ASSORTED
Wanye
April 03 2012 12:51PM
With two games remaining on the Edmonton Oilers 2011-12 NHL season we find ourselves caring more about the 29th place local squadron then how the big shots at the top of the NHL ladder are faring. Call us a simple minded Edmontonian with hotdogs in each hand - but whatever.
Amidst all the suck, two topics are sticking out in our mind as of prime importance.
#NUGEFORCALDER
If you haven't seen the first #nugeforcalder video we can't even begin to imagine what you have been doing for the past 8 days. If you haven't seen the second #nugeforcalder video featured above that is more understandable as it only dropped yesterday.
Give it a watch, these cats at Jeanshorts and baggedmilk do a magnificent job. And it's even baggedmilk's 13th birthday today! What an age to be alive.
Speaking of magnificent jobs, these two fellas - approximately the same age as the Nuge ironically - have the right idea.
REMEMBER
A few weeks back when a dashing unknown blogger made the claim that everything wasn't going well between Ryan Smyth and the Oilers? Remember how the very next day the Journal and the Sun reported that Smyth had a two-year offer on the table from the Oilers and smooth sailing abounded? We still call bullshit on the whole thing.
What exactly are the Oilers brass too busy doing to get a deal done with Smyth? Joey Votto got a deal done yesterday and yes we know he is a baseball player and not a hockey player. Sure he is in the prime of his career and dear Smytty is getting a bit long in the tooth. But don't both players deserve 10 year $225 million dollar contracts?
Don't listen to your brain on this one - listen to your heart.
Now we aren't saying that the Oilers should commandeer a couple Zimbabwean 50 trillion dollar bills (pictured above) and dupe Captain Canada with some variety of Forex scheme. But we are saying that things aren't moving along smoothly and that gets back to respect and class and etc etc etc.
If this drags into the summer months or heaven forbid training camp one has to wonder the message it sends to players considering playing in Edmonton. If the Oil don't handle Ryan Smyth at the end of his career with kid gloves, who will they not try and grind into the ground?
What does it say to Taylor Hall and Jordan Eberle who will be signing massive long term contracts in short order with the brass talking about "long term commitment" and such? They are seeing what Oilers brass really think about loyalty at this point and it doesn't look good.
Oh and the section of Oilers fans that have come out of the woodwork calling 94 names and questioning what he should make?
You'll get yours.
TWITTER SASS
As the season winds down it is getting harder and harder to write articles. Not because we are running out of ideas of things to talk about - in fact quite the opposite. But we can't believe the negative acids being spat all over the interwebs, sports bars and water coolers about our beloved Edmonton Oilers. We don't want to become another voice in a chorus of boo birds, who face another looooong summer without precious playoff hockey to watch.
So if you have some ideas on positive/buffoon laced articles you would like to see from your ol' pal Wanye - shoot us an email at wanyegretz@gmail.com. If you are a hot lady who has sexy pictures burning a hole on your hard drive, why not send those along too.
GREAT.
FIST
More MS Paint art.
I know I am going to get slaughtered for saying this but, if the Oilers don't end up signing Smyth, I wouldn't be too upset.
I simply don't think he has the foot-speed anymore. Plays have fallen apart at the end of his stick so much since his quick start to the season that I've lost count.
If his name wasn't Ryan Smyth, I have a feeling Oilers fans would be throwing him under the bus.
With all that being said, I am not saying don't sign him. But if Smyth wants 3million or higher I don't know how the team can justify signing him.
As I huge Reds fan I endorse the Joey Votto contract. The guy is a beast.
#eberleforbyng make the video
#nugeforcalder make more videos
that is all*
*PROPS, ok now that is actually all.
Start paying me and I'll start writing articles under the name Wanye. #ProblemSolved
Wanye, I'm shocked! All this love for the Nuge, but what about your beloved Ebs?? He is our top God on our team, AND other people think so too as he is a candidate for the lady byng (not Lady boy) trophy!!!
Where are these videos, articles, posters, campaigns??
Has your love worn out? Now that you have Nuge, you no longer need Ebs??
Sigh...
Smid's most recent goal should be in this video...sick pass from behind the net...if he can get Smid to score...let's just leave it at that!
No Amber McCormick since January? Isn't she the only female voice in this Sausage Factory?
Wanye and I are in complete agreement on all things Ryan Smyth.
...that's just plain sexist man !!!!
oh forgot i like that part
I knew my peer pressure would result in literary gold. Now about that Amber...
You'd just blow the money on candies and whores.
* so would I
...what's DERP please ??? and those two gorps with the hotdogs ...their eyes aren't right ...both of them all googly eyed one peeper lookin' in one direction and the other in the opposite?
really diggin' how odd you are, my former leader
The workers at my Mojo factory need a morale boost! I'd do anything for those guys.
Why am I not suprised.
Pay Sutton just a little more than he is worth and the Oilers are idiots. But they should now pay Smyth whatever he wants out of loyalty. The oh so loyal Smyth who left for more money and only came back for his own reasons, nothing to do with loyalty for the Oilers.
That is BS.
@LoDog
The Oilers have been cursed by the hockey gods ever since they shipped Smyth out of town. This contract will hopefully cleanse this club of all its wrong doings and the blight that has been placed upon them!
I take it the hockey gods still use snail mail, cause they clearly did not get the message this season.
In honour of the Simpsons, would our management team sound more "shark-like", competent and menacing if we added "Fat" before their names?
"Mr. Smyth, Fat Tambellini is on line 1 for you, and he says that he's got a deal for you... otherwise, you can go swim with the Sharks."
@Archaeologuy
Did Wanye hack your account?
Gods are olde timey like that. Probably informed Tambellini he married his own mother via messenger pidgeon.
Just to be clear,is there anyone left that still has faith in tamblowe? I mean he did get hemmer resigned, and masterminded the smyth deal ( sarcasm). RIGht? Right?
sausage factory had to be moderately downgraded after the monkey dink incident. it is more like a sausage party now.
carry on.
Love the Nuge for Calder videos, but Nuge is in a tight race and I think JS&BM need to take page out of American politics and attempt to garner votes with a negative add campaign. Time for some videos showing some shortcomings of the competition.
All due respect its about the money. All about the money. Sure they should have him signed by now. But its a two way street. How much he wants matters... And is likely the only reason it hasn't happened yet. Its a salary cap world so giving players blank cheques is a poor idea. So, without knowing what is the inner workings going on here... i'm comfortable with it not happening yet.
If you give "Fly By" Hemsky $5 mil perX 2., what is Smyth worth? Smyth is older and the heavy work load Renney gave him , made him look old the latter part of the season.Smyth has to have a lesser role on the team and a lesser paycheck, then he gets now.AT his age he is fairly durable as well. Something like $ 4 yr one and $ 2.50 yr two. Seems like overpaying, bu then so is the Hemsky deal..
I'm not worried about the Smyth signing one bit. #94 painted himself into a corner when he pulled the "trade me home" stunt last summer. The Oilers have him by the short and curlys and he knows it. If he really wants to finish his career on a winning Oilers team, he'll take the hometown discount once they figure out the new CBA and that'll be all. Lots of old-timey vets only sign one year deals with the home team near the end of their careers. Smyth can be one of those.
The problem is, as Oilers fans, we're not used to this sort of thing, so, we're all in a panic.
We know why Tambellini drags his heels..
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_W56x_LP__rg/S3NVk_OiTDI/AAAAAAAABI0/4rJkqrstWok/s1600-h/15-3%28tamb%29%28SMALL%29.jpg
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_W56x_LP__rg/TNwGJ_TshJI/AAAAAAAABNU/aD6YbByIKr4/s1600/tambo.jpg
http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/829395/OilerslandVol2.jpg
http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/962276/OILERSLAND3.jpg
http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/1007103/Oilersland4small2.jpg
But what's Lowe's excuse?
@Wanye
Personally, I don't care much about the dollars for Smyth, I care more for term. If he can play 3 or 4 more years - great - just make it 1 year at a time.
Wanye, in all honesty what contract would you offer Smyth.
ALL HAIL THE KING OF VIDEO PRODUCTION!
*Curtsies with cap in hand*
*Props the ever loving crap out of post. Still only lights up one prop. Curses "precautionary props-overload" fail safes*
DERP is a term used to describe the biggest and baddest in whatever it is you are doing.
Wanye, since you were talking about 06 on Twitter the other night, just making sure you saw this video when Sandra Sperounes RTed it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ew_XlqdcEZk
Hey @Wanye - I know it doesn't have much to do with "hockey", but since we're about to be bombarded with six months of trade and prospect talk *rolls eyes*, how about you do a once weekly ON version of the (now world famous) "Wanye's night out tweets", complete with the same hilarious pics? It'd be like our own version of @biznasty2.0 (sadly though, without the ridiculously hot chicks).
BTW - Still choked I missed you by about twenty minutes last weekend.
Are you saying Votto is the equal of Ryan Smyth?
$225M / 10 Yrs for Ryan? That would be a huge underpay, no?
That's the scary part about Fly By's deal. If the standard is set that 10 gols get's 5 mill, what will Eberle and Hall get after next year?
...so if i was trying to gain the favor of say ....Wanye...would be ok if i said something like
Oh Dubya you just wrote the DERP outta this piece and all the ON citizens just can't get enough of it ?
thanks OG
Add 1 more with a BUT . Smyth could also have a long term job with the Oilers , Coaching or Assistant GM in training . He could be our project . Not sure how you write that into a contract but it would be worth looking at .
A video of what, his eight misdemenour infractions, the countless boarding hits hes taken, him getting hit head first into the boards, all the slashing hes taken this year. I for one don't want any Oiler to win this dumn sportsmanship award. I hope Eberle flips out and elbows someone or facewashes someone. I love the guy but I wish he played more with an edge. The award says I am a nice guy, I want the Eberle in the commercial who makes a blatent rule 147 blindside shoulder check to the guy trying to cab away from that chick, and then puts the guy on notice.
One year 2 mil tops. Anything else is not acceptable. I want him back at the right term and dollars. The Oilers are building for the future, they don't need to make more mistakes. Hemsky contract is borderline ok, if he produces at a Grabovsky rate 55-60 points next year. Its would not be an albatross.
He earned the name!