ON THE ROAD: CONTIKI III: FIRE LIMBO AND SPIDER EATING

Wanye
February 20 2012 11:42PM

 

Last time, we had just crossed the Laos border and had boarded a boat to float down the Mekong River. We had been told that this part of the trip would be the serene calm before the storm and to rest up as much as we could on the two-day journey.

Then it would get crazy.

THEN IT GETS CRAZY

Remember our earlier rant about the dark side of tourism? Bearing that in mind, buckle up for the town of Vang Vieng in Laos. Long heralded by our backpacker pals as “the craziest part of your trip hands down” this town boasted river tubing insanity followed by the most dangerous bars you have ever never heard of and the most lax drug laws you will ever see in your life.

FIRE LIMBO


This one night we made our way to The Island in Vang Vieng. Most of the City – and indeed most of the Country – had reasonably enforced curfews at various early times of the night, owing to strict Government rule and a desire to save the tourists from themselves.

But not The Island the locals told us. “Everything goes on The Island until whenever it is you decide to go home.” And so sure as the Gods made Jordan Eberle superior to us all, The Island lived up to its hype as a spit of insanity in the calm waters of Laos.

Then one particular Bar of Death served us all the blindingest buckets money can buy and then announced “the games begin” over the loud speaker.


What were the games exactly? How about doing the Limbo underneath a bar doused in gasoline and lit aflame?! How does that grab you insurance adjusters and liquor inspectors of North America?

We bet you don’t like it at all you tea-drinking dandies. Do you?

Pfft.


If that doesn’t set your survival instincts on Red Alert, how about bar staff giving you raver type dancing ropes, lighting those babies on fire then letting you dance around as you please.

Remember you are on a 7 alarm bender and think that everything is a good idea at this point. And that no one on a 7 alarm bender can dance at all which ordinarily doesn't matter unless you are swinging around BALLS OF FIRE.

That’s the stuff right there.

WHO WANTS A TARANTULA?


Speaking of crazy. One night our tour guide stood up at the front of the bus and announced “we are going for a group dinner at a restaurant that offers a special delicacy you have to order in advance. Who wants to put their names down for a plate of deep fried Tarantulas?”

If our dearly beloved Grandma knew that we pondered eating deep fried spiders the size of a fist she would have removed her shoe and beat us soundly over the head until we had regained our senses.

But there we were cautiously watching the girls on the tour sampling the hairy beasts and declaring that they “tasted just like crab.” We replied that “crab actually tastes like crab” before throwing caution to the wind and eating one of the monsters ourselves.

The verdict? Tarantulas taste like something approaching edible. The legs were still hairy even though they had been deep fried into the great beyond, but once you got past the fact you were eating the cousin of the star of Charlotte’s Web they were actually reasonably good.

For a guy who can now count grasshopper, cricket and silkworm among things we have “non-accidentally ingested” Tarantula marks the pinnacle of our culinary adventureousness.

And the next time someone says to us “dang Wanye, you are a non-adventurous stick in the mud” we will scream, “tell THAT to the bloody Tarantula we ate in Cambodia you clown!” 

NEXT UP

Thankfully no one was injured or deathed at The Island and we were able to leave wonderful Laos behind and head into the sobering and beautiful land of Cambodia. After that - back to Phi Phi in Thailand to see if @thesquireyeg and your ol' pal Wanye can rebuild their shattered lives and livers.

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Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#1 Harlie
February 21 2012, 11:03AM
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Fire Limbo? Oh, I thought you said Fire Tambo.

Nothing to see here, carry on Wanye!

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#2 Nail Yakupov
February 21 2012, 01:33AM
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*SCREAMS* I love you Wanye.

*disappears from comments section for a year again*

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#3 knobert
February 20 2012, 11:45PM
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...

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#4 Vintage Flame
February 20 2012, 11:56PM
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กำปั้น???

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#6 pelhem grenville
February 21 2012, 04:33AM
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...all these travel escipades and eatery skulduggery must toughen up ur nipples...what's next 'ol bean

cannibalism?

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#7 sizedoesmatter
February 21 2012, 05:22AM
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Les Stroud is your B**ch.Not for me though I send my burger back when i see a pink line it

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#9 David S
February 21 2012, 12:15AM
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Gone are the days when I think of Wanye being just another nerd hanging out at The Pint picking up chicks (and tabs) all night.

You sir are now officially an EPIC TRAVELIN' NERD! HAHA!

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#10 Oilcruzer
February 21 2012, 12:17AM
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Be Safe.

You got some weird stories to share with your future kids.

Who woulda thought they had porcelain? I mean really?

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#11 samwise17
February 21 2012, 12:19AM
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I think i speak for most when i say you will never see me delicately approaching a bar that can only be described as satans back scratcher. either way it looks like you had a lot of fun. and a must see island. to put on the bucket list

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#12 Vintage Flame
February 21 2012, 12:30AM
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When I see your choice of dining locations, I hope they played "Scatman" for dinner music, over and over again.

I would be remiss if I didn't say that it reminds me of THIS CLIP.

Looks like you're having a blast there though.. Looking forward to the book.

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#13 Zed
February 21 2012, 06:55AM
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http://listverse.com/2007/09/11/top-10-disgusting-foods/

Strike one off this list Wanye. 9 more to go.

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#14 Stocc
February 21 2012, 09:29AM
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@Vintage Flame

It wasn't but still...

Yo, Wanye

“dang Wanye, you are a non-adventurous stick in the mud”

Ain't nobody can say that no mo'.

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#15 Spaceman Spiff
February 21 2012, 10:26AM
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Dining on tarantulas in Laos, eh?

I trust - no, hope - you brought some Immodium with you. Or even Pepto Bismol.

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#16 Jonathan Willis
February 21 2012, 01:18PM
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Things nobody has said, ever:

"Dang Wanye, you are a non-adventurous stick in the mud."

Things people have said:

"Dang, Wanye be crazy."

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