PICKING LOS GOATO

Wanye
September 21 2010 11:25AM

Given our horrendous luck picking Stars, picking the Goat each year is waaaaay more fun.

Goat selection evolved a few years back when we had a buddy that would randomly pick an Oiler each game and rag on him mercilessly. “That dang (insert player here.) He is the worst player on the ice. (Insert GM here) should be embarrassed that he picked such a terrible player.”

Minutes later that same player would score and the same guy would be standing and high fiving everyone. “Look at (insert player here) go! Atta boy! I been sayin’ all year long that (insert player here) is gonna make some moves.”

FAIR WEATHER FANS

These types of fans can be found under every rock. Hating on every random player that draws their ire, loving them the very next minute - all in the name of being an "fan." The boys didn't think that it was sporting to cuss each and every Oiler only to shower them with praise on the next play and several half drunken arguments broke out over the span of a couple seasons to drive home the point.

Instead of playing our band wagon jumping friend on waivers, we all concocted the Goat. The Goat is intended to be the cause of all the team’s problems for the entire season. Goal just went in? Damn the Goat to hell. He wasn’t on the ice? Damn his stupid manner in which he sits on the bench.

The first year of two that we picked Grebeshkov to be our Goat was easily the best picking of our storied Goat picking career. Not only was Grebs brutal, but the team was too. We blamed him for most everything most nights and it allowed us to vent all Oilers related anger his way.

On a team that we hope finishes no higher than 30th place this year, picking the Goat is going to be key to maintaining your sanity.

LAST YEAR'S GOAT PROGNOSI

We picked dirty old Grebs last year too after such a successful 2008-09 campaign. He was traded later in the year, at a point that we were so disillusioned we barely even chirped him on the way out of town.

Here are some other great goat picks from last year

Massive call naming the Captain the Goat. On a team filled with suspects, he was one of the finest last year.

A pair of dandies here as well. As the season wore on Steady Steve wore out, then we all laughed as the Flames picked him up for reasons unknown.

Oh man, is this one ever wonderous. Commander Ender goes on an epic rant dusting off Penner as his goat and goes so far as to bold the sentence basically declaring 'if Penner was good he would have shown it already.' 

That is rich creamery butter and exactly why we write these predictions down.

*laughs heartily*

2010-11 GOAT

Picking a marginal player who will be called up from time to time defeats the purpose of picking a Goat. A good Goat logs mad minutes during the year so that he can be often cursed for his goat like stupidity and insatiable desire to eat trash and wear a bell.

Our expectations for the 2010-11 are low. In fact we actually want the team to finish last to secure another lottery pick. Exciting last place hockey Nation, that is the ticket for the coming year.

In a strange twist of fate the Goat could actually be considered a Star for assisting in the effort. That thought just blew our mind as did the picture of the Goat wearing underwear.

Because of the fact that we have him signed for all eternity and because of the fact that will ensure he sees mad game time this year our 2010-11 goat is:

AND THE WINNER IS

Nikolai Khabibulin.

Dang you to all hell Khabibulin! Why are you signed for so long at such a high price? When the Oilers sent you the $70 million dollar offer sheet, why didn’t you have your agent fax back “this is grossly overpriced. We agree to sign a one year deal at league minimum instead.”

Any player agent worth his salt and any player with a heart beating in his chest would have done this.

But no, you had to go with accepting the deal and blowing both feet off the Oilers in the process. We won’t even touch the "glug-glug-vroom-vroom" over the summer, but best believe that didn’t help your case. Nor does the wonky ass spine you are toting around.

Good luck BAAAAABIBULIN*

*har har har

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#151 Sheldon Oilers Fan for Life!!!
September 21 2010, 05:31PM
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Hemsky I think he will have a bad year and be traded at the deadline. Boy I hope I am wrong!!!!

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#152 Bucknuck
September 21 2010, 05:33PM
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So Gagner comes into town and says "everyone is telling me to be bigger, so I lost seven pounds" Yeah, ok...

GOAT!

Gagner will get pushed all over the ice this season.

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#153 Gilmore Tuttle
September 21 2010, 05:33PM
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I pick Bum Stauffer as the goat. Actually I picture him more as the annoying centaur Newton from our favorite early 60's cartoon Hercules. Having to listen to him on the 1260 morning show, then his show, then the first however many minutes of the Gregor show, he doesn't go away. What is next, having Tensor as his sidekick Toot? At least Toot doesn't talk.

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#154 Lanolin
September 21 2010, 05:36PM
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third string plumber wrote:

I don't like the idea of picking a goat who has never played a meaningful game in an Oiler uniform

Hmm ... tsp, that leaves out anybody that's joined the team in the last two seasons ...

Me, I'm hatin' on Sexy. And I can do it, too ... I'm still blaming my little brother and Steve Smith for everything that's ever gone wrong ...

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#155 Ender
September 21 2010, 05:42PM
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Chris. wrote:

So who's gonna win the Joey Moss Cup? Team Blue... or Team White?

(Hint: Team White by at least two.)

http://oilers.nhl.com/club/news.htm?id=538152

I'll take that bet. Blue rolls over them while reading the Wall Street Journal between shifts.

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#156 Adam D
September 21 2010, 06:18PM
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Going with Cogliano.

What a goat.

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#157 BigE91
September 21 2010, 06:21PM
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Not that it affects anyones picks but is this final year of Penners contract?

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#158 Cal from Calgary
September 21 2010, 07:05PM
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Vandermeer, wasn't Phoenix going to buy him out???

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#159 RossCreekNation
September 21 2010, 07:10PM
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BigE91 wrote:

Not that it affects anyones picks but is this final year of Penners contract?

2 years left (including this year).

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#160 RossCreekNation
September 21 2010, 07:12PM
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Goat? That Nancy-boy, Tom Gilbert. That is all.

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#161 Crash
September 21 2010, 07:33PM
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Cal from Calgary wrote:

Vandermeer, wasn't Phoenix going to buy him out???

Yes they were and the Oilers were going to buy out O'Sullivan...so instead they worked out a deal, the Oilers getting Vandermeer as a usuable d-man for the roster and traded O'Sullivan to Phoenix. Phoenix then bought out O'Sullivan who was cheaper to buy out than Vandermeer.

Win, Win for both teams.

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#162 Shaun Doe
September 21 2010, 07:34PM
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Wonder who is gonna get fired for all the, "mother-fu*ckers" being dropped in the last song there?

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#163 todd
September 21 2010, 07:35PM
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I ws thinking the same thing

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#164 Stack Pad Save
September 21 2010, 08:03PM
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Goat = Horcoff, because he is going to play with 2 rookies for most of the year and attempt to turn natural goal scorers into more Oiler clones (hard working, fast skating, tiny 2 way players, with out a lick of scoring touch because Horc goes mad scientist and tries to clone himself)

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#165 cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan
September 21 2010, 08:19PM
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Chris. wrote:

So who's gonna win the Joey Moss Cup? Team Blue... or Team White?

(Hint: Team White by at least two.)

http://oilers.nhl.com/club/news.htm?id=538152

any other predictions there tips?

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#166 Chris.
September 21 2010, 08:20PM
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Ender wrote:

I'll take that bet. Blue rolls over them while reading the Wall Street Journal between shifts.

Damn you Ender!

In other news: *yawn*

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#167 Chris.
September 21 2010, 08:26PM
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cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan wrote:

any other predictions there tips?

~I didn't realize team white also had all Oiler players and prospects.~

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#168 Action Jackson
September 21 2010, 08:32PM
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I think the Goat just declared himself tonight...Sam Gagner

Horcoff is valuable even if he isn't offensive and Gagner is really just in the way of the kids getting ice time.

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#169 SirFozz
September 21 2010, 08:47PM
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Wow, so late to the party.

This season I'm going with Tom Gilbert cause he's too soft.*

*That's what she said. Before calling him a goat then leaving the room.

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#170 Oilchange64
September 21 2010, 09:17PM
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Just because nobody else will:

Star: Smid 50 points 49 second assists and 1 empty net goal.

Goat....Sorry but Khabibulin should be excluded because he is the most obvious goatiest goatastic goat candidate ever. Seriously, expectations are so low that an average season would exceed most expectations.

To be a true goat you have to come in below expectations. Not based on contract, hope I am wrong, think he will play tough minutes but worrried about durability and people expect points. The horns go to Horcoff.

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#171 Eric Johnson AKA Fiveandagame
September 21 2010, 10:01PM
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As I recall I caught a lot of flack from Master Wanye for picking thecapationmoreau as my Goat.

"Shane Corson?" How dare I.

"Put on Waivers?" Shudder the thought.

History vindicates all that are righteous.

So 2010-2011 Master Goat Escutcheon?

Jason "Lead foot" Strudwick. Charm? Plenty. Missed assignments? Oh we got those.

BTW I picked Patty O'Sullivan as my star. I looked like the Escutcheon of a goat on that one.

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#172 oilers2k11
September 21 2010, 10:29PM
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My prediction....for the first time since the goat was invented at Oilersnation.com, there will be NO goat this year! The Oilers will have chemistry like the boys on the bus did back in the 80's and go on to win the cup in 6 games vs the Penguins of Pittsburgh..you heard it here first.

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#173 Wanyes bastard child
September 21 2010, 10:39PM
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Im going out on a limb here and picking Schremp 2.0 as my goat.

I don't think mr youtube will be able to perform and display at the NHL level and will get caught everytime he he try's one of his fancy tricks, turning into either a rush the other way, a wonderful scoring chance missed or the momentum of a play dyeing with him. And as another poster mentioned previously in the star wars blog, he will get 9 games. 9 Games to suck the teet and show he needs to rethink his game at the NHL level and "dumb" down his game so-to-speak. 9 games that takes away from the opportunity of one of the other kids.

Sorry Omark, but you are my goat.

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#174 Bryzarro World
September 21 2010, 10:42PM
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My Goat...... The whole freaking goalie corp. They gonna crap their pants this year. Even if we play lights out we don't have a tender to stop anything. The Bulin wall is going the way of the Berlin wall... crumbled to dust. Kids are not gonna do it and Gerber..... please.

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#176 Gerald R. Ford
September 22 2010, 12:17AM
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Horcoff swinging and missing on thirty or forty beauty setups from whichever talented wingers get wasted on his line will inevitably earn him Alpha Goat status. That is one call I will NOT miss from Rockin' Rod:

"Hemsky over to Horcoff... he SCORRR----AUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHH! HE MISSED THE WIDE OPEN NET! He had all day, and half the net! He's KILLING me, Bob! Arizona, here I come."

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#177 PabstBR55
September 22 2010, 12:31AM
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Sheldon Oilers Fan for Life!!! wrote:

Hemsky I think he will have a bad year and be traded at the deadline. Boy I hope I am wrong!!!!

Hemsky is also my pick for tin can-eating goat. And not because he doesn't add mad jam to our first line (sic).

Hemsky is goat because he will want to go all Hollywood on us and ask for a trade right when the team starts to gel and develop an identity. Another star fleeing from OilerLand.

Screw you, Ales.

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#178 Beer + Wings
September 22 2010, 01:35AM
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I want to be a crazy person and pick Liam Reddo to be my star because I feel like he could exceed expectations and actually put up 40 points in a full season, but there are too many forwards and he'll spend a lot of time in the A. So I'll have to pick Gagner to finally break out and be the star now that the team has offensive depth, albeit unexperienced depth.

And Khabibulin is the obvious pick for goat so I'll have to go with Cogliano, even though I hope and expect for him to be dealt sooner than later.

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#179 Blue Blooded
September 22 2010, 02:30AM
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@BigE91

uggggghhhh.... were you at the game against Chicogo??.... brutal first shot/ first goal.... at least they won the cup!

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#180 Blue Blooded
September 22 2010, 02:38AM
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@Ender

Ender, though I don't know you, I must say I always enjoy reading your comments. You know what!? Screw giving the admins here props. "Ooooh, my name is Wanye and I run this site..." (ya freaking diva!). Props to all the oilersnation regulars... just like you Ender; may your absorption within these interweb pages be a guiding light for humanity. Boo ya?

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#181 Jerk Store
September 22 2010, 07:08AM
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Star = Foster. I am being Johnny-come-lately after his bomb one-timer last night. But the guy shoots it quick and gets it through. Is big and can play with an edge. Kid has been through hell and deserves a break.

Goat = Gibby Gilbert. Kid has mad skills but has as much edge as a wet Kleenex. Doesn't need to put anyone through the boards but for the love of God - please at least lean on someone heading for the net! You are 6'3" and like 215 and the last time you threw a hit, Lindsay Lohan was still a tea-toddler. Tom Poti = Tom Gilbert. I hope I am wrong .... But really, what are the chances of that happening?

* Rushes off to see how BP stocks purchased a year ago are doing.

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#182 m@s f@s
September 22 2010, 08:50AM
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Smashing hammers scare me not. Smashing body checks on rookies like Hall and EBERLE...ouch.

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#183 Dave
September 22 2010, 08:55AM
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Vandermeer is my goat although i believe expectations of Eberle are way too high and may lead to the fans beginning to turn on him.

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#184 Ender
September 22 2010, 08:57AM
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@Blue Blooded

Boo ya, BB. Though I gotta say; if humanity is following my beacon from the annals of this site, it would best be advised to bring a flashlight.

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#185 rubbertrout
September 22 2010, 09:51AM
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Ender wrote:

Boo ya, BB. Though I gotta say; if humanity is following my beacon from the annals of this site, it would best be advised to bring a flashlight.

It's the Riker pic Ender. He inspires leadership.

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#186 Dan the Man
September 22 2010, 09:52AM
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Can I pick Patrick O'Sullivan just because I hate him so much?

My back up choice would be ReKhabibulin for the 2nd year in a row.

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#187 Ender
September 22 2010, 10:02AM
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rubbertrout wrote:

It's the Riker pic Ender. He inspires leadership.

Only if you're not the uncredited away-team member.

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#188 Ender
September 22 2010, 10:02AM
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rubbertrout wrote:

It's the Riker pic Ender. He inspires leadership.

Ack! I'm entangled in the clutches of the evil double-post! Phasers on PUREE have no effect . . .

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#189 Randy
September 22 2010, 11:00AM
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The goat will be Tom Renney. Oiler Nation is all fired up about the "new look" Oil, and have annointed the 3 young guys as the 3 kings that will lead us from the wilderness we have been hopelessly lost in for the last 20 years so they will be exempt. Khabibulin likely won't play enough games to be a goat what with injury and incarceration problems, Penner and Horcoff will play well enough to avoid the horns and Oiler fans need somebody to put the boots to.

Renney will be accused of stifling the young guys, over using the old guys, not using the tough guys, and likely will be mentioned with bad weather, the weak economy, and most of the social ills in the world.

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#190 Randy
September 22 2010, 11:01AM
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The goat will be Tom Renney. Oiler Nation is all fired up about the "new look" Oil, and have annointed the 3 young guys as the 3 kings that will lead us from the wilderness we have been hopelessly lost in for the last 20 years so they will be exempt. Khabibulin likely won't play enough games to be a goat what with injury and incarceration problems, Penner and Horcoff will play well enough to avoid the horns and Oiler fans need somebody to put the boots to.

Renney will be accused of stifling the young guys, over using the old guys, not using the tough guys, and likely will be mentioned with bad weather, the weak economy, and most of the social ills in the world.

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#191 rubbertrout
September 22 2010, 04:11PM
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Randy wrote:

The goat will be Tom Renney. Oiler Nation is all fired up about the "new look" Oil, and have annointed the 3 young guys as the 3 kings that will lead us from the wilderness we have been hopelessly lost in for the last 20 years so they will be exempt. Khabibulin likely won't play enough games to be a goat what with injury and incarceration problems, Penner and Horcoff will play well enough to avoid the horns and Oiler fans need somebody to put the boots to.

Renney will be accused of stifling the young guys, over using the old guys, not using the tough guys, and likely will be mentioned with bad weather, the weak economy, and most of the social ills in the world.

~Obviously you are wrong. All of that stuff was clearly Mac-T's fault~

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#192 SirFozz
September 22 2010, 05:56PM
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Ender wrote:

Boo ya, BB. Though I gotta say; if humanity is following my beacon from the annals of this site, it would best be advised to bring a flashlight.

Hmmmm, I always thought the annals of this site led to www.jeanshortsandbaggedmilk.com.

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#193 bigsul
September 22 2010, 06:00PM
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Gilbert is going to be the man on the blueline this year can you say norris trophey

and the goat im gonna have to go with smid

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#194 AussieOil
September 22 2010, 09:29PM
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This is a slam dunk, Cogliano is the clear winner for the Goat - I was getting mad at him during the JM Cup allready! He pretty much picked himself as far as I am concerned. Star is Shawn "Stone Hands no more" Scorecoft - much less pressure for him this year. Look out 5 holes!

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