PICKING LOS GOATO

Wanye
September 21 2010 11:25AM

Given our horrendous luck picking Stars, picking the Goat each year is waaaaay more fun.

Goat selection evolved a few years back when we had a buddy that would randomly pick an Oiler each game and rag on him mercilessly. “That dang (insert player here.) He is the worst player on the ice. (Insert GM here) should be embarrassed that he picked such a terrible player.”

Minutes later that same player would score and the same guy would be standing and high fiving everyone. “Look at (insert player here) go! Atta boy! I been sayin’ all year long that (insert player here) is gonna make some moves.”

FAIR WEATHER FANS

These types of fans can be found under every rock. Hating on every random player that draws their ire, loving them the very next minute - all in the name of being an "fan." The boys didn't think that it was sporting to cuss each and every Oiler only to shower them with praise on the next play and several half drunken arguments broke out over the span of a couple seasons to drive home the point.

Instead of playing our band wagon jumping friend on waivers, we all concocted the Goat. The Goat is intended to be the cause of all the team’s problems for the entire season. Goal just went in? Damn the Goat to hell. He wasn’t on the ice? Damn his stupid manner in which he sits on the bench.

The first year of two that we picked Grebeshkov to be our Goat was easily the best picking of our storied Goat picking career. Not only was Grebs brutal, but the team was too. We blamed him for most everything most nights and it allowed us to vent all Oilers related anger his way.

On a team that we hope finishes no higher than 30th place this year, picking the Goat is going to be key to maintaining your sanity.

LAST YEAR'S GOAT PROGNOSI

We picked dirty old Grebs last year too after such a successful 2008-09 campaign. He was traded later in the year, at a point that we were so disillusioned we barely even chirped him on the way out of town.

Here are some other great goat picks from last year

Massive call naming the Captain the Goat. On a team filled with suspects, he was one of the finest last year.

A pair of dandies here as well. As the season wore on Steady Steve wore out, then we all laughed as the Flames picked him up for reasons unknown.

Oh man, is this one ever wonderous. Commander Ender goes on an epic rant dusting off Penner as his goat and goes so far as to bold the sentence basically declaring 'if Penner was good he would have shown it already.' 

That is rich creamery butter and exactly why we write these predictions down.

*laughs heartily*

2010-11 GOAT

Picking a marginal player who will be called up from time to time defeats the purpose of picking a Goat. A good Goat logs mad minutes during the year so that he can be often cursed for his goat like stupidity and insatiable desire to eat trash and wear a bell.

Our expectations for the 2010-11 are low. In fact we actually want the team to finish last to secure another lottery pick. Exciting last place hockey Nation, that is the ticket for the coming year.

In a strange twist of fate the Goat could actually be considered a Star for assisting in the effort. That thought just blew our mind as did the picture of the Goat wearing underwear.

Because of the fact that we have him signed for all eternity and because of the fact that will ensure he sees mad game time this year our 2010-11 goat is:

AND THE WINNER IS

Nikolai Khabibulin.

Dang you to all hell Khabibulin! Why are you signed for so long at such a high price? When the Oilers sent you the $70 million dollar offer sheet, why didn’t you have your agent fax back “this is grossly overpriced. We agree to sign a one year deal at league minimum instead.”

Any player agent worth his salt and any player with a heart beating in his chest would have done this.

But no, you had to go with accepting the deal and blowing both feet off the Oilers in the process. We won’t even touch the "glug-glug-vroom-vroom" over the summer, but best believe that didn’t help your case. Nor does the wonky ass spine you are toting around.

Good luck BAAAAABIBULIN*

*har har har

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#101 Victoria
September 21 2010, 01:53PM
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I know I posted this yesterday, but I still have to go with Boozin'. It's actually quite an easy pick considering he's pretty much already a goat with that DUI and impending jail time.

And BWAHAHA at Ender. That was a goat-fail of epic proportions.

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#102 Chunklets
September 21 2010, 01:54PM
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* Consults entrails *

The goat is going to be whomever we get in return for Souray (I'll call him, for the moment "Tike Tommodore"). The poor guy is going to show up here hauling a terrible contract, and being, at best, a borderline top-6 F/top-4 D player. He's going to get eaten alive.

And God help Tike if we end up throwing Cogs into the Souray deal. Eek.

If, on the other hand, we lose Souray on waivers or some such thing, without any return at all, then I'm naming Big Sexy himself as my goat.

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#103 TigerUnderGlass
September 21 2010, 01:57PM
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Just to repeat from the "star" thread:

Star: Penner

Goat: Cogliano

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#104 Puritania
September 21 2010, 01:57PM
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My goat this year is three-fold.

1. Patrick O'Sullivan has such a high level of suck buried deep within himself that he is, while not an Oiler anymore, STILL my g*ddamn goat.

2. Seeing as how I must pick a current Oiler, If JDD does us the dishonor of being in net this year, He is my go-to goat.

3. If Satan really did hear my pleas of mercy, JDD will be Oklahoma bound this year. If that happens to be the case, Mr. Kurtis Foster will be my goat. I just have a funny feeling he could be disastrous when not on the power-play unit.

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#105 common sense
September 21 2010, 02:00PM
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Not a bad guess but I'm gonna say that Mr.JF Jacques is gonna be a goat this year. Why the Oil signed this guy and not some others given his medical history is a little bewildering. This is a safe and easy bet.

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#106 Kodiak
September 21 2010, 02:02PM
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My star is hemsky and my goat this year is Smid. I don't think he'll be able to handle the increased minutes against tougher opposition.

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#109 Chris.
September 21 2010, 02:04PM
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Strudwick is my goat. Great guy... but makes Big Mac look less slow. Every time Strud's is beat wide I'm gonna yell BAAAAAAAH! (Once a shift)

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#111 Hockeyjedi
September 21 2010, 02:15PM
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Very tough to pick a true undisputed goat this year so I will nominate 3 of them as possibilities at their positions: Forward - Horcoff. Because when you make that much money and don't have MacT around to absolve you of wrongdoing, you're gonna get some $h!t flung in your direction no matter what. Defense - Gilbert. A notorious slow starter, he raised his own bar late last season and his inability to maintain consistency will relegate him to the goathouse more than once. Goal - Dubnyk. Because, if he is even with the big club this year, he will struggle mightily with his confidence and hurt the team with that one (or two ... or three!) bad goal(s) he lets in. Let me be clear: I am chock full of optimism and hope for this season, and I am a fan of all three of these players, but if it's goat selection you want, these are the three most likely candidates, in my humble opinion.

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#113 Cosmo
September 21 2010, 02:18PM
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It's gotta be Horc. He's a stand up guy, he competes every night, he'll be great with the kids as a mentor...but:

2010-2011 Salary: $6,500,000 2010-2011 Cap Hit: $5,500,000

(source nhlnumbers.com)

Unless he's got an 80+ point campaign in him...

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#116 Cosmo
September 21 2010, 02:23PM
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Wanye wrote:

You heartless robot. What is your address? TELL ME SO I CAN THRASH YOU GOOD!

*rummages through closet to find smashing hammer*

Smashing Hammer?

*Note to self - DO NOT make Wanye angry. Ever.

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#117 OB1 Team Yakopov - F.S.T.N.F
September 21 2010, 02:24PM
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Safe picks:

Star: Hemsky

Goat: Strudwick

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#118 oilbaron
September 21 2010, 02:28PM
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taylor hall, just because i feel like posting taylor hall. hall hall hall lol

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#119 The Fish
September 21 2010, 02:45PM
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I don't know how anyone can pick Struds as the goat. My goat = Deslauriers or Reddox if he even plays one game.

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#120 third string plumber
September 21 2010, 02:45PM
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I'm there with the smashing hammer! Penner - star Rehaboulin - goat

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#121 Mouse
September 21 2010, 03:08PM
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@third string plumber

I'm there with the smashing hammer!*

* That's what she said...

Star - Creme Brule (55 pts - 25G and 30A)

Goat - Tough to say. I can see people having a somewhat down year, but not anything like the wonder of Moreau and POS last year. I would go with anyone that Pierre McGuire says is going to have a "Monster" season. McGuire is a supreme douchenozzle so anyone other than the rookies that he pumps up will be my goat. I think he was calling for a big season for POS last year, so the history is there.

Kurtis Foster seems like an easy pick since he was the UFA signing but he is making under 2 mil (1.8). Even if he regresses to 25-30 pts that is hardly a goat season. Plus McGuire called the signing a huge overpayment in the summer. Did I mention McGuire is on my "people I would very much like to curb stomp list"?

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#122 jr_christ
September 21 2010, 03:10PM
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Hahaha... Love it. Definitely Re-Habi.

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#123 Coppperhead
September 21 2010, 03:14PM
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Jim Vandermeer as my goat. Tough picking on a new Oiler but I see Renney leaning too heavily on him. Same as Quinn did last year with Struds

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#124 Boris
September 21 2010, 03:25PM
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Been away for a few days....star MPS goat JDD

No smashing hammers please!

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#125 fuck off
September 21 2010, 03:28PM
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Wanye wrote:

I respect that Ender has gone back to the well and picked Penner as his goat for the second year in a row.

WELL DID

I respect that he's willing to take the beating of being dead wrong for two years running!

Ender the Masochist

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#126 Poo Czar
September 21 2010, 03:30PM
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I'll gladly re-up for a second year of JDD - le BAAA! Dude actually LOOKS LIKE A GOAT. And sadly, I think the management still ain't "seen him good" enough yet. Le BAAA is gonna 6/49 us straight to the lottery all by himself, though Comrade Drunky shares the horns for putting this guy back in The Red Light District (thanks David S!) for another 40 games or so.

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#127 The Towel Boy
September 21 2010, 03:30PM
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Cosmo wrote:

It's gotta be Horc. He's a stand up guy, he competes every night, he'll be great with the kids as a mentor...but:

2010-2011 Salary: $6,500,000 2010-2011 Cap Hit: $5,500,000

(source nhlnumbers.com)

Unless he's got an 80+ point campaign in him...

Hey, you're not allowed to have clarifying points to the contrary with your goat pick. "Unless he's got an 80+ point campaign in him..." There are no outs! Once you pick your goat you are stuck with him and his 80 point campaign. This way, at the end of the season, we will all laugh and point fingers at you for being so silly to have picked him. Those of us who didn't pick him will just act smug, as somehow we just KNEW he would have a great season...but yet didn't pick him for our Star.

It's part of the spirit of the goat pick. Sometimes the goat is you!

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#128 I'm a Scientist!
September 21 2010, 03:36PM
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I couldn't agree more with Ender. Penner is the goat. We had a free sample of what he will play like from games...umm... 30-65 last year.

2009: Play gooder - slumparoo - play gooder.

2010: It will be the same, but without the play gooders I think.

My backup goat will be the mustaches that the team grows in November. Each year our winning record hits the toilet once the boys start sporting some growth. Second place goat: Taylor Hall's Moustache.

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#129 Ender
September 21 2010, 03:37PM
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@fuck off

That's "Ender the Masochist, Prognosticator of Great Renown" to you, Mister.
;-)

[tips hat to Scientist]

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#130 OvenChicken8 - Team JSBM
September 21 2010, 03:41PM
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Rekhab... that just seems so easy :P

I will stick with my goat from last year.

The one, the only, the greasy Tom Gilbert.

With his girlish hair and Dodge caravan, he is one mustache away from joining Bulin in the slammer if he ever passes by an elementary school.

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#132 third string plumber
September 21 2010, 03:48PM
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I don't like the idea of picking a goat who has never played a meaningful game in an Oiler uniform

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#133 I'm a Scientist!
September 21 2010, 03:49PM
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Wanye wrote:

Taylor Hall's moustache will get 20 points alone this year.

You mean off the ice right? With the ladies??? 'cause then I would have to agree.

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#134 m3sh
September 21 2010, 03:51PM
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Sure, Wanye's pick is almost too easy. But at the same time, he's right. I pick khabby for goat also.

So Brule is star, Khabby is goat. Brule will build on his fairly decent showing from last year, especially if he and Penner are re-united, that was one of the few line combos that showed chemistry last year.

Khabby will be either drunk or dehydrated (both really) for half of his 20 starts before his back strikes... back.

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#135 J-Dogg
September 21 2010, 03:52PM
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I agree with bored that Eberle has neither the safety nets of size nor break-neck speed to catch him and if anyone has a rough go of it from the big 3, it will be him, the small cerebral player.

But I digress, My goat is the man likely to wear the "C" and extremely likely to run a year long clinic on heinous value for a 5.5cap hit/6.5 salary.

Be my Angel this year Shawn, lead us in spectacular fashion to 30th and another stellar draft pick. It's the least you can do.

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#136 Hamburgler
September 21 2010, 03:53PM
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Star: Shawn Horcoff

Goat: Andrew Cogliano

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#137 Ender
September 21 2010, 04:02PM
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@Blue Blooded

As an aside, BB, stellar job on the avatar.

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#138 jr_christ
September 21 2010, 04:11PM
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HOW MUCH LONGER TILL SEASON STARTS?!?!?!?!

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#139 I'm a Scientist!
September 21 2010, 04:12PM
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Blue Blooded wrote:

Its true hey?!? As soon as the boys started growing the furry face caterpillars last year, they reeeally started sucking; and really can you blame the opposition? With moustaches that sad, gliding all over the ice, how could you take the Oilers seriously??

Alright! That is two for the moustache goat. Super.

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#140 Russ99
September 21 2010, 04:21PM
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Tom Gilbert is my goat. His Poti-like play in the Oilers zone will be even more apparent on the first pairing at 23 minutes a game.

Not sure how many points he needs to put up on the other end to avoid full-on goatitude...

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#141 BArmstrong
September 21 2010, 04:22PM
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Wanye wrote:

Taylor Hall's moustache will get 20 points alone this year.

Taylor Hall's mustache will be seemingly invisible hidden atop those beautiful, plump, Angelina Jolie lips - but still good for 20, perhaps 30 points.

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#142 fuck off
September 21 2010, 04:36PM
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jr_christ wrote:

HOW MUCH LONGER TILL SEASON STARTS?!?!?!?!

October 7th is opening night vs. the Flamers (on CBC).

Now take your Ritalin like a good boy.

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#143 fuck off
September 21 2010, 04:38PM
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Ender wrote:

As an aside, BB, stellar job on the avatar.

I like Fruit Loops too

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#144 commonfan13
September 21 2010, 04:52PM
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I'm of the opinion that you can only have a goat if you have high expectations that said barnyard animal manages to dash.

Since there are no high expectations for team performance here in E-town (anyone who plays bad enough to send us back to lottery land one more time could rightly be called a hero, after all), our goat has to be defined a little differently.

That being the case, I'll go with Dubnyk.

If he comes in and catches fire to the point that he steals enough games to get us out of the lottery but shy of the playoffs, I'll be calling for some horns to be painted on that mask of his.

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#145 pelhem grenville
September 21 2010, 04:56PM
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...go our goalie goat go

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#146 Archaeologuy
September 21 2010, 05:00PM
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Other people have already mentioned it, but I'm having a tough time mustering up enough hate for a goat this year.

Last year I had no problem writing down Ethan Moreau's name with Horcoff getting special mention. I had no faith that either could do his job, and largely I was justified.

This year I really want Horcoff to succeed in the 2nd/3rd (depending on how you look at it) line spot. He might still make me shake my head when he's whiffing on passes from Taylor Hall, but I still want him to do better.

This year my Goat will be Whitney. He might have surgically repaired his OTHER foot, but he's no Lubo. There has to be a reason he's been moved by two teams that have won Stanley Cups post lock-out. Those 20 good games were nice (Lubo's were nicer), but I want to see him over the course of a year before you can call me a believer.

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#147 Bank Shot
September 21 2010, 05:02PM
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Brule is the goat with the most.

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#148 OILERSORDEATH
September 21 2010, 05:07PM
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Is tonights game going to broadcast at all?

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#149 Chris.
September 21 2010, 05:08PM
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@Archaeologuy

Other people have already mentioned it, but I'm having a tough time mustering up enough hate for a goat this year.

Agreed. It's hard to hate middling players who just happen to be in over their heads. My new goat is the last twenty years of Oiler management.

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#150 Chris.
September 21 2010, 05:25PM
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So who's gonna win the Joey Moss Cup? Team Blue... or Team White?

(Hint: Team White by at least two.)

http://oilers.nhl.com/club/news.htm?id=538152

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