2011 GOAT PICKING
Wanye
September 26 2011 09:17PM
One of the many traditions here at the OilersNation.com interwebian website is the annual rite of picking the Goat and the Star for the upcoming season. What began as a way to blame an entirely awful season on a single undeserving player has evolved into a hilarious means of mocking one another to pass the time.
The season draws near - the goats need be named.
GOATS OF YORE
We have been picking goats for three seasons now and it has been a triumverate of mediocrity. Here has been the annual breakdown thus far, with links to the original article where available,
2008-09: Denis Grebeshkov
Picking Nikolai Khabilbulin in 2011 to be your goat is sort of like picking Lindsay Lohan to not win any major film awards this year. It is a foregone conclusion right out of the gate and its getting kinda sad to keep poking fun.
Ever since we heard that Khabibulin – already a quiet chap from all accounts – is embarrassed by his DUI, feels bad for all the bad press he has gotten and just wants to move on with his career – we feel as though picking on ol’ Nikolai has lost its fun.
And so he gets a reprieve from the scorching pressure that is being our Goat for the year in the place of a far more deserving gato.
2011-12 GOATIE GOAT
Khabibulin trashing may have lost its lustre, but mocking Tom Gilbert on the other hand – well that just suits us to a tee. He has no adversity to overcome, just a wallet that needs a helicopter to lift and a giant goat shaped target on his forehead.
Mark our words, if Gilbert plays with a healthy Ryan Whitney all season he will undoubtedly rack up a boat load of second assists. This of course won’t be reflected in his season totals. Assists are assists. This will lead the uninitiated – and hopefully some NHL GMs – will think that Gilbert has returned to form and is a point getting machine.
This is false.
Softer than newly baked bread and sporting a shoe fetish Lady Gaga herself would admire, Tom Gilbert just ain’t our cup of tea. If the 2011-12 season is going to see a single goal scored on the Edmonton Oilers or even a solitary loss blemish their record it is going to be Tom Gilbert’s fault.
Believe that.
Who you picking in the 2011 Goat Sweepstakes?
PHOTOSHOP CONTEST WINNER
Clearly the funniest photoshop contest entry to date in the history of OilersNation.com is going to win Photoshop III: What If? The winning entrant - Barmstrong - has set the all time bar for photoshop awesomeness to date. As a rich, rich reward he is entitled to a catered lunch for 10 from Oodle Noodle.
As usual we would like to thank our sponsor Oodle Noodle, the champion Barmstrong and everyone who entered. These things are the bomb and there will be another one soon.
Enjoy the delicousness!
In keeping with tradition my goat this year, as was last year, goes to the one, the only...Patrick O'Sullivan. The level of suck and self righteousness you brought upon the glorious Oiler silks is unforgivable. You will always be my goat you cloven hoofed bastard.
Khabi lets in a softie? goddamn O'Sullivan.
Horc whiffs on a sure thing? way to go POS.
Tom Gilbert gets smothered under a pile of tweezers, cotton balls and purses? you better believe Patty had somehing to do with it.
Tom Renney goes on a PCP binge and slowly dismemberes and eats the entire roster during intermission? Get the boys in blue over to O'Sullivans pad to book him for possesion with the intent to distribute of a schedule II controlled substance.
Ryan Whitney. Why do you think he's having so many problems finding foot ware that works? He has cloven hooves.
My goat shall be cogliano this year. He may have been traded but his healthy streak combined with few nice California beaches will lead to a career year and we shall all claim he was the wrong one to give up on and force us all to question the fabtastic management of our team. The only thing worse than a goat in your face is one casting its voodoo from far away.
And the obvious choice this year will be the Hall Star.
~My goat this year is Wanye. He'll be late be extremely late posting Nation Radio clips more often than not.~
My goat this year are people who spell Gagner as Gagne. If that is not allowed, it is the Diamond PK formation. If that is not allowed, it's Ralph Kruger. If that is not allowed, it's Sutton (because he wrecks everything by not being as good in the room as Strudwick was).
Hero - JW - who else brings a calculator to every party to help keep us all in line? If that doesn't count, my Hero is Ebersmythall. That guy is F-ing awesome!
Whoa whoa whoa.
Arnott for sure, but Tom Poti was a blight on this city. He was Grebeshkov before Grebeshkov was Grebeshkov. If EVER there was a Goat for all to look back upon and agree that "Yes, this man is truly a Goat" then he would be Thomas Q. Poti.
Talk about an adventure in your own zone. The fact that he resurrected his career in Washington as a "solid defensive player" is proof that souls CAN be sold to the devil for impossible returns. How that plumber woke up every morning and had the audacity to wear an Oiler uniform knowing he could never be deserving of that honour is beyond me.
I have to say, that no matter how many times I see that picture of Penner, I still laugh out loud. As for the goat, I am going to say, Peckham. He won't be able to handle the work load he is given, and will take more stupid penalties than Moreau did the year his eye changed colors
Naming a goat no longer on the team because of legacy suck.
*whistles loudly out of respect*
This is a tough one as to qualify for a goat, one must play much worse than expected. Not sure if anyone can play much worse than last year.
Barker - reclamation project, can't qualify for a goat
Omark - maybe, but only played 51 games so not sure if he has the expectaions high enough that failure could caus him to be a goat.
Habby - if he plays only 25 games, can he be a goat?? I suppose if he was 3-18-4 he could
I would take those obvious choices out because the Oilers success is not dependent on their success or failure alone.
GOAT SELECTION - Gagner - in his fifth season, he will still not exceed his rookie campaign which will signify the end of his career with the Oilers
I would be Oh so happy if I was wrong and Gagner put up 62 points for 4th on the team
You're picking a GOAT from LA?
Fist to go with Arch and say Omark is my goat. Same as last year.
My goat for the 2011/12 season is.....
..... Ben Eager.
He'll take many useless penalties and cost us many games.
In many parts of the world goats are sacred, why must we shame them so?
Goat - Cameron Barker
Hero - does not compute.
Goat - Brule if he sticks with the club, or barring that Mr Ales Hemsky.
He may score enough points to appear not to have goat like qualities, but he will injure himself right around the trade deadline and prevent the Oiler fans on cashing in on the 9 first round picks they will demand for his services.
If the goats could vote on us they would, so what's fair is fair.
HAHAHA where is that piss goat? I forgot all about him.
Note: Everyone picking stars in the goat article will be so sad when they have nothing to talk about in the upcoming star article
http://oilersnation.com/2009/7/24/the-toughest-division
Wayne, You're a Gilbert hater too? This is getting exhausting, Gilbert is not the problem the rest of the d-corps are(Exception Whitney; Smid would be a great third pairing d-man, but alas it is not meant to be) I'm not convinced that peckham is any good, or Petry for that matter.
That being said...
Goat: Jones, Jones, and more Jones(Terrible!), with just a smack of Barker for good measure.
Hero: Got to be Eberlord!
My GOAT is easy
Nikolai Khabibulin
Stop the puck Grampa
I just went to a Kings site to share the link to this article and thus the Penner image (because I just think they need to see it) and found this Photoshop image of Tambellini there
http://cdn0.sbnation.com/fan_shot_images/203890/steves-snake-oil-sales1.jpg
It's basically a "What if Steve Tambellini followed HIS dreams". Looks to me like they are still a bit bitter about the Smyth trade.
Oh my, the time has come for the grand unveiling of my Goat, which has been kept secret like the Colonel's 11 Herbs and Spices all summer. It may come as a shock to you all, but I'm choosing....LINUS OMARK.
This greasy Euro is over hyped and underwhelming and has been since he came to camp LAST year with the attitude that he's actually accomplished something of note. This guy was so mixed up defensively that he made Jones look like a stalwart in his own end!
The guy scores goals at a pace of 1 per every 10 games played, that's 5 over his 50ish NHL games. Smid thinks this guy isnt bringing enough in the offensive zone. This guy was so brutal that Gagner's entire season was derailed when he was given the assignment to babysit him.
He doesnt have a clue. He has the consistency of a Robert Nilsson and the defensive acumen to match. His only saving grace is his dogged determination with the puck, something he probably had to develop because his teammates kept figuring out that if THEY gave the puck to him the play would die.
I'm out.
/Thread
goat-Steve Tambellini. another year of evaluating and no attempts to fix our horrible D.
The only time Hemsky ever "disappears" is when he is injured. He gets injured because he goes into the tough areas. You shut your damn mouth about my boy Hemsky!
He was referencing Gretzky as the Greatest Of All Time.
I'm picking Smid, mostly cause people are stupid and pronounce his name "Schmeed" but secondly cause he's gonna suck this year.
So I tried to listen to the ched pregame. and.
I retract my Tencer for goat offering.... he is simply a douche.
As per last year, I will have to go with Smiiiiiiiid!!! He will be my goat, oh yessssss...he will!!!
My 2011-12 Goat is Ryan Whitney.
I'm going with Barker. Foster was rubbish last season and Foster 2.0 is going to bomb even harder this season. He is going to be playing way over his head and when he has a -112 plus/minus playing on the top pairing in December I'll say I told you so!
MY Goat Ryan Whitney he wont be close to last years numbers i he will be injured half the season
Sutton
Khabi is the goat. Again. Maybe Eager, I really want Barker to be great, but I picked Foster to be the goat last and he won hands down IMO. Hopefully Barker works out, but he scares me.
Dan"........... Legend in his own mind"............. Tencer
Last year I picked Hall figuring no way he would live up to the lofty expectations. I was never so happy to be so wrong.
Gotta go with Gilbert this year. Big salary, big body, soft style of play, he reminds me too much of Tom Poti to last.
Goat: Mr. Brule (If he makes the team) Otherwise Gagner
Star: the double D man himself, Devan Dubnyk
Goat - Horcoff. May be the captain, but ever since K-Lowe signed him to that ridiculous contract, he hasn't produced.
Hero - Hall. Hands down. Oilers future captain. And having Smytty around to mentor him will only make him better.
Wanye, I can't believe you passed up the opportunity to post a picture of the leaky goat! Surprising. Late onset of maturity?
Goat: Jones, I guess.
Hero: I'm pulling for Barker to have an outstanding year.
my goat is belanger. a distractingly handsome in a non gay way french accented goat. Like a young Gerald Depardieu
Goat: Sutton with honorable mentions to Barker and Whitney.
Sheep go to heaven, Goats go to hell.
Goat: Hemsky - he'll play all of 27 games this year and reduce his trade value to a sack of chipped pucks. We'll be begging for a redo of last spring's trade with L.A.
Sheep (hero): Our man Jordan in Eberlian fashion.
Given our recent success with off-season acquisitions, Barker is certainly a candidate. I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt however and am naming Linus Omark my goat.
Omark will need to make strides at both ends of the rink or risk getting passed on the depth chart by many promising youngsters who bring a more complete skill set. People will start to look past the flash and see a player who just isn't getting the job done. When the Oilers go through stretches where they struggle to score and Renney trots out the usual "we need to shoot the puck and go to the hard areas of the ice" speech, Omark will be front and center.
As for a hero, who better than Magnus? He was our best forward down the stretch last season, has looked confident in the pre-season and is ready to break out. He is looking to develop chemistry with countryman Linus Omark (aforementioned goat) but will instead experience his success with some other Scandinavians, Anton Lander Teemu Hartikainen.
Double Post.
My goat this year is Ryan Whitney. He was terrible defensively last year but got by on a high save % and some luck. That's not going to repeat itself. (it would be very out of character if I didn't give Gagner an honorable mention. His not improving again this year would classify as some serious goatiness too!)
Goat: Tom Renney
Goat: Teddy Peckman
Hero: Linus Omark
Cam Barker
/thread
My goat is omark. He will show flashes of brilliance but will be so bad in his own end I will end of breaking my tv with a beer bottle as I throw it.
I'm seriously leaning toward Brule as my goat for 11-12, but have to wait until the roster is set. Until then, my goat will be Tom Gazzola.
Khabibulin. Khabibulin will be so much of a goat that I don't even care if it's unfashionable to name him as my goat. He's just that goatty.
Goat- Eager
Hero- Ryan smyth!!!!