OCC15: MAD PROPS

Wanye
February 26 2010 08:11PM

You: "Oh hey Wanye, thanks so much for writing Olympic updates like you said you would. We have really enjoyed the nine day gap with no articles ya fall down."

WG: "Thing is, last time we wrote the Canadians lost to the US. We since have come to believe that no OGDBs are good luck for the Canadian team which must come first at all times."

You: "If that's the case, why are you writing today?"

WG: "To give the Women's Team mad props and unveil a cool new feature for the site. Ok?"

You: (shamed silence)

WG: (crosses arms, smiles in smug victory)

HOW ABOUT THEM CANADIAN WOMEN?

We will begin by stating our preexisting condition: a tremendous amount of love for Canadian Women. We have devoted an inordinate amount of mental time in our life to thinking about Canadian Women, talking to Canadian Women, writing love letters to Canadian Women and adhering to the conditions of the restraining orders placed on us by Canadian Women.

So when we say that the Canadian Women last night put on World Class performance defeating the US 2-0 to win the Gold Medal we say it knowing that most people reading this article will yawn loudly, scratch their nether regions and continue reading hoping that the Oilers penalty killing is mentioned near the end of the article. The largely indifferent attitude of most people towards the Women's Team blows our mind and bears further discussion.

One of the most amazing things about the Canadian Women's Team winning Gold last night was the apparent total belief among every Man, Woman and Child in Canada that it was a foregone conclusion. We watched the end of the game from Earls Crossroads and a packed house barely even cheered until the final whistle had blown and the Gold Medals were being handed out.

We had treated ourselves to a couple of the Olympic Wobblies during the match and we sidled up to a table of guys - as depicted in an unrelated photo from the 1970s above - who were wearing various Team Canada gear and should have looked more excited than they did. We rolled up, Bud Light in hand and asked them about the results of the game. 

WG: "So are you guys pumped about the Women winning Gold or what?"

Random Guy 1: "Yeah, I guess so. They are so much better than the rest of the teams though so it really wasn't a surprise"

WG: "Surprise or not, it's still good to win Gold isn't it?"

Random Guy 2: "Yeah, I guess so." (idly stirs beer with finger)

WG: "What's the matter with you idiots?! Don't you realize we have struck gold? REAL GOLD MAN! IT'S ALL OURS!!" (cackles loudly, rubs hands together greedily)

(table sits in muted silence)

PROPS TO THE WOMEN

If there is one thing we can't stand it's guys like the ones we talked to last night. There they are, dressed to the nines in the Maple Leaf, witnessing a gold medal being brought home to Canada and barely breaking a sweat in celebration. These are the same types of people who probably cheer for a playoff bound Oilers team but haven't watched any of the terrible tripe we are currently being served in months. These types aren't fans of anything, they are just the dead weight that fans of teams have to occasionally drag along when their respective team goes on a hot streak.

We have said it a million times and we will say it again:

Bandwagon jumpers go home.

We know these 4 goofballs will probably stand and clap loudly when the Men win on Sunday, with the closest thing to joy their stone hearts can muster. They will probably then return to their loveless marriages and dumbly pat their estranged children on the heads and say "Daddy has seen history today Children, go entertain yourselves while we fondly recall the events of the day."

Cheering for the Men's Team only doesn't make you a patriot. Ignoring all of the other sports at the Olympics doesn't make you a good Canadian either. Yes, we care mostly about the Men's Hockey too and should probably give more love to the other sports so we are drawing a line and starting anew today releasing something we had orginally saved for when the Men win the Gold medal.

NEW FUN

Citizen Alpha and the rest of the design team here at the Nation have been hard at work building a new feature of the site - street cred. The basic idea is this: half the time when you come to the Nations there are like 3,679 comments per article. Granted 3,678 of these are comments made by the different factions of the Ogden Brother Clan, but some folk don't have the time nor the patience to read through all of the commentary, looking for the good stuff and ignoring the comments like:

"x2"

"LOLZ"

"SQUEEEEEE"

WHAT TO DO

If you are logged in as a Citizen of the Nation you will now see a little "+1" button next to comments. If you click on this little button the comment recieves props. If more than one person clicks on the prop, the article gains points and gets street cred with the Citizens of the Nation.

Eventually stred cred will be an aggregate total of each Citizen's props and disses on the Nation. Articles will have street cred too, so when yours truly servces up a brick of an article detailing the daily hygene habits of Tom Gilbert you can flame us to your hearts content.

In this fashion you will be able to sort articles and comments by props, discovering the commentary gold we all love such as:

 

"x2"

"LOLZ"

"SQUEEEEEE"

POSITIVITY ONLY TO START

Because the OilersNation is currently wound up tighter than a drum due to the poor play of the Oilers we are going to introduce only props - the ability to give love to a comment - for the time being. This will prevent Citizens making accurate observations like "gee whiz, the Oilers' powerplay sure sucks" only to get an immediate rating of -15,000 from the 61 remaining positive fans of the team.

In the offseason we will release the ability to diss a comment and will link Citizens total street cred scores to their profile page. Then we will have a little chart somewhere or other displaying the top citizens of the Nation as ranked by street cred. Then we will all know who the awesomest person is around here and can shower them with gifts of fruit as tradition requires.

In the meantime however we offer you props.

AND THE VERY FIRST PROPS GO TO

The Women's Hockey Team and all the other athletes that have been getting no love at these Olympic games despite their awesome performances. Bless each and every one of your hard working hearts. We apologize that the Men's Hockey team has a cumulative $3.4 billion dollar salary and the rest of you folks are forced to work at Rona during the year to keep the bills paid. 

You deserve better from the millions of bandwagon jumping Canadians who clap thrice when you succeed and bitch loudly when you don't come in first. Each and every one of you have done Canada a great service with your efforts and we thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Mad props to you ladies.

 

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#1 Citizen Alpha
February 26 2010, 08:12PM
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Everyone give me fist props!

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#2 SportsDad
February 26 2010, 08:18PM
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@Citizen Alpha

It's All yours.....Hey, I was the first non-citizen prop giver!

*pats back for a job well done*

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#3 Lofty
February 26 2010, 08:29PM
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I love the fact that the US media is all over the Canadian women’s hockey team for drinking and smoking on the ice... Hilarious!

Give them there time to celebrate, its biggest prize in women’s hockey. No Stanley Cup, no big contract next year, no big ring. You get a big piece of metal with a thin layer of gold, the complete support of your home country and the pride of knowing you've been a part of something that very few ever have a chance to experience.

Cheers, I lift my glass and give a toast to you ladies... and your truly Canadian celebration.

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#4 Ambassador humantorch
February 26 2010, 08:41PM
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SQUEEEEEE

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#5 Oilchange64
February 26 2010, 08:43PM
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Lofty wrote:

I love the fact that the US media is all over the Canadian women’s hockey team for drinking and smoking on the ice... Hilarious!

Give them there time to celebrate, its biggest prize in women’s hockey. No Stanley Cup, no big contract next year, no big ring. You get a big piece of metal with a thin layer of gold, the complete support of your home country and the pride of knowing you've been a part of something that very few ever have a chance to experience.

Cheers, I lift my glass and give a toast to you ladies... and your truly Canadian celebration.

Agreed. There were some great pics on the Journal website today that made me proud to be a Canadian - who wouldn't want a beer, good cigar and some good friends to celebrate a moment like that. No monetary gain in it for them. Most of us can relate. And it was maybe even better that it was the women.

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#6 Tha Legion
February 26 2010, 08:44PM
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Excellent work boys, care to add an update graticing the 2 mens speed skaters, and maybe womens curling even though I cried a little

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#7 RossCreekNation
February 26 2010, 08:49PM
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@Lofty

I agree its really no big deal, but like Gregor says, if it were the US women behaving in that manner, we'd all be b!tching about how cocky & arrogant & classless they are.

*self-props himself*

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#8 Harlie
February 26 2010, 08:54PM
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The Americans have a much worse Cigar story in their history.

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#9 Harlie
February 26 2010, 08:56PM
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I guess Hamelin got the Gold finally. Too bad Barnyard didn't.

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#10 GSC
February 26 2010, 09:02PM
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I'm celebrating by blasting some April Wine and slamming down Molson until I forget what my name is.

Wanye, call the hookers...this is going to be a good night

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#11 Archaeologuy
February 26 2010, 09:03PM
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*takes off his shorts of non-approval and puts on his pantaloons of street creditude*

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#12 JRyanMac
February 26 2010, 09:11PM
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RossCreekNation wrote:

I agree its really no big deal, but like Gregor says, if it were the US women behaving in that manner, we'd all be b!tching about how cocky & arrogant & classless they are.

*self-props himself*

Of course we'd complain if they did it on OUR home ice! I think the fact that they won their gold on home soil should be enough to excuse them from any punishment for celebrating.

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#13 Archaeologuy
February 26 2010, 09:19PM
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Double gold for Hamelin today. Good for him. I guess he doesnt have to be exiled after all.

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#14 JRyanMac
February 26 2010, 09:30PM
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He also gave Canada the most Gold too..

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#15 David S
February 26 2010, 09:39PM
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First you guys launch the Nation Draft. Now its "street cred".

Is there no end to the humiliation???????

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#16 DoubleJ
February 26 2010, 09:44PM
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How good was Bergeron Tonight? Amazing. How did he make this team again?

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#17 OilFan
February 26 2010, 09:46PM
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Good game to watch can't wait for Sunday.

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#18 Ambassador humantorch
February 26 2010, 09:52PM
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That was a very Oilers-esque 50 minute effort by Canada tonight, and it almost cost them.

That being said, BRING ON THE YANKS.

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#19 RossCreekNation
February 26 2010, 10:04PM
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See... I said there was reason to fear the Slovaks. Now give me mad props!

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#20 Archaeologuy
February 26 2010, 10:07PM
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@RossCreekNation

No props for hexing Canada with your Gypsy curses RC!

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#21 Crash
February 26 2010, 10:12PM
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Can't believe Bernard lost that gold medal game today in curling...she had a very makeable shot in both the 10th and 11th ends to win that gold but blew both....

On a good note...we lead all nations in having our anthem played...to me it means we own that damn podium...

10 golds...Yay Canada

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#22 Dan the Man
February 26 2010, 10:17PM
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I will show my boobs for props.

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#23 Harlie
February 26 2010, 10:30PM
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this is why I don't like this guy...

"In a live post race interview with NBC, Ohno said he believed he was unfairly disqualified by a Canadian official. He said he believed the ruling was made to put two Canadians on the podium."

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#24 Heavyd
February 26 2010, 10:33PM
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Can everyone give me props, so I can build up my street cred. Please my girlfriend is sitting next to me I want to look tough to her. She said she would do what Hillary Duff did to Mike Comrie, later if I had a lot of street cred.

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#25 Pajamah
February 26 2010, 10:35PM
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Wanye, you've unleashed a comments section full of attention whores....now I won't stand out like a sore thumb.

Kudos to the Womens hockey team, and kudos to Edmonton's own, Shannon Szabados

A guy I know's sister is friends with her, yup, street cred!

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#26 Pajamah
February 26 2010, 10:36PM
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that + 1 was me, you deserve it

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#27 SirFozz
February 26 2010, 10:50PM
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Well, I am an attention whore so...

Oilers are the bestest team there is and ever will be. Beer is good. Canada is the bestest country there is and will win gold.

Agree with me by giving me mad props. Not giving me props means you cheer for Calgary...and have herpes.

GOCANADA!!!!!!!!!1!!!1!!

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#28 The 'Real' Ron Burgundy
February 26 2010, 10:51PM
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why is bergeron even on the ice??? there are 4 other canadian centers with better f/o percentage. he directly caused both of the slovaks goals. how on earth he is on this team is beyond me, he stands out in a denis grebeshkov kind of way. baring any injuries he better be sittin on sunday.

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#29 Dan the Man
February 26 2010, 11:55PM
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Harlie wrote:

this is why I don't like this guy...

"In a live post race interview with NBC, Ohno said he believed he was unfairly disqualified by a Canadian official. He said he believed the ruling was made to put two Canadians on the podium."

I seriously want to smack that soul patch off his face.

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#30 Eric Johnson
February 27 2010, 02:43AM
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Hmmm Props huh... street cred... individual votes....

9/11 was a tragedy

Boobs are awesome

and remember 2006 playoffs... Ryan Smyth was an Oiler....

Oh yeah and who wants to nail Canada's silver metal winning skip, milfy Mc Milferson!

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#31 PattQuinn'sChesthair
February 27 2010, 06:40AM
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Eric Johnson wrote:

Hmmm Props huh... street cred... individual votes....

9/11 was a tragedy

Boobs are awesome

and remember 2006 playoffs... Ryan Smyth was an Oiler....

Oh yeah and who wants to nail Canada's silver metal winning skip, milfy Mc Milferson!

You had me at Boobs. +1.

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#32 Robin Brownlee
February 27 2010, 07:54AM
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Wanye: I don't like this props thing. It's like some sort of nerd reacharound. I'm deleting it.

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#33 PattQuinn'sChesthair
February 27 2010, 08:00AM
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Robin Brownlee wrote:

Wanye: I don't like this props thing. It's like some sort of nerd reacharound. I'm deleting it.

Well in that case...

MAD PROPS ROBIN!

PS Your comment made me snort coffee all over my keyboard.

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#34 cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan
February 27 2010, 09:08AM
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Robin Brownlee wrote:

Wanye: I don't like this props thing. It's like some sort of nerd reacharound. I'm deleting it.

you speak as though a nerd reacharound is some sort of a problem

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#35 Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things
February 27 2010, 09:14AM
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I had to dig my fingernails out of the armrests on my chair last night. I feel sorry for Visnovsky - he has to come back to the Oil after a taste of playing with a group of NHL-quality players.

The radio station here is hosting a viewing party for the Men's gold medal game tomorrow. I'll be sucking down perogies and watching it on the jumbotron with ~15,000 drunk Manitobans!

As far as the curling yesterday goes... I really don't know a lot about curling. I felt like Wanye last night, though - an instant expert after 10 minutes of play:

"I can't believe she peeled on that takeout. That is unacceptable if they're looking to pull 2 points out of this end."

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#36 Heavyd
February 27 2010, 09:26AM
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@Robin Brownlee

You won't be saying that when your articles have the most street cred, and when you are on top with props on your comments aswell.

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#37 BUCK75
February 27 2010, 09:39AM
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@Harlie

"There was no space to move up," Ohno said. "I kept waiting and waiting and waiting and on the last corner I ran up on the Canadian guy. I put my hand up so I wouldn't run into him. There was just no space. "You know, it's the head Canadian referee out there and there were two Canadians in the race," Ohno said. Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/winter_olympics_2010/2010/02/27/2010-02-27_despite_ohno_dq_two_more_medals.html#ixzz0gksGHWsw

Who cares what he thinks, Hamelin would have beat him anyhow. Every race I have watched someone gets DQ'd. I think it takes as much luck as skill to medal in these events.

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#38 VK63
February 27 2010, 10:03AM
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I think the props should be for the article.

the comments recognition button should have variants of epic fail and righteous sack beating thus perhaps raising the level due to the intimidation factor of being called out by the anonymous mafia. Props should be assumed or STFU, thus eliminating the frustration of reading through endless drivel on #10s contract vs stats in an article that is actually about the music at Rexall. Or not.

See..... i would get epic fail. And im OK with that as Im quite secure in my package size and relative worth in the grand scheme of things. Then again moms old and dad is planted and I cant remember the last time I wore Pjs.

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#39 rubbertrout
February 27 2010, 10:15AM
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Just what I need. I already spend more time on this website than I should. Now there is going to be a way to measure props that will be linked to my profile? New Olympic event for 2014. Competitive internet commenting.

I might as well quit my job.

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#40 Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things
February 27 2010, 10:37AM
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rubbertrout wrote:

Just what I need. I already spend more time on this website than I should. Now there is going to be a way to measure props that will be linked to my profile? New Olympic event for 2014. Competitive internet commenting.

I might as well quit my job.

New? Hardly. I commented at Innsbruck in '76.

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#41 MattL
February 27 2010, 11:04AM
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Should be an interesting couple of days. Gold medal game, followed by the end of the trade freeze. I'm guessing a number of trades come out of the floodgates on Monday, GM's must have had enough time by now to finish deals.

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#42 The Mook
February 27 2010, 11:29AM
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Wanye that photo is the famous 'Last Supper' photo of the Chicago Mob Bosses. If that WAS the table you approached, it could well have been your last supper as well!

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#43 DK0
February 27 2010, 02:12PM
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Woah! the avatar's got bigger. Fiveandgame's is infinitely funnier when you can see whats happening

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#44 Archaeologuy
February 27 2010, 02:45PM
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Who else thinks it was a douche move to not let the blind skier do his thing?

Honestly now, the guy earned his spot, let him race.

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#45 jeanshorts
February 27 2010, 02:55PM
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Wait, so how many props am I able to give myself?

Only one I see......

*starts making campaign posters for everyone to give him props*

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#46 Pajamah
February 27 2010, 03:20PM
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This street cred thing could seriously backfire, my comments used to be just a waste of time, something I did on my spare time, or at work, or when my wife was trying to have a "conversation"

now there is too much pressure to deliver

ummm, lolcats, Internet, Tom Gilberts sexuality......

Speaking of which, for those who tuned into Strudwicks interview on 1260. Isn't Gilbert saying Strudwick dressed like Johnny Weir, the pot calling the kettle a c@&sucker

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#47 Eric Johnson
February 27 2010, 03:45PM
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DK0 wrote:

Woah! the avatar's got bigger. Fiveandgame's is infinitely funnier when you can see whats happening

When I saw that picture on the interwebs I was in shock.

Messier in a towel drinking a beer with Gary Coleman... priceless.

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#48 Librarian Mike
February 27 2010, 04:04PM
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*pops head out of laundry pile*

Props? Did someone say props?

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#49 Horcsky
February 27 2010, 04:37PM
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Where is that TLP guy? It's a perfect day to get on him for Ohno getting DQ'd, the men's longtrack team pursuit beating the US, etc.

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#50 SirFozz
February 27 2010, 04:42PM
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Horcsky wrote:

Where is that TLP guy? It's a perfect day to get on him for Ohno getting DQ'd, the men's longtrack team pursuit beating the US, etc.

Just you wait for tomorrow. The gloves win come off once Canada curb stomps those dirty Americans.

GOLDBITCHES!!!!!!!!

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