GDB 78.0: KING FOR A DAY

Wanye
March 30 2012 12:01PM

So the Oilers play the LA Kings tonight in another meaningless game do they? And Gregor is doing married guy stuff before his show and asked us to write the GDB on his behalf? How will we live with the pressure of trying to describe a game that will be forgotten by 99% of us within days?

Fingers and brain don't fail us now!*

BETTER THAN NOTHING

A great many folks have done a great many things in the name of "better than nothing." Say you are the unfortunate fellow in the picture above. You say to your wife "Honey, now that the kids are grown up and have left the house we should get a pet! How about a Golden Retriever?"

When the wife strolls in with two spider monkeys and digs up boxes of old childeren's clothing from the basement you quickly come to the sobering realization that the dog you wanted probably isn't on its way. But do you shun the creepy little buggers? No. You dress them up in the family's finest and grimace your way through a series of photos at the local Walmart.

You know why?

Because it's better than nothing.

BETTER THAN NOTHING 2

Now what if you are this little girl? Your parents have set up the video camera and on the eve of Santa's arrival you get to open an early Christmas present. Little would you know that they watch the Jimmy Kimmel show and he has put out a challenge to viewers to give their kids crappy Christmas presents and video their reactions.

How are you to know that Christmas has turned from a joyous day for Children into a joyous day for Jimmy Kimmel and his burning desire to ruin everything?  As this big Chicago Bears fan opens up a Packers jersey and promptly flips her Dad the Christmas Bird, we can see that in some cases something is definitely not better than nothing.

WHAT'S IT GONNA BE?

So Oilers what's it gonna be tonight? We will be tuning into the game from beginning to end despite the fact it is Friday night, there are a myriad of other things to do and we know this game doesn't exactly mean the world to you.

Jason Strudwick described this in gory detail in his earlier article and we can't help but ask ourselves how we are supposed to find inspiration to watch the game when the millionaires collecting bags of cash can't be bothered to get amped up themselves.

But tune in we will. Why? Because it is better than nothing. Even the worst Oilers game in history is better than nothing. Even a 1-0 shutout loss to some awful team on a Sunday afternoon is better than nothing. Even a pre-season game between split squads of the Oilers and the Columbus Blue Jackets is better than nothing.

And in a few short weeks that is exactly what we will be left with. Nothing.

So go Oilers. Snipe a few would ya?

LINEUPS, TENDER AND SCRATCHES

According to the Oilers twitter feed the scratches tonight are Belanger, Omark, Barker, Petrell and Fedun. More information to follow as it becomes available. Linus Omark also tweeted the message above which suggests he is either confused by something or the question mark key on his Blackberry is stuck. More information on that too should we find out more.

MORE

Apparently Linus Omark didn't tweet about a hundred frustrated question marks because he found out he is a healthy scratch tonight. Even though he tweeted it right around the time he would have been finding out the bad news. We can safely make this conclusion because he tweeted in his charming way that we are all wrong if that's what we all thought.

Ha ha! Jokes on us right Linus? And you thought he was on a different page than Oilers management. Scratch that kind of thinking you negative nelly.

*That's obviously what she said

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Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#1 Wanyes bastard child
March 30 2012, 05:13PM
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#eatmonkeywangcalgary!

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#2 Lowetide
March 30 2012, 12:12PM
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This site will NEVER have a better picture than that poor bugger with the monkeys. If EVER a man perfected the "kill me. kill me now" look it's him.

Slow clap for brilliance!

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#3 baggedmilk
March 30 2012, 01:27PM
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On a side note #NugeForCalder

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#4 Mark-LW
March 30 2012, 03:03PM
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Holy crap, is it just me or does that monkey in the dress have a disproportionately large package?

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#5 A-Mc
March 30 2012, 07:32PM
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That monkey penis threatened my manlihood. I felt like he was challenging me; with it just hanging out like that.

Who the hell does he think he is? Ill punch a chimp out!

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#6 SiD
March 31 2012, 04:18AM
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Detroit Red Wings:

“Hello, Oilers fans, look at your team, now back to me, now back at your team, now back to me. Sadly, they are not me, but if they switched to a mix of grit and skill, they could look like they're me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re at the game watching a team your team could look like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s a ticket to the Stanley cup finals. Look again, the ticket is now celebratory beverages after winning the cup, Anything is possible when your team switches to a mix of good skill and grit, and not the undersized team of today, I'm on a horse.”

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#7 book¡e
March 30 2012, 12:57PM
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Seriously, somebody tell this team that they are in 29th place - why the hell don't they play Omark.

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#8 vetinari
March 30 2012, 01:28PM
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C'mon and throw Omark into a couple of the last few games and see what he can do on the top 6.

And while you are at it, sign the two spider monkeys to a tryout contract, give them Todd Marchant's old equipment and try them out on the blue line for a game or two. Let's see any opposing forwards get by our poo flinging defencemen (ah, it's just like having Pronger back on "D", isn't it?)...

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#9 Wanyes bastard child
March 30 2012, 03:09PM
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Mark-LW wrote:

Holy crap, is it just me or does that monkey in the dress have a disproportionately large package?

The better question should be why you are checking out a monkeys junk.

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#10 Matt Henderson
March 30 2012, 04:40PM
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Bushed wrote:

So Omark and PRV get a handful of games to "prove" themselves (playing mostly 3rd line), are found wanting, and are now trade fodder?

In the meantime, Gagner gets 5 years and still can't check a suitcase, let alone a real hockey player, but he still gets lots of rope because he might be approaching his "breakout" year?

Nope, let's just move along here, nothing to see, no double standards around this coach or team...

I dont recall Omark or Paajarvi ever having a 8 point game.

*checks ye olde timey record book*

Nope. Never happened.

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#11 jeanshorts
March 30 2012, 05:02PM
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I'm pretty certain that these "GAGNER IS CRAPPY!" dummies are probably the same people that are still lamenting the loss of Rob Schremp.

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#12 Mason Storm
March 30 2012, 08:54PM
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Someone should inform Khabibulin that we can't finish 30th anymore. He can quit playing ~MVP~ hockey anytime.

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#13 Time Travelling Sean
March 30 2012, 11:31PM
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@Bushed

Yea that's why he's a plus player on this team, cause of his god awful defence.

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#14 Matt Henderson
March 30 2012, 12:19PM
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Omark's response to being in the PB is hilarious.

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#15 bazmagoo
March 30 2012, 12:21PM
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Omark is so done in Oilerville

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#16 Lowetide
March 30 2012, 12:26PM
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Well you know it's the wife who is driving the bus here. Look at the smile!!! SHE'S in heaven! Buddy looks like he wishes he was the guy who told Joe Pesci to get his shine box in Goodfellas!

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#17 Matt Henderson
March 30 2012, 01:02PM
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book¡e wrote:

Seriously, somebody tell this team that they are in 29th place - why the hell don't they play Omark.

Because he isnt going to be an Oiler next year and the Team would rather play people who might actually have an NHL future?

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#18 koonz99
March 30 2012, 01:14PM
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@Matt Henderson

So lets make sure his trade value is as low as possible. Wow, great plan Oilers, great use of a possible trade asset

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#19 vetinari
March 30 2012, 05:23PM
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@Wanye

Wang? Isn't that the dude who owns the Islanders?

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#20 Jon
March 30 2012, 06:47PM
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Omark's ?????? tweet came immediately after Paajarvi tweeted about reading on the way to Edmonton. He just probably knew the recall rules unlike management.

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#21 Reg Dunlop
March 30 2012, 08:08PM
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@Oilcruzer

The Quebec govt. is free to toss around $$$ because it is courtesy our tax dollars, kinda like free money. Merci Alberta.

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#22 Romulus' Apotheosis
March 30 2012, 08:22PM
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Is that monkey clear of thetans yet?

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#23 Wanyes bastard child
March 30 2012, 09:11PM
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Hopkins really isn't afraid to throw his weight around... just wish he weighed more!

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#24 vetinari
March 30 2012, 09:31PM
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Is starting Khabibulin our gift to LA to allow them to leapfrog Calgary in the standings?

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#25 Shane
March 31 2012, 10:49AM
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Let's see here.....1.....yep.........2.......ah ugh.........3.......ok.........4........yea that wasn't so hard?

EDIT: oh wait!.... 5.......damnit!! This is tricky

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#26 Reg Dunlop
March 30 2012, 12:19PM
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A big oiler win to beat down king chances, some payback for luring away Gretz with morally empty L.A. promises and thier evil blonde temptress Janet. Plus, maybe Calgary can pass the kings and finish 9th, so they get a slightly worse draft spot and maybe delude themselves a little longer thus delaying the inevetable rebuild. 3-1 oil with 2 goals for RNH.

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#28 freeze
March 30 2012, 12:22PM
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I'm not sure about that guy with the monkey, I think he secretly loves it deep down.

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#29 freeze
March 30 2012, 12:22PM
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Wanye wrote:

lol This is taken from the Wanye Collection Circa 2041

You mean that's your future?!?!?! Or your past that will come back to haunt you?

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#30 Let's Rebuild
March 30 2012, 12:31PM
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On a hockey topic, why did they recall Paajarvi. Is he playing tonight?

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#31 Lowetide
March 30 2012, 12:34PM
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Let's Rebuild wrote:

On a hockey topic, why did they recall Paajarvi. Is he playing tonight?

Imagine so. Suspect he trimmed those sideburns.

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#32 Let's Rebuild
March 30 2012, 12:39PM
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Lowetide wrote:

Imagine so. Suspect he trimmed those sideburns.

Did he take any of the nerve tonic?

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#33 Jonathan Willis
March 30 2012, 12:46PM
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@Lowetide

As opposed to Linus Omark, who has decided barbers are his enemy.

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#34 A-Mc
March 30 2012, 12:49PM
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The Wayne family photo. I'll give you 2 guesses which one is Wanye.

Hint: blue plaid was his favorite in those days.

PS: I've let my twitter obsession fade.. They called up Paajarvi? Why in hell did they do that? Is OKC Tanking with him on the team?

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#35 book¡e
March 30 2012, 12:58PM
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Omark's newest tweet.

"its not becuase im helthy scratch like some people think! "

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#36 Kaiser Wilhelm
March 30 2012, 01:02PM
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Let me guess: Awkwardfamilyphotos.com?

Gotta be one of the funniest photos I've seen in months

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#37 rubbertrout
March 30 2012, 01:24PM
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@Matt Henderson

Arch you just love kicking your goat while he's down don't you?

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#38 Matt Henderson
March 30 2012, 01:24PM
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@koonz99

So we can get a 4th round pick instead of a 5th round pick but we have to watch Omark play hockey poorly? No thanks. He isnt changing anybody's mind in the next handful of games.

You want a flashy puck handler who might score 30 points, excite fans in the shootout, but give up tons defensively? He's your guy. I think people already know that.

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#39 Matt Henderson
March 30 2012, 01:26PM
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rubbertrout wrote:

Arch you just love kicking your goat while he's down don't you?

Yes, but in all seriousness that IS why he isnt playing. It's pretty obvious he isnt in their plans and guys like Hartikainen and Paajarvi still are.

If Omark had the confidence of the coach and the organization he would be playing.

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#40 LoDog
March 30 2012, 01:28PM
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book¡e wrote:

Seriously, somebody tell this team that they are in 29th place - why the hell don't they play Omark.

Omark is not a part of the future. He is whiny and not good enough.

And as for the inevitable chirps about playing to raise his value. Really? Do you really think "showcasing" him would accomplish anything.

He gets qualified and then traded. End of story.

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#41 Dman09
March 30 2012, 01:37PM
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vetinari wrote:

C'mon and throw Omark into a couple of the last few games and see what he can do on the top 6.

And while you are at it, sign the two spider monkeys to a tryout contract, give them Todd Marchant's old equipment and try them out on the blue line for a game or two. Let's see any opposing forwards get by our poo flinging defencemen (ah, it's just like having Pronger back on "D", isn't it?)...

Really monkeys on defense.... isn't that what Barker is already??????????? If I were to get a couple of monkeys on this team they would be taking Lowe and Tambos jobs. I'm sure the trade off would be pretty much equal except the monkeys would probably do more.

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#42 Dman09
March 30 2012, 01:39PM
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Hahahahaha so Hall's Labia Surgery, Nipples and know Monkey Management hahahahaha this has been one of the best weeks on Oilers Nation. hahahaha TGIF

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#43 Reg Dunlop
March 30 2012, 01:42PM
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Off topic: Seattle is in preliminary stages of planning a new waterfront $500 mil US arena. Of course it will be completed before our downtown project breaks ground; my question is will Katz use Seattle as leverage or will the NHL wait to move Phoenix so it remains in a big market[Quebec is 1/5 the size of Seattle]?

The man pushing forward the Seattle plan is a wealthy Seattle native who loved the Sonics,similar to our situation except the Seattle rich dude actually loved the local pro team, he didn't just do some lines of pharmaceutical grade with the teams stars, allegedly.

Any chance another local ownership group steps up? Absentee landlords can be a drag.

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#44 Matt Henderson
March 30 2012, 01:44PM
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Dman09 wrote:

Hahahahaha so Hall's Labia Surgery, Nipples and know Monkey Management hahahahaha this has been one of the best weeks on Oilers Nation. hahahaha TGIF

*laughing hysterically slowly morphs into inconsolable crying*

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#45 michael
March 30 2012, 01:48PM
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bazmagoo wrote:

Omark is so done in Oilerville

Really? I would make it 70-30 he does return to Sweden. But who can say. The team is 29th not because of Omark. Perhaps things may have been different if was in the lineup. Maybe we would have been 28th.

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#46 Boomer 97
March 30 2012, 01:59PM
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I don't know who I want to win. I want Eberle and the Nuge to get 4 points each. And I love seeing the oilers win. But if we win it helps the Flames get closer to the playoffs. If we lose it helps the Kings get closer to the playoffs. If we win it helps the Oilers get more points than the leafs. But if the Leafs have more points they could get a better draft pick.

Ugh

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#47 pelhem grenville
March 30 2012, 02:05PM
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Dubya^ here i thought it was because this poor bugger married a Cathy Bates Look-a-Like

as for Omark?

... take your attitude elsewhere

good luck with the rest of your career

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#48 DLS
March 30 2012, 02:12PM
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decisions, decisions

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#49 a lg dubl dubl
March 30 2012, 02:22PM
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Im stoked to hear that Belanger is taking a seat tonight bout bloody time imo.

I want the Oil to win more than where they place for the draft, ST has the choice of 3 good dmen to pick from, I could care less about the top 2 picks.

Conspericy theroy: the lafs win the lottery because "it's the center of all that is holy" but Burke trades said pick to get Nash, forever handcuffing the team in the salary cap NEVER TO WIN THE CUP AGAIN!!!! MUUUHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!

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#50 oilredemption
March 30 2012, 02:49PM
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My question is why do we keep playing potter? God is he just awful. He just doesn't do enough offensively to make up for his complete defensive lapse. He will never be a full time nhl defensemen on a quality nhl team.... I hate favouritism and renney just loves him don't no why but ya

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