FEAR AND LOATHING IN RX1

RossCreekNation
February 06 2010 12:20PM

 

Last week, OilersNation readers, commenters and ne'er-do-wells Travis and Cory Dakin made the trek down to Edmonton to take on an Oilers game live at RX1. This is their story as told by Travis...

The journey down the Highway to Hell (Hwy 63) is a perilous one. It started off well with a stop at the BK lounge for some double whopper fun. With a belly full of whoppers and fists full of Red Bulls, we punched our ticket and made like bats out of said "Hell."

The drive started with us listening to the satellite radio and having my subscription expire an hour into the journey. Good timing. It was about this time that I decided to try to pass one of the 79 "wide loads" that we eventually encountered on the trip.

Friends, before punching the gas in a large truck while driving on a slippery highway, don’t forget to make sure the 4x4 is engaged. I don’t think I can accurately describe the feeling you get when you are looking in the side window of a Semi through your front windshield. All the while keeping pace with his 100km/h forward trajectory.

Thankfully nothing was coming the other way. Thank god, because that's when I ran out of washer fluid.

When you leave Fort McMurray bound for Edmonton, it's about two hours to the next gas station. We actually debated the idea of emptying our bladders on the windshield until we could get to one but dirty snow was the eventual solution. We were risking our lives to cheer for you Oilers... "Don't you half-ass this game tonight," we thought.

The last time I was in Edmonton I got together with Jeanshorts, Hoodlum and Librarian Mike down at the Pint. We had a grandiose time so I decided to show my brother Cory the magic of the Table Keg. We arrived in town and checked into our hotel just down the street from the Pint. We then immediately ran over to make sure we could get a tasty meal and a few brews in us before we had to head over to the game.

HOW MANY OUNCES IN TWO TABLE KEGS?

We arrived at 4:05pm. Now I’m not usually one to take advantage of the LRT so I had no idea what time to leave before the 7:30 game time. What to do? Let’s ask the Nation! Good old reliable nation ((see comments 28 and 43).

The waitress came over and asked us what we would like.

"We’ll take that giant tower of God’s sweet nectar please... Wait, we’ve only got 2 hours before we have to leave. Can we finish that?"

"Just the two of you? Uh, I’m sure you’ll be fine," she said. And in a flash of light the heavens opened up and sent down our precious gift.

Look at this thing! A single tear rolled down each of our cheeks as we laid eyes upon the bounty we had received. We poured ourselves a glass each and with a toast to good fortune and the coming Oilers victory, we ordered our food. An order of mini burgers each and a giant greasy plate of poutine.

A funny thing happened as we finished off these tasty dishes. Cory went to pour himself another glass and it hit us — our once towering and imposing table keg was now empty. It was only 5:15. “Shall we get another?” he asked me. Before I could get the answer out, one more of those glorious wonders of the world was presented to me by the hands of an Angel.

Fast forward to 6:15pm and another Tower crushed: we decided to make our way to the LRT feeling not too shabby and quite proud of ourselves.

Things were getting fuzzy. As we walked to our train, a nice young lady and her guitar serenaded us. Cory stopped to give her $20 while my cheap ass made a wide loop to avoid a case of awkwardness. I decided to buy some tickets for the both of us while Cory was busy getting rocked. We got on the train and noticed something odd…. There were a hell of a lot of Flyers jerseys around us. We did the Nation proud and immediately started to jeer any and all who we deemed to be enemies of our noble squadron.

We especially had fun at the expense of this guy who we saw wearing acid-washed jeans with his jersey TUCKED IN! The lady with him was mocking him quite mercilessly as well.

THE DAKINS ARE IN THE BUILDING

We arrived at RX1 and completed our pre-game ritual of touching the feet of the Great One.

Side story: December 30, 1987 was the first ever game that I went to see. A 6-0 win against the same opponents tonight. Gretzky scored four points. What really stands out for me though was when I, as a precocious  7-year-old, had my face pressed to the glass watching my heroes warm up before the game. As I stood in awe looking at the number 99 standing only a foot away with just the glass separating us, I asked my Dad why Gretzky didn’t participate in the warm-ups.

He said, "Because he is the best in the world."

At that very moment, the Great One turned and looked directly into my eyes, tapped the glass with his stick and gave me a wink. I’ll never forget it.

What I wouldn’t give to have been a 30-year-old really getting to appreciate what that team was. No, instead I get to be an almost 30-year-old watching these "players" skating around in the silks that Gretzky made famous. With that thought in mind, we headed in and decided to blow a lot of money on the 50/50.

"Wouldn’t it make one hell of a story for the Nation if we actually won?"

We sought out four different vendors throughout the arena and bought two booklets off of each one. $40 a booklet!

Whoever won that money should really be thanking us. With tickets in pocket and plenty of time to spare for game time, we acquired ourselves some premium Rexall beers and headed to our seats in Section 106, row 6.

Things are getting really fuzzy. At the end of the warm-up I noticed that Sam Gagner is indeed that last player to leave the ice. I watched him intently, hoping to see him pick up a few pucks and toss them into the crowd of 6 and 7-year-olds. Just like another of our former heroes used to do. No such luck. Oh well, it was Smytty’s thing anyway.

We took our seats, Rexall beers in hand and started to watch the game. I’m sorry but you’ll have to refer to the GDB for details of the game because there are a lot of holes in my memory of the on ice play for some reason. Details that do stand out:

  1. Accidentally walking into the girl’s washroom twice (Why are they so close together?)
  2. Coming back to my seat only to find my brother trying to give the guy sitting in front of him $40 because he spilled his beer all over his back. Then spending the final 2 periods begging for forgiveness (this gentleman was a class act and totally understanding).
  3. Getting into some friendly banter with a Flyers fan and his son from Beaumont and having a 10-year-old kid get into it with these guys as well.
  4. Talking to Mark Messier’s cousin (they are on a first name basis).
  5. I remember JDD doing some acrobatics to keep the Oil in the game.
  6. More beer.

Half way through the third, Cory announces that he needs to go to the washroom and promptly leaves. I become thoroughly focused on the game and as the clock ticks down, I start to anticipate overtime. With 20 seconds left, Gagner makes a sweet dish and Potulny is there to bang her home. OILERS WIN BABY! I turn to high five my brother and.. wait, where's Cory?

He must have been booted! I quickly dial his number and when he answers he mutters something about being outside. I tell him I will be right out but as I am walking up the stairs I see a lot of beer left behind by dejected Flyers fans. "I found free beer!"

Could they be real? I grabbed four of them and as I tried to make my way to the concourse balancing them. A security guard started giving me flack for having four beers.

"They are for my friends!" I said as some random Oilers fans passed by. They happily grabbed a couple and started chugging. They seemed to enjoy them so they must have been real. Good enough for me! So I indulged in one myself.

THE DAKINS HAVE LEFT THE BUILDING

Things became a blur. Cory was nowhere to be found so I hoped on to the LRT to hopefully meet him back at the hotel. Within two stops I hear, "This train is now out of service."

Where the hell is Clareview? Where is my brother? I put in another call to the Nation... (comment 23).

Some lovely fellow Oilers fans pointed me in the right direction. I got back on the LRT and made my way back towards civilization. I got off the train about five blocks too early and had to stumble my way down Jasper Ave hoping to remember where my hotel was. I swear to you that a group of women I passed had pepper spray ready to take me out if I looked at them funny.

I finally found the hotel and there was Cory, passed out in the room safe and sound... At 11:00.

I was still ready to party so I caught a cab over the Baccarat, proceeded to win $175 dollars at blackjack and had the smarts enough to walk away ahead.

I then caught a cab back to the Funky Pickle to satisfy the insatiable beast in my stomach. All they had was pepperoni and mushroom. Disgusting, but a desperate man can’t be choosy.

Two slices of 'za down and I decided to call it a night. And what a night it was.

I win, Edmonton. I win.

 

B86f958f55fc25c5fcc990b8ac2c9283
A hockey-crazed Flames fan living in Oil Country, he was born & raised to hate the Oilers from day 1. Since he couldn't cut it as a player, and his dream jobs of 'NHL Insider', NHL General Manager, or Snoop Dogg 'advisor' aren't currently options, a lifetime of "internetting" awaits. For the latest hockey talk, along with all kinds of Flames & Oilers chatter, you can follow on twitter.com/RossCreekNation.
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#1 Pajamah
February 05 2010, 03:17PM
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Dakin, this lore will have my name substituted for yours, and WILL be memorized by my grandchildren.

Bloody good show

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#2 The Towel Boy
February 05 2010, 03:19PM
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Dakin...a true OilersNation hero.

I tip my top hat to you.

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#3 Lofty
February 05 2010, 03:22PM
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no ballet?

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#4 Travis Dakin
February 05 2010, 03:23PM
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Lofty wrote:

no ballet?

Not all plans made before the consumption of beer come to fruition.

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#5 Senator Theo
February 05 2010, 03:26PM
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Are you sure you *didn't* win the 50/50?

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#6 Skidplate
February 05 2010, 03:30PM
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That's one hell of a story, thanks for sharing. Brings back mammaries.

You need to update us on the fun hungover ride back north.

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#7 VK63
February 05 2010, 03:32PM
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One slight flaw. All game tickets are good for free access on the Lrt, saves funds to spend on beer.

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#8 SirFozz
February 05 2010, 03:33PM
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All the drunken ramblings all over the interwebs that night make much more sense now. Thanks for sharing and filling in the gaps. Good times.

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#9 Travis Dakin
February 05 2010, 03:35PM
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Skidplate wrote:

That's one hell of a story, thanks for sharing. Brings back mammaries.

You need to update us on the fun hungover ride back north.

Oh man there was NO WAY we could have made that drive back. I left my truck down there and we flew back. On the way to the airport we grabbed a donair from Mike's and then we stopped at Montanas in the airport and had another couple of beers. It's amazing how quickly a beer cures a hangover. As soon as I got in my seat on the plane I passed out.

But I will tell you what, I woke up mid-flight only to look over and see Cory drinking another beer on the plane. He's a manimal.

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#10 HE Pennypacker
February 05 2010, 03:36PM
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I'm left speechless...what a tale!

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#11 Skidplate
February 05 2010, 03:37PM
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Travis Dakin wrote:

Oh man there was NO WAY we could have made that drive back. I left my truck down there and we flew back. On the way to the airport we grabbed a donair from Mike's and then we stopped at Montanas in the airport and had another couple of beers. It's amazing how quickly a beer cures a hangover. As soon as I got in my seat on the plane I passed out.

But I will tell you what, I woke up mid-flight only to look over and see Cory drinking another beer on the plane. He's a manimal.

Thats only because he crashed (ie. passed out) early the night before.

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#12 Travis Dakin
February 05 2010, 03:38PM
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VK63 wrote:

One slight flaw. All game tickets are good for free access on the Lrt, saves funds to spend on beer.

Yeah but I didn't mention that while Cory was making requests to the chick with the guitar, I walked over to purchase 2 adult round-trip tickets. When I completed my purchase, I saw him standing next to me with 2 adult round-trip tickets of his own. It would have been cheaper to get a cab! Do you see how much beer we were drinking?

I had no idea tickets got you a free LRT pass!!!!

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#13 Travis Dakin
February 05 2010, 03:40PM
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Skidplate wrote:

Thats only because he crashed (ie. passed out) early the night before.

HAHA he had ZERO clue how he go back to the room or who won the game. Let's just say there is an odd number of beers in that table keg and he was the one that noticed it was empty the first time.

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#14 Bucknuck
February 05 2010, 03:43PM
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Great story. Thanks for posting. These are the types of stories that make a person stay a true fan... the highs the lows... the pain. The hangover, the ladies with pepper spray. Ah what a story.

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#15 freeze
February 05 2010, 03:44PM
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haha, great story.

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#16 Bucknuck
February 05 2010, 03:45PM
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VK63 wrote:

One slight flaw. All game tickets are good for free access on the Lrt, saves funds to spend on beer.

are you kidding me? do you know how many donations I have made to ETS if this is true? How do you erdeem. Why do they have ticket dudes after the game standing in the LRT station if this is so?

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#17 Wanye
February 05 2010, 03:47PM
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This is - without a doubt - one of the best articles I have ever read on OilersNation.com

Dakin Bros > Mario Bros

"Are you serious??" - 7 year old Wanye

"Yes my child, I am." - Wanye present day.

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#18 Wanye
February 05 2010, 03:48PM
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VK63 wrote:

One slight flaw. All game tickets are good for free access on the Lrt, saves funds to spend on beer.

No WAY. Are you sure about this?

*manually calculates all the money he has wasted if this is the case*

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#19 David S
February 05 2010, 04:00PM
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Travis, you and your brother are two big buckets of AWESOME!!!!!!!

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#20 David S
February 05 2010, 04:00PM
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^Cory with a 4-stack. Well done boys, well done.

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#21 Matt Henderson
February 05 2010, 04:02PM
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Epic story is Epic.

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#22 Heavyd
February 05 2010, 04:02PM
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I remeber having those kind of nights when I go to the game. I think it has to do with the Rexall beer.

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#23 MattL
February 05 2010, 04:10PM
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@VK63

I thought that was just the eskies. I think Oilers fans single-handedly keep ETS afloat. Notice they always have their entire army of transit pigs at every game...

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#24 Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things
February 05 2010, 04:11PM
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Travis Dakin wrote:

As I stood in awe looking at the number 99 standing only a foot away with just the glass separating us, I asked my Dad why Gretzky didn’t participate in the warm-ups. He said, "Because he is the best in the world." At that very moment, the Great One turned and looked directly into my eyes, tapped the glass with his stick and gave me a wink. I’ll never forget it.

That gave me goosebumps. I might be a Winnipegger these days, but I grew up in St Albert and went to games with my dad, too. Those are actually some of my first memories.

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#25 Skidplate
February 05 2010, 04:15PM
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Since weeze talkin bout Ft Mac:

A Newfoundlander living in Toronto decided to visit the Scarborough zoo. While there, he saw a man with an elephant act. The man claimed the elephant could look at an person and tell that person's age. The Newfie was very skeptical and said so, in no uncertain terms.The trainer had the elephant look at a small boy, and the elephant stamped its foot 9 times. "Is that right?" he asked the boy. "Oh yes," the boy said. The Newfie was again very loud in expressing his disbelief so the man asked the elephant to tell the ages of several other people, and each time the elephant stamped his foot, the people said he was correct. The Newfie got even louder and more abusive toward the man. Finally, the trainer could take it no longer, and offered to bet the Newfie that the elephant could look at him and tell him his age. The Newfie accepted the wager. The elephant looked very closely at the skeptic, then turned around, raised his tail and broke wind like you wouldn't believe. Then he turned back around and stomped his foot twice. The Newfie stumbled back, amazed, and with a sound of disbelief in his voice, cried, "Lard tunderin' Jaysus b'y, he's right!!!! I'm farty-two!" >

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#26 VK63
February 05 2010, 04:16PM
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I will have to phone and ask on this matter. Perhaps it is only the Esks games that benefit from the free LRT thing.

I havent used the LRT since the Caps game in December, we used the downtown access, churchill I believe, we showed the game tickets and buddy let us through. Perhaps my confidence that this was the case rubbed off on him, Or he was alive but actually dead.... like our GM.

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#27 Travis Dakin
February 05 2010, 04:28PM
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Did anybody notice that the guy with tucked Richards jeresy has the name all crooked? I did at the time but chalked it up to the towers at the Pint. Upon sober reflection I realize I should trust drunk me's opinion more often.

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#28 I'm a Scientist!
February 05 2010, 04:33PM
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Mr. Dakin - you, sir, ball out of control! You make this guy (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFwTOp9iFWU) look like a SUPER loser!

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#29 VK63
February 05 2010, 04:41PM
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Travis Dakin wrote:

Did anybody notice that the guy with tucked Richards jeresy has the name all crooked? I did at the time but chalked it up to the towers at the Pint. Upon sober reflection I realize I should trust drunk me's opinion more often.

Somewhere women of suspect quality are rejoicing ;-)

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#30 Rigger
February 05 2010, 04:42PM
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*kisses Dakin brothers Hollywood styles* Well done young man, well done. I knew a girl could count on you do to the Nation proud.

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#31 cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan
February 05 2010, 04:44PM
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Travis Dakin wrote:

Did anybody notice that the guy with tucked Richards jeresy has the name all crooked? I did at the time but chalked it up to the towers at the Pint. Upon sober reflection I realize I should trust drunk me's opinion more often.

i was thinking i was trapped in a scene from dumb and dumber and we were supposed to comment on the picture of a dudes ass

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#32 Rigger
February 05 2010, 04:45PM
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Travis Dakin wrote:

Did anybody notice that the guy with tucked Richards jeresy has the name all crooked? I did at the time but chalked it up to the towers at the Pint. Upon sober reflection I realize I should trust drunk me's opinion more often.

I did notice that. Because I am a girl, I also noticed the asinine neon orange jacket beside him as well. I have to ask, was that his ladyfriend? If so, she should've been mocking herself too.

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#33 BigE57
February 05 2010, 04:45PM
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The most entertaining Oilers related story of the year.

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#34 Travis Dakin
February 05 2010, 04:46PM
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cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan wrote:

i was thinking i was trapped in a scene from dumb and dumber and we were supposed to comment on the picture of a dudes ass

No man... His jersey is TUCKED IN!!! If your name isn't Gretzky, you don't tuck your jersey in. Unless you grew up idolizing Gretzky and yourself made it to the NHL ie: Comrie, Weight......ACID WASHED JEANS!!!! Flyers fan... come on!

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#35 Dan the Man
February 05 2010, 04:53PM
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So that's what happened to the 4 glasses of urine I filled up so I wouldn't have to leave my seats during the game....

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#36 bingofuel
February 05 2010, 05:02PM
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@ The Brothers Dakin

Props to you boys for showing everyone how it's done, and relating your story to the Citizens of the Nation.

To the rest of youse: I'm out of here. Headed down to Phoenix to hang out with family, and catch the PHX v OIL game on Monday at the Jobing.com arena. I'll be the one showing his man tits every time the cameras are trained on the fans.

I'll let you know how their beer stacks up to RX1. I can already tell you at $30 a pop, tickets are radly affordable.

Love, bingofuel.

PS: Don't let Wanye push you guys around too much. I gave him the keys to the Nation for the weekend.

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#37 BUCK75
February 05 2010, 05:06PM
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Awesome! Great to have some articles by us *normal* people on here once in a while.

*even though Fort McMurrites aren't considered 'normal' most of the time

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#38 Travis Dakin
February 05 2010, 05:07PM
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@bingofuel

Represent the Nation well old friend.

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#39 Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things
February 05 2010, 05:08PM
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bingofuel wrote:

@ The Brothers Dakin

Props to you boys for showing everyone how it's done, and relating your story to the Citizens of the Nation.

To the rest of youse: I'm out of here. Headed down to Phoenix to hang out with family, and catch the PHX v OIL game on Monday at the Jobing.com arena. I'll be the one showing his man tits every time the cameras are trained on the fans.

I'll let you know how their beer stacks up to RX1. I can already tell you at $30 a pop, tickets are radly affordable.

Love, bingofuel.

PS: Don't let Wanye push you guys around too much. I gave him the keys to the Nation for the weekend.

You should be easy to spot. Is there anyone else in your section?

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#40 BUCK75
February 05 2010, 05:08PM
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@bingofuel

I'm ok with man tits - it's the jersey point or jersey tug that makes me squirley.

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#41 Jamie B.
February 05 2010, 05:08PM
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VK63 wrote:

One slight flaw. All game tickets are good for free access on the Lrt, saves funds to spend on beer.

Sorry, but that's definitely not true re: the Oilers. That's why they stand there to make sure everyone pays on the way out, and once on the way to the game they had people checking tickets on the way in. Which pretty much never happens, so they busted a tonne of people.

Travis, this is an epic night all around, well done.

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#42 Matt Henderson
February 05 2010, 05:08PM
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@bingofuel

This place is going to become a cross between Lost and Lord of the Flies.

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#43 DK0
February 05 2010, 05:14PM
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I was about to yell at Jeanshorts to post something at his site cause I am bored and its obvious nothing is going to happen in Oilerland before the trade deadline.
But this will do..... This will do just nicely..
Me and Greens were walking by the Pint to catch teh LRT and i thought of you guys haha. Would have come and joined ya but we had to get that PVRed premier of Lost fully watched before the game or else someone would have inevitably blurted out "Wasn't that so cool when the Japanese randomly came to the island and killed all the whales?"

F!%$#AAA YOOOUUUU WHAAAAALLLLEE!!!!1!!

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#44 Jodes
February 05 2010, 05:17PM
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Dude.. now thats a hell of a story!

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#45 DK0
February 05 2010, 05:21PM
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~Ohh crap!! I hope i didn't spoil the premier for anybody else.
DAMMIT BINGOFUEL WHERE IS THAT EDIT BUTTON?!?!~

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#46 Halfwise
February 05 2010, 05:42PM
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Is Norm Dakin The Goalie part of your gene pool? He was an essential part of our not-too-shabby Fort McMurray Labatt's League team in the early/mid 80s, the Bobal Living Legends.

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#47 Travis Dakin
February 05 2010, 05:46PM
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Halfwise wrote:

Is Norm Dakin The Goalie part of your gene pool? He was an essential part of our not-too-shabby Fort McMurray Labatt's League team in the early/mid 80s, the Bobal Living Legends.

Yeah Norm is my Dad's cousin. But there's not much for hockey talent in our family unfortunately for me... and the team I currently play on haha

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#48 Librarian Mike
February 05 2010, 05:53PM
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Epic tale, good sir!

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#49 VK63
February 05 2010, 05:53PM
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@Jamie B.

You are correct and I apparently owe the edmonton public transit service 110 dollars a pop for repeated offenses. (#%!%^#^$*$%(*) Plus an apology to Tambos illegitimate son from his playing days. Sorry dude!

How many beers in that tankard?

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#50 Pajamah
February 05 2010, 06:16PM
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@DK0

I believe it's pronounced "whare"

as in "f&@$ you dorphin, f$@& you whare!!"

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