PICKING LOS GOATO

Wanye
September 21 2010 11:25AM

Given our horrendous luck picking Stars, picking the Goat each year is waaaaay more fun.

Goat selection evolved a few years back when we had a buddy that would randomly pick an Oiler each game and rag on him mercilessly. “That dang (insert player here.) He is the worst player on the ice. (Insert GM here) should be embarrassed that he picked such a terrible player.”

Minutes later that same player would score and the same guy would be standing and high fiving everyone. “Look at (insert player here) go! Atta boy! I been sayin’ all year long that (insert player here) is gonna make some moves.”

FAIR WEATHER FANS

These types of fans can be found under every rock. Hating on every random player that draws their ire, loving them the very next minute - all in the name of being an "fan." The boys didn't think that it was sporting to cuss each and every Oiler only to shower them with praise on the next play and several half drunken arguments broke out over the span of a couple seasons to drive home the point.

Instead of playing our band wagon jumping friend on waivers, we all concocted the Goat. The Goat is intended to be the cause of all the team’s problems for the entire season. Goal just went in? Damn the Goat to hell. He wasn’t on the ice? Damn his stupid manner in which he sits on the bench.

The first year of two that we picked Grebeshkov to be our Goat was easily the best picking of our storied Goat picking career. Not only was Grebs brutal, but the team was too. We blamed him for most everything most nights and it allowed us to vent all Oilers related anger his way.

On a team that we hope finishes no higher than 30th place this year, picking the Goat is going to be key to maintaining your sanity.

LAST YEAR'S GOAT PROGNOSI

We picked dirty old Grebs last year too after such a successful 2008-09 campaign. He was traded later in the year, at a point that we were so disillusioned we barely even chirped him on the way out of town.

Here are some other great goat picks from last year

Massive call naming the Captain the Goat. On a team filled with suspects, he was one of the finest last year.

A pair of dandies here as well. As the season wore on Steady Steve wore out, then we all laughed as the Flames picked him up for reasons unknown.

Oh man, is this one ever wonderous. Commander Ender goes on an epic rant dusting off Penner as his goat and goes so far as to bold the sentence basically declaring 'if Penner was good he would have shown it already.' 

That is rich creamery butter and exactly why we write these predictions down.

*laughs heartily*

2010-11 GOAT

Picking a marginal player who will be called up from time to time defeats the purpose of picking a Goat. A good Goat logs mad minutes during the year so that he can be often cursed for his goat like stupidity and insatiable desire to eat trash and wear a bell.

Our expectations for the 2010-11 are low. In fact we actually want the team to finish last to secure another lottery pick. Exciting last place hockey Nation, that is the ticket for the coming year.

In a strange twist of fate the Goat could actually be considered a Star for assisting in the effort. That thought just blew our mind as did the picture of the Goat wearing underwear.

Because of the fact that we have him signed for all eternity and because of the fact that will ensure he sees mad game time this year our 2010-11 goat is:

AND THE WINNER IS

Nikolai Khabibulin.

Dang you to all hell Khabibulin! Why are you signed for so long at such a high price? When the Oilers sent you the $70 million dollar offer sheet, why didn’t you have your agent fax back “this is grossly overpriced. We agree to sign a one year deal at league minimum instead.”

Any player agent worth his salt and any player with a heart beating in his chest would have done this.

But no, you had to go with accepting the deal and blowing both feet off the Oilers in the process. We won’t even touch the "glug-glug-vroom-vroom" over the summer, but best believe that didn’t help your case. Nor does the wonky ass spine you are toting around.

Good luck BAAAAABIBULIN*

*har har har

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#51 Homie
September 21 2010, 12:06PM
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Hemsky. Another season of 10 unbelievable games and a pile of second assists.

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#52 Ender
September 21 2010, 12:10PM
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I chuckled a bit as I read last years prediction.

[shakes head ruefully]

Ah, well, they thought Galileo was crazy too; turns out he was just ahead of his time. And that's why on this team full of potential goats (Khabiboozin is too easy, Wanye; that's like saying baggedmilk is going to offend a lady somewhere this weekend. How can anyone look wise predicting that?) I'm sticking by my universal Truth. To all the scoffers and naysayers, I say now that you've been duped and that the real Dustin Penner will reveal himself this season. If he didn't cast a shadow last year, then it's because he's a pointy-toothed monster.

Next year at this time, I expect an apology. And a cake. And a little trophy that says Bestest Goat-Picker Ever.

Or to mercilessly heckled; whichever fits.

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#53 rubbertrout
September 21 2010, 12:10PM
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Ryan14 wrote:

A team that is projected last place and we need a goat? hmm.

I'll say Souray. Even if he doesn't play, everything is his fault.

I too will join you in blaming everything on Souray. The best way to do this is to make repeated references to how he can go and suck a giant fat C&%K.

Unfortunately, in my mind the goat needs to actually suit up for the Oil at some point this year.

Khabby is too easy.

Cogs may well be on his way out of town and I kind of want something to go right for him.

Even though everyone seems to suspect that Manitoba Fats may have a let down I think the big train is going to be just fine.

My Goat:

Ryan Whitney.

I hope that I'm wrong but I have serious concerns about those feet.

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#54 BArmstrong
September 21 2010, 12:13PM
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@rubbertrout

Dude. They're bionic!

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#55 rubbertrout
September 21 2010, 12:13PM
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By the way Wanye, that photoshop you and Bingo used last year for the Grebs goat remains my favorite ever on this site.

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#56 offside
September 21 2010, 12:17PM
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Can I pick the entire defense or do I have to choose just one?

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#57 rubbertrout
September 21 2010, 12:17PM
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Quicksilver ballet wrote:

Biggest disappointment....Steve Tambellini.

I actually think Steve-O has started to turn things around. I still blame him for Khabby and going after Heater but he has done some nice things.

If you are serious that you want the collosal fossil as the GM then you might need to fit yourself for some goat horns. The last thing I want is a guy who doesn't believe in (or for that matter understand) the necessity of line matching to be running the show.

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#58 Skidrow Gutterbum
September 21 2010, 12:21PM
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Chalk up another goat vote for Vandermeer, never been overly impressed with him, especially after watching this debacle...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K41uJuoXm8c

Yeah, It's Big Mac on the other end, but this guy got absolutely annihilated.

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#59 Canadian Maniac
September 21 2010, 12:24PM
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I think it's going to be a bad year for Tom Gilbert. I sincerely hope I'm wrong and there is no goat, but that's my pick.

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#60 Spartacus
September 21 2010, 12:26PM
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Wait a minute... Wanye's not black?

What's next? Katz isn't rich? Moreau is as good as he thinks he is?

Bizzaro!

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#61 Dodd
September 21 2010, 12:27PM
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Easy: Horcoff.

Until we truly have someone else for the faceoff dot who we put on the ice for all the hard minutes Horcoff will continue to look worse than he actually is. We all saw this coming with the loss of Stoll and Reasoner. Until they are replaced (or some kid steps up.....COGLIANO) Horcoff wears the horns.

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#62 David S
September 21 2010, 12:27PM
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BTW - That is the most amazing display of goat balance I've ever seen.

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#63 Milli
September 21 2010, 12:28PM
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Max Powers - Team HME Evans wrote:

Ummm... does it make you feel better if I say I hope I'm wrong? Like I said, he either breaks out or gets sent down this season. I hope it's the former.

No, I was just having some fun, now leave my start alone!!

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#64 Jerome Pon
September 21 2010, 12:28PM
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Star - Ales Hemsky Goat - Jason Strudwick

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#65 The Towel Boy
September 21 2010, 12:30PM
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Stewsquared wrote:

The Goat is of course, Gene Principe. I can hear the puns now, "And they all lived happy Eberle after in the Taylor Hall of Fame and had a big Pjaarvi for all the little Brule-dies and gentlemen and they passed around fat Dubnyks and then ate both Stortini and Tambellini linguini and Ales was Colin Fraser to see why he spit on Shawn and why he was now wiping Horcoff his good friends face. Back to you guys.'

wow. As somewhat of a pun connoisseur, I have to say that was pure collector's edition grade punnery.

Well played.

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#66 NewfieMikey
September 21 2010, 12:31PM
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I think the goats are the "fans" that cannot pluck their heads from their a$$e$. Seriously, I get that there a probably Flamers and Nuckleheads here but judging by a lot of these comments, I wonder if a lot of you even watch hockey or know what a puck is.

Picking Penner or Hemsky in this is just retarded, both are great NHLers and will have amazing years. If someone gets hurt, how does that make them a goat?

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#67 ubermiguel
September 21 2010, 12:35PM
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Hall. He won't be able to live up to the hype in year one. Year 2 and onward he'll be great. Hopefully he doesn't get run out of town like Poti or Arnott.

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#68 baggedmilk
September 21 2010, 12:36PM
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Will many of the overpriced Oilers being shipped out of town there is but one Goat candidate that comes to mind.

Shawn Horcoff made a dash to the bank as fast as his new personal carrier could get him there. He actually hired a small human (or midget) to carry him every where he goes. And although that, in itself, should merrit praise, it doesn't.

Horcoff is one of the last terrible K-Lowe contracts on this hockey team that we know and love. Shawn Horcoff is overpaid, and will be the goat and whipping boy again this year, whether he deserves it or not.

The baggedmilk goat... Shawn Horcoff.

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#69 Jerome Pon
September 21 2010, 12:36PM
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NewfieMikey wrote:

I think the goats are the "fans" that cannot pluck their heads from their a$$e$. Seriously, I get that there a probably Flamers and Nuckleheads here but judging by a lot of these comments, I wonder if a lot of you even watch hockey or know what a puck is.

Picking Penner or Hemsky in this is just retarded, both are great NHLers and will have amazing years. If someone gets hurt, how does that make them a goat?

Ales Hemsky has always been injured to some degree every year. Basically I'm just predicting he will play 80 games and have his best year yet.

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#70 D-Man
September 21 2010, 12:39PM
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NewfieMikey wrote:

I think the goats are the "fans" that cannot pluck their heads from their a$$e$. Seriously, I get that there a probably Flamers and Nuckleheads here but judging by a lot of these comments, I wonder if a lot of you even watch hockey or know what a puck is.

Picking Penner or Hemsky in this is just retarded, both are great NHLers and will have amazing years. If someone gets hurt, how does that make them a goat?

Agree with you about Hemsky, but Penner has only had one year here where he's lived up to his contract... Last year, he proved that he does have alot of potential - but to consider him great is an overstatement right now. If he scores another 25 - 30 this year, we'll be laughing - I'm not sure he will as he'll be facing alot of #1-#2 d-man combinations...

Hope I'm wrong; but I think he'll have a lot more weight to carry being one of the leaders in the room this year. He did an awesome job last year - if he does it again, shall we say we finish 27th overall rather than last??

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#71 The Towel Boy
September 21 2010, 12:41PM
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Oh, right.. .My goat pick. Hmmmm...I believe my goat pick is going to have to be Rehabibulin. He's truly the only guy on the roster that I can get behind rooting against. The other players hold a small place in my heart - I can't be mad at them.

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#72 BArmstrong
September 21 2010, 12:43PM
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NewfieMikey wrote

"Picking Penner or Hemsky in this is just retarded, both are great NHLers and will have amazing years. If someone gets hurt, how does that make them a goat?"

Nope. Hemsky is the goat... mostly healthy.

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#73 bored
September 21 2010, 12:44PM
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I think that Jordan Eberle might end up being the goat for this year. It hurts me to say it, but he just might end up being the odd rookie out.

I understand he thinks the game well, but I think he might require at least a year to adjust to the pro level...MPS and Hall can fall back on speed and better physical attribute during their adjustment to the bigs...Eberle not so much.

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#74 Reijo Ruotsalainen's wicked slapper
September 21 2010, 12:45PM
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I'm having so much trouble with the goat pick this year.....

Is there anyone I have so much apathy or outright hatred towards?? Is there anyone I wish ill upon?

It's like this year's edition of the Oilers is a total love-in for me....maybe it comes with low expectations and understanding new players/rookies will have their growing pains. There are also SO many feel good stories on this team.....

I even hope Khabibulin plays well!

Hmm.....

JDD.

One of the goalies will go down for awhile, and he will get recalled from the minors (where he will spend most of the year) and have a .870 SP and go 0-7.

That's all I can come up with....

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#75 fuck off
September 21 2010, 12:46PM
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@NewfieMikey

Read comment #9.

Just because we are "goating" someone doesn't mean they don't have skills. It is more so because of what they lack between their skills or pay cheques!

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#76 Senator Theo
September 21 2010, 12:46PM
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First of all, I'm very pleased to see that you found a way to work the Grebs/goat pic into this year's post.

Second, count me in with Minister Towel Boy as being impressed the volume and quality of @Stewsquared's punnery.

Third, as much as I am pulling for him (sounds dirty, but isn't) I think Brule will be the one that dissapoints this year - he's going to have a much shorter leash this year with all the talent behind him.

Goat, your name is Gilbert!

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#77 Reijo Ruotsalainen's wicked slapper
September 21 2010, 12:47PM
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Ashley wrote:

This one is easier. After sending a precious asset out of town, Oiler fans rejoiced in the return of a hulking defenceman who doesn't hit, doesn't fight, and has lost a few steps with his career on its last leg (and by leg I mean foot). Now he's pretending he's healthy for 2010; he feels like he did when he started his career with the Penguins, but we should all know that his time before hitting the IR is limited. Instead, we celebrate his arrival. We try to make him captain as he steps off the plane from Anaheim. Our Saviour. Sure.

Goat: Ryan Whitney. 23 games, -36.

Not to worry though, he will tell us that he just needs to rest his feet, and he'll be good to go for 2011 training camp enabling us to pick him as a multi-year goat. Meanwhile, Lubo will light it up in Anaheim and get traded at the deadline to a contender for a spectacular package of assets.

I'm guessing you are a Lubo fan?

A plate of wings at The Pint says Whitney outscores Vishnovsky this year....

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#78 Senator Theo
September 21 2010, 12:47PM
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Should we also add our goat comments to the poll?

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#79 baggedmilk
September 21 2010, 12:48PM
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Senator Theo wrote:

Should we also add our goat comments to the poll?

You said "poll" LOAWLZ ROFL LAWALSLALAHAHAHAHA

Wait...

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#80 Senator Theo
September 21 2010, 12:50PM
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@baggedmilk

I'm adding my comments to the goat pole.

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#81 smiliegirl15
September 21 2010, 12:55PM
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No POS, Moreau, Staios or Grebs to pick - this makes it a lot harder to choose. I hope none of them are as bad as Horcoff and POS last season.

I pick Sam Gagner as my goat this year. He's going to be overwhelmed with the kids and it's going to crush his spirit. I hope to all things hockey I am wrong. le sigh...

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#82 Mike Krushelnyski
September 21 2010, 12:57PM
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Didn't get in on the star picks so I'm going to be bold and pick Hemsky there.

My goat pick in Vandermeer. Bringing in some toughness is good, but the guy has a reputation of being suspect defensively and having a penchant for taking bad penalties. Hey, someone has to pick up Moreau's slack!

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#83 The Towel Boy
September 21 2010, 12:57PM
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Senator Theo wrote:

First of all, I'm very pleased to see that you found a way to work the Grebs/goat pic into this year's post.

Second, count me in with Minister Towel Boy as being impressed the volume and quality of @Stewsquared's punnery.

Third, as much as I am pulling for him (sounds dirty, but isn't) I think Brule will be the one that dissapoints this year - he's going to have a much shorter leash this year with all the talent behind him.

Goat, your name is Gilbert!

Gee, I wonder who made that picture. Probably somebody cool.

*whistles*

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#84 Blue Blooded
September 21 2010, 01:00PM
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Well, this decision has been made difficult as Grebby is now using the "iron curtain" as bedding. However, my choice for goat is Kurtis Foster. Without the likes of Stamkos boosting his PP point totals, Foster's mediocre offensive skills will lag. He's a tall guy, yes, but a beanpole. I suspect he won't be as gritty in the corners or strong on the puck as we need him to be. Still... better than keeping Souray on board.

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#85 Blue Blooded
September 21 2010, 01:01PM
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Well, this decision has been made difficult as Grebby is now using the "iron curtain" as bedding. However, my choice for goat is Kurtis Foster. Without the likes of Stamkos boosting his PP point totals, Foster's mediocre offensive skills will lag. He's a tall guy, yes, but a beanpole. I suspect he won't be as gritty in the corners or strong on the puck as we need him to be. Still... better than keeping Souray on board.

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#86 JorgeR
September 21 2010, 01:06PM
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My goat is Taylor Hall for this year. I think there is too much pressure on the funny looking guy and he is going to get his head knocked off quite a few times. I havent looked at the schedule but I hope he never meets the Human Rake this year....

He may only play in 40 games this year and end the season with 6 goals 12 assists. Sorry everyone thats my guess!

Paajarvi I think will be a calder candidate so that makes up for it

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#87 Cool Beans
September 21 2010, 01:08PM
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My star last year was Penner and my goat was Staios. My star to goat ratio is off the charts. So for 2010-11 the satr is Sam Gagner. The horns go to no one. My expectations are too low. However, Khababulin sounds good.

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#88 Hemmercules
September 21 2010, 01:09PM
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Khabbi will forever by my goat as long as he plays here. You just know an injury or jail time will creep up sooner than hoped. 3 more years of that too, yikes.

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#89 freeze
September 21 2010, 01:10PM
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ReKhabibulin

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#90 m@s f@s
September 21 2010, 01:11PM
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I will say it again..on the right day this time. Jordan Eberle.

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#91 Quicksilver ballet
September 21 2010, 01:15PM
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rubbertrout wrote:

I actually think Steve-O has started to turn things around. I still blame him for Khabby and going after Heater but he has done some nice things.

If you are serious that you want the collosal fossil as the GM then you might need to fit yourself for some goat horns. The last thing I want is a guy who doesn't believe in (or for that matter understand) the necessity of line matching to be running the show.

Stu MacGregor has more to do with where the Oilers are today than Tambellini does. Since Tambo's valued acquisitions of O'Sullivan, Kotalik and Khabibulin etc, what else has he done? I'm sure Quinns replacing Tambellini would be on an temporary basis till a more likely candidate takes over.

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#92 Paq Twinn
September 21 2010, 01:17PM
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My 10/11 Goat is Hemsky. With all the hype and attention going to the kids Hemsky sulks and fades into the background.

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#93 Panda13
September 21 2010, 01:20PM
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@misfit

Bravo to misfit for picking a Goat to use to protect his star....well played good sir, well played.

My Goat for the year shall be Horc....even if he is played in is rightfull spot as a third line center, he will miss waaaayyyy to many open nets / one-timers regardless of who is passing him the puck.

I would like to pick Khabby, but living up to the expectation of only playing 20 games due to prison and injuries kind of prevent him from being a goat.

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#94 jeanshorts
September 21 2010, 01:28PM
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HAHAHAHAHAHA that god damn goat with underwear around his ankles his still making me laugh. That's pretty much exactly what I look like on Thursday nights at 9:34 pm, harness and all. So human-like!

Oh and yes, I was also going to pick Uncle Vodka as my goat. Baaaahhh-urrrppp (see what I did there?)

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#95 rubbertrout
September 21 2010, 01:33PM
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@Quicksilver ballet

Staios gone with a pick coming back, Moreau gone. Patty O swapped for Vandermeer. Grebs out the door before he took his fractured testicle off to the KHL.

It's not like I'm holding Tambo up to be the executive of the year or anything. He has his issues but give him some credit. The Magnificent Bastard has drafted well and nobody is denying it. But Steve-O has been doing better.

I'd rather have Daryl Sutter, Jay Feaster or Doug McLean as my GM before I'd take on Quinn.

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#96 Cervantes
September 21 2010, 01:34PM
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How could it be anyone but ReKhabbyBoozin?

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#97 Motel
September 21 2010, 01:35PM
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Kurtis Foster.

If the Oilers don't pick up a 3rd/4th defensemen when/if they send Souray packing the guy's going to be in way over his head with the kind of minutes he'll face.

Vandermeer's a close second but he'll drop the mittens too many times to blame him for everything.

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#98 Cervantes
September 21 2010, 01:46PM
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Wait, how in the name of the sweet baby zombie raptor jesus is Strudwick not on the poll??!?!?

Oh, NVM... must have already put him in my mental press box.

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#99 BUCK75
September 21 2010, 01:48PM
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Cervantes wrote:

Wait, how in the name of the sweet baby zombie raptor jesus is Strudwick not on the poll??!?!?

Oh, NVM... must have already put him in my mental press box.

He is - he has 14 votes or 5% @13:47

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#100 oiler_head
September 21 2010, 01:49PM
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Goat = JDD

He also plays like one. Hopefully he's learned to hold onto his stick and use he glove hand and not blocker hand to collect the puck. Sheesh. If' he's learned that then he may only be slightly less a goat but still a goat nonetheless.

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