SCHULTZ CHOOSES OILERZ

Wanye
June 30 2012 03:04PM

It's summer time in the OilersNation and we only know how to do that one way.

Big.

Worldwide Twitter traffic experienced a 0.0000035% bump this afternoon as Oilers fans from all over the world fretted and speculated about a 21 year old D man who has yet to play a single game in the NHL.

That don't matter no way no how - not when the overall pride and self worth of a City was on the line as a Free Agent did the unthinkable and picked the Capital city of Alberta over all other destinations.

Now the 2011-12 winner of both the Spike Carlson MVP trophy and the Dr. Joseph Coyne Most Consistent player is ours, all ours. Now we just need to figure out who the hell he is and why we are all so excited.

POP QUIZ

As the biggest Justin Schultz fan in the entire world* we feel completely qualified to administer this test.

Which player among the Wisconsin Badgers shown above is our new collective hero?

Bit of an easy question if Mark Zengerle is your tight buddy or you have played backyard baseball with Joel Rumpel many a time but a head scratcher for the rest of us to be sure. Can you even pick him out of a lineup? It's pretty hard all people living in Wisconsin look alike to us. But we do have a feeling that by Christmas we will all know who we are dealing with here.

Does this guy make the team right out of the gate? Who does he boot off the Oilers d-corps? Will the Nuge be confused by yet another new face in the dressing room?

The questions positively pour out of our brain through the keys on the board at the moment.

PROPS TO BIG GENE

Big ups to the nicest guy in the world for breaking the news of Schultz signing with the Oilers on twitter. In what was most certainly a 15 million way gunfight among the MSM Principe was the first on our feed to get it down on electronic paper:

Atta boy Gene!

HOW ABOUT THIS GUY?

 

Rumours abound that 99 called up the newest Oiler and made a pitch for him to join the team. You know if the Oilers are determined to throw bags of cash at Senior Management types, perhaps they could convince the Great One to work in some sort of capacity for any sum of money he can name?

When the Great One calls up a potential Oiler player and so much as breathes into the phone it adds a level of credibility to the pitch that is unrivaled. Though incalculably rich, this guy is currently without NHL affiliation. Kay-Z should try and remedy this.

AND SO

Welcome to Edmonton Justin Schultz. We have no idea really who you are or why we are all so excited but if you fall even a single centimetre short of our huge vague expectations for you expect a shipment of w-r-a-t-h to be delivered in bulk to your door.

*As of about 1 hour and 15 minutes ago

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#51 goalie dad
June 30 2012, 06:31PM
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goalie dad wrote:

It doesn't matter. It is still just like colors light. Both are f*cling near water.

Damn auto correct. That was supposed to say coors light

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#52 jeanshorts
June 30 2012, 06:50PM
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I'VE ALREADY RUN OUT OF GOLD FOR THE 100 FOOT TALL SCHULTZ STATUE!! I'm about 98 feet short, if anyone wants to help a brother out.

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#53 tuck3r
June 30 2012, 07:01PM
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amen to that brotha!

As a BC resident and avid canuck hater, I approve this message.

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#54 tuck3r
June 30 2012, 07:04PM
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oops, my previous comment was supposed to quote Dan the Man....too excited to work teh interwebs properly!!!11!!!1

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#55 Abby Oil
June 30 2012, 07:18PM
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Very much looking forward to a wonderful Canada/FA Day! Regardless of tomorrows transactions, I am happy to be an Oilers Fan today! Born and bred Oil fan for the last 32 years and coming to you from Abbotsford British Columbia. A very short trek up the #1 from Rogers Arena!

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#56 Al Davis
June 30 2012, 09:49PM
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"Will the Nuge be confused by yet another new face in the dressing room?"

Eberle will be there to guide The Nuge.

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#57 Reg Dunlop
June 30 2012, 10:06PM
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If Gardiner was feeding passes to Hall, Ebs, RNH etc. with PP time he doubtless would have posted better numbers. Schultz, with similar skill, could easily out-do Gardiner 2011-12 numbers. But, the voice of reason Bob Mckenzie is preaching patience as Schultz is a raw rookie. The way he entered free agency, Schultz may have a target on his back but luckily the way Yak is, Schultz will be left alone while opponants chase Yak riding his stick after scoring. We better beef up soon to protect these guys or ON faithful may have to jump the boards at Rexall to intervene.

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#58 6 ring circus
July 01 2012, 12:58AM
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Schultz,Hall,Nuge,Eberle,Yakopov, ladies and gentleman,The Oilers are ready for Take off!!!! Can't wait for the season to start!!!

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#59 striker777
July 01 2012, 06:59AM
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I heard Schultz and Sheen both have tiger blood in them.

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#60 oilers2k12
July 01 2012, 07:56AM
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Reg Dunlop wrote:

If Gardiner was feeding passes to Hall, Ebs, RNH etc. with PP time he doubtless would have posted better numbers. Schultz, with similar skill, could easily out-do Gardiner 2011-12 numbers. But, the voice of reason Bob Mckenzie is preaching patience as Schultz is a raw rookie. The way he entered free agency, Schultz may have a target on his back but luckily the way Yak is, Schultz will be left alone while opponants chase Yak riding his stick after scoring. We better beef up soon to protect these guys or ON faithful may have to jump the boards at Rexall to intervene.

Hahaha got my first laugh of the day reading your comment about yak riding the stick haha! Good stuff, but so true, oil must bulk up and In a BIG way..they need at least one big "mf'er" in the top six, another one in the btm six..on defence we need one super mf'er that can protect the kids after they over celebrate

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#61 nuge2nail
July 12 2012, 11:57AM
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Oiler Domination to Follow

Expectations for Schultz? I would say 10 goals 20 assists and a -2

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