GDB LXX: BECAUSE WE CAN'T SURRENDER

Wanye
March 16 2010 01:40PM

Behold the glory of the NHL season. 82 games of rupture causing joy and excitement, culminating with the march to the post season in early April. Unless of course you count "the Edmonton Oilers" as your favourite team. Then it is 82 consecutive kicks to the junk, followed by 82 punches to the junk. (tip o' the cap to TB)

Take tonight's game against the Minnesota Wild for example. A paltry 33-29, the Wild sit 11th in the Western Conference and fourth in the Northwest. During any other year, we would be licking our collective chops in delight of facing a sissy squad for such an easy two points. And we would be needing 'em too, wouldn't we Nation? Of course we would! Because ordinarily we would be locked in a life and death battle for the 8th place in the West and a coveted playoff date.

But not this year, not with this squad. This year we stopped looking forward to a realistic shot at the playoffs sometime around November, which sets both a world record AND an Olympic record for quickest death of hope in a Canadian NHL Season*

Despite all of this, we can all sit and listen to the dulcet tones of Master Corey Hart and take some solace in the fact that there are some bright spots on the Titanician 2010 Edmonton Oilers. These bright spots include:

*excluding the Toronto Maple Leafs 1967-present

BRULE HAS SAVED HIS NHL CAREER

6th pick overall and a one time focus of a marathonian 4 part analysis that almost killed co-authors Jonathan Willis and Count Wanye von Gretz IV, Gilbert Brule has done himself a real service and has turned the corner in his NHL career. Despite having the flu an amazing 156 times in the past 7 months, Brule has been able to post reasonable stats of 15-17-32 pts and a respectable -5 rating on this brutal squadron.

This is a guy who would have most likely played himself right out of the league this year had he not turned his game around. A league that not so long ago welcomed him as a direct competitor to Sidney Crosby back in the 2005 Entry Draft and Brule struggled under these mighty expectations. Though having played parts of 4 other NHL seasons in a variety of situations, Brule's 15 goals represent over half of his NHL career output. There must be collective sighs of relief at the Brule household as young Gilbert has finally lived up to his early promise and has a reasonable chance of a steady NHL work for years to come.

Say what you want about the Oilers 1,570 General Managers and Coaches, Gilbert Brule has actually turned into a fantastic reclamation project by Oilers brass. It is our sincere hope that he finishes out the regular season in fine form and the same brain trust that saw fit to trade Raffi Torres to Columbus finds it in their hearts to resigns Brule in the offseason.

POTULNY HAS 14 GOALS

Last summer you could have walked past us on the street and whispered "Ryan Potulny" in our general direction. We would have immediately replied "Who is Ryan Potulny?" at the top of our lungs, high strung as we are in the offseason. If you had been able to visit the future, or at least access Oilers statistics from the near future, you would have then smugly replied "just some dink that is going to score 14 goals for the Oilers next year."

And we would have said "HA-WHAT?"

Look at this one go! 14 goals? Who does he think he is? David Oliver circa 1994-95? 

PENNER IS 3 AWAY FROM A CAREER HIGH

Whilst playing on the worst NHL team in the past 3000 years, Dustin Penner has been somehow able to shake off a brutal 2008-09 season which saw him routinely mocked, chided and jeered at by Oilers faithful. He is now a mere 3 goals off the rip roaring output of the 2006-07 season which saw him sign the 5 year, $15.6 billion dollar contract with the Edmonton Oilers. Say what you want about the "Shawn Horcoff of two years ago," DP has had a whale of a season and silenced us all in the process.

If you had told us that the Oilers would be in last place in the league this year and that not a single fan would be mad at Dustin Penner we would have kicked you square in the teeth.

DUBNYK IS ONE WIN AWAY FROM HIS FIRST NHL WIN

We aren't saying, we're just saying. Would it kill you guys to get the kid a win?

Ah screw it. Bring on the Wild.

Why not?

PS: did you see that River Cree is giving away free tickets for all of us to go to see Cheap Trick? Cool!

PSS: Note to Jason Gregor - what is Cheap Trick? We are too young to recall any of their hit songs from the 1930s, but we bet you do.

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Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#1 Scott in Grande Prairie
March 16 2010, 01:59PM
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Nice column. Kudos to you for pointing out some milestones that are worth noting as this season of misery comes to an end.

One thing, though. It's Potulny, not Poltuny.

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#2 Ender
March 16 2010, 02:03PM
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I still blame Penner. Somehow, this is all his fault. I'm going to figure out how he did it, and . . . and I'm going to tell everyone, and . . . and he's going to pay!

[because goat loyalty knows no boundries]

PS: Nice choice on the song, Wanye.

Just a little more time is all we're asking for
Cause just a little more time could open closing doors

Yeah, like another 248 games in the season, give or take 12.

Just a little uncertainty can bring you down
And nobody wants to know you now
And nobody wants to show you how

If we figured you could be taught, Oilers, we'd love to show you how. Maybe then, someone would want to know you. [sigh]

So if you're lost and on your own
You can never surrender
And if your path won't lead you home
You can never surrender

I don't know where this path is leading, but frankly the landscaping could use a lot of work.

And when the night is cold and dark
You can see, you can see light

aka: Taylor 'the Light' Hall

Cause no one can take away your right
To fight and never surrender.

Unless you lose the lottery. Then the Leafs can take whatever the heck they feel like.
[mumble, mumble, something about the night being cold and dark, mumble]

Oh yeah; Go Oilers Go!

[sigh]

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#3 DDP
March 16 2010, 02:10PM
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For a guy who hates being called Wayne instead of Wanye, you'd think he'd get Potulny's name right!!

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#4 Rigger
March 16 2010, 02:10PM
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Only 8 skaters and ONE goalie at practice today? Kinda makes it hard on the ole drills book I would imagine.

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#5 tlbest99
March 16 2010, 02:21PM
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the goaltending on this team is freakin aweful Dub is a long ways from his first victory, we all know Gregor has cheap trick and chiliwack firmly planted in his walk man and enjoys a daily dose on his way to work everyday, and on a side note, i tried to trade my tickets for tonights wild game for a pair of cheap trick nose bleeds and they laughed at me, " no one would be caught dead going to this crap " they told me......how far the mighty oil have fallen.

* tear roles down cheak as I stares at a photo of Smitty with his mult flowing in the wind.

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#6 VMR
March 16 2010, 02:22PM
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I think you just cursed Penner. Three away from a career high? Watch him get a season ending hangnail infection.

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#7 Duke
March 16 2010, 02:26PM
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Scott in Grande Prairie wrote:

Nice column. Kudos to you for pointing out some milestones that are worth noting as this season of misery comes to an end.

One thing, though. It's Potulny, not Poltuny.

oooohhhhh,

It's the grammer, slammer, bammer.

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#8 Jason Gregor
March 16 2010, 02:51PM
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PSS: Note to Jason Gregor - what is Cheap Trick? We are too young to recall any of their hit songs from the 1930s, but we bet you do.

@Wanye

***The only reference to cheap trick that I can think of is your sister, but that would be rude...so I'll keep that to my inner voice****

Interesting enough she used to serenade with me one of Cheap Tricks best songs,I want You to Want Me...

Actually Cheap trick was, and still is, a pretty damn good band. Some people referred to them as the American Beatles, which is a stretch, but they've had some big hits.

"The Flame" might be my favourite, although when your sister serenades me with "I want You to Want Me" it's close...And I'm not sure, but I think they even did some theme music for That 70's Show. Not certain but I think they did.

***Wishes he wouldn't have made sister comment, but it was too easy not to take***

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#9 DDP
March 16 2010, 03:04PM
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Gregor's sunk to your sister jokes? Wow, what's next? Your Mamma is so.....

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#13 David S
March 16 2010, 03:13PM
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Wanye, I'm surprised you don't give Jeanshorts 5 bucks and call the rest of these GDB's "Righteous Sack Beatings", because that's exactly what they've come down to.

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#14 Scott in Grande Prairie
March 16 2010, 03:20PM
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In fairness to Wanye and, indeed, anyone else who may have spelled Ryan's surname incorrectly, when I first heard it uttered on TV, I thought the speaker had just spat out a watermelon seed.

Yes, I know. Cheap, elementary school joke.

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#15 Jason Gregor
March 16 2010, 03:29PM
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@Wanye

Ah yes, "I want you to want me" - that is a legit track. Any others I might have heard of? As for the sister jokes, let's just say that I wouldn't insult your sister because I have too much respect for your wife* *hopes that translates into something funny, there is a joke there somewhere

The Flame...No way you haven't heard that one... I just googled this for you. Since you are a big fan of rap and dance music this might strike a cord with you..

Erin Hamilton version "The Flame" was covered in 1998 by electronic dance music singer Erin Hamilton. Included on her 1999 album One World, the song was a top-twenty hit on the U.S. Hot Dance Club Play chart. Nine years later, the song was remixed and re-released as "The Flame 08" and this version went to number one on the U.S. dance chart, becoming Hamilton's first chart-topper.

You know it is a great song when an electronic dance singer does a re-mix of it...

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#16 Scott in Grande Prairie
March 16 2010, 03:31PM
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Just to weigh in on the Cheap Trick debate, it must be said that their version of All Shook Up is pretty damn good.

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#18 Ender
March 16 2010, 03:41PM
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@Wanye

Your sheer awesomness validates your spelling error. Heck, if someone has to be right here, then let's go with who's the biggest celebrity and just get Potulny to change his name.

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#20 Ender
March 16 2010, 03:56PM
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Wanye wrote:

Remember that episode of TNG when you were offered the command of that other starship and you turned it down and then it was destroyed?

Good call not leaving the Enterprise.

Someone had to watch your a$$. Besides, you know if I had gone over there, I'd have saved that ship. Even if there were Flames fans on board. Unless they brought up the Glencross thing, in which case I'd probably just beam them into vaccuum and call it a day.

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#21 Skidplate
March 16 2010, 04:04PM
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Wanye, check this link. Dream Police Baby!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7yRRqxJHQmA&feature=related

Is that a bannana in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

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#22 Skidplate
March 16 2010, 04:08PM
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Or a live version

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7yRRqxJHQmA&feature=related

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#23 Jaime
March 16 2010, 04:33PM
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That video looks like Whyte Ave circa 2010.

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#24 Skidplate
March 16 2010, 04:35PM
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Jaime wrote:

That video looks like Whyte Ave circa 2010.

Ya, you can't beat those 80's videos....

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#25 RossCreekNation
March 16 2010, 04:41PM
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Wanye wrote:

Correct. You were awarded props for the point.

Potulny is one of those names that just don't look as though they are spelled right either way. Staios was another. Anyone remember him?

I remember Staios. I remember him real good.

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#26 Pajamah
March 16 2010, 05:26PM
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Stupid Steve, sacriligious steve, ....

Something like that.

Is it too early to hate him for his jersey?

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#28 Wanyes bastard child
March 16 2010, 06:10PM
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Why the sh!t do you sit Comrie over Minard??

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#29 Oilchange64
March 16 2010, 06:16PM
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Well might end up at Friday's game. One thing about a poor season is that tickets are not hard to come by. Detroit might be interesting to watch.

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#30 Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things
March 16 2010, 06:22PM
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I'm watching this game on CBSSports until I get home.

LAST 5 PLAYS

1st, 05:53 EDM - Stortini shot on goal. (Wrist Shot)
1st, 05:48 MIN won faceoff.
1st, 05:48 MIN - Scott penalty Roughing - 2 min.
1st, 05:48 EDM - Stortini penalty Roughing - 2 min.
1st, 05:48 - Stoppage: Goalie Stopped

^ I wonder how Stortini managed a shot on net from the penalty box.

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#31 David S
March 16 2010, 06:31PM
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Wanyes bastard child wrote:

Why the sh!t do you sit Comrie over Minard??

If you're not being assessed on this team, odds are you'll get your fair share of popcorn for dinner and a bird's eye view of the game.

Besides, a guy like Comrie contributes and we all know that's a no-no in the Tank for Taylor.

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#32 David S
March 16 2010, 06:38PM
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JDD. Shoot me now.

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#33 Archaeologuy
March 16 2010, 07:46PM
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Quiet night in here.

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#34 Archaeologuy
March 16 2010, 08:03PM
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Toronto is winning right now, it's a good night so far for the DFF

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#35 Jodes
March 16 2010, 08:14PM
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Well actually Potulny now has 15 goals..

So any idea which Oilers are going to the World Championships this May? I'm pretty sure Penner, Gagner and Cogliano might just make the cut.. Potulny, Whitney, Gilbert and possibly O'Sullivan (unless his finger is even furth infected) for the US.. Anyone else I'm missing?

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#36 Poo Czar
March 16 2010, 08:34PM
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It's getting even tougher to watch these games.

OILERS HOCKEY FEVER!!! CATCH IT!!!! SQUEEEEE!!!!!!!

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#37 cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan
March 16 2010, 08:35PM
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Archaeologuy wrote:

Quiet night in here.

~some of us are still on cloud 9 after being right~

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#38 Archaeologuy
March 16 2010, 08:39PM
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@cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan

ha ha ha.

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#39 David S
March 16 2010, 08:41PM
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Oilers' new magic number is 12*

*Games left in this crappy season

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#40 Archaeologuy
March 16 2010, 09:13PM
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@David S

And it will take 12 points in those 12 games just to even over-take the Leafs for 29th (as long as the Leafs lose every game in regulation from here on out).

For the first time since Messier was captain the Oilers might actually accomplish one of their year-end goals!!

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#41 Jodes
March 17 2010, 12:09AM
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Skidplate wrote:

Ya, you can't beat those 80's videos....

Oh so close lol..

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#42 Dave
March 17 2010, 07:58AM
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Hey Wanye, what happened to that Guaranteed against the Leafs?

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#43 Dave
March 17 2010, 07:59AM
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Hey Wanye, what happened to that Guaranteed against the Leafs?

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#44 Jodes
March 17 2010, 12:01PM
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Got the confirmation about Cheap Trick this morning.. see you guys there!

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