PICKING LOS GOATO

Wanye
September 21 2010 11:25AM

Given our horrendous luck picking Stars, picking the Goat each year is waaaaay more fun.

Goat selection evolved a few years back when we had a buddy that would randomly pick an Oiler each game and rag on him mercilessly. “That dang (insert player here.) He is the worst player on the ice. (Insert GM here) should be embarrassed that he picked such a terrible player.”

Minutes later that same player would score and the same guy would be standing and high fiving everyone. “Look at (insert player here) go! Atta boy! I been sayin’ all year long that (insert player here) is gonna make some moves.”

FAIR WEATHER FANS

These types of fans can be found under every rock. Hating on every random player that draws their ire, loving them the very next minute - all in the name of being an "fan." The boys didn't think that it was sporting to cuss each and every Oiler only to shower them with praise on the next play and several half drunken arguments broke out over the span of a couple seasons to drive home the point.

Instead of playing our band wagon jumping friend on waivers, we all concocted the Goat. The Goat is intended to be the cause of all the team’s problems for the entire season. Goal just went in? Damn the Goat to hell. He wasn’t on the ice? Damn his stupid manner in which he sits on the bench.

The first year of two that we picked Grebeshkov to be our Goat was easily the best picking of our storied Goat picking career. Not only was Grebs brutal, but the team was too. We blamed him for most everything most nights and it allowed us to vent all Oilers related anger his way.

On a team that we hope finishes no higher than 30th place this year, picking the Goat is going to be key to maintaining your sanity.

LAST YEAR'S GOAT PROGNOSI

We picked dirty old Grebs last year too after such a successful 2008-09 campaign. He was traded later in the year, at a point that we were so disillusioned we barely even chirped him on the way out of town.

Here are some other great goat picks from last year

Massive call naming the Captain the Goat. On a team filled with suspects, he was one of the finest last year.

A pair of dandies here as well. As the season wore on Steady Steve wore out, then we all laughed as the Flames picked him up for reasons unknown.

Oh man, is this one ever wonderous. Commander Ender goes on an epic rant dusting off Penner as his goat and goes so far as to bold the sentence basically declaring 'if Penner was good he would have shown it already.' 

That is rich creamery butter and exactly why we write these predictions down.

*laughs heartily*

2010-11 GOAT

Picking a marginal player who will be called up from time to time defeats the purpose of picking a Goat. A good Goat logs mad minutes during the year so that he can be often cursed for his goat like stupidity and insatiable desire to eat trash and wear a bell.

Our expectations for the 2010-11 are low. In fact we actually want the team to finish last to secure another lottery pick. Exciting last place hockey Nation, that is the ticket for the coming year.

In a strange twist of fate the Goat could actually be considered a Star for assisting in the effort. That thought just blew our mind as did the picture of the Goat wearing underwear.

Because of the fact that we have him signed for all eternity and because of the fact that will ensure he sees mad game time this year our 2010-11 goat is:

AND THE WINNER IS

Nikolai Khabibulin.

Dang you to all hell Khabibulin! Why are you signed for so long at such a high price? When the Oilers sent you the $70 million dollar offer sheet, why didn’t you have your agent fax back “this is grossly overpriced. We agree to sign a one year deal at league minimum instead.”

Any player agent worth his salt and any player with a heart beating in his chest would have done this.

But no, you had to go with accepting the deal and blowing both feet off the Oilers in the process. We won’t even touch the "glug-glug-vroom-vroom" over the summer, but best believe that didn’t help your case. Nor does the wonky ass spine you are toting around.

Good luck BAAAAABIBULIN*

*har har har

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#1 Ogden Brother Jr. - Team Strudwick for coach
September 21 2010, 11:27AM
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I'm going with Jim Vandermeer.

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#2 Ogden Brother Jr. - Team Strudwick for coach
September 21 2010, 11:29AM
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I seem tempted to email you

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#4 Ogden Brother Jr. - Team Strudwick for coach
September 21 2010, 11:31AM
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@Wanye

I'm curious about the revolution

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#5 BUCK75
September 21 2010, 11:36AM
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Goat, our team is loaded with talent, it is impossible to pick one~

Vandermeer is my pick as well. He will play too much, get undressed too many times & be a defensive zone liability. Sounds like my goat from last year, Staios.

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#6 Max Powers - Team HME Evans
September 21 2010, 11:36AM
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Cogs is my pick. He's either gonna blow up this season or he's gonna get sent down. He said all the rights things last year too. Even if he is making only a cool mill i still think he disappoints the most thus making him the Goat.

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#7 fuck off
September 21 2010, 11:38AM
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Horcoff is still an easy and possibly the most likely to be the right goat pick than KhabinBoozin. Signed through 2014-15 at a 5.5 mil hit makes him the #1 target even beyond the possibility of a 30 day jail sentance in mid-season!

I wanna pick Horcoff but damn I don't want to be right!

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#8 RyanB
September 21 2010, 11:38AM
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Strudwick. He's gonna play in too many games and play too much in those games. He's a debatable NHL player at best and we'll play him in over 60 games this season.

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#9 fuck off
September 21 2010, 11:40AM
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I ended up picking Hemsky. If that band aid can't play more than 50games he deserves the damn horns! Especially if they make him the 13C and all he does is bail on practice early all year long.

edit: @Wanye
How come Souray isn't on the list?? There's a sh!t tonne of possibilities for him to be #1 goat. EI: We do trade his a$$ to someone in-conference like CBJ and he ends up taking Hall or one of the kids out for the year with a PP slap shot? ONLY to go on to have a 50 point season as they eek into the playoffs?!

maybe I should write horror fiction...

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#10 Ryan14
September 21 2010, 11:41AM
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A team that is projected last place and we need a goat? hmm.

I'll say Souray. Even if he doesn't play, everything is his fault.

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#11 Milli
September 21 2010, 11:42AM
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Max Powers - Team HME Evans wrote:

Cogs is my pick. He's either gonna blow up this season or he's gonna get sent down. He said all the rights things last year too. Even if he is making only a cool mill i still think he disappoints the most thus making him the Goat.

How dare you Mx Powers, Cogs is my star, and he will be THE STAR this year.

Goat, I don't think a Stanley Cup winning team has a goat, but, just for for and to not look like a big chicken, I too will take Vanermeer, thats right, NOT cogs max powers, but Vandy, after all he did play for calgary!

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#12 Muji 狗
September 21 2010, 11:43AM
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Ryan Whitney. Baaaah.

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#13 OF17
September 21 2010, 11:43AM
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STAR- Linus Omark

GOAT- Nik Khabibulin

Picking Hazbeenboozin' is just way to freaking easy to not do it.

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#14 The Hall Way
September 21 2010, 11:43AM
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I know Wayne is going to be all over me like a Flames fan on a Adam Lambert poster but i am changing my goat pick from yesterday. Yesterday i picked Taylor Hall, not fully understanding the true meaning of the goat or the utter disdain i would need to have for the goat in order for him to be my goat. (plus Wayne mocked me for it)

So today i choose: Tom Gilbert. He will be called on to be a big leader and example to the kids this year, and will crack under pressure

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#15 streeky
September 21 2010, 11:43AM
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got to go with...Steve Smith,or Struds

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#16 Stewsquared
September 21 2010, 11:44AM
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The Goat is of course, Gene Principe. I can hear the puns now, "And they all lived happy Eberle after in the Taylor Hall of Fame and had a big Pjaarvi for all the little Brule-dies and gentlemen and they passed around fat Dubnyks and then ate both Stortini and Tambellini linguini and Ales was Colin Fraser to see why he spit on Shawn and why he was now wiping Horcoff his good friends face. Back to you guys.'

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#17 thetikk
September 21 2010, 11:44AM
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I hate to say it, but poor #10's gonna get put in all sort of new, wonderful positions to fail this season. I like the player, dislike the contract (like everyone else) and truly believe that he deserves a better fate than hooking down Taylor Hall's missed assignment on a breakaway.

Shawn Horcoff, all covered in Feta Cheese.

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#18 Lisa McRitchie
September 21 2010, 11:45AM
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I'm going with the guy who cares about his shoes more than anything. Gilbert for goat

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#19 D-Man
September 21 2010, 11:45AM
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Vandermeer won't be playing nearly enough to be eligible for 'Goat' status... Obvious pick is Horcoff (who pays a supposed shut down center that much?? Oh wait - never mind), but to keep the conversation going - do we hop on the Penner bandwagon again, assuming he hasn't scored 10 to 15 goals in the first 30 games of the season??

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#20 yegCopywriter
September 21 2010, 11:46AM
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Goatbert Brule. He'll be worried about the rookies passing him on the depth chart, leading to just that happening.

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#21 David S
September 21 2010, 11:47AM
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Soooo much goat potential on this team.

*Rubs hands in glee*

However, since you have JDD up there in the poll, the answer becomes self-fulfilling.

JDD is the goat. Its a lock. His crease is going to be known as "The red light district".

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#22 OttawaOilFan
September 21 2010, 11:48AM
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Hmmm my 1st ever goat pick, this is something that dreams are made of. Do I go with the easy choices or try something new? What would Brian Botano do???? Ok, so my 1st ever goat pick is ..... Brule. With that brand spankin new contract I think he's going to stink out the joint.

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#23 BUCK75
September 21 2010, 11:49AM
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D-Man wrote:

Vandermeer won't be playing nearly enough to be eligible for 'Goat' status... Obvious pick is Horcoff (who pays a supposed shut down center that much?? Oh wait - never mind), but to keep the conversation going - do we hop on the Penner bandwagon again, assuming he hasn't scored 10 to 15 goals in the first 30 games of the season??

Your choices for a 6 dman are Vandermeer or Strudwick. Once injuries happen, like they alway do one of the 2 will be playing quite a bit.

Strudwick = Vandermeer

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#24 Oilers Ninja
September 21 2010, 11:50AM
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I will have to follow in Citizen Maxwell Powers footsteps and pick Cogs.

He has a bad attitude just like my personal body guard and chauffer B.A. Baracus (that is him driving my van).

To heck with you Cogs with your fast foot speed and no will to win or be good. To heck I say.

Hi Ender

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#25 Max Powers - Team HME Evans
September 21 2010, 11:51AM
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@Milli

Ummm... does it make you feel better if I say I hope I'm wrong? Like I said, he either breaks out or gets sent down this season. I hope it's the former.

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#26 Marsha
September 21 2010, 11:52AM
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Crème brulée, the delicious dessert, will be the goat. Brule is going to take a step back and bring all kinds of suckage. Goat, thy name is Brule.

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#27 Next up, is Connor McJesus.
September 21 2010, 11:54AM
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Biggest disappointment....Steve Tambellini.

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#28 Shifty203
September 21 2010, 11:58AM
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Taylor Hall.

This pick was easier than the star. There is no way he's going to live up to the over-hyped expectations, and he will instead be inevitably be blamed for not doing enough.

As far as who I think will actually be a problem this year, I got to go with Hemmer. He's complained publicly before, and I think when his ice time starts getting cut to give the kids more time, he's gonna want out.

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#29 fuck off
September 21 2010, 11:59AM
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Marsha wrote:

Crème brulée, the delicious dessert, will be the goat. Brule is going to take a step back and bring all kinds of suckage. Goat, thy name is Brule.

How dare you pick Brule!?! That slapper of his is going to score all kinds of weak goals from the hash marks all year long... unless that's what you're expecting him to do; thus pulling us out of a lottery pick.

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#30 Oiler Country
September 21 2010, 11:59AM
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My goat this year is a man who thinks he is better than the rest of his two compadres. He outlandish spasms of when he snatches, whiffing at the puck in the air only to see him shrouded in red lights or sweeping his pads from side to side in the crease, throwing his stick away swatting, and failing from stopping the puck from crossing the red line.

My Goat: Jeff Drouin-Deslauriers

I have more faith in Dubnyk than I do with that guy in net.

He will log a lot of minutes because Khabi's back will wreck again....again!

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#31 Crackenbury
September 21 2010, 12:02PM
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Jacques? Where did he go?

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#32 BArmstrong
September 21 2010, 12:03PM
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This is a clear sign from the gods...

http://imgur.com/FKVBp.jpg

Forced to pick only one? Hemsky - you'll see.

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#33 BArmstrong
September 21 2010, 12:04PM
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Next up, is Connor McJesus. wrote:

Biggest disappointment....Steve Tambellini.

BINGO

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#34 Homie
September 21 2010, 12:06PM
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Hemsky. Another season of 10 unbelievable games and a pile of second assists.

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#35 Ender
September 21 2010, 12:10PM
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I chuckled a bit as I read last years prediction.

[shakes head ruefully]

Ah, well, they thought Galileo was crazy too; turns out he was just ahead of his time. And that's why on this team full of potential goats (Khabiboozin is too easy, Wanye; that's like saying baggedmilk is going to offend a lady somewhere this weekend. How can anyone look wise predicting that?) I'm sticking by my universal Truth. To all the scoffers and naysayers, I say now that you've been duped and that the real Dustin Penner will reveal himself this season. If he didn't cast a shadow last year, then it's because he's a pointy-toothed monster.

Next year at this time, I expect an apology. And a cake. And a little trophy that says Bestest Goat-Picker Ever.

Or to mercilessly heckled; whichever fits.

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#36 rubbertrout
September 21 2010, 12:10PM
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Ryan14 wrote:

A team that is projected last place and we need a goat? hmm.

I'll say Souray. Even if he doesn't play, everything is his fault.

I too will join you in blaming everything on Souray. The best way to do this is to make repeated references to how he can go and suck a giant fat C&%K.

Unfortunately, in my mind the goat needs to actually suit up for the Oil at some point this year.

Khabby is too easy.

Cogs may well be on his way out of town and I kind of want something to go right for him.

Even though everyone seems to suspect that Manitoba Fats may have a let down I think the big train is going to be just fine.

My Goat:

Ryan Whitney.

I hope that I'm wrong but I have serious concerns about those feet.

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#37 BArmstrong
September 21 2010, 12:13PM
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@rubbertrout

Dude. They're bionic!

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#38 rubbertrout
September 21 2010, 12:13PM
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By the way Wanye, that photoshop you and Bingo used last year for the Grebs goat remains my favorite ever on this site.

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#39 offside
September 21 2010, 12:17PM
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Can I pick the entire defense or do I have to choose just one?

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#40 rubbertrout
September 21 2010, 12:17PM
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Next up, is Connor McJesus. wrote:

Biggest disappointment....Steve Tambellini.

I actually think Steve-O has started to turn things around. I still blame him for Khabby and going after Heater but he has done some nice things.

If you are serious that you want the collosal fossil as the GM then you might need to fit yourself for some goat horns. The last thing I want is a guy who doesn't believe in (or for that matter understand) the necessity of line matching to be running the show.

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#41 Skidrow Gutterbum
September 21 2010, 12:21PM
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Chalk up another goat vote for Vandermeer, never been overly impressed with him, especially after watching this debacle...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K41uJuoXm8c

Yeah, It's Big Mac on the other end, but this guy got absolutely annihilated.

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#42 Canadian Maniac
September 21 2010, 12:24PM
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I think it's going to be a bad year for Tom Gilbert. I sincerely hope I'm wrong and there is no goat, but that's my pick.

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#43 Spartacus
September 21 2010, 12:26PM
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Wait a minute... Wanye's not black?

What's next? Katz isn't rich? Moreau is as good as he thinks he is?

Bizzaro!

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#44 Dodd
September 21 2010, 12:27PM
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Easy: Horcoff.

Until we truly have someone else for the faceoff dot who we put on the ice for all the hard minutes Horcoff will continue to look worse than he actually is. We all saw this coming with the loss of Stoll and Reasoner. Until they are replaced (or some kid steps up.....COGLIANO) Horcoff wears the horns.

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#45 David S
September 21 2010, 12:27PM
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BTW - That is the most amazing display of goat balance I've ever seen.

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#46 Milli
September 21 2010, 12:28PM
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Max Powers - Team HME Evans wrote:

Ummm... does it make you feel better if I say I hope I'm wrong? Like I said, he either breaks out or gets sent down this season. I hope it's the former.

No, I was just having some fun, now leave my start alone!!

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#47 Jerome Pon
September 21 2010, 12:28PM
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Star - Ales Hemsky Goat - Jason Strudwick

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#48 The Towel Boy
September 21 2010, 12:30PM
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Stewsquared wrote:

The Goat is of course, Gene Principe. I can hear the puns now, "And they all lived happy Eberle after in the Taylor Hall of Fame and had a big Pjaarvi for all the little Brule-dies and gentlemen and they passed around fat Dubnyks and then ate both Stortini and Tambellini linguini and Ales was Colin Fraser to see why he spit on Shawn and why he was now wiping Horcoff his good friends face. Back to you guys.'

wow. As somewhat of a pun connoisseur, I have to say that was pure collector's edition grade punnery.

Well played.

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#49 NewfieMikey
September 21 2010, 12:31PM
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I think the goats are the "fans" that cannot pluck their heads from their a$$e$. Seriously, I get that there a probably Flamers and Nuckleheads here but judging by a lot of these comments, I wonder if a lot of you even watch hockey or know what a puck is.

Picking Penner or Hemsky in this is just retarded, both are great NHLers and will have amazing years. If someone gets hurt, how does that make them a goat?

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#50 ubermiguel
September 21 2010, 12:35PM
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Hall. He won't be able to live up to the hype in year one. Year 2 and onward he'll be great. Hopefully he doesn't get run out of town like Poti or Arnott.

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