THE GODS HAVE DONE THEIR PART

Wanye
April 11 2012 01:55PM

 

Watching ol' Steve Tambellini grinning like someone who had actually done something rather than someone who failed again until he was rewarded we couldn't help but think:

The Hockey Gods have officially done all they can for the Edmonton Oilers. 

THIS DOESN'T USUALLY HAPPEN

Now as Willis already pointed out in his article earlier today it has been a good long while since a team has had 3 consecutive first overall picks in the Entry Draft. This has to be taken as an extraordinary sign of favour from those high up on Mt. Olympus.

It also signals that the time has arrived for us as Oilers fans to shift the responsibility for the team from the sky to the front office on Kingsway Avenue.

LINE MEET SAND

For so long we have all collectively wrung our hands and begged the Gods on the Mountain for mercy with our beloved Edmonton Oilers. It may have seemed like they had been ignoring our pleas these past 6 years, it's now clear they were listening the entire time.

The same Gods that made Chris Pronger do what he did in 2006 are the same Gods who kept Jordan Eberle around until the 22nd pick in 2008. The Gods who infected Dany Heatley with "I-hate-Edmonton-itis" also made Taylor Hall out of material so resilient he can bounce back from "nearly-severed-head-syndrome" in less than 24 hours.

Those who let Smytty go also saw fit in their wisdom to bring him back where he belongs. Those who made Cam Barker the mess you see before you also made the Nuge the hero you see before you.

Finally the Gods that have kept our collective heads underwater these past 6 years have also seen it fit to 5 Alarm Screw the Columbus Blue Jackets out of first pick overall and hand it on a platter to Dithers & Company for the third year in a row.

So in our minds we are no longer going to cry out to the Gods "Why have you forsaken us fans of the Oilers!? Why? WHY? WHYYYYYYY?*" The Gods of Hockey have done their part to hook us up.

It is now time for the very mortal and very fire-able Oilers Brass to take this embarassment of riches and dress it up into a Stanley Cup contender. And fast too - the Nuge is almost 11 years old.

The hard yards have already been done and the miracles that needed to happen have now occurred.

TEMPTING THE FATES

So much for winning the lottery one day and so much for not posting naked pictures of ourselves on the Facebooks. We were caught up in the heat of the moment yesterday prior to the Draft Lottery and we made a couple of what we believed to be harmless comments that will doubtlessly come back to haunt us.

WHOOPSY #1

Firstly we gave up any possibility of winning the lottery in our natural life with that witty gem of a tweet. File this one under "careful what you wish for" because had we known that the Gods of Wishing were listening to Twitter at that very moment we would have asked for something different.

A Jordan Eberle Speedo endorsement deal. Natalie Portman breaking off her marriage with that dancing clown from Black Swan. Heck, we could have asked to win the actual lottery and used the money to buy the first pick overall off the Columbus Blue Jackets in the 2012 NHL Entry Draft!

WHOOPSY #2

Now when someone goes on Facebook and makes this type of bold statement do people really expect him or her to see it through? We can't help but think that they understand it's all in good fun and not hold him or her accountable to wild promises made on social media. Right? RIGHT?

*coughs nervously*

SUCH EXCELLENT NEWS

Our good chum on twitter @RaelynnBenn sent over the following celebratory pic after the draft miracle had been announced. If ever there was a time to feast on a squee in cupcake form this would be it.

Now if you will excuse us we have to call our lawyers with regards to some soon to be posted naked pictures to post on Facebook. Or something.

*Simulated crying  - we don't actually do that all the time or anything.**

** Oh yes we do

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
Avatar
#1 freeze
April 11 2012, 01:57PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
4
cheers

Dakin followed through on his public nudity promises. Step up to the plate Wanye!

Fist Tambo

Avatar
#2 David S
April 11 2012, 05:13PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
3
cheers

@Wanye - how do you know Jordan Eberle isn't refreshing his Facebook account every five minutes just to see if you made good on your bet? THINK ABOUT IT MAN!

Avatar
#4 baggedmilk
April 11 2012, 02:32PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
1
cheers

If you're getting naked, I'm bringing a lawn chair.

*mmmmm wanye*

Avatar
#5 THE HOCKEY GODS
April 11 2012, 03:42PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
1
cheers

THOUST DID PROMISE NUDITY FOR FAVOUR... AND THE HOCKEY GODS HAVE GRANTED YOUR WISH... GET NAKED YOUNG SQUEELER...

AND BY THE WAY... TELL TAMBELLINI THAT'S ALL UNTIL 2028 'CAUSE THE LEAFS, HABS AND FLAMES HAVE BEEN RINGING MY PHONE OFF...

THE HOCKEY GODS

Avatar
#6 Bleak Winter
April 11 2012, 02:06PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Fortune has provided you a compromise in this situation. Do the naked photo, but block your sensitive bits with some Photoshopped Squeeee cupcakes. It's too funny for anyone to actually be upset that you only half followed through (except maybe the one who made the cupcakes).

Avatar
#7 rubbertrout
April 11 2012, 02:41PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

All your picks are belong to us.

Wanye, you made a public declaration of an intention to post naked picutes of yourself on something that had a one in five chance of succeeding and NOW you want to back out on it?

Pathetic. It also makes me happy I'm not on facebook so I wouldn't need to witness the horror. Oh the humanity!

Avatar
#8 BUCK75
April 11 2012, 02:58PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

I totally agree with mr Freeze.

LOLOLOLOL

*edit* If Mr Dakin were in the country, I'm pretty sure he would be all over your posting.

Avatar
#9 Gerald R. Ford
April 11 2012, 03:05PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Going forward, I think a no-nudity clause written into the Nation's constitution for all contributors and citizens would be a wise step.

Amber would be exempt from this clause, of course.

Also, I would like some Squeeee cake, please.

With ICE SQUUEEEEM!

Avatar
#10 D
April 11 2012, 03:48PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

I wonder if Bettman had one of the Oiler lottery balls frozen just so he could see Wanye naked.

Avatar
#11 Jonathan Willis
April 11 2012, 04:50PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

LOUD DISCOURAGEMENT. RENEGE. IF YOU AIN'T CHEATING YOU AIN'T TRYING!

And yes, I'm shouting :)

Avatar
#12 Quicksilver ballet
April 11 2012, 05:22PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

+18 and only a light breeze out there. Not the pee pee shrinker weather we had a week ago.

Have at'er dude.

Avatar
#13 rubbertrout
April 11 2012, 06:19PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Wanye has been surprisingly silent . . .

Avatar
#14 Gerald R. Ford
April 11 2012, 08:39PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

@rubbertrout

No nudes is good nudes.

Avatar
#15 Buzz Lightbeer
April 11 2012, 10:35PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

I don't care what you show on Facebook, just don't soil the Nation's pages with your man wrinkles. Eeeewwwww!

Avatar
#16 dougtheslug
April 11 2012, 11:29PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Apparently the gods saved a little whipped cream and a cherry for the topping - big fast dustin penner pots the winner? Impossibly sweet!

Comments are closed for this article.