PICKING LOS GOATO

Wanye
September 21 2010 11:25AM

Given our horrendous luck picking Stars, picking the Goat each year is waaaaay more fun.

Goat selection evolved a few years back when we had a buddy that would randomly pick an Oiler each game and rag on him mercilessly. “That dang (insert player here.) He is the worst player on the ice. (Insert GM here) should be embarrassed that he picked such a terrible player.”

Minutes later that same player would score and the same guy would be standing and high fiving everyone. “Look at (insert player here) go! Atta boy! I been sayin’ all year long that (insert player here) is gonna make some moves.”

FAIR WEATHER FANS

These types of fans can be found under every rock. Hating on every random player that draws their ire, loving them the very next minute - all in the name of being an "fan." The boys didn't think that it was sporting to cuss each and every Oiler only to shower them with praise on the next play and several half drunken arguments broke out over the span of a couple seasons to drive home the point.

Instead of playing our band wagon jumping friend on waivers, we all concocted the Goat. The Goat is intended to be the cause of all the team’s problems for the entire season. Goal just went in? Damn the Goat to hell. He wasn’t on the ice? Damn his stupid manner in which he sits on the bench.

The first year of two that we picked Grebeshkov to be our Goat was easily the best picking of our storied Goat picking career. Not only was Grebs brutal, but the team was too. We blamed him for most everything most nights and it allowed us to vent all Oilers related anger his way.

On a team that we hope finishes no higher than 30th place this year, picking the Goat is going to be key to maintaining your sanity.

LAST YEAR'S GOAT PROGNOSI

We picked dirty old Grebs last year too after such a successful 2008-09 campaign. He was traded later in the year, at a point that we were so disillusioned we barely even chirped him on the way out of town.

Here are some other great goat picks from last year

Massive call naming the Captain the Goat. On a team filled with suspects, he was one of the finest last year.

A pair of dandies here as well. As the season wore on Steady Steve wore out, then we all laughed as the Flames picked him up for reasons unknown.

Oh man, is this one ever wonderous. Commander Ender goes on an epic rant dusting off Penner as his goat and goes so far as to bold the sentence basically declaring 'if Penner was good he would have shown it already.' 

That is rich creamery butter and exactly why we write these predictions down.

*laughs heartily*

2010-11 GOAT

Picking a marginal player who will be called up from time to time defeats the purpose of picking a Goat. A good Goat logs mad minutes during the year so that he can be often cursed for his goat like stupidity and insatiable desire to eat trash and wear a bell.

Our expectations for the 2010-11 are low. In fact we actually want the team to finish last to secure another lottery pick. Exciting last place hockey Nation, that is the ticket for the coming year.

In a strange twist of fate the Goat could actually be considered a Star for assisting in the effort. That thought just blew our mind as did the picture of the Goat wearing underwear.

Because of the fact that we have him signed for all eternity and because of the fact that will ensure he sees mad game time this year our 2010-11 goat is:

AND THE WINNER IS

Nikolai Khabibulin.

Dang you to all hell Khabibulin! Why are you signed for so long at such a high price? When the Oilers sent you the $70 million dollar offer sheet, why didn’t you have your agent fax back “this is grossly overpriced. We agree to sign a one year deal at league minimum instead.”

Any player agent worth his salt and any player with a heart beating in his chest would have done this.

But no, you had to go with accepting the deal and blowing both feet off the Oilers in the process. We won’t even touch the "glug-glug-vroom-vroom" over the summer, but best believe that didn’t help your case. Nor does the wonky ass spine you are toting around.

Good luck BAAAAABIBULIN*

*har har har

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#1 I'm a Scientist!
September 21 2010, 04:24PM
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third string plumber wrote:

I don't like the idea of picking a goat who has never played a meaningful game in an Oiler uniform

Ok, so pick somebody other than Horcoff...

*ziiiinnnng*

NOTE: I know that Horcoff has had a meaningful game in an Oilers uniform, I just couldn't resist the Horcoff bashing opportunity.

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#2 Ogden Brother Jr. - Team Strudwick for coach
September 21 2010, 11:27AM
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I'm going with Jim Vandermeer.

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#4 Ryan14
September 21 2010, 11:41AM
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A team that is projected last place and we need a goat? hmm.

I'll say Souray. Even if he doesn't play, everything is his fault.

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#5 The Hall Way
September 21 2010, 11:43AM
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I know Wayne is going to be all over me like a Flames fan on a Adam Lambert poster but i am changing my goat pick from yesterday. Yesterday i picked Taylor Hall, not fully understanding the true meaning of the goat or the utter disdain i would need to have for the goat in order for him to be my goat. (plus Wayne mocked me for it)

So today i choose: Tom Gilbert. He will be called on to be a big leader and example to the kids this year, and will crack under pressure

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#6 Stewsquared
September 21 2010, 11:44AM
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The Goat is of course, Gene Principe. I can hear the puns now, "And they all lived happy Eberle after in the Taylor Hall of Fame and had a big Pjaarvi for all the little Brule-dies and gentlemen and they passed around fat Dubnyks and then ate both Stortini and Tambellini linguini and Ales was Colin Fraser to see why he spit on Shawn and why he was now wiping Horcoff his good friends face. Back to you guys.'

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#7 David S
September 21 2010, 11:47AM
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Soooo much goat potential on this team.

*Rubs hands in glee*

However, since you have JDD up there in the poll, the answer becomes self-fulfilling.

JDD is the goat. Its a lock. His crease is going to be known as "The red light district".

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#8 Oilers Ninja
September 21 2010, 11:50AM
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I will have to follow in Citizen Maxwell Powers footsteps and pick Cogs.

He has a bad attitude just like my personal body guard and chauffer B.A. Baracus (that is him driving my van).

To heck with you Cogs with your fast foot speed and no will to win or be good. To heck I say.

Hi Ender

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#9 Ashley
September 21 2010, 12:38PM
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This one is easier. After sending a precious asset out of town, Oiler fans rejoiced in the return of a hulking defenceman who doesn't hit, doesn't fight, and has lost a few steps with his career on its last leg (and by leg I mean foot). Now he's pretending he's healthy for 2010; he feels like he did when he started his career with the Penguins, but we should all know that his time before hitting the IR is limited. Instead, we celebrate his arrival. We try to make him captain as he steps off the plane from Anaheim. Our Saviour. Sure.

Goat: Ryan Whitney. 23 games, -36.

Not to worry though, he will tell us that he just needs to rest his feet, and he'll be good to go for 2011 training camp enabling us to pick him as a multi-year goat. Meanwhile, Lubo will light it up in Anaheim and get traded at the deadline to a contender for a spectacular package of assets.

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#10 Harlie
September 21 2010, 12:41PM
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I gotta go with the lush like Wanye..

Khabibulin

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#11 your mom goes to college
September 21 2010, 12:53PM
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Holy moly people can't give poor penner a rest.The guy has prooven him self already .He had an amazing year in cali and a not terrible season a few years back and last year he had an amazing year. anytime someone hits 20 goals we want to throw 2 or 3 million well hell penner is doing that consitantly and overachieving that last year. Just because he CAN do more doesn't mean he always will i think he is a decent player and if one more person says he's unproven i will punch them in the weiner. The Golden Goat goes to whitney

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#12 misfit
September 21 2010, 01:01PM
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Cogliano will be the goat for the masses this year, and while I don't think he'll do well in his new role, I'm not picking him. He's going to get enough hate around here that he doesn't need me riding him too.

My choice for this year's goat is going to be the very player who will be platooning the blueline with my selection for this year's star (Gilbert, for those of you who don't know)...RYAN WHITNEY.

Not only because I don't think he's as good as most seem to think, but also so that if/when Gilbert has a bad game or does something stupid, I can point to Whitney and say "Gilbert would be doing so much better if he didn't have to carry this boat anchor around all game!"

So there you have it.

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#13 Crash
September 21 2010, 02:08PM
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I think too many people have got caught up in what seemed like a personal vendetta by MacT with regards to DP. IMO MacT never liked Penner's laid back easygoing personality and he made him pay for it.

What I've never understood is the thought process that Penner's only good year was last year, and that he hasn't lived up to his contract. Year one he only led the Oilers in goal scoring with 23. Year two, even though MacT reduced his ice time both EV strength and PP he still led all forwards on the team in plus/minus and I believe he still managed 17 or 18 goals. And everyone knows about year three. Not only will Penner not be the goat this year. He has NEVER been this teams goat.

This year, if the Oilers use Horcoff in a scoring role and give him significant PP time he will end up the goat. If Horcoff is used in a secondary role and more of a checking PK role then Khabibulin will likely end up the goat due to yet another injury.

The star will be Ales Hemsky.

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#14 Coppperhead
September 21 2010, 03:14PM
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Hmm accidental dupicate post. What to do now??

Let's go for a secondary goat. Also known as the Nanny Goat. My vote there will go to Colin Fraser. The Oilers are relying on him to take some of the heavy lifting from Horc but I don't think he'll be up to task.

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#15 Blue Blooded
September 21 2010, 03:54PM
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Its true hey?!? As soon as the boys started growing the furry face caterpillars last year, they reeeally started sucking; and really can you blame the opposition? With moustaches that sad, gliding all over the ice, how could you take the Oilers seriously??

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#16 bingofuel
September 21 2010, 05:08PM
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He was my star last year (for some ungodly reason), and I can't disagree with Wanye's wisdom. My goat is Khabibulin as well.

I've ever updated all the info in my user profile!

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#17 RaWbbie
September 21 2010, 05:14PM
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Ryan Whitney. -Triple stamped, no erasies! -You can't triple stamp a double stamp!

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#18 RaWbbie
September 21 2010, 05:21PM
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Dang it! Ok Kevin Lowe AND Ryan Whitney then...

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#19 Sheldon Oilers Fan for Life!!!
September 21 2010, 05:34PM
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Wayne Thanks for the laughs every time I see your avatar and I read what you write I imagine some despot with an Asian accent telling me what you write and I bust up. I never fail to crack up!!!!

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#20 Max Powers - Team HME Evans
September 21 2010, 05:35PM
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Here here to David S's red light district comment. I have a feeling that's gonna stay.

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#21 BigE91
September 21 2010, 05:47PM
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Jeff Deslauriers as my goat. We can start the count as to how many goals he lets in on the first shot of the game this year.

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#22 DonovanMD
September 21 2010, 06:04PM
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My goat is Dustin Penner. He'll lose the fans as he loses ice time with Hemsky to the rookie LWers and scores 40ish points, infuriating the fans who thought 30-30 DP was here to stay, resulting in calls for him to be traded. Around March DP will get into a public spat by saying he thought his days of working with Craig MacTavish were finished, to which Tom Renney will reply that he misses the work ethic of Jaromir Jagr.

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#23 SirBastich
September 21 2010, 08:59PM
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My Goat will have to be Smeeeeeeeeed. Since Steady Steeve is finally gone I will need a new goat anyways. Unsung Hero and future Captain will be Whitney.

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#24 hoil
September 22 2010, 09:52AM
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I called Penner as the hero; he was THE MAN among boys last year and the kids will not be at the level for a couple of years.

For goat, it has to be Vandemeer. This town has a long tradition of chewing up and spitting out slow/unskilled/chaotic defensemen.

Ulanov the type of player I am talking about; he is a Cross between a Staios home kind of guy and the one Grebeshkoving up the puck at the opposition blue line. Just watching them Bergeroning the puck into little pieces makes you want to Poti your eyes out.

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#25 Ogden Brother Jr. - Team Strudwick for coach
September 21 2010, 11:29AM
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I seem tempted to email you

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#26 Ogden Brother Jr. - Team Strudwick for coach
September 21 2010, 11:31AM
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@Wanye

I'm curious about the revolution

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#27 BUCK75
September 21 2010, 11:36AM
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Goat, our team is loaded with talent, it is impossible to pick one~

Vandermeer is my pick as well. He will play too much, get undressed too many times & be a defensive zone liability. Sounds like my goat from last year, Staios.

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#28 Max Powers - Team HME Evans
September 21 2010, 11:36AM
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Cogs is my pick. He's either gonna blow up this season or he's gonna get sent down. He said all the rights things last year too. Even if he is making only a cool mill i still think he disappoints the most thus making him the Goat.

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#29 fuck off
September 21 2010, 11:38AM
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Horcoff is still an easy and possibly the most likely to be the right goat pick than KhabinBoozin. Signed through 2014-15 at a 5.5 mil hit makes him the #1 target even beyond the possibility of a 30 day jail sentance in mid-season!

I wanna pick Horcoff but damn I don't want to be right!

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#30 RyanB
September 21 2010, 11:38AM
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Strudwick. He's gonna play in too many games and play too much in those games. He's a debatable NHL player at best and we'll play him in over 60 games this season.

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#31 fuck off
September 21 2010, 11:40AM
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I ended up picking Hemsky. If that band aid can't play more than 50games he deserves the damn horns! Especially if they make him the 13C and all he does is bail on practice early all year long.

edit: @Wanye
How come Souray isn't on the list?? There's a sh!t tonne of possibilities for him to be #1 goat. EI: We do trade his a$$ to someone in-conference like CBJ and he ends up taking Hall or one of the kids out for the year with a PP slap shot? ONLY to go on to have a 50 point season as they eek into the playoffs?!

maybe I should write horror fiction...

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#32 Milli
September 21 2010, 11:42AM
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Max Powers - Team HME Evans wrote:

Cogs is my pick. He's either gonna blow up this season or he's gonna get sent down. He said all the rights things last year too. Even if he is making only a cool mill i still think he disappoints the most thus making him the Goat.

How dare you Mx Powers, Cogs is my star, and he will be THE STAR this year.

Goat, I don't think a Stanley Cup winning team has a goat, but, just for for and to not look like a big chicken, I too will take Vanermeer, thats right, NOT cogs max powers, but Vandy, after all he did play for calgary!

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#33 Muji 狗
September 21 2010, 11:43AM
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Ryan Whitney. Baaaah.

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#34 OF17
September 21 2010, 11:43AM
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STAR- Linus Omark

GOAT- Nik Khabibulin

Picking Hazbeenboozin' is just way to freaking easy to not do it.

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#35 streeky
September 21 2010, 11:43AM
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got to go with...Steve Smith,or Struds

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#36 thetikk
September 21 2010, 11:44AM
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I hate to say it, but poor #10's gonna get put in all sort of new, wonderful positions to fail this season. I like the player, dislike the contract (like everyone else) and truly believe that he deserves a better fate than hooking down Taylor Hall's missed assignment on a breakaway.

Shawn Horcoff, all covered in Feta Cheese.

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#37 Lisa McRitchie
September 21 2010, 11:45AM
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I'm going with the guy who cares about his shoes more than anything. Gilbert for goat

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#38 D-Man
September 21 2010, 11:45AM
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Vandermeer won't be playing nearly enough to be eligible for 'Goat' status... Obvious pick is Horcoff (who pays a supposed shut down center that much?? Oh wait - never mind), but to keep the conversation going - do we hop on the Penner bandwagon again, assuming he hasn't scored 10 to 15 goals in the first 30 games of the season??

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#39 yegCopywriter
September 21 2010, 11:46AM
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Goatbert Brule. He'll be worried about the rookies passing him on the depth chart, leading to just that happening.

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#40 OttawaOilFan
September 21 2010, 11:48AM
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Hmmm my 1st ever goat pick, this is something that dreams are made of. Do I go with the easy choices or try something new? What would Brian Botano do???? Ok, so my 1st ever goat pick is ..... Brule. With that brand spankin new contract I think he's going to stink out the joint.

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#41 BUCK75
September 21 2010, 11:49AM
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D-Man wrote:

Vandermeer won't be playing nearly enough to be eligible for 'Goat' status... Obvious pick is Horcoff (who pays a supposed shut down center that much?? Oh wait - never mind), but to keep the conversation going - do we hop on the Penner bandwagon again, assuming he hasn't scored 10 to 15 goals in the first 30 games of the season??

Your choices for a 6 dman are Vandermeer or Strudwick. Once injuries happen, like they alway do one of the 2 will be playing quite a bit.

Strudwick = Vandermeer

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#42 Max Powers - Team HME Evans
September 21 2010, 11:51AM
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@Milli

Ummm... does it make you feel better if I say I hope I'm wrong? Like I said, he either breaks out or gets sent down this season. I hope it's the former.

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#43 Marsha
September 21 2010, 11:52AM
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Crème brulée, the delicious dessert, will be the goat. Brule is going to take a step back and bring all kinds of suckage. Goat, thy name is Brule.

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#44 Next up, is Connor McJesus.
September 21 2010, 11:54AM
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Biggest disappointment....Steve Tambellini.

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#45 Shifty203
September 21 2010, 11:58AM
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Taylor Hall.

This pick was easier than the star. There is no way he's going to live up to the over-hyped expectations, and he will instead be inevitably be blamed for not doing enough.

As far as who I think will actually be a problem this year, I got to go with Hemmer. He's complained publicly before, and I think when his ice time starts getting cut to give the kids more time, he's gonna want out.

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#46 fuck off
September 21 2010, 11:59AM
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Marsha wrote:

Crème brulée, the delicious dessert, will be the goat. Brule is going to take a step back and bring all kinds of suckage. Goat, thy name is Brule.

How dare you pick Brule!?! That slapper of his is going to score all kinds of weak goals from the hash marks all year long... unless that's what you're expecting him to do; thus pulling us out of a lottery pick.

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#47 Oiler Country
September 21 2010, 11:59AM
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My goat this year is a man who thinks he is better than the rest of his two compadres. He outlandish spasms of when he snatches, whiffing at the puck in the air only to see him shrouded in red lights or sweeping his pads from side to side in the crease, throwing his stick away swatting, and failing from stopping the puck from crossing the red line.

My Goat: Jeff Drouin-Deslauriers

I have more faith in Dubnyk than I do with that guy in net.

He will log a lot of minutes because Khabi's back will wreck again....again!

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#48 Crackenbury
September 21 2010, 12:02PM
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Jacques? Where did he go?

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#49 BArmstrong
September 21 2010, 12:03PM
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This is a clear sign from the gods...

http://imgur.com/FKVBp.jpg

Forced to pick only one? Hemsky - you'll see.

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#50 BArmstrong
September 21 2010, 12:04PM
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Next up, is Connor McJesus. wrote:

Biggest disappointment....Steve Tambellini.

BINGO

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