The Great American Victory Report Pt. 4: Still the one

Ryan Lambert
February 28 2010 09:08PM



Howdy folks.

The Olympics are, of course, all about athletic competition, pushing to be the best, and coming together as a global community to celebrate peace and goodwill. But let's be honest here, it's also about winners and losers. Canada may have won the most gold ever but I think it's time we took a look at the real winner: America.

As far as I know, I'm the only American (read also: non-loser) who writes for the various Nations, and that's why I have taken it upon myself to come here and remind you that the United States has and will continue to dominate "Your Olympics."

There are several very specific reasons why.

 

1. At no point did we have to change the rules.

Ready which country am I? "Oh hey, unbeatable speed skaters, we're pretty sure we're going to have to disqualify you and allow several Canadians to medal. Yeah, you, uh, changed lanes or something. Shoved somebody? Something like that. Tough noogies, pal."

I am Canada. Pretty easy to win when a Canadian official just so happens to be making decisions like that, I think.

2. Note to self: invent sports to win gold.

So Canada's getting dominated in medal count, right? All Canadians feel very sad about this. I read the tweets and blog posts, so don't try to tell me different. Then someone has the bright idea: maybe we just tell everyone the IOC has always gone by who had the most gold medals. Yeah okay guys sounds good, let's get that out there. But wait Canada didn't win ANY gold in Calgary.. what to do? Well, according to known Canadian Damien Cox: "Big reason why is most of the sports that have delivered gold in VAN didn't exist back then." Oh now it all makes sense. Make up a bunch of crap sports and win at those. You have to applaud the scheming brilliance.

3. Something about a hockey game.

Oh yeah, you beat a team with Chris Drury on it. Bravo. How did you ever accomplish such a towering feat? Oh right, you had it in your country with three Canadian officials. Well done.

4. I said right from the get-go that it's all about medal count.

And would ya lookit that. America: 37. Everyone else, especially Canada: considerably less than that. And again, that's with Canada making up some malarkey against the great and accomplished Apolo Anton Ohno.

(5. Neil Young rules)

(He totally does. And I called him jamming Long May You Run at the closing ceremonies. Best Canadian thing at the Olympics.)

686dfac3780611cb7acad6ce5166c6c1
Yer ol' buddy Lambert is handsome and great and everyone loves him. Also you can visit his regular blog at The Two-Line Pass or follow him on Twitter. Lucky you!
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#1 Archaeologuy
February 28 2010, 09:21PM
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4. Is a douche move man. Douche move.

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#2 jeanshorts
February 28 2010, 09:37PM
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I can barely read that since my eyes are still filled with tears of joy after that Crosby goal.

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#3 hiroki
March 01 2010, 08:55AM
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Hey Nation,

I'm a recent immigrant from Japan to Calgary, and although hockey isn't too big in my homeland, I have fallen in love with it the last couple years. The Olympics were icing on the cake- what a win by Team Canada! But more importantly, the one thing better to see than Crosby's goal were the celebrations afterwards. From coast to coast, all Canadians shared this great moment- it didn't matter what color your skin was, where you were from, what language you spoke. And it didn't matter who you cheered for, either. I'd consider myself a Flames fan, but was hugging Oiler fans on the street, just because for today, we were all Canadians. Oiler fans put aside their tough season, Flames fans tried to not think about their inevitable collapse in the first round, and we all just put our allegiances aside and cheered for the one thing that mattered most: Canadian Hockey.

I've been reading this site for a while, but this post made me want to speak. Not only did I read what TLP said about the tragedy on the luge track, I looked at his twitter, and am a little upset by what he wrote. Please read this exchange, and I will say why it hits me hard:

Twolinepass: Canada's going to win this game just like it won World War II. OH WAIT THAT WAS US

neoaxd @twolinepass: If anyone won WW2 it was the Soviets... Western front and the Pacific theatre were sideshows, but nice try.

Twolinepass: @neoaxd I'll give Hiroshima and Nagasaki the great news!

My grandfather died due to radiation poisoning after Hiroshima. My father was fortunate to be on a school trip out of town when this happened. He was raised by family in Tokyo after the bombing, and if he could be here today and see someone making light of a situation like that, especially on a day of such Canadian Pride, he'd be appalled. There is a line between humor and dignity, and you have failed miserably, TLP. But hey, you seem to love the attention:

TLPs Twitter: I'm so glad that hundreds of Canadians' first thoughts were "I can't wait to chirp that guy on the internet who typed mean things about us!"

You're right, TLP. After Crosby scored, we decided to run to our computers instead of our friend's arms and type an indignant message to you. Sometimes, people go too far. But by making light of things like Hiroshima/Nagasaki and the Georgain Luge tragedy, you did just that.

I've enjoyed your banter and commentary, Nation, but you've just lost a reader today- I cannot stomach this crap as long as TLP is associated with this network.

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#4 Ambassador humantorch
March 01 2010, 05:00AM
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Also, I know TLP is just trying to be funny and playing the "heel" card, but seriously, point #4 makes me sick to see up here. "Hey, a guy died! Let's make a joke about it!"

For that one line alone, TLP is lucky I don't run this place.

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#5 bingofuel
March 01 2010, 11:07AM
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Nation:

I have removed the bit of the post which was deemed to be in extremely poor taste (by all).

On behalf of the staff at the Nation Network of Sites, I apologize for the offending portion of the post. It should never have been published

Thanks, bingofuel

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#6 SirFozz
February 28 2010, 09:47PM
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We won. You lost. The End. Suck it.

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#7 Chris.
February 28 2010, 09:15PM
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14 Golds dude (most ever)... The high 'Merican total metal count reflects only the ability to finish second, or third a lot while simultaneously claiming to be the best...

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#8 David S
February 28 2010, 09:29PM
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Two words:

JOHNNY WEIR

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#9 Oilitsinyoutogive
February 28 2010, 09:20PM
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Remember that time the Americans thought they beat us at OUR game, Just to realize they couldn't get it done? Oh and tell me where other then the Olympics it counts to come in 2nd and 3rd?

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#10 Oilers rule
February 28 2010, 09:34PM
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Good game . Great effort from both teams. 14 golds tells you everything you need to know. We heard our anthem the most, and not the American anthem after the hockey games. 3 canadain refs and not one called the too many men on the ice with just over three min left in the game. Ron Wilson and Brian Burke claim to be the under dogs. They were the number 1 seed, then say the best team doesn't always win lol. Which one is it ? I guess that's why the leafs sucks so bad. We own hockey it is our sport! What is the sport USA owns ? Baseball ? I think japan would have something to say about that. Congrats for your silver. May be if we give each player from both American teams two silver medals they would consider it better then gold, after all it's more medals.

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#11 Links
February 28 2010, 10:17PM
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TLP,

In the words of the prototypical American, Ricky Bobby: "If you ain't first yer last"

Yer last America!!!!

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#12 Harlie
March 01 2010, 12:00PM
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@Jason Gregor

you're disappointed with us, Jason? The very Nation that supports you and your radio show and every article you write here? You are sad that us Nationeers didn't give it to TLP worse?

We should have sunk to his level or even worse call him out for being from Boston or a Lames fan? That's as pathetic as it gets too.

Some dude's Dad nearly gets evaporated in Japan and comes on here to comment about how TLP's article brought back memories of that event and you tell him to skip TLP's posts or to try harder on a comeback?

Gimme a break man.

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#13 DANOILFAN
February 28 2010, 09:23PM
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So your proud of having the most 2nd and 3rd place finishes!!

Good for you...

where I come from...

Canada...

we call tha losing!! See you in four years, when we kick your a$$ again.

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#14 loyaltotheoil
February 28 2010, 09:29PM
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So how much bigger is US compared to Canada? 310,000,000 to 34,000,000 million? Is that not what roughly 10 times the size? Nuff said

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#15 Chris.
February 28 2010, 09:40PM
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Re point #2... 'Mericans more heavily benifited from the "bunch of crap sports" than anyone... Just ask Shaun White.

Last time I looked Bobsledding, Hockey, Speedskating, Figure Skating, etc. were all considered traditional winter sports.

BTW, TLP... I'm pretty sure you had a post all written up about how the most gold wins... (Until 'Merica fell short to a nation 1/10th it's size...)

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#16 Sportsnut
February 28 2010, 09:40PM
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I guess his sign-off says it all. Just a loud-mouthed bitter American.

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#17 Dan the Man
February 28 2010, 09:50PM
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Is it just me or is Canada awesome?

Just sayin'.

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#18 ChaseEmDown
February 28 2010, 10:50PM
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Someone has an inferiority complex and is grabbing at straws because he's upset his country only got 9 gold medals. Look at the bright side TLP, you guys got almost as many bronze medals as we got gold.....almost.

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#19 Rob
February 28 2010, 10:57PM
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Sad....I saw the humor in the first 2 posts but you are now coming across as a real douche.

Send the link to your parents and ask them if the like the humor in point 4. Sure your old man (dead or alive) will jump up and byatch slap ya! Your mom too.....

Suck it up princess TLP and show some class you dumb ass

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#20 rod blogojevich
February 28 2010, 10:58PM
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TLP- I know you're trying to bring the lighter side to the table with these posts, but you completely crossed the line with #4 and the Georgian luge joke. That was actually disgusting. You're an absolute disgrace to the Flames/OilersNation family- I highly doubt any of the higher ups here such as Kent, Wanye, Willis, Gregor, Brownlee, Steinberg, Lefebvre etc condone that sort of BS. What sort of point are you trying to prove by saying that?

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#21 Ender
March 01 2010, 09:20AM
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@hiroki

While there's no denying that TLP's immature comments here today will forever ensure that no one who reads this site will ever take a single word from him seriously again, that doesn't mean that anyone needs to stop reading the site. No need to throw out the baby with the bathwater, as they say. There are still amazing resources on this site that you just can't get anywhere else, and the majority of the community is jovial, constructive, and informed (with a few notable exceptions; you know who you are). I suggest doing what most of the rest of us have decided to do; continue reading anything not written by Tiny Little Peepee and enjoy the real wealth that is the Nation. Stick around; it'll be worth it.

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#22 Victoria
February 28 2010, 09:18PM
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WOOOO CANADA!!!! GOLD MEDAL WINNERS!!!

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#23 rampage
February 28 2010, 09:20PM
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someone is bitter

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#24 Hax
February 28 2010, 09:31PM
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So how many medal's did the yankee's win in all the new sports since Calgary douche bag?

Or did you think before you opened your yap.

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#25 Ethan
February 28 2010, 09:36PM
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Its all about the Gold Medal count baby! And hockey gold! Go home Yankee!

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#26 NotWorthIt
February 28 2010, 09:39PM
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GOLD CANADA GOLD

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#27 Harlie
February 28 2010, 09:43PM
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Second best is starting to look good on the US.

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#28 The 'Real' Ron Burgundy
February 28 2010, 09:52PM
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hey TLP. Do some research and see how many american medals came in judged sports!!! gotta appease the american ego somehow, and since sports that rely on time or score can't be influenced by the 'kings of the world', we leave it to 'oh so honest' judged sports.

I'd do the resaerch for you but I'm to busy youtubing all of our golden moments.

take care see you in sochi!!

but if you act now, you could have your Canadian citizenship processed by then!!

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#29 Big Bob
February 28 2010, 11:07PM
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TLP, you are a disgrace to the Nation's.

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#30 OilrHead
February 28 2010, 11:11PM
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TLP, remember when you posted this:

" 1. Ender the Dragon, who said, "If (when) Canada beats the Americans in hockey..." WRONG
2. Phil, who noted, "And besides, all that really matters is the USA will get embarrassed in a few days by the absolutely dominant Canadian squad in mens hockey. Fools are gonna get crushed." RAFALSKI'D
3. GSC, who blabbed, "I just can't stand to see this kind of ethnocentric behavior. There's no reason for it, especially when it looks like USA Hockey will be an afterthought once more in Vancouver." INCORRECT
4. GSC (again), who chattered, "...and the strong possibility that Hockey Canada brings home another gold." DISAPPOINTED
5. Fellow Flames Nation contributor RossCreek, who blathered, "Sorry pal, but the USA battling for a bronze in men's hockey will be as good as it gets for you. Meanwhile, we up here in igloo-land will cherish our GOLD forever." DISCREDITED
6. Ambassador humantorch, who yammered, "Also, I hope your hockey team enjoys getting the everloving snot beat out of it in the only Winter Olympic sport that matters. Say hi to 5th place for us!" SIXTH PLACED "

Looks like you jinxed yourself dork!

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#31 Bryzarro World
March 01 2010, 12:17AM
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AAAAAAAAAAHahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

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#32 Ambassador humantorch
March 01 2010, 12:25AM
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The thing I love about Americans is that even when they lose they think they've won. Kind of like 1812.

Anyways, now that the Olympics are over TLP can go slink back to flamesnation.ca never to be heard from again. Thank god.

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#33 Petr's Jofa
March 01 2010, 06:08AM
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"4. America keeps its Olympics safe for all athletes."

Tell that to Alice Hawthorne and Melih Uzunyol oh wait, they were innocent bystanders not athletes so I guess they don't count.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Centennial_Olympic_Park_bombing

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#34 Tracie
March 01 2010, 08:01AM
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Wow, you are a douche TLP...

It amazes me that this article wasn't edited before it came on site. I didn't think sh*t like this was Oilers Nation quality.

I am by far a proud Canadian! I am an even prouder Canadian after these Olympics and the fact that this last two weeks has seemed to bring Canada together even more than it was before is a success in itself. We are no longer in the shadow of america when it comes to athletics, we are far superior. Go ahead TLP, bash us all you want if it makes you feel better. You will never change the record-breaking, amazing Olympics that Canadians will remember for years, decades to come.

I'm sad for you that your americans didn't show up to support your big mouth. And I'm very happy that we can go back to not having to deal with your articles any longer. Every Canadian will remember the success these Olympics were for Canada, in medals, in pride, in humanity and so much more. You have fun in your bitterness...I feel sorry for what a sad life you must lead.

GO CANADA!!! Thanks for the memories! What a great time to be CANADIAN!

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#35 Rob...
March 01 2010, 09:28AM
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Ender wrote:

While there's no denying that TLP's immature comments here today will forever ensure that no one who reads this site will ever take a single word from him seriously again, that doesn't mean that anyone needs to stop reading the site. No need to throw out the baby with the bathwater, as they say. There are still amazing resources on this site that you just can't get anywhere else, and the majority of the community is jovial, constructive, and informed (with a few notable exceptions; you know who you are). I suggest doing what most of the rest of us have decided to do; continue reading anything not written by Tiny Little Peepee and enjoy the real wealth that is the Nation. Stick around; it'll be worth it.

Though you're definately right, I'm starting to wonder what is going on with the rest of ON staff. Not one post regarding this clown and what he wrote. There comes a point where it's no longer ok to maintain the attitude that 'I won't throw a teammate under the bus, regardless what an idiot they've been.'

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#36 treblecharger
March 01 2010, 10:51AM
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Go away now, Olympics are over, why did ON let you on here anyway? Read about 3 sentences, same waste of time. Go back to FalmesCountry or whatever happy website you usually write for, we are done with you. Your money is on the dresser.

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#37 m3sh
March 01 2010, 11:08AM
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@hiroki

Great post hiroki.

TLP is a douche... I gotta believe that he plays it up in his own way to feed the enduring stereotype of american's being blustery loud-mouth a$$hats, although I agree he walks some very fine lines.

"Oiler fans put aside their tough season, Flames fans tried to not think about their inevitable collapse in the first round, ..."

I think you meant to say Calgary's inevitable missing of the playoffs altogether ;)

Game on again for trashing those losers to the south. Not that the Oilers are remotely comparable. You know it's a sad Oilers season when the icing on the cake (besides Hall) is the possibility that the Lamers will join us in mediocrity, which they so richly deserve. It feels good knowing that we have a draft pick at the end of the tunnel.

Currently anyhow. Don't let me down boys, play good, work hard, but lose for all it's worth.

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#38 Jason Gregor
March 01 2010, 11:23AM
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hiroki wrote:

Hey Nation,

I'm a recent immigrant from Japan to Calgary, and although hockey isn't too big in my homeland, I have fallen in love with it the last couple years. The Olympics were icing on the cake- what a win by Team Canada! But more importantly, the one thing better to see than Crosby's goal were the celebrations afterwards. From coast to coast, all Canadians shared this great moment- it didn't matter what color your skin was, where you were from, what language you spoke. And it didn't matter who you cheered for, either. I'd consider myself a Flames fan, but was hugging Oiler fans on the street, just because for today, we were all Canadians. Oiler fans put aside their tough season, Flames fans tried to not think about their inevitable collapse in the first round, and we all just put our allegiances aside and cheered for the one thing that mattered most: Canadian Hockey.

I've been reading this site for a while, but this post made me want to speak. Not only did I read what TLP said about the tragedy on the luge track, I looked at his twitter, and am a little upset by what he wrote. Please read this exchange, and I will say why it hits me hard:

Twolinepass: Canada's going to win this game just like it won World War II. OH WAIT THAT WAS US

neoaxd @twolinepass: If anyone won WW2 it was the Soviets... Western front and the Pacific theatre were sideshows, but nice try.

Twolinepass: @neoaxd I'll give Hiroshima and Nagasaki the great news!

My grandfather died due to radiation poisoning after Hiroshima. My father was fortunate to be on a school trip out of town when this happened. He was raised by family in Tokyo after the bombing, and if he could be here today and see someone making light of a situation like that, especially on a day of such Canadian Pride, he'd be appalled. There is a line between humor and dignity, and you have failed miserably, TLP. But hey, you seem to love the attention:

TLPs Twitter: I'm so glad that hundreds of Canadians' first thoughts were "I can't wait to chirp that guy on the internet who typed mean things about us!"

You're right, TLP. After Crosby scored, we decided to run to our computers instead of our friend's arms and type an indignant message to you. Sometimes, people go too far. But by making light of things like Hiroshima/Nagasaki and the Georgain Luge tragedy, you did just that.

I've enjoyed your banter and commentary, Nation, but you've just lost a reader today- I cannot stomach this crap as long as TLP is associated with this network.

My question for you is, if you don't like the guy so much, why are your following him on twitter, reading his Two Line Pass site and then on here? You have a choice not to follow him around and read everything he writes or tweets.

We don't control what a guy puts on this Twitter account. His comment about body count on here, was in bad taste and it has been taken down.

Outside of that his article pissed Canadians off (which is a good article if it gets a reaction) because the States won more medals. To be honest I'm a bit disappointed with the lame comebacks from the Nation.

"Go home you cocky, mouthy, dumb American" were the best we had? Come on people, I know you can do better.

TLP is from Boston and he cheers for the Flames, what did you expect? Him to be a winner.

He cheers for the whininiest little skating beatch I've ever seen Yoko Ohno. The guy wears a "rat's tail" on his chin, rather than the back of his head. He whines about being disqualified, but doesn't remember that he won a medal in the relay when Korea was disqualified on a push that didn't affect the race. The States were almost lapped in that race and were out of it, but he gladly took that medal.

If you don't like his stuff don't read it. But if you follow him on Twitter, read him at Two Line Pass and now on here, but then complain about it, I don't get that. There is freedom of speech, even if it is insanely stupid, but YOU have freedom of choice. Don't click on his story and you won't be mad. It's that easy...

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#39 rubbertrout
March 01 2010, 12:18PM
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jess wrote:

I really hope TLP doesn't stop writing because of all these garbage comments. No one forces anyone to read the articles. I'm honestly more offended by the garbage being spewed by the authors of the comments, rather than the author of the article.

Looking forward to the next Game Day Fire Drill, TLP.

I don't want him to stop writing either because I think much of the time he provides insightful thoughtful posts.

I actually had a chuckle at the original Olympic items because I took them for what they were, a guy playing the American angle to get a rise out of the Canadians who typically read this blog. By and large many of the commenters rose to the bait and (over)reacted. It was humourous to me. Not everyone finds the same things funny but that's life.

The subsequent posts were pretty similar although they lacked the originality of the first one. This last one was clearly an effort to avoid eating crow and in an effort to be funny he made a pretty tasteless and unfunny comment. His twitter comment about someone hacking his account was a pretty funny one. I hadn't seen the rest as I just looked at the one that was quoted eariler in the thread.

It appears to be common ground that the one item in particular was in poor taste. To call "all of these" comments by readers "garbage" is pretty ridiculous. TLP's posts have been designed to incite the commenters in a humourous way (and have been all during the Olympics). Some of the earlier posts did that and people that took them too seriously needed to take a pill. This one was over the line and I certainly wouldn't call all of the commenters "garbage".

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#40 OilFan
March 01 2010, 05:54PM
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I don't recall any of TPL's articles being funny or good. THATS MY OPINION.

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#41 Rob...
March 01 2010, 07:42PM
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@Jason Gregor

I'd like you to try to look at the response of the faithful a different way. A fair number of the people here hated what TLP said, but what they hated more was that it was posted on THIS site as if it was officially sanctioned by the Oilers Nation staff. Most of the people here have grown accustom to a certain level of integrity from all who write here. They assume that the topics may wander away from hockey and the Oil from time to time, and jokes may fail now and again but that the authors are always the sort of people who you'd be honored to have a beer with.

The grumblings over several of TLP's blogs let you know that the reputation was in jeopardy, while the 4th bullet in this 'article' was just too much. [Thank you to bingofuel for his statement and action involving that.]

In the end, you can look at the those who posted negatively as a bunch of thin-skinned whiners, or you can look at it as a bunch of ON fans doing the only thing they could in defense of this site... post their displeasure in with the hope that somebody who could do something about it would notice.

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#42 Jason Gregor
March 01 2010, 08:41PM
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OilFan wrote:

Please don't write anymore articles they are so so lame. Simple fact

No one likes TPL's articles. I go to the nation for Willis and Brownlee only. I don't mind Gregor but some times he is wishy washy

Wishy washy...How about you shut you damn pie hole...or maybe just keep writing cause your thoughts are insightful...or maybe you could be more polite next time...or maybe you should read more of TLP...or maybe just read ON...or maybe go watch the Bachelor, I hear it is great TV...or maybe don't change anything...you choose...I can't make a decision clearly...

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#43 libbers
February 28 2010, 09:44PM
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now that the Olympics are over I hope bingofuel and Wanye will wake up from their budlight induced stupor and stop this douchebag from hacking in to the ON server and posting trash about our country

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#44 Oilers rule
February 28 2010, 09:46PM
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We are canadain so we can handle losing and winning in the same way. USA is full of sore losers that make up excuses. Also you point #4 is A douche bag move. Keep tellin your self USA is the best country I expect that since I feel the same way about mine. Which events did Canada add to the olympics ? I don't recall Canada being the only country in any event. USA had the most athletes in the olympics did they not enter those events ? Keep grasping TLP

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#45 Heavyd
February 28 2010, 09:48PM
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So TLP, what if the States and Canada were reversed on the amount of medals, would you still think its stupid for the States to be happy for winning the most Gold?

So shut your mouth and go back to the south and crawl into bed with your sister and make sweet love to her. THANKS AND GOOD NIGHT TLP USA SUCKS.

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#46 Victoria
February 28 2010, 09:51PM
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Come on Canadians, sing with me...

Weeee are the Champions, my friend!

We'llll keep on fighting, to the end!!!

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#47 Oilitsinyoutogive
February 28 2010, 09:53PM
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Hey just remember, your Eagle may have got the swan but a Canadian will shoot that Eagle any time.

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#48 Chris.
February 28 2010, 09:53PM
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I sincerely hope our atheletes continue to recieve, or better yet, recieve a higher level of government support.

As a taxpayer, I'm WAAAY happier funding excellence, as opposed to rewarding lazyness, sloth, and endless second chances to a tiny percentage of whiners and losers who always seem to have their hands out for more.

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#49 Racki
February 28 2010, 09:59PM
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Canada set a record in golds, and proved that we're the best nation in hockey when it actually mattered.

It's too bad that you continue to perpetuate the stereotype that Americans are arrogant douche bags though. Both countries did really well, in their own rights. The US has a population 10x the size of Canada in which to draw athletes from, so naturally the US has a much higher chance of winning medals.

And point #4 is an embarrassment to your nation. In an effort to be funny, you make light of a pretty unfunny topic (again, perpetuating another American stereotype). Thankfully I know not all Americans are this ignorant. You should be kicked off of this website for that, but hey, hits are hits... Eklund makes good money off stupidity too.

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#50 Arik
February 28 2010, 10:02PM
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Wait, a guy who's likely from a rural province in the middle of nowhere is making (edited-WG) jokes about a writer from one of the best cities on earth?

Yeah, of course he is.

I'd ask how unhappy a person you must be to be bitter on the day your hockey team wins gold, but it's clear you're an Oilers fan, so we all know what that level of bitterness is.

This was in reply to #20.

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