The Great American Victory Report Pt. 4: Still the one

Ryan Lambert
February 28 2010 09:08PM



Howdy folks.

The Olympics are, of course, all about athletic competition, pushing to be the best, and coming together as a global community to celebrate peace and goodwill. But let's be honest here, it's also about winners and losers. Canada may have won the most gold ever but I think it's time we took a look at the real winner: America.

As far as I know, I'm the only American (read also: non-loser) who writes for the various Nations, and that's why I have taken it upon myself to come here and remind you that the United States has and will continue to dominate "Your Olympics."

There are several very specific reasons why.

 

1. At no point did we have to change the rules.

Ready which country am I? "Oh hey, unbeatable speed skaters, we're pretty sure we're going to have to disqualify you and allow several Canadians to medal. Yeah, you, uh, changed lanes or something. Shoved somebody? Something like that. Tough noogies, pal."

I am Canada. Pretty easy to win when a Canadian official just so happens to be making decisions like that, I think.

2. Note to self: invent sports to win gold.

So Canada's getting dominated in medal count, right? All Canadians feel very sad about this. I read the tweets and blog posts, so don't try to tell me different. Then someone has the bright idea: maybe we just tell everyone the IOC has always gone by who had the most gold medals. Yeah okay guys sounds good, let's get that out there. But wait Canada didn't win ANY gold in Calgary.. what to do? Well, according to known Canadian Damien Cox: "Big reason why is most of the sports that have delivered gold in VAN didn't exist back then." Oh now it all makes sense. Make up a bunch of crap sports and win at those. You have to applaud the scheming brilliance.

3. Something about a hockey game.

Oh yeah, you beat a team with Chris Drury on it. Bravo. How did you ever accomplish such a towering feat? Oh right, you had it in your country with three Canadian officials. Well done.

4. I said right from the get-go that it's all about medal count.

And would ya lookit that. America: 37. Everyone else, especially Canada: considerably less than that. And again, that's with Canada making up some malarkey against the great and accomplished Apolo Anton Ohno.

(5. Neil Young rules)

(He totally does. And I called him jamming Long May You Run at the closing ceremonies. Best Canadian thing at the Olympics.)

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Yer ol' buddy Lambert is handsome and great and everyone loves him. Also you can visit his regular blog at The Two-Line Pass or follow him on Twitter. Lucky you!
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#1 Chris.
February 28 2010, 09:15PM
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14 Golds dude (most ever)... The high 'Merican total metal count reflects only the ability to finish second, or third a lot while simultaneously claiming to be the best...

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#2 Victoria
February 28 2010, 09:18PM
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WOOOO CANADA!!!! GOLD MEDAL WINNERS!!!

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#3 Oilitsinyoutogive
February 28 2010, 09:20PM
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Remember that time the Americans thought they beat us at OUR game, Just to realize they couldn't get it done? Oh and tell me where other then the Olympics it counts to come in 2nd and 3rd?

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#4 rampage
February 28 2010, 09:20PM
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someone is bitter

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#5 Matt Henderson
February 28 2010, 09:21PM
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4. Is a douche move man. Douche move.

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#6 DANOILFAN
February 28 2010, 09:23PM
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So your proud of having the most 2nd and 3rd place finishes!!

Good for you...

where I come from...

Canada...

we call tha losing!! See you in four years, when we kick your a$$ again.

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#7 loyaltotheoil
February 28 2010, 09:29PM
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So how much bigger is US compared to Canada? 310,000,000 to 34,000,000 million? Is that not what roughly 10 times the size? Nuff said

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#8 David S
February 28 2010, 09:29PM
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Two words:

JOHNNY WEIR

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#9 Hax
February 28 2010, 09:31PM
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So how many medal's did the yankee's win in all the new sports since Calgary douche bag?

Or did you think before you opened your yap.

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#10 Oilers rule
February 28 2010, 09:34PM
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Good game . Great effort from both teams. 14 golds tells you everything you need to know. We heard our anthem the most, and not the American anthem after the hockey games. 3 canadain refs and not one called the too many men on the ice with just over three min left in the game. Ron Wilson and Brian Burke claim to be the under dogs. They were the number 1 seed, then say the best team doesn't always win lol. Which one is it ? I guess that's why the leafs sucks so bad. We own hockey it is our sport! What is the sport USA owns ? Baseball ? I think japan would have something to say about that. Congrats for your silver. May be if we give each player from both American teams two silver medals they would consider it better then gold, after all it's more medals.

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#11 Ethan
February 28 2010, 09:36PM
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Its all about the Gold Medal count baby! And hockey gold! Go home Yankee!

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#12 jeanshorts
February 28 2010, 09:37PM
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I can barely read that since my eyes are still filled with tears of joy after that Crosby goal.

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#13 NotWorthIt
February 28 2010, 09:39PM
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GOLD CANADA GOLD

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#14 Chris.
February 28 2010, 09:40PM
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Re point #2... 'Mericans more heavily benifited from the "bunch of crap sports" than anyone... Just ask Shaun White.

Last time I looked Bobsledding, Hockey, Speedskating, Figure Skating, etc. were all considered traditional winter sports.

BTW, TLP... I'm pretty sure you had a post all written up about how the most gold wins... (Until 'Merica fell short to a nation 1/10th it's size...)

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#15 Sportsnut
February 28 2010, 09:40PM
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I guess his sign-off says it all. Just a loud-mouthed bitter American.

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#16 Harlie
February 28 2010, 09:43PM
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Second best is starting to look good on the US.

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#17 libbers
February 28 2010, 09:44PM
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now that the Olympics are over I hope bingofuel and Wanye will wake up from their budlight induced stupor and stop this douchebag from hacking in to the ON server and posting trash about our country

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#18 Oilers rule
February 28 2010, 09:46PM
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We are canadain so we can handle losing and winning in the same way. USA is full of sore losers that make up excuses. Also you point #4 is A douche bag move. Keep tellin your self USA is the best country I expect that since I feel the same way about mine. Which events did Canada add to the olympics ? I don't recall Canada being the only country in any event. USA had the most athletes in the olympics did they not enter those events ? Keep grasping TLP

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#19 SirFozz
February 28 2010, 09:47PM
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We won. You lost. The End. Suck it.

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#20 Heavyd
February 28 2010, 09:48PM
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So TLP, what if the States and Canada were reversed on the amount of medals, would you still think its stupid for the States to be happy for winning the most Gold?

So shut your mouth and go back to the south and crawl into bed with your sister and make sweet love to her. THANKS AND GOOD NIGHT TLP USA SUCKS.

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#21 Dan the Man
February 28 2010, 09:50PM
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Is it just me or is Canada awesome?

Just sayin'.

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#22 Victoria
February 28 2010, 09:51PM
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Come on Canadians, sing with me...

Weeee are the Champions, my friend!

We'llll keep on fighting, to the end!!!

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#23 The 'Real' Ron Burgundy
February 28 2010, 09:52PM
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hey TLP. Do some research and see how many american medals came in judged sports!!! gotta appease the american ego somehow, and since sports that rely on time or score can't be influenced by the 'kings of the world', we leave it to 'oh so honest' judged sports.

I'd do the resaerch for you but I'm to busy youtubing all of our golden moments.

take care see you in sochi!!

but if you act now, you could have your Canadian citizenship processed by then!!

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#24 Oilitsinyoutogive
February 28 2010, 09:53PM
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Hey just remember, your Eagle may have got the swan but a Canadian will shoot that Eagle any time.

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#25 Chris.
February 28 2010, 09:53PM
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I sincerely hope our atheletes continue to recieve, or better yet, recieve a higher level of government support.

As a taxpayer, I'm WAAAY happier funding excellence, as opposed to rewarding lazyness, sloth, and endless second chances to a tiny percentage of whiners and losers who always seem to have their hands out for more.

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#26 Racki
February 28 2010, 09:59PM
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Canada set a record in golds, and proved that we're the best nation in hockey when it actually mattered.

It's too bad that you continue to perpetuate the stereotype that Americans are arrogant douche bags though. Both countries did really well, in their own rights. The US has a population 10x the size of Canada in which to draw athletes from, so naturally the US has a much higher chance of winning medals.

And point #4 is an embarrassment to your nation. In an effort to be funny, you make light of a pretty unfunny topic (again, perpetuating another American stereotype). Thankfully I know not all Americans are this ignorant. You should be kicked off of this website for that, but hey, hits are hits... Eklund makes good money off stupidity too.

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#27 Arik
February 28 2010, 10:02PM
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Wait, a guy who's likely from a rural province in the middle of nowhere is making (edited-WG) jokes about a writer from one of the best cities on earth?

Yeah, of course he is.

I'd ask how unhappy a person you must be to be bitter on the day your hockey team wins gold, but it's clear you're an Oilers fan, so we all know what that level of bitterness is.

This was in reply to #20.

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#28 Heavyd
February 28 2010, 10:09PM
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@Arik

Do you know how to use a reply button? Of course not your probably from the states. And how does me making fun of someone show that I am bitter and unhappy about winning the Gold medal in hockey?

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#29 Rob...
February 28 2010, 10:12PM
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Why are you allowed to post blogs here again? Someone fill me in on what I'm missing.

Oh, and that low blow you landed with #4 hurts as much as a home grown terrorist at an Olympic venue in Georgia.

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#30 D. Pennertration
February 28 2010, 10:17PM
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It's funny, the USOC changed its reward system for the 2010 Olympics to specifically enhance the number of gold medals they receive at the games. Traditionally (as it is in Canada), a gold medal was awarded $20,000, silver - $15,000, and bronze - $10,000. The USOC decided that, to motivate its athletes to attain more gold medals at the game, it would change its gold medal reward price (changes were ONLY made for gold medals) to $25,000.

It's too bad that this ploy posed ineffective.

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#31 Links
February 28 2010, 10:17PM
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TLP,

In the words of the prototypical American, Ricky Bobby: "If you ain't first yer last"

Yer last America!!!!

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#32 Crash
February 28 2010, 10:25PM
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TLP whines:

1. At no point did we have to change the rules.

Ready which country am I? "Oh hey, unbeatable speed skaters, we're pretty sure we're going to have to disqualify you and allow several Canadians to medal. Yeah, you, uh, changed lanes or something. Shoved somebody? Something like that. Tough noogies, pal."

I am Canada. Pretty easy to win when a Canadian official just so happens to be making decisions like that, I think.

Funny you weren't complaining when said loser OH NO benefitted from disqualifications to even make it to the final?

14 golds...MOST EVER...small country kicks ass...gotta love it

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#33 SmellOfVictory
February 28 2010, 10:34PM
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Sorry TLP, can't read your post through the glare of all the gold medals that Canada won. Man, are they shiny.

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#34 Crash
February 28 2010, 10:35PM
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Harlie wrote:

Second best is starting to look good on the US.

They weren't even second best...Germany had 10 anthem plays...the US had 9

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#35 ChaseEmDown
February 28 2010, 10:50PM
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Someone has an inferiority complex and is grabbing at straws because he's upset his country only got 9 gold medals. Look at the bright side TLP, you guys got almost as many bronze medals as we got gold.....almost.

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#36 Rob
February 28 2010, 10:57PM
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Sad....I saw the humor in the first 2 posts but you are now coming across as a real douche.

Send the link to your parents and ask them if the like the humor in point 4. Sure your old man (dead or alive) will jump up and byatch slap ya! Your mom too.....

Suck it up princess TLP and show some class you dumb ass

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#37 rod blogojevich
February 28 2010, 10:58PM
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TLP- I know you're trying to bring the lighter side to the table with these posts, but you completely crossed the line with #4 and the Georgian luge joke. That was actually disgusting. You're an absolute disgrace to the Flames/OilersNation family- I highly doubt any of the higher ups here such as Kent, Wanye, Willis, Gregor, Brownlee, Steinberg, Lefebvre etc condone that sort of BS. What sort of point are you trying to prove by saying that?

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#38 Big Bob
February 28 2010, 11:07PM
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TLP, you are a disgrace to the Nation's.

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#39 common sense
February 28 2010, 11:09PM
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Canada got more gold medals than the big bad USA. A country with 35 million got more gold medals than a country of 304 million. And I don't give a sh** about grandpa Neil Young. You can listen to that old folks music if you want.

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#40 OilrHead
February 28 2010, 11:11PM
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TLP, remember when you posted this:

" 1. Ender the Dragon, who said, "If (when) Canada beats the Americans in hockey..." WRONG
2. Phil, who noted, "And besides, all that really matters is the USA will get embarrassed in a few days by the absolutely dominant Canadian squad in mens hockey. Fools are gonna get crushed." RAFALSKI'D
3. GSC, who blabbed, "I just can't stand to see this kind of ethnocentric behavior. There's no reason for it, especially when it looks like USA Hockey will be an afterthought once more in Vancouver." INCORRECT
4. GSC (again), who chattered, "...and the strong possibility that Hockey Canada brings home another gold." DISAPPOINTED
5. Fellow Flames Nation contributor RossCreek, who blathered, "Sorry pal, but the USA battling for a bronze in men's hockey will be as good as it gets for you. Meanwhile, we up here in igloo-land will cherish our GOLD forever." DISCREDITED
6. Ambassador humantorch, who yammered, "Also, I hope your hockey team enjoys getting the everloving snot beat out of it in the only Winter Olympic sport that matters. Say hi to 5th place for us!" SIXTH PLACED "

Looks like you jinxed yourself dork!

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#41 Shaun Doe
February 28 2010, 11:18PM
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~These blogs are soooooo well written~...

But seriously, are we going to have to endure more posts from this guy? I know I'm not forced to read them but it just comes of as classless trash hidden beneath a thin veil of satire. Doesn't look good on this page to have it around

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#42 DanOilFan
February 28 2010, 11:21PM
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The $100 million in funding that was given to these atheletes needs to be continued and I think increased.

However, I disagree with the fact that we send as many people to the games as countries 10 times our population. Had we have sent 50 less (who did not stand a chance at a medal). The $'s would be better served and possibly benifited our guys/gals who finished top 5 or even top 10. In my opinion we should not send atheletes who are not in the top 25 world ranking in their sport, period.

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#43 Chamucks Deluxe
February 28 2010, 11:39PM
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If your not first your last.

(DAMN, someone beat me to it..)

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#44 fred
February 28 2010, 11:55PM
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Two Line Ass hopefully this is your last article ever written for the Nations. You're a north american embarrassment and a disgrace to all people associated with hockey blogs. Your jokes are weak and hurtful.

Oilers nation, conisder yourself lucky that you don't have to poor through the brain sewage that are TLPs pre games.

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#45 fred
February 28 2010, 11:56PM
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Two Line Ass hopefully this is your last article ever written for the Nations. You're a north american embarrassment and a disgrace to all people associated with hockey blogs. Your jokes are weak and hurtful.

Oilers nation, conisder yourself lucky that you don't have to poor through the brain sewage that are TLPs pre games.

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#46 oilerzz
February 28 2010, 11:58PM
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4. AMERICA KEEPS ITS OLYMPICS SAFE FOR ALL ATHLETES.

Credit where it's due: you guys are the North American leader in Olympic body count. Just sayin'. (And we don't run out of condoms either. That's another safety issue) WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU !!! Pathetic

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#47 Bryzarro World
March 01 2010, 12:17AM
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AAAAAAAAAAHahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

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#48 Alon
March 01 2010, 12:22AM
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@DanOilFan

What about the invaluable experience some of those guys will gain. Rarely are those types of people over the hill athletes, but rather more like prospects. Use the Olympics they wont win so they don't get distracted by it all 4 years later when they should win.

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#49 Ambassador humantorch
March 01 2010, 12:25AM
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The thing I love about Americans is that even when they lose they think they've won. Kind of like 1812.

Anyways, now that the Olympics are over TLP can go slink back to flamesnation.ca never to be heard from again. Thank god.

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#50 The Voice in TLP's Head
March 01 2010, 12:42AM
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1.“if we didn’t win, then someone else cheated”

2.“Shaun White has medals in a made up crap sport”

3.“forget what I said last time”

4.“I’m a douche (also: you don't run out of condoms when your children are all abstinent! ...right?)”

5.“look at all our loser medals!”

6.“if our musicians competed against Neil Young they would be lucky to "win" a loser medal”

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