GDB LVII: HammerTime

Wanye
February 06 2010 03:21PM

Gregor just hit us up with a message and said “Hey Wanye, I’m out at the farm calving this weekend, can you get a GDB up tonight? Don’t forget to mention that the Oilers haven't won on the road in 8 games and the Avs are 16-8 at home."

It continually amazes us how much information Gregor has rattling around in that brain of his. Even while he is elbow deep in the unmentionables of a cow bringing life into the world, he can still spit the road record of the Avalanche from memory. Not us Nation, so dial down your expectations immediately cause that just ain't in the cards.

HOW ABOUT THIS INSTEAD

 

What's that stuffed monkey dancing to MC Hammer? You can't figure out if the Oilers have improved of late either? You also wonder if those two wins were just final death spasms from a dead hockey club too? That makes two of us dancing monkey.

WHO TO BLAME, WHO TO PRAISE?

Much like the currently rudderless OilersNation, we can’t figure out who is in charge Chez Oilers these days. Who is to credit for the two wins in the past three games? Is the message of Pat Quinn “win or so help me I will beat some of you to death with a shovel” finally getting through? Is it the continually improving play of Sam Gagner  - which included a sick saucer pass to Comrie recently that made our roommate sit up on the couch and say “man, that was a sick saucer pass from Gagner to Comrie” Is it the return of the aforementioned mono-free Mike Comrie?

Is it the brains of Assistant GM L’il Ricky Olczyk, who amazingly is listed as such in the game day notes given to the media? Huh Ricky? Is it you we are mad at for our dashed hopes and dreams? HUH?

Not knowing exactly who is skippering the SS Oilerz these days, its nearly impossible to lay blame squarely on anyone in particular.  Nor is it possible to pin point who has been responsible for this slight uptick in both play and expectations of late, shown in the bar graph below:

AN AVALANCHE OF PAIN

When you are sitting in 30th place in the NHL, you don't have many bright spots to point to going into a game with anyone, much less an opponent that sits 26 points ahead of you in the standings and has only lost 6 times at home all season. To put that in perspective, the Oilers managed to lose 6 games on a 5 game home stand in mid January and it wasn't even considered to be the low light of the month.

Still, it's better to be positive in life - unless you are taking a drug test of course - so we have combed through the stats going into tonight's game to find some things the Oilers have been better than the Avalanche this season. We have also worded things all positive like, making note of how crappy the Avalanche are while at the same point highlighting the rays of awesome streaming from above onto the Edmonton Oilers Hockey Squadron.

6 THINGS TO GIVE US HOPE

1. This tremendous Oilers Squad have a higher average shots (28.6 shots) per game than the lowly Avalanche (26.7)

2. The 2006 Cup Finalist Edmonton Oilers have fewer shots against (31.8) on average per game than the Avalanche (32.0) who haven't even been to the Cup Finals in the last 13 seasons.

3. The Oilers have a player on their roster that is 100% in the shootout. The Avalanche of course, do not. Side note: Amazingly the player that has gone 2 for 2 is Shawn Horcoff.

4. The Oilers and Avalanche are currently tied in the seasonal series with two wins apiece, highlighting the Avs crippling inability to beat teams lower in the standings.

5.  Ten seperate Oilers - all men of honor and might - have scored on the Avs this season. Only nine of the Avs have been able to slip one past the Oilers in these same four games.

6. The Edmonton Oilers are heavily favored by experts around the league to pick first in the 2010 Entry Draft while the Avalanche will probably draft much later in the first round, if at all.

If that ain't enough to pump you up for tonight, we don't know what more we can do short of helicoptering out to Gregor's family farm and delivering all the calves ourselves,  naming each and every one "victory."

And that too just ain't in the cards.

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Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#151 Jodes
February 06 2010, 10:34PM
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Harlie wrote:

Well I am / Lying in bed / Just like Ryan Wilson did. / So I'm lying here / Just staring at the ceiling tiles,..

It's Brian Wilson.. Brian, not Ryan..

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#152 Jamie B.
February 06 2010, 10:35PM
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Clangger wrote:

Second half Penner is 1st half Gagner

Not even.

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#154 Clangger
February 06 2010, 10:36PM
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Jamie B. wrote:

Not even.

I guess 2nd half Penner just might be..... Penner

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#155 David S
February 06 2010, 10:37PM
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Matt Henderson wrote:

HA HA. 1st star to Deslauriers for "making it interesting". As in, no one wanted to watch this game, but at least your mad style of goaltending made us chuckle. Classic.

THAT'S how you know things have hit rock bottom. Its like the gold star sticker teachers give to every little kid "for trying".

Except these kids get paid millions "for trying", and half of them don't even do that.

I'm this close to posting a comment my mom wouldn't like if she were reading over my shoulder. THIS CLOSE.

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#156 Harlie
February 06 2010, 10:39PM
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seriously?

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#157 Harlie
February 06 2010, 10:42PM
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@David S

my post wasn't meant for you...my quote button f'd up on a refresh..

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#158 Jodes
February 06 2010, 10:42PM
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Well I guess on the positive side if Gagner is hurt, they will have no choice but to play Brule, unless he's traded.

Then again, K Lowe and Comp are more concerned with the olympics or chasing this summer's next free agent then trying to fix whats wrong.

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#159 jeanshorts
February 06 2010, 10:43PM
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@Jodes

Ryan Wilson plays for the Avs.

It's what most of us would call a "play on words".

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#160 David S
February 06 2010, 10:45PM
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jeanshorts wrote:

Ryan Wilson plays for the Avs.

It's what most of us would call a "play on words".

You're such a trickster. Heh heh.

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#161 Jodes
February 06 2010, 10:46PM
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jeanshorts wrote:

Ryan Wilson plays for the Avs.

It's what most of us would call a "play on words".

I see.. I guess I stand corrected???

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#162 jeanshorts
February 06 2010, 10:47PM
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@Jodes

I guess technically you're both right?

Well, I think we all know what happens next;

FIGHT TO THE DEATH!

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#163 Matt Henderson
February 06 2010, 10:48PM
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jeanshorts wrote:

Ryan Wilson plays for the Avs.

It's what most of us would call a "play on words".

*Feverishly writes these down in his 3 ring coil binder; Just like he did in Grade Nine when he joined the football team to prove that he was a man.*

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#164 David S
February 06 2010, 10:51PM
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jeanshorts wrote:

I guess technically you're both right?

Well, I think we all know what happens next;

FIGHT TO THE DEATH!

Jeanshorts, Jodes...FIGHT!*

*Reaches deep for cheap Mortal Combat reference

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#165 Senator Theo
February 06 2010, 10:53PM
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I know we're not supposed to win right now, but it still sucks. The monkey dancing to Hammer helps a little bit though...

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#166 David S
February 06 2010, 10:54PM
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I don't even know how Willis is going to have the stomach to cobble up a post-game review. This one was BAAAAADDD!!!

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#167 Jodes
February 06 2010, 10:55PM
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David S wrote:

Jeanshorts, Jodes...FIGHT!*

*Reaches deep for cheap Mortal Combat reference

I don't think there would be much of a fight.. After watching the last 4 years of Oilers hockey, I've pretty much had my heart and soul leached out of me.

I just can't believe we're going to throw down over a barenaked ladies song..

See what you've done Kevin? You've turned your once proud fans into college rock quoting automatons!

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#168 jeanshorts
February 06 2010, 10:55PM
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@David S

Wait, I didn't even make the original Brian Wilson/Ryan Wilson pun! I was just clearing things up.

No, no. I'm the guy that gets carried in on a giant throne and fanned and fed grapes to while I watch everyone else fight to the death. And if things start getting a little hairy my feet turn into rocket boots and I fly back to my solid gold mansion on the moon.

SHEESH. I didn't think it was that complicated.

Now if you'll excuse me I have important matters to attend to.

*sniffs carpenters glue out of a bag*

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#169 Senator Theo
February 06 2010, 10:58PM
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Anyone doing anything interesting for the Superbowl tomorrow? I have money on the Colts at -4.5, and Heads for the toss.

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#170 jeanshorts
February 06 2010, 11:01PM
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Senator Theo wrote:

Anyone doing anything interesting for the Superbowl tomorrow? I have money on the Colts at -4.5, and Heads for the toss.

If I wake up in time for the kickoff tomorrow I'll consider the day to be a success.

Not that I'm doing anything tonight, I just really love sleeping and don't like waking up in the morning.

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#171 common sense
February 06 2010, 11:13PM
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This team is utterly painful to watch. I don't think I would go and see the Oil play right now even if I was given free gold seats. I don't think CBC is thrilled at having to televise the Oil games nationwide. I think we(fans, bloggers)should all just pack it in till draft day. See you all on draft day when I hope we have a top 2 pick.

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#172 Senator Theo
February 06 2010, 11:14PM
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I'm removing all the Sam Gagner posters in my room out of respect until he's medically cleared to play again.

I'll be hiding them under my mattress.

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#173 Senator Theo
February 06 2010, 11:18PM
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jeanshorts wrote:

If I wake up in time for the kickoff tomorrow I'll consider the day to be a success.

Not that I'm doing anything tonight, I just really love sleeping and don't like waking up in the morning.

I usually have some people over but I started thinking, what's the point? I'll just watch it at home, and hopefully in my pajamas.

In the American tradition, maybe I'll pass out on the couch with BBQ sauce stains all over me after shouting insults at my family.

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#174 Toe Bake
February 06 2010, 11:19PM
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We are horrible. Why is it that the Avs have a cornucopia of youth that is so willing to play hard for their team but our youth is a bunch of pylons not willing to battle? I think the culture is lost. If we don't bring in grinders the culture will be lost forever and the panty wastes will continue to flourish.

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#175 David S
February 06 2010, 11:31PM
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Toe Bake wrote:

We are horrible. Why is it that the Avs have a cornucopia of youth that is so willing to play hard for their team but our youth is a bunch of pylons not willing to battle? I think the culture is lost. If we don't bring in grinders the culture will be lost forever and the panty wastes will continue to flourish.

The Avs aren't 30th. They still have something to play for. That makes a difference.

That and their youth is NHL quality while ours is the latest evaluation callup from a crappy AHL team.

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#176 jeanshorts
February 06 2010, 11:34PM
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@Senator Theo

I finally checked, and turns out the kickoff isn't till 3. So if I'm still sleeping by then, I'm probably dead.

So I'm going to change my stance: If I change my underwear at any point in time tomorrow, I'll consider the day to be a success. I love the Super Bowl!

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#177 TheGunnShow
February 07 2010, 04:20AM
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Matt Henderson wrote:

*Feverishly writes these down in his 3 ring coil binder; Just like he did in Grade Nine when he joined the football team to prove that he was a man.*

Guess you should have told them that you liked Duran Duran, there Arch.

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