GDB 71.0: BATTLE OF ALBERTA

Wanye
March 16 2012 12:20PM

Oh hey Calgary. How’s things? It’s just Wanye - your friendly neighbour to the North. Just thought we’d pop in with a few friends to talk about the ice hockey match this evening.

Things aren’t as dire up here in Edmonton as seasons of XXth, 30th, 30th and 29th would suggest. Yeah we know you are better than us on paper. You have an all world goalie capable of winning you any game he decides. We have a worn out old Russian and some 9 foot something or other backing him up.

Your Captain has X 30 goal seasons in a row, our Captain makes $30 million dollars a game.

PROOF MEET PUDDING

We know that you have been to the playoffs X times since 2006 and all we have been getting up here is our collective asses handed to us. We know we aren’t even close to you in the standings.

We know that the cumulative 5 year record of our respective teams is:

We know all sorts of facts.

Having said all of that:

WE WOULD RATHER BE US THAN YOU

That’s right. The Oilers are coming out of an extended dark age and yours are only beginning now. And you know it too – don’t even pretend you can’t see four or five years of basement dwelling on the horizon ahead of you. Look how old you are! And the no trade clauses! Tsk tsk tsk. It boggles the mind!

Had any UFA or RFA of note chosen the Edmonton Oilers in the past 10 years we might be in a similar pickle. But guess what. They didn’t. And the garbage that we were able to sign are almost all off the books. Then you know what happens? That’s when the winning starts.

Now sure that might be tomorrow and not today. We know that you are surging ETC ETC ETC and hope to put a playoff berth firmly in your sights tonight. And we know that this ain’t exactly the best Oilers squadron of the past 3

There are many areas the Oilers can whip the Calgary Flames at and this includes:

SEXIER BRASS

Sutter v Renney? Are we kidding here? Not to mention that the corpse of Tambellini could be left in the sun for a week and be more attractive in a bathing suit than Jay Feaster. No no, this isn't even a contest between the two franchises.

MORE RYANS

Compare the rosters

MORE SQUEEE

Something something

MORE NUGE

Something something

AND SO

In closing here are some more incendiary quotes from OilersNation via twitter:

@bcherri01 This one is for first dibs on tee times #battleofalberta

@JSBMrevolution Time to show the world who the REAL best cousin kissers are #Wait #battleofalberta

@MyqWilson “Who wins BOA? Jay Feaster asks for the question to be rephrased in the form of a cheeseburger*

You are the worst monsters in human history. We look forward to watching you miss the playoffs.

Signed,

A team out of the playoffs for XX consecutive months

PS Even at the end of the article we would STILL rather be us than you.

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#101 They're $hittie
March 16 2012, 01:50PM
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T&A4Flames wrote:

You should be careful about the 'girls' comments, all of CGY's street walkers come from Edmonton. They want to be paid in cash not cigarettes and booze (they'll go buy those on their own thank you). Besides, they're probably your sisters and cousins so, you know... gross!

As for Sven, better one wasted talent than 3 or 4... oh, and don't forget your soon to be #5 top prospect. ...Everything Edmonton...NOT RATED!!!

please dont compare svens talent to that of halls or RNH,

3 games!

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#102 Zed
March 16 2012, 01:52PM
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Looking at Wanye's MS paint thingy above and just noticed another little tidbit of interesting information. If the Oil win tonight they will surpass their point total from last year. And the year before that.

If Calgary wins they still need 12 points to even tie their total from last year.

Will the Flames make the playoffs this year? Answering that is like when your brother asks if you can pop that discustingly huge zit on his back. (For you cerebrally challenged flames fans the answer is "no").

Evidence of progress and decline is irrefutable.

Yes folks. I'm exceedingly glad I'm us and not you.

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#103 Vintage Flame
March 16 2012, 01:53PM
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@Shredder

That being said, I can NOT stand that Vintage Flame guy...like I really hate him and I've never met him.

Yeah!! Me neither.. Wait...
I always find it funny when people say, "I can't stand that guy and I never even met him." It shows me that you hate me because of one of two reasons..

1. You know what I'm saying it right.

2. My kungfu is just that much better than yours. :)

Pick your poison, but either way all PR is good PR, so thanks for the love brotha!!

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#104 Gitagrip
March 16 2012, 01:58PM
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@The Soup Fascist

Soupy, an inspired piece. I started welling up. Thanks for taking a moment to serve up the Truth to our Cal-Gay-rean neighbors.

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#105 They're $hittie
March 16 2012, 01:58PM
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@Vintage Flame

Its got to be the kung fu, you have never said anything correct.

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#106 VK63
March 16 2012, 01:59PM
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Kent Wilson wrote:

Can't we all just agree that Vancouver is terrible?

Agreed. BUT

they can lose out and still make the dance.

bastards!

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#107 The Real Scuba Steve
March 16 2012, 02:03PM
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We came out of the dark ages after the CBA only to have 1 good year then The Armageddon era which we are still in.

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#108 tileguy
March 16 2012, 02:05PM
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where is Omark? does sitting mean he is done as an Oiler? I s he in the doghouse again? Not good enough to play.

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#109 Vintage Flame
March 16 2012, 02:05PM
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@They're $hittie

That's funny, cause I'm pretty sure I said that the Oilers defense was going to be an Achilles heel this year.. AND that if Re-Khabby was able to stay sober long enough to legitimately lose the starting job to Dubnyk, they he too would screw it up.

How about that? Was I correct about any of that??

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#110 Ogden Brother Jr. - Team Strudwick for coach
March 16 2012, 02:08PM
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Kent Wilson wrote:

Can't we all just agree that Vancouver is terrible?

Tomorrow yes.

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#111 vetinari
March 16 2012, 02:08PM
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Wow. I haven't been this proud of being an Oiler fan in months. Best GDB in ages. More than anything Oilers, KICK THE FLAMES IN THE JUNK, TAKE THEIR PLAYOFF POSITION, and GIVE IT TO SOMEONE ELSE.

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#112 They're $hittie
March 16 2012, 02:08PM
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Vintage Flame wrote:

That's funny, cause I'm pretty sure I said that the Oilers defense was going to be an Achilles heel this year.. AND that if Re-Khabby was able to stay sober long enough to legitimately lose the starting job to Dubnyk, they he too would screw it up.

How about that? Was I correct about any of that??

ya cause you were the first one to say that. Im pretty sure that every legit sports writer said that.

99 percent of edmontonians said that also.

I watch TSN too.

We all said that Iginla and Kipper would carry the flames to an 8th or 9th place finish.

So I guess the trends of sports writers are correct. That means that the flames are set to be in the ten worst for the next couple years.

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#113 T&A4Flames
March 16 2012, 02:09PM
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Walter Sobchak wrote:

Oh, well said. I think it's hands down; everyone hates Van and those two aliens!

The Vancouver Green Men (fans) or the Sedins...?

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#114 reaperfunkss (2nd tier fan)
March 16 2012, 02:09PM
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Wanye is now my Troll god. Awesomeness all around.

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#115 Ogden Brother Jr. - Team Strudwick for coach
March 16 2012, 02:09PM
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T&A4Flames wrote:

As per Feaster's comments on a CGY radio station, by the 3rd emergency the team can dip into the junior ranks. Feast waited until the 4th E.CU. so he can opt to send back 1 AHLer 1st. When the 2nd regular is ready to return, the junior player has to go back to his junior team. Unless, I believe, they keep him past his 9 games and burn the 1st year on his contract. CGY couldn't possibly do that because we already have the maximum 50 contracts.

Thanks. I guess emergency callups are a bite different post TDD then.

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#116 GSP
March 16 2012, 02:10PM
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Oh yes the old days...I am one of the 40+ generation that grew up in the heyday of the BOA...watching those I am so pumped to see some kickass action tonite and I miss old Ed Whalen and Stampede Wrestling :(

One of the best fights I remember from BOA was when Jason Arnott ragdolled Otto....loved it.

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#117 Vintage Flame
March 16 2012, 02:12PM
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@They're $hittie

ya cause you were the first one to say that. Im pretty sure that every legit sports writer said that.

Why thankyou..

For the record, I said it on August 19 2011 at 04:01PM

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#118 Walter Sobchak
March 16 2012, 02:17PM
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T&A4Flames wrote:

The Vancouver Green Men (fans) or the Sedins...?

The sisters for sure! Look at them! There freaking aliens! Nobody’s heads are that oblong with skinny faces!

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#119 They're $hittie
March 16 2012, 02:17PM
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@Vintage Flame

and the draft was sometime in June where tsn would have said it first.

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#120 Dog Train
March 16 2012, 02:19PM
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Last big game of the season. We need to build off of our last meeting and show these guys that we are coming. 4-3 Oilers!! Hall scores the winner with less than 5 minutes left in regulation. GO OILERS GO!!

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#121 T&A4Flames
March 16 2012, 02:20PM
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Walter Sobchak wrote:

The sisters for sure! Look at them! There freaking aliens! Nobody’s heads are that oblong with skinny faces!

Funny thing, my wife took a picture of me on the i-Pad with the warped mirror set up & it looks just like the Sedins... (I hate to admit that but at least it's just a warped photo & not real), extra large cranial frontal lobe.

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#122 T&A4Flames
March 16 2012, 02:22PM
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They're $hittie wrote:

and the draft was sometime in June where tsn would have said it first.

Who new you could get TSN on the rabbit ears in Shelbyville...hmmmm

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#123 They're $hittie
March 16 2012, 02:25PM
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T&A4Flames wrote:

Who new you could get TSN on the rabbit ears in Shelbyville...hmmmm

Calgary would be nothing without edmonton and edmonton nothing with out calgary.

stupid comment to make, this is about hockey not which million person metropolis got cable first.

I guess when you got nothing brag about in hockey you have to find other stuff to write about.

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#124 Gazmort
March 16 2012, 02:31PM
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Hold on a sec...wasn't Shelbyville always one step ahead of Springfield? That was the source of conflict, and why, ultimately, Shelbyville's town hall was burned to the ground by ravenous Springfieldians...are you coming to burn down Edmonton's city hall?

We need a lemon tree to cement this pointless rivalry.

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#125 T&A4Flames
March 16 2012, 02:32PM
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They're $hittie wrote:

Calgary would be nothing without edmonton and edmonton nothing with out calgary.

stupid comment to make, this is about hockey not which million person metropolis got cable first.

I guess when you got nothing brag about in hockey you have to find other stuff to write about.

... and your arguing about a comment?? Who said it first? Seriously, who gives a crap. Vintage knows his stuff and you don't, so don't complain about my comments when you went a string about a retarded & irrelavent thing that someone said.

And what exactly do you have to brag about? 29th place?

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#126 T&A4Flames
March 16 2012, 02:34PM
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@T&A4Flames

And by the way, Vintage's comments are as strong and true as his Kung Fu...........

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#127 Mort
March 16 2012, 02:37PM
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Hm... From that picture, it looks like RNH has the body of Justin Bieber.

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#128 Archaeologuy
March 16 2012, 02:37PM
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Mort wrote:

Hm... From that picture, it looks like RNH has the body of Justin Bieber.

...If Justin Bieber had the BODY OF A GOD

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#129 Mort
March 16 2012, 02:40PM
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Archaeologuy wrote:

...If Justin Bieber had the BODY OF A GOD

I didn't know that the gods had bodies resembling 12-year-old girls.

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#130 The Soup Fascist
March 16 2012, 02:40PM
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T&A4Flames wrote:

And by the way, Vintage's comments are as strong and true as his Kung Fu...........

When you and Vintage Flame are done "pulling each others goalies" feel free to join us in the real world. Also replying to your own message is somewhere between Delta Bravo and Delusional in the old "Flame Fan Handbook".

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#131 jonny94
March 16 2012, 02:44PM
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@T&A4Flames

What do you have to brag about? A struggling 9th place team? C'mon lets be honest the flames are doing better but you guys really have nothing to brag about. If you make the playoffs you won't go far and thats a really big IF.

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#132 Bryzarro World
March 16 2012, 02:46PM
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@Vintage Flame

Or you are an ignorant moron with a drinking problem... You can't even spell your name right without looking at the tag your stepmom hung around your neck. Surprised you hicks have internet access down there. When you're done, pull your head out of that cows ass and step into reality.

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#133 Gazmort
March 16 2012, 02:47PM
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@Mort

I don't want to know how you know what the body of a topless 12-year old girl looks like. Can somebody record that guy's IP address please!?

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#134 Archaeologuy
March 16 2012, 02:50PM
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Mort wrote:

I didn't know that the gods had bodies resembling 12-year-old girls.

This is why the Hockey Gods have foresaken Calgary. Hubris. Look it up. Results arent favourable.

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#135 T&A4Flames
March 16 2012, 02:53PM
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jonny94 wrote:

What do you have to brag about? A struggling 9th place team? C'mon lets be honest the flames are doing better but you guys really have nothing to brag about. If you make the playoffs you won't go far and thats a really big IF.

I didn't say that I had anything to brag about. I know the reality of our teams situation. I'm just going to enjoy the ride as long as I can, because right now, it's on the edge of your seat exciting and fun.

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#136 The Soup Fascist
March 16 2012, 02:55PM
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Gazmort wrote:

I don't want to know how you know what the body of a topless 12-year old girl looks like. Can somebody record that guy's IP address please!?

No need. Pretty sure he and Chris Hanson have chatted on "To Catch a Predator - the Calgary Files".

Mort: Err .... uhh .... the duct tape and rope? They are for a ..... uhhh ...errr.. a craft! Yeah, that's it, that's the ticket, a craft!

Man this stuff just writes itself when Flame Fans come trolling!

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#137 T&A4Flames
March 16 2012, 02:56PM
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The Soup Fascist wrote:

No need. Pretty sure he and Chris Hanson have chatted on "To Catch a Predator - the Calgary Files".

Mort: Err .... uhh .... the duct tape and rope? They are for a ..... uhhh ...errr.. a craft! Yeah, that's it, that's the ticket, a craft!

Man this stuff just writes itself when Flame Fans come trolling!

Actually dude, you're trolling our site....

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#138 druds
March 16 2012, 02:56PM
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Gazmort wrote:

I don't want to know how you know what the body of a topless 12-year old girl looks like. Can somebody record that guy's IP address please!?

LOL!!!!! ZINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

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#139 Mort
March 16 2012, 02:57PM
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Archaeologuy wrote:

This is why the Hockey Gods have foresaken Calgary. Hubris. Look it up. Results arent favourable.

I beg to differ. The hockey gods have been the reason the Flames have been on this recent run; there's really no other logical explanation.

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#140 Dman09
March 16 2012, 02:58PM
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Jeff Lebowski wrote:

Your envy of Calgary is so obvious. We're the Tyler Durdens to you. We look how you want to look, we f&%$ how you want to f&%$.

But you're not, and you're very, very pissed off.

You see you guys try to pick up shifts so you can come down to Calgary and pretend to live a life that's foreign to you.

You go to our bars and see all the hot chicks and buy them drinks. It goes nowhere, you run out of money and go back home to screw your fat, ugly broads (who happen to be your first cousins).

You end up having kids with web feet and stunted growth. You tell your buddies that all the girls in Calgary are snobs and everyone is pretentious. You say things like Eat Sh&% Calgary.

But deep down you want to be us, even for just one day. You want to live to good life and not worry when Money Mart opens. You just want to be Calgary so much that you end up hating us because you will never be this good.

Back in 2004 you all put on Flames jerseys you were living the dream. You were finally Flames fans. Some of the more resentful/mongoloid amongst you started writing why all these Flames jerseys? We can't cheer for them. But you did. En masse.

And you're reminded of it every time you look at your retarded, web footed kids and grossly rotund cousin/wife.

Then you see your own web feet.

I think your mom smoked crack when you were still in her womb and then dropped you continually after birth because you are one messed up MF'er.

No fear people, you can't really put any weight on anything someone says from a city that has no idea how to number their streets as if math wasn't taught in their schools.

If Calgary was so great how come they don't have a mall that anyone has heard of? And why would you have a stadium shaped like a saddle? Your not cowboys, your city boys and the real cowboys just come to compete there. And who names a neighborhood after a cigarette brand????

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#141 Shredder
March 16 2012, 02:59PM
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Seriously Vintage Flame and T&A4Flames are delusional, and potentially a little retarded.

Vintage, if you really believe "all PR is good PR" you're going on the same train of thought as Sean Avery who sucker punches other players and leaves his sloppy seconds for Flames players to hit up...no wonder I hate your guts.

As for T&A4Flames - well how you compare Sven to any young Oiler is beyond me...Sven is the only good thing you have for next year, while the Oilers have several young guns, all of which I'd take over Sven (not that he's bad, in fact, I'd say Sven is going to be a good player). That being said, our comparisons and our "hope" is based around the following analogy:

There are 2 residential lots next to each other - sure the Flames have a full home built on their lot, but it's about to fall apart any day now. Meanwhile, the Oilers may only have a foundation built, but it's one hell of a foundation, and when the project is all said and done - it'll be a pretty wicked mansion that all will revere...

Oh, and don't forget that you two can Eat Sh!t...

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#142 The Soup Fascist
March 16 2012, 02:59PM
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@T&A4Flames

See "Reality" in post #130 earlier. It is on both Nation sites, Jethro. Maybe the internet really IS a new-fangled device in them parts!

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#143 Archaeologuy
March 16 2012, 03:02PM
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Mort wrote:

I beg to differ. The hockey gods have been the reason the Flames have been on this recent run; there's really no other logical explanation.

9th place IS foresaken by the gods, Mort. Mid round, no playoff, close but no cigar, Hell.

Continue rolling the ball up the hill, only to have it roll back down. Forever hungrily grasping at the fruit in the tree only to have the branches pull back just out of reach.

That is the curse placed upon you, my friend. That is how the gods have chosen to forsake you. And that you havent realized it yet only serves to keep the impending disappointment so disheartening.

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#144 Kaiser Wilhelm
March 16 2012, 03:04PM
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And on a totally unrelated note. . .

Peter Pocklington wrote a newspaper article where he justifies trading Gretz--then takes shots at anyone who suggests he sold him off. I gotta hand it to Puck: he's got balls the size of a Holstein bull.

http://fullcomment.nationalpost.com/2012/03/16/peter-pocklington-sets-the-record-straight-on-the-oilers-and-wayne-gretzky/

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#145 Vintage Flame
March 16 2012, 03:05PM
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Bryzarro World wrote:

Or you are an ignorant moron with a drinking problem... You can't even spell your name right without looking at the tag your stepmom hung around your neck. Surprised you hicks have internet access down there. When you're done, pull your head out of that cows ass and step into reality.

Haha.. Great comeback. On a scale of 1 to 30.. I'll give you a 29. Good luck in the lottery... again

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#146 Mort
March 16 2012, 03:09PM
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@Archaeologuy

So... If 9th is forsaken by gods, what is 14th? I s'pose that's what you call blessed in Shelbyville.

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#147 Archaeologuy
March 16 2012, 03:15PM
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@Mort

What would you call the right to select 2nd in the entry draft? A kick in the pants? It has all the same perks as 9th, but with an infinitely better draft prize.

Do you think Pittsburgh wished they could have drafted Petteri Nokelainen at 16 instead of Malkin at 2 in 2004? Doubt it.

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#148 Mort
March 16 2012, 03:21PM
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@Archaeologuy

That makes sense in a slowest-bike-race sort of a way. Those scum-sucking Oilers are so fortunate, I wish the Flames lost consistently like your team does. :(

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#149 Dman09
March 16 2012, 03:21PM
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Archaeologuy wrote:

What would you call the right to select 2nd in the entry draft? A kick in the pants? It has all the same perks as 9th, but with an infinitely better draft prize.

Do you think Pittsburgh wished they could have drafted Petteri Nokelainen at 16 instead of Malkin at 2 in 2004? Doubt it.

I suppose if your from Calgary you would argue until blue in the face the 16 would be better because it shows better performance in the regular season. And that view reflects management as well never willing to fully commit to one side or the other and always ending in the middle. Also our GM sounds like an idoit when he talks so he keeps his mouth shut as much as possible but Feaster sounds like an idoit but thinks hes the best politician in the world and keeps running his mouth. I supposed that the similarities between Calgary and Toronto.

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#150 Pajamah
March 16 2012, 03:24PM
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Mort wrote:

So... If 9th is forsaken by gods, what is 14th? I s'pose that's what you call blessed in Shelbyville.

Depends, how many Sven's can you draft at 18th overall?

Keep handing middling veterans too much money, and no-movement clauses.

Glad Jaybo is working out for you guys

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