ON THE ROAD: BACK IN OIL CITY

Wanye
March 01 2012 09:55AM

Welp, for better or for worse we have returned from our Asian Adventure back to Edmonton to begin 2012 two months late. It has definitely one of those cases of ‘good to be gone, better to be back’ and because we have basically used the Nation as a travel diary we thought we would cap it off with an article that summarizes the trip so we can remember it when we are old and senile.

THINGS WE’VE NEVER DONE BEFORE

Before we left we said “now Wanye, there is no sense going cashing in all of your retirement bottles and going halfway across the world if you are simply going to eat Burger King and drink Budweiser beers. You have to get out of your Canadian shell and do some weird crap. In fact you must do 10 things you have never done in your life.”

Here is that list:

  1. Ate crickets
  2. Ate a silk worm
  3. Ate tarantula
  4. Ate crocodile
  5. Ate shark
  6. Rode a longboat
  7. Rode an elephant
  8. Rode a scooter
  9. Ate a grasshopper
  10. That thing that happened in Laos

Recognizing it isn't easy to put life on hold, find a backpacking budget in the couch cushions and leave town we would be remiss if we still didn't recommend it to anyone considering travelling. We didn't travel every until recently owing to the fact we had to work to stay alive and thought it was insane to leave the safety of North America.

It isn't that crazy. We didn't feel unsafe once the entire time though we tried to find the sketchiest stuff to do. The locals were incredibly nice everywhere we went and we barely even caught malaria once. If you are considering doing a trip but wonder if it is safe take it from the biggest wuss this side of Brandon, Manitoba.

Its fun.

THINGS WE’VE MISSED SO MUCH

Having said all of that there were so many little things that we have been elated to enjoy now that we returned home. You don’t appreciate how good you have got it at home until you leave for awhile.

  1. All our electronic devices work
  2. The massive time change is gone
  3. All the signs are in the Kings English
  4. SNOW
  5. No rats, no bugs, no snakes
  6. No one will serve is tarantulas even if we order them in advance
  7. Normal smelling toiletries! Bars of soap the size of loaves of bread!
  8. High speed internet for high speed streaming
  9. JORDAN EBERLE
  10. OILERZNATION TALKINGZ

WHAT NOW?

Yesterday the Edmonton Journal had a poll gauging whether or not the City was excited about the release of the new iPad. This would ordinarily be totally uninteresting until we saw that one of the poll options was “squeeeeeee.”

It’s clear that the combined efforts of everyone at the Nation Network is having some impact – to the point that the local newspaper is apeing our gibberish English to try and build credit in the mean streets of E-town.

Classic.

Now that bucket list item of seeing squee in the local papers has been achieved where do we go from here? Do we sit around and wait for the Oilers to make the playoffs and just keep tweeting until then? Where can we go from here?

Having gone into self imposed exile and sat on an island with no internet connections, no remaining travel mates and no deadlines we had nothing left to do but scheme. Scheme and plot if you will.

We’ve got some plans now to try and knock out in the coming months. And by cryptically eluding to them in our final travel article we hope you will hold us to the idea that we can’t sit around like a lazy ass all summer waiting for the new season to start.

ALSO

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUSTIN BIEBER!

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Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#2 Soft Hands McSteeley - FIST Movement
March 01 2012, 10:13AM
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Squeee!

Welcome back Wanye.

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#3 freeze
March 01 2012, 10:22AM
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Next thing you know The Journal will start describing the Oilers on ice performance as Shitanusly® bad.

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#4 Harlie
March 01 2012, 10:23AM
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wow, no glove love for Sam Gagner and his 8 point night that you missed? HERETIC!!

And welcome back Kotta!

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#5 Cosmo
March 01 2012, 10:54AM
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Wanye: When will "Squeeeee" be trade marked?

They need to be ON T-Shirts and ready for sale by Draft Day!

:)

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#6 Smokey
March 01 2012, 11:02AM
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I was hoping their was going to be an artical on here about why the hell we are playing Cam Barker, and the incompetant coaching last night that cost us the game.

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#7 The Towel Boy
March 01 2012, 11:03AM
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SQUEEEEEEEEEEEE!™

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#8 Paul Le Coffee
March 01 2012, 11:03AM
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Hey Wanye, can I add ON to my RSS reader? I don't see a button... Maybe I'm just too much of a geek.

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#9 Oiler Country
March 01 2012, 11:05AM
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I lived in Wanye manor while he was gone. Love the mags, but the videos you have lying around the place..dude! Really..I didn't know how deep you love for Eberle was but I've got to say, you've got commitment.

So as I move out of Wanye Manor and into another abandoned house in our fair city, I shall keep the memories of my life and times of living where the actual Wanye lives, sleeping where the actual Wanye sleeps, and living Wanye's life... Now the doors are actually locked and the lights are on I can effectively say it's time I move onto the next chapter in my squatters lifestyle.

Thanks for the uninvited hospitality, and don't worry about the stains I left, it's protein! Comes out with soap!

***statements in this post did not occur unless you think that have occurred which of course could have occurred without any basis of actual occurrences***

...this post has been brought to you by the number 10 and the letter Z.

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#10 yegCopywriter
March 01 2012, 11:08AM
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Squeeeee is very difficult to trademark.

Sure you can own the 5 e's version...but then somebody comes along, adds or subtracts an e, and starts squeeeeezing your profits.

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#11 Puritania
March 01 2012, 12:13PM
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Welcome home rummy! Next time you sneak away to the orient or other far off exotic locales, leave the Missy Elliot over there. :)

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#12 BruinsLover69
March 01 2012, 12:46PM
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Oiler Country wrote:

I lived in Wanye manor while he was gone. Love the mags, but the videos you have lying around the place..dude! Really..I didn't know how deep you love for Eberle was but I've got to say, you've got commitment.

So as I move out of Wanye Manor and into another abandoned house in our fair city, I shall keep the memories of my life and times of living where the actual Wanye lives, sleeping where the actual Wanye sleeps, and living Wanye's life... Now the doors are actually locked and the lights are on I can effectively say it's time I move onto the next chapter in my squatters lifestyle.

Thanks for the uninvited hospitality, and don't worry about the stains I left, it's protein! Comes out with soap!

***statements in this post did not occur unless you think that have occurred which of course could have occurred without any basis of actual occurrences***

...this post has been brought to you by the number 10 and the letter Z.

Sheesh! You could have at least shoveled the walks and taken in the mail! Instead I had to drive over there (a painful 3 BLOCKS) and do that all, while the whole time you were there! ~some peoples kids i tell ya~

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#14 Dan the Man
March 01 2012, 01:17PM
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I found this picture of Wanye's bedroom ... http://www.disneydreaming.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/Justin-Bieber-Comforter.jpg

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#18 mr_nihilism
March 01 2012, 02:08PM
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Smokey wrote:

I was hoping their was going to be an artical on here about why the hell we are playing Cam Barker, and the incompetant coaching last night that cost us the game.

Terry Jones wrote most fondly of him in todays Sun Sports section. And by "most fondly" I mean openly questioning whether there is a conspiracy theory as to whether he continues to suit up for games to ensure 29th place.

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#19 Paul Le Coffee
March 01 2012, 02:25PM
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@Wanye

Ok nevermind... i figured it out... you just click on subscribe in google reader and paste www.oilersnation.com in the field

Thanks anyway!

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#20 WheresYourTowel
March 01 2012, 05:25PM
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Wanye wrote:

When I left we all hated Gagner and wanted him traded. It will take me some time to adjust to the fact he is awesome and none of us ever said that.

I liked Gagner before it was cool to like Gagner. I'm a disgruntled Gagner Hipster.

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#21 sizedoesmatter
March 01 2012, 06:34PM
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First time, sqeeeeeee! kinda feels refreshing.

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#22 Eulers
March 01 2012, 11:52PM
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@mr_nihilism

#BarkerFTL

*For The Lottery/Loss

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#23 upper-deck-drunk
March 02 2012, 02:18AM
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Ate shark?

tsk tsk

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