our Olympic logo...

http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2007/jun/06/marketingandpr.olympics2012

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vs0hfhSje9M

Here is the logo - it looks like a grade school art project.

http://www.logodesignworks.co.uk/blog/images/london-2012-logo-design.jpg

Avatar
#31 Rob...
February 18 2010, 12:34PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Forget Pang and Hamilton, I'm still confused as to how Gregor manages to host his radio show daily and then lead the band for David Letterman nightly.

http://lh4.ggpht.com/_B_deuSmvyck/R36F5fzYguI/AAAAAAAACTI/_C4ASnI3yj0/s640/net_13.jpg

http://broadwayworld.com/photoops/jerseyboysarrivals/prev15.jpg

Avatar
#32 SirFozz
February 18 2010, 12:42PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers
Clangger wrote:

I like this comment left by someone on that site: "It looks like a woman going down on another man :P haha." IT really does. HAHAHA

BAHAHAHAHAHA It does too. Suck on that you limey tossers. Oh, looks like that already is taking place. Go Canada.

Avatar
#34 Librarian Mike
February 18 2010, 12:47PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

@Wanye

They say fair dinkum and mate in Scotland right?

You know who else said that? SHE did!

Avatar
#35 Gerald R. Ford
February 18 2010, 12:51PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

The English are a bitter, xenophobic people, who cannot deal with the fact that their once-mighty Empire of oppression is long dead, their food is borderline toxic, their women are ugly, and their society is completely irrelevant, with the possible exception of serving as a warning to young children to remember to brush and floss.

Avatar
#36 Librarian Mike
February 18 2010, 12:54PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Speaking of 'separated at birth':

http://i40.tinypic.com/2qituf8.jpg

Avatar
#37 Harlie
February 18 2010, 12:55PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers
BUCK75 wrote:

I was watching BNN this morning & they were talking about the Brit's getting all over us about our Olympics. But at least epileptics can look at our Olympic logo...

http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2007/jun/06/marketingandpr.olympics2012

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vs0hfhSje9M

Here is the logo - it looks like a grade school art project.

http://www.logodesignworks.co.uk/blog/images/london-2012-logo-design.jpg

this site (scroll down the page) shows that there is much much more symbolism behind the stylized 2012 Olympic logo than what meets the eye.

I caution those viewing this site that it is really out there in a conspiracy view of the world type of way.

http://illuminatimatrix.wordpress.com/oil-oto-gates-of-human-sacrifice-devils-triangle-devils-sea-the-big-one/

Avatar
#38 Victoria
February 18 2010, 12:57PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

If Darren Pang and Paul Giamatti had a child, it would be Scott Hamilton.

As for the Olympics: I live in Vancouver and I can tell you, if you go to the downtown you'll see one big party. A rather multi-cultural, at that.

All these bloggers and writers can take their criticisms and shove it. Everyone who's actually here getting in on the action is having butt-loads of fun.

IMO... they're all jealous. I'd be jealous if I had to drag my a** back to some dreary p.o.s. country after the Olympics were over, too.

Avatar
#39 Tracie
February 18 2010, 12:57PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Wanye, you rock! Your articles are hilarious! And to everyone who posted afterwards, this stuff is gold man! I love coming here and laughing! It definitely makes the day go by faster! Thanks again guys!

Avatar
#40 rubbertrout
February 18 2010, 01:03PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers
Victoria wrote:

If Darren Pang and Paul Giamatti had a child, it would be Scott Hamilton.

As for the Olympics: I live in Vancouver and I can tell you, if you go to the downtown you'll see one big party. A rather multi-cultural, at that.

All these bloggers and writers can take their criticisms and shove it. Everyone who's actually here getting in on the action is having butt-loads of fun.

IMO... they're all jealous. I'd be jealous if I had to drag my a** back to some dreary p.o.s. country after the Olympics were over, too.

Amazing! I read P.O.S. and thought Patrick O'Sullivan. Then I figured out what you actually meant and learned that the two terms are basically interchangeable.

Avatar
#41 Moop
February 18 2010, 01:05PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

I think the Nation War Wagon™'s campaign will probably have a lot more success if you can convince Henrik Sedin to come along (while wielding his sword/machine gun atop his ferocious bear, of course).

Avatar
#42 Matt Henderson
February 18 2010, 01:08PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

I just scratched the queen's face off all of my loonies.

Take THAT Bucktoothed Overlords!!

Avatar
#43 Rob in Toronto
February 18 2010, 01:20PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers
Librarian Mike wrote:

Speaking of 'separated at birth':

http://i40.tinypic.com/2qituf8.jpg

There are a lot of good ones on the SI site, but I think that "Ovechkin/Jaws" matchup takes the cake!

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/multimedia/photo_gallery/1002/olympics.winter.nhl.separated.at.birth/content.1.html

Avatar
#44 BUCK75
February 18 2010, 01:30PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

@Harlie

WOW...

~I don't know what you are talking about - that isn't a far out view of the world~

Avatar
#45 Ender
February 18 2010, 01:35PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers
Harlie wrote:

this site (scroll down the page) shows that there is much much more symbolism behind the stylized 2012 Olympic logo than what meets the eye.

I caution those viewing this site that it is really out there in a conspiracy view of the world type of way.

http://illuminatimatrix.wordpress.com/oil-oto-gates-of-human-sacrifice-devils-triangle-devils-sea-the-big-one/

Just . . . wow. Someone has not been taking their pills as prescribed. Ever.

Avatar
#46 Matt Henderson
February 18 2010, 01:46PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

@Ender

I'm pretty sure we've all been flagged by CSIS because of that link.

Avatar
#47 Senator Theo
February 18 2010, 02:04PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers
Clangger wrote:

I like this comment left by someone on that site: "It looks like a woman going down on another man :P haha." IT really does. HAHAHA

In the spirit of the Olympics - that's how you get judges on your side!

Seriously, since I read that comment, that's all I can see in that logo design. Terrible.

Avatar
#50 Dominoiler
February 18 2010, 03:51PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

""QUICK! QUICK! Is this Scott Hamilton or Darren Pang? QUICK!" Before slamming them back in the foot locker, do you think the passer by would be able to tell who they saw?"

wayne, who would care,...

Comments are closed for this article.