GDB 71.0: BATTLE OF ALBERTA
Wanye
March 16 2012 12:20PM

Oh hey Calgary. How’s things? It’s just Wanye - your friendly neighbour to the North. Just thought we’d pop in with a few friends to talk about the ice hockey match this evening.
Things aren’t as dire up here in Edmonton as seasons of XXth, 30th, 30th and 29th would suggest. Yeah we know you are better than us on paper. You have an all world goalie capable of winning you any game he decides. We have a worn out old Russian and some 9 foot something or other backing him up.
Your Captain has X 30 goal seasons in a row, our Captain makes $30 million dollars a game.
PROOF MEET PUDDING

We know that you have been to the playoffs X times since 2006 and all we have been getting up here is our collective asses handed to us. We know we aren’t even close to you in the standings.
We know that the cumulative 5 year record of our respective teams is:
We know all sorts of facts.
Having said all of that:
WE WOULD RATHER BE US THAN YOU
That’s right. The Oilers are coming out of an extended dark age and yours are only beginning now. And you know it too – don’t even pretend you can’t see four or five years of basement dwelling on the horizon ahead of you. Look how old you are! And the no trade clauses! Tsk tsk tsk. It boggles the mind!
Had any UFA or RFA of note chosen the Edmonton Oilers in the past 10 years we might be in a similar pickle. But guess what. They didn’t. And the garbage that we were able to sign are almost all off the books. Then you know what happens? That’s when the winning starts.
Now sure that might be tomorrow and not today. We know that you are surging ETC ETC ETC and hope to put a playoff berth firmly in your sights tonight. And we know that this ain’t exactly the best Oilers squadron of the past 3
There are many areas the Oilers can whip the Calgary Flames at and this includes:
SEXIER BRASS
Sutter v Renney? Are we kidding here? Not to mention that the corpse of Tambellini could be left in the sun for a week and be more attractive in a bathing suit than Jay Feaster. No no, this isn't even a contest between the two franchises.
MORE RYANS

Compare the rosters
MORE SQUEEE

Something something
MORE NUGE

Something something
AND SO
In closing here are some more incendiary quotes from OilersNation via twitter:
@bcherri01 This one is for first dibs on tee times #battleofalberta
@JSBMrevolution Time to show the world who the REAL best cousin kissers are #Wait #battleofalberta
@MyqWilson “Who wins BOA? Jay Feaster asks for the question to be rephrased in the form of a cheeseburger*
You are the worst monsters in human history. We look forward to watching you miss the playoffs.
Signed,
A team out of the playoffs for XX consecutive months
PS Even at the end of the article we would STILL rather be us than you.
HAHAHA! Amazing response. Hats off to you sir. Thanks Calgary indeed! Maybe Flames fans should invest in a lucky egg for them to kiss cause it definitely won't be a stanley cup; atleast not for another 20 years when they go through their own rebuild!
He was the 4th emergency recall guy...The 3rd guy went back when first guy got hurt, so he can stay up until next guy is healthy. Likely tonight is his last game...
Nuge and Hall have only been hurt once each. Hall would have played after having he head stepped on by a skate but the team wouldn't allow it. So how do you explian two vet players missing 20 games a season for 5 straight seasons?
My point, clown, is that your team brings back ex players as well.
I'm glad to hear your 3rd liner is doing so well. Yet, you still languish in 29th place... huh, crazy.
Well this is one for the ages almost as good as an 80's line brawl....have not laughed so hard in years. Props to everyone
well, 29th is better than the back to back 30th place finishes we had! Progress is good!
***rips off clothes and falls down***
i do not understand how people are still trying to have rational, logical conversations on this GDB. i want none of that.
my player is better than your player type stuff. i will reserve my righteousness for next year.
#eatsh!tflames
I think Hemsky knows the answer.
What 2 vets would you be referring to that have missed 20 games for 5 years?
And I think you're missing Hall being out for the end of the season last year after his... eh hem, fight... 20+ games I think.
@Dman09
Haha, Talk to me when the "Nuge" plays five season, he's been injured 2 times this year btw.
And Hall has been injured 2 times in 2 years.
Hall missed 20+ games last year, in what , 2nd season?
And RNH missed 20 games this year.. Cammy has been 20+ games two years in a row, not five
and Tanguay missed 3 games last year and 2 games the year before..
Good try though.
The only reason he was brought back was because he requested it and it didn't cost the team anything in the trade. Otherwise it never would have happened.
And what do you have, we have youth that has just started developing into great players and the only way to go is up. The Flames have old men, can't seem to make the playoffs, managment and ownership that want to go different ways which makes them just stand in place and all indications are pointing down in a hurry.
hmmmmmm let me think which side would I rather be on
Riiigghhhhttt. So by your logic, does that not mean these players came back to CGY because they wanted to?? Cammi has a no trade so he would have had to approve it.
You can save the "Oh, another no trade clause" comment.
No place to go but up... you could just stay right where you are and have been the last 3 years.. BOTTOM...DWELLING! See Islanders, New York
Well I suppose hockey hasn't mattered in Edmonton since 2006 actually.
@T&A4Flames
Well loved the battle of words back and forth but work done time to go home and watch the game. I wish there was this much passion more often.
To all Flamers, lets see how happy you are next season.
@Dman09
Festivals: It used to be that Calgary had one big festival (The Stampede) while Edmonton had a lot of smaller ones. Now Calgary has a lot of smaller festivals plus the Stampede while Edmonton has... Klondike days and Accordion Extravaganza! (To be fair, fringe-fest is pretty nice too.)
Location: There are multiple world-famous ski-hills within two hours of Calgary, plus some of the most gorgeous mountain hikes in existence. Plus, it's not nearly so frigid here in the Winter despite our better access to winter sports.
Arena: You can mock the Saddledome all you want, it's still newer and nicer than Rexall, although I suppose that isn't saying much. At least it was a creative design. It's still the longest spanning hyperbolic paraboloid concrete shell in the world. Here's to hoping the new arenas for both teams wind up being awesome!
Mayor: Calgary has a vibrant, young mayor who won on a big idea based campaign. Edmonton has a typical stuffy old geezer for a mayor.
Athletics: Calgary has hosted the Olympics and lot of athletes still train here thanks to the facilities, which are also open to the public. Want to skate on "the fastest ice in the world" in the Olympic oval? No problem! Spruce Meadows also hosts some of the worlds most famous equestrian competitions. Yes, Calgary has more horse-centric stuff, but that's because we can afford horses.
Victory Celebrations: When Edmonton made it to the finals, the city did it's best impression of Vancouver or Montreal. e.g. Burning cars on Whyte avenue. When Calgary made it to the finals, chicks started taking their tops off. I know where I'd rather be!
The Prime Minister: Does he have a house in Edmonton? Hmm...
Airport: Going somewhere? Not from Edmonton's airport, unless your masochistic.
Growth: (both of population and economy): Calgary. It wasn't that long ago that Edmonton was the larger city. What happened?
Murder Rate: Ahem... Okay, I'll stop talking now Edmontonians. Please don't kill me. Nice Edmontonians. Really, I love you guys. Please don't hurt me.
Fun Facts:
Matt Stajan last 5 GP - 3G 3A - 6 pts
_________________
Jordan Eberle last 5GP - 1G 3A - 4pts
Taylor Hall last 5GP - 4G 0A - 4pts
RNH last 5 GP - 1G 3A - 4 pts
Sam Gagner last 5GP - 0G 1A - 1pt
Shawn Horcoff last 5GP - 1G 1A - 2pts
Ales Hemsky last 5GP - 0G 0A - 0 pts
A lot happier then you will be when Hall, RNH and Eberle refuse to resign in Edmonton at the end of their RFA contracts...
I wasn't talking about the past few years. I'm just saying, come opening night of the playoffs, Calgary fans will have as much to cheer for as Edmonton fans. The only exception being, Calgary fans will have much less to look forward too.
@Mitch2
Yeah ok Mitch, good one. Thats all you can rely on isnt it? Too bad your team will miss the playoffs again, continue to be 9th to 11th overall for the next 5 years cause your GM doesnt have a brain.
You have really forgotten how hard it is to make the playoffs, you'll see. The Oilers are not one player from making the playoffs, they are several.
Listen to your inner rational voice, you know this to be true. In 2004 after missing the playoffs for 7 straight years I was thrilled to make it. What happened after blew my mind.
The Flames have a lot of dials they can turn in coming years, to say they are headed off a cliff is the same type of narrow analysis that had people auto checking the Capitals to win the East and Blue Jackets to be in the playoff race.
You simply do not know the future for the Flames or Oilers. Meanwhile in reality the Flames are competing for the playoffs, get back to me when your team is in the same spot in late March...
Haha beautiful article, Wayne. I always enjoy it when you grace us with your prose.
GAME DAY PREDICTION: Flames get two goals each from Iggy and Sven and win 4-2.
OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: Us Flames fans will go into a state of depression because this is Sven's last game.
NOT SO OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: Jay Feaster in his post-game celebration accidentally trips Lee Stempniak and elbows Lance Bouma's shoulder in order to allow Sven to stay up with the club. When Stempniak is on the ground injured Hemsky walks by and trips over him, causing him to miss the rest of the season.
I personally like quite a few of his moves myself.
http://montreal.ctv.ca/servlet/an/local/CTVNews/20120315/mtl_habs_120315/20120315/?hub=MontrealSports
Jones was a solid pick up. So was Smith for a bottom pairing D man that cost nothing. Comeau off of waivers for nothing. Good later first round pick on Sven. GlenX contract is the steal of the NHL. Hannan @ a million is a bargain and I bet the Oilers would love to have a legitimate top 4 D man at that price.
I could go on but I won't bother.
Calgary may be going through the bargain bin in search of players but they are having decent success.
One could bring up how your mayor wants you to kick the Calgary habit. You know with the airport? Calgary is the hub, businesses know it, so do your own citizens.
Your downtown airport. It retarded the growth of your city. Look in your downtown, there are no new skyscrapers, no new development.
All the power has been transferred to Calgary. Why? We have all the money. We're growing while you're shrinking. You see, people, especially young people, are leaving Edmonton in droves. A lot are coming to Calgary. Why? It's better here, in every way.
Edmonton's getting older, no one is moving there. Soon your tax revenue will shrink so much that the governments funds that make up all your new developments will dry up. It won't be justified to spend tax dollars there. We have money here. The development gap is obvious. Look out the window.
Speaking of tax dollars, your new rink is raping your city up the a$$ (but you guys love it up the a$$). Katz is just preying on your existential fear of losing the Oilers. He puts some up front cash up but threatens your city council. They bend over for him and he sucks all the money in this whole deal. It all goes to Rexall's benefit. Sure some bars will make money but the real cash leaves town just like him. This is the only investment in Edmonton worth anything and he's gonna take all the cash and ship it out to Palm Springs or someplace else with a future. You're all just letting it happen because there's no one else.
You can come down to Calgary. You're all more than welcome. We got lots of people moving here and they can cheer for whoever they want. The educated are coming here, settling here, investing here. We are exponentially growing the gap past you. In many ways you don't matter. You're irrelevant. We don't care if you come here, we're too busy living great lives. We don't hate like you do. We're not envious like you are. We'd love to share the good times here with you. Think of all the people you know who've already made the move. They ain't looking back.
Edmonton has just declined past the point of return. You're climbing up a mountain of sand, you wave your arms but you're just sinking further back.
You know, teams win and lose. No big deal. We just got so much more to look forward to here. Our lives are fuller, richer. Highway 2 North is the road to nowhere.
All I'm doing is pointing at the writing on the wall. Do whatever you want with it. I could care less.
Fun facts:
Matt Stajan 15 points for the season
____________
Jordan Eberle 66 points (in 66 games)
Taylor Hall 53 points (in 60 games)
RNH 44 points (in 50 games, strong Calder candidate)
Sam Gagner 42 points (had an 8 point game, who was the last player to do that?)
Shawn Horcoff 34 points (less of a boat anchor than Stajan)
Ales Hemsky 29 points
____________
Subjective stats analysis is fun :)
Gretzky was overrated and would not have put up even half his numbers if he hadn't played with Kurri and the rest of that team.
The Oilers simply lucked out with deep draft gold. You should have a statue of Barry Fraser in front of Rexall which you all bow to on the way in. No Fraser and you would have been the Jets 2.0.
And poppa, you make me so proud :)
for as dickish as your post kind of is, it is hard to argue with most of it.
stupid calgary.. bunch of stupid stupid heads
And when does the point streak really matter most? All spread out nice and even for a nice analysis or compressed late in the season when it matters for making the playoffs… : )
P.S. I don't do Stats, I actually enjoy it most when the exceptions happen not when the predictions work out.
You mean he scored 2pts per game in the first three seasons in LA.
Try again.
#eatsh!t
So, the Flames using Barfy tonight essentially means they're circumventing the salary cap. The Flames are purposely holding healthy players out of the lineup so Barfy can play this evening.
Bring your regulars up as well as the players you shouldn't be using Lames nation. You'll all be coming home cheat'in losers this evening anyways.
Wanye will never have to buy a drink or a meal in this town again...
In writing this post the count is 248 posts. Hate is the only real thing that lasts. Enjoy losing another game to the city you hate the most C'Oiler fans.
Kudos VF, you have clearly become public enemy #1 on ON. BY my count it's VF 4 - Edmonton 0.
Scott Hannan a Top 4 Dman, you must be joking... Sven is definitely looking like he has the potential to be a good player, but after him the prospect pool looks pretty thin (see Hockey's Future)... I would think most managers would agree that no matter what team you are, spare parts can only take you so far..
The only things that Edmonton has going for it is easy access to underage Asian prostitutes, cheap crystal meth and cheap modular housing. I don't really see these points of civic pride to be very enticing to Hall, Everle and Hopkins. You have wasted there ELC years on unmmmmm boring last place hockey. That's rad. No free agent will sign in Edmonton because they don't want there family to be murdered. Oh wait you go Cam Barker.... Slow clap. The only good thing to happen to Edmonton ever was a tornado which meant that 27 people got to leave Edmonton for free!!! Have fun not assembling a winning team by the time your three young guys leave! And they will leave, as would most of you if you could afford gas.... Or a car.
Whats an Everle?
Also, I hate you VF, and welcome to a page 6 FN.
Ok, I'll try again
#watchsh!tforyears
Does that work for you up in Edmonton?
you mean 'their' not 'there'
lay off our meth
#eatsh!t
Circumventing the cap?
Tinfoil hats at the ready - head over to department of homeland hockey security and report those nasty Flames.
Number of playoff rounds won by Calgary since lockout: 0
slow clap
#eatsh!t
Go crunch the numbers on Gretzky on the Oilers vs the rest of his career.
Get back to me later, I've already done it.
Mario > Wayne
Calgary has won more playoff rounds than the Capitals since 1998?
What is your point? Want to go through the whole NHL and see where they rank?
@Mark-LW
Haha sorry. I phone typing. #firstworldproblems
Haha that last post was not me. Haha. That makes no sense.
You are so far from the Stanley Cup that you may as well get the Hubble telescope set up before you even start thinking about it.
Iggy and Kipper can be traded, you don't know the return, you have no idea what will happen, neither do I. Oiler fans have been on the crack pipe of hope and illusion for so long that they live in an imaginary land.
Talking about the Cup when you are the 2nd worst team in the NHL is really interesting. Your three big superstars played this season you know. Didn't see much progress.
There are a lot of pitfalls ahead and one of the biggest ones is the clock ticking on those players. You better pray they want to resign because they very well may walk like Kovie and Jbo did and then you got nothing but a disappearing smoke ring left, not a Cup ring.
I thought that was a strange post. Funny regardless.
Mario - 915 GP - 1,723 pts.
Are we still talking about this or is it over yet?
P.S. Gretzky wanted to leave Edmonton, he requested the trade, it was all a big act with fake tears. Pocklington had to take the fall for it.
Are you saying the Penguins team that Mario played on, player by player was as good as the Oiler team Gretzky played on? Player by player?
By the way I am not saying Gretzky was a bad player just not as good as Mario.
@The poster formerly known as Koolaid drinker #33
Gretzky wins cause his daughter is smoking hot. Thank god that his time in Edmonton didn't warp his ability to reproduce.
Team game and let me put it this way. The Oilers won their 5th Cup without the Gretz, he never won another Cup for the rest of his career.
All players on that team benefited from each other, Mess, Coffey, Kurri etc. Don't get that and you probably didn't watch them play.
His wife cheated on him with a real man. You think that girl is truly Gretzky DNA.
The game needs to hurry up and start...