FIST Eat!@#$ Flames

But what about Sven, Wanye? What about Sven?!

Indeed, what about Sven? For starters, his last name is dumb. 5 Consonants in a row and three different vowels? It looks like somebody reached into the Crown Royal pouch thats used to hold the Scrabble letters and tried to slip one past immigration.

Shooting at 37%? Totally sustainable. Good thing you've got him for the rest of the season. OH...RIGHT, he has to go back to play little kid hockey as soon as your old and busted team gets healthy. If they CAN get healthy. No worries though, Next year your team will finally have someone to play with Iggy for the the forseeable future. It might be 8 years too late, but at least Iggy will be able to give Sven pointers on how to play in the NHL without a supporting cast.

Comment on how the Canucks have never won the Stanley Cup and never will, so haha.

When even Calgary can trash talk you with their ONE cup, you know your team is useless! #CanuckSuck

Mitch go look at the numbers of any player and show me guys who put up the same numbers between ages of 19-27 as they do from 27+.

In an era when everyone was scoring Gretzky scored 60, 70 and sometimes 80 more than everyone else in the league.

Not one single stat shows Lemieux was better offensively. The one thing Lemieux was better at was scoring on the PP. He had way more PP goals than Wayne, and we all know EV goals are harder to score.

You want to argue about Oilers and Flames go ahead, but bring up uniformed, inaccurate chirps about Lemieux makes most Flames fans embarrassed that you represent them I'm guessing.

now THIS is a GDB! well played noble sire.

#eatsh!tflames is definitely something i can back. i hope that Wanye, through his extensive grouping of groupies can have this trending sooner rather than later.

furthermore i hope #eatsh!t flames becomes the mantra for every single BOA game.

#eatsh!tflames*

*i hate every single one of you flames with all my heart.

Still you, Jeff. I dont think you understood what I wrote. There was no Kopper Kilometer or Blue Mile. There is only Whyte Ave. It isnt a name we copied from Calgary. 82nd Avenue is actually called Whyte Ave. All the time.

I know its been a while since anything good happened in Calgary, but do you actually think that you guys invented the concept of people congregating in front of bars in 2004? If that's the case then every city that's ever been to the Cup final in history probably owes Calgary some royalties.

Can't we all just agree that Vancouver is terrible?

After reading most of the comments I have come to a few conclusions:

1)Flames fans have a SERIOUS inferiority complex comparable to "little man syndrome." Eerily similar to Toronto's "center of the universe" complex.

2)Flames fans have some strange obsession with cousins that have relations with each other.

3)Flames fans use the word "retarded" to describe anything not Calgary related.

4)Calgary is losing this game handily, and is another step closer to missing the playoffs.

5)Oilers fans have seen The Flames movie before. We know how it ends. Trying to hang on, catch 8th place and pray that anything can happen in the playoffs. Been there. Done that. Bought the t-shirt. Mine says "Grier"

Best GDB evaaaaaaa!

This is going to be such a great day

Sweet Jesus. Did anyone else picture Wayne writing this while lying on the floor of Nation World HQ surrounded by dozens of empty Pixie Stix Tubes and crushed Bud Light Lime cans?

I can honestly say that the only time I ever heard Whyte Ave referred to as anything other than Whyte Ave during the Cup run was while I was in Calgary. I really think that was a made up thing from Calgaretards.

Since the lockout:

Edmonton's played 4 playoff series / Calgary's played in 4 playoff series

Edmonton's won 3 playoff rounds / Calgary's won 0 playoff rounds

Edmonton's played in 24 playoff games / Calgary's played in 26 playoff games

Edmonton's won 15 playoff games / Calgary's won 12 playoff games

Edmonton's missed playoff for 5 years going on 6 / Calgary's missed the playoff for 2 years going on 3.

The 6 year rebuild has been hard to watch, but I'd rather have hope for the future than be stuck cheering for slighlty below average hockey team like the Flames.

And another thing.... How do you flames fans actually think that Jay Feas....

Flames fans? *looks around*

*calls out* FLAAAAAAMMESSSS FAAAAAANNNSSSSS!!!

*hears crickets*

Wonder where they all went.....

*goes back to playing Mass Effect 3, forgets all about The Flames. Just like the hockey gods.*

My buddy from Edmonton is currently on vacation in Geneva. Click here to check out the photo he took of the thermostat in his hotel bedroom. He promised to crank it up for the game tonight so my GDP is Eberle's first ever NHL hat trick.

Ruthless commentary. Thank god for post like this from Wanye. It's what makes ON enjoyable. Instead of Willis' Calculator of Gloom. Willis is the dad who you show your 98% report card to and he asks why didn't you get 100%.

That Cheeseburger tweet is possibly one of the best ever.

Didn't even notice that Sven Barfy guy out there this evening. Not many Flamers bothered to show up.

Without Kipper in goal, the Lames are no better than the Columbus Bluejackets.

SCREW YOU CALGARY!

Words cannot describe this GameDay posting.

Wayne, this is probably your finest work ever.

Arguing over who wins the Battle of Alberta at this point is like running in the special olympics. Even if you win, you're still retarded!

Yes. One can only wonder what the Shames would do with better first round picks. Let us take a quick look at the two teams recent first draft selections. If we go with the assumption that not even Flames Management would screw up a 1st overall (I said ASSUMPTION) the past two years will be exempt.

2009 - Paajarvi / Tim Erixon

2008 - Eberle / Greg Neimisz

2007 - Gagner / Mikey Backlund

2006 - Petry / Leland Irving

2005 - Cogliano / Matt Pelech

2004 - Dubnyk / Kris Chucko

Wow. Wasn't that Fun! Notice I had to add the Flames guys first names so they were somewhat recognizable. Now, I know what you are thinking, Cletus, Clem, Zeke or whatever the flip your Flame Lovin' name is: "but y'all sucked and had better picks than us guys, did". And to a point that is true, but not as much as you think. Over this 6-year span your Flamers picked an average 25th overall and the Oil picked 20th overall, not exactly a serf and lord feudal system (whoops forgot my audience: po' folks and rich 'uns).

So, yes continue to rave on about your team that has sucked less than us. I agree you are average, the top wrung of the mediocre! But our day will come and sadly the writing is on the wall and the shelves are bare in the City of Cows. And what is funny is you have no one to blame but yourselves.

That light at the end of the tunnel, well sometimes it is a train.

PS Wanye. Please allow whoever tweeted the "cheeseburger" comment to write an entire article. Pure GOLD!

Not sure if you have heard of a guy named Jordan Eberle, but he has 31 goals on the year and he was drafted #22

BRILLIANT!!! Love the pic Stocc. Please Please Please spOIL the Flames post season hopes. PLEASE!

oh yeah: Eat $h!t Flamers

Well that's all the omen I need, I'll go with 5 goals 9 points for the Eberlean one.

CRANK UP THE SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

actually 7 years ago was the lockout and after that we went to the conference final...typical flames fan and being smarter than nobody

Without a doubt this is the greatest article ever written by Wanye. This should be nominated for some sort of interwebz award.

Responses from the Flames fan **crickets**

Wanye you outrageous magnificent bastard. Your finest hour. A gutsy offering worthy of a buzillion props. Girls swooning at the mention of your name. Grown men sobbing with satisfaction. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

Always fun to read to quips of Flames fans...Almost the biggest posers in the NHL, well next to Canucks fans.

Flames Nation Anthem: "We're Number 9!!!" "We're Number 10!!!"

Mediocrity = Flames

Great article Wanye, fun read, but I gotta say I got the shivers when Feasters Mug comes scrolling into view....Shivers again... UGLY

Is there a Pulitzer Award for Blogs? This crap is near genius....well played Wanye,well played...

And a pox on that southern bastion of hillbillies and evil rodeo clowns.

Brilliant.

You could have stopped after the top photo and caption and it still would be so. And everybody calls you an imbecile . . .

Calgary = Joan Rivers: barely managing to look like a real person, only a matter of time until the minor surgeries just don't cut it anymore.

Edmonton = Kate Upton: Mmmmmmmmmmm

Son, our teams play in a League where fans require intelligence.

Whose Gonna Do it? You Jeff Lebowski? You Vintage Flame?

We have more responsibility than you can fathom.

You weep for Cammalleri, Iginla and the rest of the Shames

But you don't know what we know, that your prospects are suspects and doomed to fail.

So while we as Oil Fans, are annoying to you, we make sense.

And deep down in places you don't want to think about - you know that it is true.

We use names like Hallsy, Ebs and Nuge. They are the backbone of our team. And you use them as Punchlines.

I haven't the time or inclination to explain myself to fans of a team who have no future and wonder why it is happening.

Better just to thank the Oil for being the one exciting team in the Province or pick up an Oilers Banner and Stand Post.

But either way I don't give a damn of what you think your team is entitled to.

Lebowski, YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!

Wow, what an editorial ...

.... "you're that stupid"

...... "your city sucks"

...... "Sh&$hole"

..... "just idiots"

Thanks for taking the time to provide concise, insightful dialogue. Appreciate you taking time from your MENSA meetings to share the wealth of thoughtful rebuttal.

And somewhere in the distance the sound of Lebowski's banjo tuning up is heard. "You sure have a purdy mouth"

.... cue the banjo

Did someone say Gretzky was overrated????

I guess if you're ignorant yet arrogant, you might be a Flames fan.

yep, the plug only put up 1290pts in 871 games post oilers

Let me talk to Mitch 110.

Down 2-1, coming out for the biggest third period of the year, and the Flames get 2 - count 'em, 2- shots on goal. Nice. Maybe having a shut down d-man like Schulz isn't a bad idea.

it says you have been playing a lot of mediocre teams lately and the top of Kiprusof's head is flatter than your girlfriend.

Wow. Just getting back from the game. Excellent game and result. Gotta keep my eye on that Eberle guy, he might be OK.

Hey little fella you had a big day. Spouted off your non-sensical babble. Got schooled on the boards. Made a fool of yourself and watched Flames stink it up.

Time to put on the Little Lebowski Flaming C jammies and head for Ma's basement. Curl into fetal postion and repeat, Today never happened. Today never happened.

Sweet dreams

The Flames are so offensively challenged, Laddy Smid felt obliged to help out and score their only goal for them.

#eatsh!tflames

That. Was. Awesome.

Wanye you forgot to mention the generosity we have shown to the "the worst monsters in human history".

First we taught them how to play hockey, and showed them what a dynasty looks like in the 80's with A LOT of tough love. A LOT. World class butt whooping.

Then we gave them a Cup so they would quit whining by trading the best player ever, and pretending to lose to the Kings.

Next we bred and raised two of their three best players, we gave them Glencross, and they still can't win the Cup.

Disgraceful.

Okay they birthed Taylor, but they had to send him to Kingston because they couldn't handle it and tried to keep him away from us. Another fail.

It's too sad to continue.

Jeff, really good stuff. Funny as hell. You have an obvious talent. Don't waste it. You could do this professionally. BTW I told your Mom the same thing and she took my advice. You're Dad's name is John isn't it?

please dont compare svens talent to that of halls or RNH,

3 games!

...If Justin Bieber had the BODY OF A GOD

When you and Vintage Flame are done "pulling each others goalies" feel free to join us in the real world. Also replying to your own message is somewhere between Delta Bravo and Delusional in the old "Flame Fan Handbook".

Or you are an ignorant moron with a drinking problem... You can't even spell your name right without looking at the tag your stepmom hung around your neck. Surprised you hicks have internet access down there. When you're done, pull your head out of that cows ass and step into reality.

This is why the Hockey Gods have foresaken Calgary. Hubris. Look it up. Results arent favourable.

The people of Shelbyville are not much smarter or less quick to anger than the people of Springfield. On some occasions, Shelbyville has been shown as the more culturally sophisticated of the two cities with a better public school system and hospital, demonstrated by Abe Simpson saying "I'm going to a better place. Shelbyville hospital!" - from the Simpson's wiki page.

now correct me if i am mis-interpreting what the resident flames fans are saying but are they not calling us the people of Shelbyville?

if that being the case then this needs to be read ^. not much smarter....BUT smarter none the less. more culturally sophisticated...WELL no arguement here. we are a higher class of peeps.

fine. be the folks from Springfield. from what i can gather Vintage Flame seems to be the Homer of the group. not the best person to be compared to. i've also noticed moe and barney here today.

anywho...good luck tonite flames. you shall need it.

#eatsh!tflames