APPEASING THE DRAGON
Wanye
August 26 2010 01:41PM
In the absence of anything interesting happening, we will discuss uninteresting things that are on our brain today. If not for a brief escape from the day to day mundanity of the work week, but to appease Ender the Dragon who emailed us earlier with a message:
“Do you think that just because you have real writers on the site now that excuses you from contributing from time to time? Get off your high horse Wanye, put on your powdered wig and robes and report to the courthouse . People need judging.”
These sorts of inspirational messages are one of the reasons Ender is one of our favourite Citizens of the Nation, along with Natalie Portman, who we imagine reads the site on an hourly basis and wonders what we look like nude.
We look damn fine Natalie, but now isn’t the time.
Not with all of the interesting things going on in the world of Ice Hockey:
RETURN OF COMRIE
We saw a list on TSN the other day that named Mike Comrie as one of the players that has departed from the Oil during the offseason. Is this actually the case? We can’t find any mention of it anywhere else on the telematrix, despite watching hours of Big Brother hoping for an update.
Is Comrie going to return? Does anyone in the Nation other than us even care?
With the news that ol’ Raff “Daddy” Torres has signed with the Canucks for a mere 1 million dollars, one has to wonder about Comrie’s value in the offseason.
Look at em both last year:
If Comrie’s salary demands are in the million dollar range, we have to think that one of the three Cali teams will take a chance on the guy for a year or two. This will not only allow him to settle into his Nick Cannon-esque role as husband in close proximity to Duff, but will also allow him to be within an hour of any casting calls he may need to attend.
Or he may be returning here again courtesy of another deal personally wired up by Dear Leader Kay-Z himself. Who the heck knows in this day and age?
If you were a betting person, what would you bet he will do next year?
We will put it to a poll.
THE PLAY BY PLAY MAN
So finally the quest has come to an end and the Oilers have finally named their new play by play man with the announcement that Jack Michaels of Alaskan Fame will be replacing Rod Phillips at the start of the season. You have to love how the Mighty Oil have kept this process a state secret the entire time.
One has to stand back and admire the moxy of 30th place team in the NHL playing their cards this close to their chest, as though giving the fan base something – anything – of note during the selection process amidst a long offseason could compromise their efforts.
Yes, in the absence of any moves of note to actually help the product on the ice, the Oilers have kept everyone out of the loop despite the unusually high level of interest by the rabid fan base.
We have to wonder why the Oil wanted to keep the short list secret. Would it really have had any impact on the selection process? Would the Flames have swooped in during the 11th hour and stolen away the new guy? Would the Devils have offer him a 17 year contract too? Why keep it on the down low?
Just to be dinks to the fans? Good grief.
In any event, good luck Mr. Michaels. We will be listening.
LADY GAGA TONIGHT
If anyone in attendance at the concert tonight at RX1 sees a guy trying to sneak on stage to dirty dance with LG during her performance of Paparazzi, let out a mighty cheer for your ol’ pal Wanye.
Is she really a Lady? Or as many suggest is she a guy in drag? There is only one way to find out Nation and that is by completing a thorough inspection up close and personal like.
That’s the problem with these superstars nowadays. All hats made of hair and no public gender verification. No matter, hopefully "she" has been enjoying all of the letters we have been sending her daily and that big box of hair we Fed Ex’d over on Valentines Day.
See you tonight Gagaloo.
I refuse to say Fist. Absolutely refuse.
How many other places include an excel sheet and wicked Dragon in the same article? None. Why? Most people with the kind of ADHD that is required to make it happen dont have the concentration and drive to follow through. Well played, Wanye, well played.
Lady G is neither a man or a woman, my friend, but a trainwreck. Yikesssssssssss.
But seriously, folks....
I think we should offer Comrie a contract. On a team that is shipping out all of the veterans, we need a guy who is still young-ish, and has veteran qualities.
Where will he fit in the line-up? who knows.....
but, after getting rid of Nilsson, POS, Pisani and Moreau amongst others, there has to be a 3rd line spot for him somewheres.
How dare you Sir? If I had a nickel for every Lady Gaga song that made me dance I would purchase a set of solid gold brass nuckles and come punch you in the face for your sass.
Solid gold brass. That's quality.
Yeah, not to mention the excel table is in dark blue with white text. Quality like that takes time.
You want scary? Have a look over to the right at Tanya Tucker. She looks like Buffalo Bill put his 'Lady Gaga' mask on.
What are you talking about? He looks fine to me.
*looks up Tanya Tucker bio, discovers it's a woman*
Oh. Wait. Yeah, you're right.
Hey Wanye - I think Torres' point total should be 36, no?
And yes. Sign Mike and be done with it. He'd be the best mentor we could get for our young guys.
Correct it should be 36. I do enjoy seeing if anyone pays attention to these things.
Do you really think he would be the best mentor available or just "the best we have at the moment?"
That kind of Witchcraft could have landed you a spot in Hogwart's good sir.
*puts in the latest Harry Potter Betamax
@Wanye
Best we have at the moment, for sure.
But, it would come at a much lower cost than bringing someone in, who isn't already accustomed to Edmonton and the way things are going.
Who saw this coming!?!
Tambo says he's not signing anymore forwards, we have to many.
I sometimes wonder if there is a mentorship plan beyond making the team watch the VHS tape of Boys on the Bus during all flights this sesaon.
We could use his veteran presence, especially at center. Doesn't hurt having another center that can score and actually wants to play here. Don't here that often enough.
If you're interested in pictures of people with ambiguous gender/sexual organs, Minister Towel Boy has a nice example.
EDIT: Sign Mike Comrie! (unrelated)
As far as Mike goes, his attitude, tenacity, and league experience. On top of which, he's openly admitted he made some mistakes when he was younger, so he'd have alot of advice to give kids who will be in exactly the same position he was when he broke in.
Besides, I want to see the crowd on their feet chanting "Comrie, Comrie, Comrie!" again. That was a moment not seen in our barn in a long time. Little dude is the embodiment of what being an Oiler is all about.
And lastly, do you not recall that Hilary has recently undergone some upgrades? Think of that for a moment.
I originally read that as "If you're interested in pictures of people with ambiguous gender/sexual organs, Minister Towel Boy IS a nice example."
I dang near spit out the rye and coke I'm currently enjoying.
Explains the constant wearing of the towel...
I thought his name says it all. He is a male bath towel. How is that ambiguous?
I realize that writing in to say that I don't care about something makes the point of writing in rather ... er ... pointless, but here goes.
I wasn't offended at all by the shroud of secrecy surrounding the hiring process of the new play-by-play guy. I didn't care how they did it. Just that they did. That's it.
I'm not entirely how or why you'd bother making it less secretive - surely you're not suggesting some sort of Canadian Idol: Hockey Announcer or So You Think You Can Call a Hockey Game reality-type show.
If you were ... well ... groan.
p.s. She's a man, baby!
The ambiguity comes in when our hermaphroditic friends need a towel.*
*See how I tied this back into the article?
Fair point. I read all of Brownlee's articles on the matter and could tell he was snooping around like only he can and I just couldn't understand why it wasn't announced that there was a short list of 10 or something.
Then we could have all fallen in love with the wrong guy and carry a grudge against the new one. (See Wanye-Seguin, June 2010)
Needless secrecy is a sign of a totalitarian regime is all.
@David S
I think the Comrie thing will be a 2am signing.
"Well, its just you and me left and neither of us have scored anything better at this point, we gonna do it?"
Often those on the short, or long list, are employed elsewhere. Perhaps they don't want their current employers to know they are applying elsewhere.
They would have kept it very secretive only because all the good applicants would have current positions elsewhere and you don't want to endanger their current jobs if they are not hired. It is professional responsibility.
As for Lady Gaga, is she a man? Perhaps. Would ya, you know.... Of course**
**As long as she wears the hair hat
OK, that made me laugh. Quoted for truth and emphasis.
Yeah, and I can't blame you or anyone for being curious about the play-by-play selection process. It was a slow draggy summer there for a while and any news would have been a good idea.
I would say the shroud of secrecy is largely due to the fact that the team is owned by a single corporate-type dude with a reclusive mansion rather than 40 millionaires who made it rich with a string of gas stations, car washes and rental depots and drive $65,000 pickup trucks to work. There's probably less of an obligation to be more "public" about things than under the Edmonton Investors Group regime.
And, like I say, I'm not really offended by secrecy, as long as it's for stuff I really don't need to know about.
Another reason I'm "meh" about this: We don't get Oiler broadcasts up here over the radio. Sure, we can get them over the Al-Gore-Net, but if you're watching the game on TV with the sound turned down, the delay between the web and the video ain't worth it.
Sure enough. My spidey sense tingled. So I mosey on over to my favorite Oiler related website and I see that I'm getting shredded in the comments.
What the hell!
In a related note: This the the picture that everyone assumes is me...even though you can clearly see "This cloak belongs to Menacer." embroidered in the collar, also note the lack of visible sex organs:
http://twitpic.com/2i2v54
*shudders*
It's possible, although I think it was Bayak that is currently employed with the Leafs who was given permission to talk to the Oilers by his current employer. If one of the top 3 teams in the NHL give permission, would employers be that rattled to know their on air talent was looking to take it to the big time?
As for the hat of the Gaga - I dang near wore the same get up to the liquor store this morning. Imagine she had stopped in as she prepped for her show tonight?
Would MY face have been red.
I swear she is a girl btw. I saw a video somewhere or other of what she looked like before she became famous. A girl so far as I could tell.
That picture is classic. I have saved it to my desktop, expect it to be seen later in the season.
@Scott in Grande Prairie
Are you saying that Katz is publicity shy? Then how do you explain how he printed his home number on the back of season tickets this year "in case anyone wants to chat."
@The Towel Boy
I can't believe I clicked on the link again.
I can't believe I went looking for it.
@Wanye
The Internet is full of many amazing and awe inspiring things. It's also full of stuff like that. *shudders again*
You guys are all missing the point. Lady Gaga is so hot and freaky it doesn't matter whether she's a boy or girl.
Your self portraits on twitpic are amazing. Your teeth look razor sharp.
Baby Librarians say the darndest things don't they?
@The Towel Boy
I really shouldn't have brought it up. I was almost starting to forget what he/she looked like.
Yeah, thanks for that BTW. *shudders yet again*
I was angry that day.
I say keep Comrie, he is cheap and plays pretty decent for his size.
This is the big thing, right here.
The only way I see Mikey here this fall is if he's spent the summer re-inventing himself as a puck-moving defenseman. And brother, that would have to be one heck of a pre-season training camp performance. If he could pull it off though . . .
Duff-Man!
Duff-Man!
Duff-Man!
Edit: Unrelated Duff-Man clip here for lolz.
that is simply so his army of snipers perched atop his mansion can pick of the complainers one by one as they come to give the great katz their 2 cents...
rumour has it, he wears a trophy necklace of (hee hee - WG) around his neck..
complainers be warned!
I believe he also said any free agents either . Did he also mean RFA's as well ? Stirring the pot , but does that mean signing Cogs and / or Gags as well ? Are they on the trading block , and will they be signed ?
*imagines Katz hosting the next meeting with City Council...*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmQnEyiGdGQ
I dunno, if I'd applied for a job I'm not sure I'd appreciate said non-employers announcing to the world that I'd lost out to an American from the ECHL.
(Yeah, yeah, he might be the best for the job, we'll see ... grumble grumble ... damn kids, get off my lawn.)
To be honest I liked what Comrie did with the Oil in his second go around. Dropped the gloves, scored goals, all while playing with less than stellar linemates.
Despite the fact that he is still doing those Travelocity commercials, I would take him back for if nothing else than as trade bait come March.
Well now...this is more interesting than anything described above. I am just listening to Mark Spector on Gregor's show and he's doing a great job in my view. He is a sharp guy and brings good things to the show. Being on a panel is one thing but carry the show where you are the main guy is another. Anybody know if he has any broadcast experience?
@Cowbell_Feva
Mikey is doing commercials? Do you have a link? I couldn't find one.
Man, he's just one step away now from getting Hillary's agent to get him cast on a Baywatch reunion show. Who needs the grief of hockey, eh Mike?