LOOKING BACK, LOOKING AHEAD

Wanye
October 04 2011 12:28PM

 

We have had a hell of a past few seasons as fans of the Edmonton Oilers haven’t we? Anyone remember the heart pounding Cup run of 2006? Anyone remember the heart destroying summer of 2006?

Anyone still remember the five – count em – five years since as we all found entertaining ways to cover for the Oil as they bumbled, fumbled and dumb-dumbled their way to back to back lasts?

Let’s take a look back at the eras of Oilers since that wonderous day the Oilers lost in SCFG7 and made us cry for the first time since Grade 6.

SHITANUSLY BAD HOCKEY (2007-08)

 

Once upon a 2007 we were sitting around talking hockey with the boys and called the audible to try and coin a word to describe the current state of the Oil. We needed a completely new term mind you – nobody in the history of the English language had been forced to watch this level of mediocrity. 

And so shitanusly bad hockey was born. And we entertained ourselves with finding funny pictures of people getting the crap punched out of them, otherwise failing at stuff and consoled one another with statements like “oh it isn’t as though Robin Brownlee will predicting the Oilers will come in 13th in the West in 2011-12 or something*

FMNF (2008-09)

Back in 2008, 99% of active Oilers fans seemed to simultaneously clue into the fact that their team had been underperforming in the 3 years since they had made their miraculous run to the Stanley Cup Finals. At the very same instant the cure for what ailed the Oilers was discovered by these same fans. "Perhaps the team ought to to consider firing their Head Coach" they said, at the time the Coach being curly haired strategiest Craig MacTavish.

Roughly 2 seasons too late the Oil finally lurched into action firing Craig MacTavish. And how things have turned around since then! With new Coaching the Oil have set a new standard for excellence in the NHL and given us hundreds of thousands of thrills ever since!**

ELPH I (2009-10)

Remember when we collectively decided to give up on cheering for the Oilers to win hockey games and instead started asking for the Oilers to start LOSING hockey games? Remember how they rose to the occasion and came in last place in the 2009-10 NHL season?***

ELPH II (2010-11)

Remember when we collectively decided to give up on cheering for the Oilers to win hockey games and instead started asking for the Oilers to start LOSING hockey games? Remember how they rose to the occasion and came in last place in the 2010-11 NHL season?***

AND SO NOW WHAT?

What are we looking for the coming season? Are expectations high or low? Brownlee is calling for another lottery pick, though in his infinite wisdom he doesn’t think the Oil will finish dead last in the league this season.

Is it brain insanity to think the Oil could be competitive this season? Or will they toil in the basement all season like a common hockey blogger?**** Is this the year we as fans decide to hold the team accountable for their crimes and riot in the streets? Or are we so drunk on the hope kool-aid that comes with back to back first picks overall that we will tolerate all sorts of things in the meantime?

We started a poll, now lets get the conversation going so we can wrap our brains around what we are hoping to get out of the next 82 Oilers regular season games.

SPEAKING OF HOCKEY DRAFTS

Earlier in the week our esteemed colleague Jonathan Willis triggered an avalanche of commentary-as-entries in the First Annual Nation Network Hockey Draft. Classic case of the left hand not knowing what the right hand is doing right there. 

The internet folk that power this here hockey website – Citizen Alpha being micromanaged by your ol’ pal Wanye - has been hard at work making a hockey draft website for our friends at Boston Pizza and didn’t think to bang out a version for here.

Classic.

This is the last week of the pre-season Nation. Every warm blooded hockey fan is full to the brim with confidence, knowledge and certainty as to who will outperform who on the ice hockey surface.

If you live in Northern Alberta - why not channel that knowledge, energy and longing for puck dropping into a second hockey draft – this time the Boston Pizza Draft? 

This draft has all the trimmings that your old pal Wanye, the big wigs at Boston Pizza and our national partner Molson can bring to the table – a vertiable jim dandy of a prize bonanza.

First place is an Oilers game in a luxury BOX of all things if you can believe it. Every month we are giving away free wings for a year and the Best Seats in the House on game nights. 

478th place is getting a free bikini wax courtesy of Wanye Industries Corporation LLP Ltd Inc (females only) and 479th place is giving a free bikini wax to the entire Wanye Industries Corporation LLP Ltd (either gender can win)

If you happen to see any bugs in the website please keep them to yourself. It has been a long summer for poor old Citizen Alpha as micromanaged by your ol’ pal Wanye.

And now to go find more prizes.

ANNOTATIONS

*That sound you hear is our teeth grinding.

**That sound you hear is Craig MacTavish being one step away from Coaching the Canucks and beating the Oil up for funsies.

***That sound you hear is us sobbing uncontrollably thinking of all the time we could have spent making model aircraft carriers instead of cheering for Oilerz.

****Our parents are our roommate FYI, a roommate who happens to not charge us any rent, enjoys making beds and understands that a good roommate always does all the laundry.

 

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Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#1 laughing pug
October 04 2011, 12:30PM
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The fist thing I did after SCFVII was shave my beard with no shaving cream. Only tears.

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#3 Talbot17
October 04 2011, 12:40PM
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Fantastic Inspiring Script This is Wanye. I laugh my @ss of at the "dont fire me pic" .

this has to be the year we start to call the team on their blunders...right?

I guess for 2 months we can remain optimistic but i see winters coming on strong this year...

**looks out window and picks up a tall crisp glass of ON Kool-aid, and somehow begins to notice a cloud shaped in the form of Mctavish's face, curlies and all** ...

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#4 Max Powers - Team HME Evans
October 04 2011, 01:02PM
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Groundhog day was hilarious. Also, Professor Frink kicks as$. Glaven.

I'm gonna join me another hockey pool...

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#5 Pilgor09
October 04 2011, 01:05PM
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What is this? A centre for ants?

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#6 Talbot17
October 04 2011, 01:06PM
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@Pilgor09

MOON - COD

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#7 Shredder
October 04 2011, 01:18PM
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I only do 1 hockey pool per year, and I'm already in one. Good luck to this one though.

FYI: I took Hall very high up in the draft (he was my 4th forward)...there's only 6 guys in the pool so that was a bit of a risk. I think he'll deliver.

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#9 Matt Henderson
October 04 2011, 01:47PM
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I'd STILL buy a FMNF t-shirt

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#10 edmontoncritic - BRoadwAY
October 04 2011, 02:21PM
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One more year of no expectations for me while I gawk at "What could be". Next year, back to normally scheduled programinng of hating Gilbert and wondering why Horcoff gets paid so much.....until then, ELPH or E13thPH. Whatevs

On a bearded note, Ive wagered with a flames fan to not shave until our team is eliminated from the playoffs so I hope for a First 1st (a cup) or first last (#1 overall).

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#11 Chris.
October 04 2011, 02:28PM
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The Oilers have a very real opportunity to climb way up the standings with only modest improvement in their overall play simply owing to the lack of quality in the NW division. Games against Calgary, Minnesota, and Colorado should be considered winnable. No other division in the league has four teams that missed the playoffs last year.

Would you rather be the Islanders trying to take a step forward while playing the Flyers, Penguins, Rangers, and Devils six times each?

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#12 ColeRoll
October 04 2011, 02:29PM
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How does the scoring work in the bp pool? I can't find any info on it.

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#13 Pilgor09
October 04 2011, 02:32PM
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@Talbot17

You suck at everything.

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#14 Bucknuck
October 04 2011, 02:54PM
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summer of 2006 wasn't so bad for me... it was the spring of 2007 when Smytty left town. That ripped my heart out.

Now that he's back all is well again. I think his impact will be amazing... if we can get some defence.

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#15 vetinari
October 04 2011, 02:56PM
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How about that feeling during the 2006 Cup run when Rollie went down and the fate of Oiler Nation rested in the hands of... Markkanen???(sp?)... then Game 7.... the clock counted down to no time remaining despite me trying to will the Oil unto victory by intensely staring at the screen and the Canes took to the ice in victory celebration and lifted the cup...

And then I went outside, rubbed the first June sun that I saw that year out of my eyes, sat down in the backyard and yelled at the heavens... "wait until next year... we're soooo close".

THAT blend of closeness and disappointment... I never thought that I'd miss that feeling until I lived through the following years of on-ice and off-ice futility because it meant that at that moment, I thought we were THAT close to being a contender.

"We can replace Pronger, no worries..." "Hah, screw you Anaheim, we GOT Penner for only draft picks and you can't teach size..." "Whadd'ya mean Heatley wants to consider his options..." "Schremp will OWN you guys in two years..." "Khabibulin? They signed a former Stanley Cup winning goaltender? How long did you say?" "If we turf MacTavish, that's got to help, right?"

I think I may go crawl into the bath-tub with a bottle of gin and listen to Stompin' Tom's "The Hockey Song" for the next hour while I weap... hold my calls please...

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#16 David S
October 04 2011, 03:03PM
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Didn't we use to have a simpleton's pool here at ON a few short years ago? You know, one not requiring in-depth knowledge of advanced stats and countless hours reviewing, contemplating and prognosticating on "quality" sites like HFboards? The sort of thing us working guys could wrap our heads around while still being quasi-productive?

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#17 Dog Train
October 04 2011, 03:08PM
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But none of it matters now because we've got SMYTTY!!!

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#18 Etown Rebel
October 04 2011, 04:11PM
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I drank so many beers during SCR 06 that I almost made a deal with the wife not to touch another one until we got to the playoffs again. "just take a season off" she said. Man, that was too close.

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#19 Beavis
October 04 2011, 04:30PM
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Wanye, your gift for scouring the internet for bizarre yet appropriate images is a rare one indeed. Let's just hope this time next year doesn't bring us a Spanish Groundhog Day poster.

The tagline for that Futureworld poster is priceless. One seven word question with the same word used three times and two conjugations* of "to be"... inspiring. That movie must have been a blockbuster.

*The French version of the Groundhog Day poster brought back years and years of "je suis, tu es, il est, etc" back to me. I'm also hoping that this is the first time the word "conjugation" has ever been used on this site.

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#20 russ99
October 04 2011, 06:27PM
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With Yul Brynner as the Gunslinger.

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#21 OutDoorRink
October 04 2011, 07:27PM
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We're only year 2 into the rebuild.

Year 2.

Advil pain.

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#22 John Chambers
October 04 2011, 09:17PM
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The Oilers have never missed the playoffs with Ryan Smyth in the linuep for a full season.* Now that he's back we can right a wrong and begin to ascend back up the standings and into the playoffs.

*Not actually true, unless we qualify statement with "in the post-lockout era".

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#23 GNikkled
October 04 2011, 10:13PM
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I happily draft Jim Treliving and a perogy pizza.

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