GDB 04: THE BATTLE OF ALBERTA
Wanye
January 26 2013 12:11PM
We have a little tradition here at the Nation Network. They who win the Battle of Alberta writes the next GDB on both sites. So buckle up Flames Fans because you are going to get it and we are going to give it to you.
For far too long Edmontonians and Calgarians have battled back and forth with the same old witty jabs and name calling. Calgary has one Cup - a bra has two. Edmonton has no running water or intelligence of any sort. You have the Stampede, we have a free hot dog lunch in the parking lot of Bonnie Doon shopping mall. Yeah, yeah yeah. We get it.
This time around we are dispensing with the usual insults and getting to the heart of the matter of what is really wrong with you Calgary.
THIS IS US - THIS IS YOU
Oooooh. We get it Calgary. You are the rich neighbours to the South with all of your money and power and fancy high rise buildings. Everyone understands that at some point in the mid 90s all of our businesses picked up and moved down Highway 2. Well guess what? We were like 8 years old when that happened. Didn't care then - didn't care now.
Frankly you did us a favour Calgary. We will never figure out how jedi mind tricked the bulk of our corporate douchebags to pack up their drycleaned belongings and move three hours away but we thank you.
And while we watch the game tonight and see a bunch of non-plussed suit types sitting on their hands in the Saddledome in jerseys that still have their tags on we will thank the Gods that none of them are up here pretending to be Oilers fans anymore.
Good riddance.
US v YOU
Speaking of Flames fans where have they gone? We seem to remember a whole mess of people filing into your Red Mile during your ill fated Cup run. People all over the were quick to cheer for "KIPPPPPERRRRRRRR" and "IGGGGGYYY" and Company. And yet nowdays there don't seem to be nearly as many people up repping the flaming C.
That's probably because the bulk of people following aren't really Flames fans. They are sports consumers. When the milk is fresh you are all happy to have a glass. When the milk goes sour - no one will come within a hundred miles.
Contrast that with Edmonton. We have been drinking sour milk for so long we have developed a taste for it. In fact many of us now prefer it. Doesn't matter if the Oilers finish in last place every year until the end of time. Oilers fans are in the business of living and dying with the team. Anyone with any hockey sense at all would have abandoned this team years ago and yet here we are millions strong all around the world.
And luckily the Oil are on the verge of being awesome. While Calgary is going to gently float down to the bottom of the league until your 33 NTCs expire in 2035.
STILL US STILL YOU
Looking at your roster - who is there even to get excited about?! Iginla in the prime of the twilight of his fine career? Pfft. Steve Begin? Jiri Hudler? Who the hell are any of these old bastards anyway? There is literally not a single player on your entire roster that we could possibly get excited about. Anyone skilled is old. Anyone young is marginal. It would be funny if it wasn't so sad.
We remember when we were trying to convince ourselves that players like Roman Cervenka were going to be the answer. Our Cervenka had names like Cole and O'Sullivan. We hoped and prayed late into the night that they could find something deep down within themselves and become awesome. And guess what - it didn't work.
It never works. Your roster was built around a core and that core expired about 4 years ago. Now you are like the guy who went all in on a 5-3 offsuit with a hunch "things were going to look better after the flop." Well the flop came up all Kings and now you have nothing left to do but play out your hand.
And lose.
Losers.
AND SO IN CLOSING
There is literally nothing you can do to win this battle Flames fans. Even if the Oilers lose (and they may) they are still the far superior team and we both know it. Even if the Flames win by 10 goals it will be no more satisfying than being given a free shrimp cocktail at a banquet on the Titanic. You are headed to the bottom and everyone on board is starting to sense disaster.
And there isn't an insult in the book you can lob our way that will have any impact. Yes we are your hillbilly cousins up Highway 2. We are eternal optimists who have had a crap team and lacked the brain stem or the reality check to realize it. Now after being rewarded for coming in last for so long we have an embarassment of riches for a lineup and 18 year old Russian superstars sliding all over while we lose our drunken minds in celebration.
Its all happening up here and nothing is happening down there and you would be madder except that most of your bandwagon jumping fans have left long ago. Perhaps we should lend you the terms "ELPH" and "Shitanusly bad hockey." They got us through some dark days.
Oh and it's Wayne Gretzky's birthday today. Remember him?
GAME DAY PREDICTION: This is as easy to predict as getting some drunk Calgary tramp girl to flash her boobs during the only Cup run Calgarians will witness in the next two decades...Oilers win 5-2.
OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: One thing Flames and Oiler fans can agree on is it is great not having Mark Lee call the game on HNIC. Also buckle up it could be a long game with Tom Kowal and Greg Kimmerly reffing the game. They are as blind as the guys who thought every Calgary tramp girl who flashed on the red mile was hot.
NOT-SO-OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: During the second period one of the mics at ice level picks up the audio from a conversation between Jarome Iginla and Jordan Eberle.
"Hey Ebs, tell Tambo I'd gladly waive my non-trade clause and come play with you guys." Eberle smiles and replies, "You betcha, but I hope you are okay playing on the 2nd line." Iginla smiles, "No problem, at least I'd have a chance to make the playoffs again." Within moment the Nations blow up with talk of a possible trade. Flames fans start calling him "Judas", while Oiler fans calmly sit back knowing that Iginla speaks the truth.
Thanks to Gregor for giving me his Game Day Predictions
That should dumb it down enough for Calgary fans eh.
your tone is crass and abrasive, and it would do you well to take some anger management classes
Oh ok. It was a joke. Nice one!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wxuusN0dm6M
This is no joke!
I think you missed the point. But you're obviously a Calgary fan, so we understand.
@bookofloob
It seems to me like youve got a real ship on your shoulder. I think you take your freedom to post whatever you feel on the internet for granite. Maybe some restrictions would be a blessing in the skies.
I mean, sure, we all put our favorite players on a petal stool, but they are honestly just a bunch of pre-Madonnas and i fear that we are becoming pre-Madonnas as well.
Just a thought.
You're not really that obtuse are you?! You don't get the gags? Huh....may I enlighten you? First when he says....OH SCREW IT!!! EAT SH!T fLAMES! THEY'RE NOT SAYING "BOO", THEY'RE SAYING DOOOOOOOOOOOCHE!
yup, I'm the one missing the point here. It's me. Definitely only me.
Good job, guys
this was awesome, by the by
@funkyjaman
Do they... Do they play that at games???
Prediction: Early in the third period, a whistle stops the play. After a brief word with the Calgary bench, one of the linesmen takes measurements of Ryan Smyth's nose and discovers that it does, in fact, have an illegal curvature. Calgary scores on the ensuing power play, goes on to win the game, and all is right in the Albertan universe. You heard it here first!
@KetchupKid
I personally would have picked either Horcoff or Belanger, but that was good. Touché.
Can't touch a flame when its RED HOT!.....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9eF6DVI0tk
Oh Cherry. *facepalm*
I still don't understand how Yakupov's celebration embarrasses LA. He's excited, he's at home, and his show of emotion was exactly what all Oiler fans were feeling in that moment. He's in the entertainment business, and what he did entertained. That's it. That's all.
Wow, that was great. Good stuff there! Eat Sh!t, and in capitals, good for you. Now go ask mommy if you can have more sugar.
GOOD CHATTER EVERYONE HATES EACH OTHER AS WAS THE GOAL WHEN THE PROVINCE OF ALBERTA WAS FORMED LONG AGO
This post is funnier than Wanye's GDT.
Interesting that the pinnacle of malapropism is Richard Sheridan's, "The Rivals".
"...promise to forget this fellow - to illiterate him, I say, quite from your memory."
Of course, she was a Pre-Maddona while I expect most of the posters here are Post-Maddonna.
Now, please forgive me, I have to go put my favourite player on a "petal stool".
I think you missed a comma or period. I hate you!
God, these comments remind me why I hate the Oilers so much. Although that was quite the piece there Wanye.
As much as I hate the players from Deadmonton, Yakupov's celebration was fine. He's a kid who scored a big goal with little time left and it was only his 2nd career goal. I wish we saw more emotion like that from other players after a big goal.
Eat Sh!t Oilers!
You've never see it? You will.
Gagner lines been bleeding chances and has a negative Corsi. Actually the only line that's killing it is the first line. The NGH line may score, but its giving up 2 for 1 in terms of goals. If it continues either you split Hemsky and Nail, or you put a defensively responsible center on the ice. Gagner also was brutalized in the face-off dot and its going to cut into that lines defensive zone starts at some point.
Hartley is going to have Iginla up against that line all night, if they continue the trend of getting lit up it will be interesting what Krueger will do. Seems like Krueger is willing to put trust into his boys, sink or swim and let them learn and gel.
Hartley has also crafted a very skilled 3rd line with Hudler-Stajan-Cervenka
If they can find some chemistry early, look out.
@DSF
Stajan and very skilled should not be used in the same sentence.
I'm guessing you haven't watched any Flames games.
Stajan has been playing pretty well.
With a couple of skilled line mates he may surprise you.
I predict a tie game with just under a minute left; as Eberle (SQUEEEE) turns to head back up ice on the attack, his stick inadvertently becomes stuck in Iginlas forehead crease. Iginla skates away still clutching Ebs stick in his forehead, causing the refs to call a holding the stick infraction. With under three seconds left, on the power play, Yakupov bats a loose puck into the net. He slides across the ice in Calgary's feminine product shaped barn, infuriating the few real fans they have. In the ensuing melee, Harvey the Hound is killed by an errand brick thrown by a Flames fan resembling Sloth from The Goonies. The league decides to fold the franchise as a result.
Fin
How can the Oilers compete with a third line like that? That was sarcasm in case that gets lost on any Calgary folk.
The Flames will be desperate to win and we've had trouble at the Saddledome in recent years so.... Oilers win 3-2. There should be lots of resignation in Calgary when they realize that their best can no longer beat their neighbours to the north.
GO OILERS GO!!
Yes. Maybe he will get his first point of the season. That would surprise me.
@DSF
You know DSF your kinda starting to grow on me.Time to rub preperation H all over yourself.GoOIL.
Unfortunately, he's tied with the Oilers 3rd line centre for points.
The rest of the Oilers 3rd line has had similar success.
@ Smokey
Oh B.S!! You know it and I know it! If you can’t see the forest from your knees then the you know sh!t about hockey.
The Flames are one step away from falling into the abyss the same as the Oilers.
I thought CBJ was going to be the worst team in the NHL this year........I don't anymore.
Regardless of who wins this game there is no one in the world of hockey that would take the Flames or there prospect over the Oilers.
Hudler is the definition of " I seen him when he was good"
Stajan will be bought out post haste as soon as the season is done......FACT!!!!
Cervenka is a Fistric hit away from never playing again, what is he 5'9 150lbs, he is of zero NHL experience.
This is what you hang your hat on!!! Pure BullSh!t!!!!!!
Oh, by the way, the reason Gagner's line is - anything is from one game!
The Flames don't have the speed the Oilers do....FACT!
Nor should Cervenka the guy has not played a single game yet.
Thing is, I never said the Oilers third line is very skilled. Nor do I think that.
Uh, Cervenka is 5'11" 200
He's built like a tank.
Hudler scored 25 goals and 50 points playing 3rd line minutes in Detroit last season.
That's significantly more than Horcoff, Smyth, Hemsky and Jones.
God this is great reading........ y`all keep er goin`.
Reminds me of that Malcolm Mayes cartoon in the Edmonton Journal back in 1990. 3 panes, first is a New York Islander with 4 cups in behind him, 2nd pane, an Edmonton Oiler with 4 cups in behind him, 3rd Pane is a Calgary Flame with golf clubs and yelling ``FORE``......great stuff !
Oh and I will throw in the obligatory ``Flames Suck``
Certainly a better third line then that one tho hey. They are atleast typical third line players.
Hey! Sam Gagner is 5'11 200 pounds! He must be built like a tank, too. We have found that big second line center the Oilers needed! Hurrah! ;)
Ok, there so much better the Oilers 3rd line collectively? No there not.
If you’re saying that the third line will somehow win Calgary the game then good for you, I don’t see it.
I know you being of an intelligent hockey mind deep down you don’t see it. You know it and I know it.
Calgary has played well, yes, just not good enough.........sound familiar, sounds like a team that has tried to make the playoffs but just falls short, heard this story before?
There done, there bad, there not getting any better, there not going to get better, what do they have to use to get better with?
Stajan will not somehow get better playing with better players, if anything he will drag that line down, like somehow he will gain new talent, doesn’t make sense to bank on that if you’re a coach.
That’s almost like saying Hordichuck will get better playing with Eberle or RNH
Well, let's just be thankful we're both not the Leafs.
This is so true!
Hey, I'm hardly a big fan of Stajan or the Flames but Oiler fans really downplay the moves Feaster made in the offseason.
Hudler and Cervenka are very good acquisitions and I expect both will move up in the lineup as they get comfortable.
I would expect they will be better than the Horcoff, Smyth, Whomever line, right out of the gate.
Hordichuk is a waste of oxygen...been run out of town in several other organizations.
It would be great if one of these teams could take a step forward this season to give the Canucks some competition since next year the Canucks and Wild will be playing in different divisions.
1 and 0 against the Nuckleheads bub.
Hurdler Stajan and Cervenka.. Are not better then Smyth, Horc, and whoever their linemate that night is.. Ever.
Anyone trying to suggest those 3 will have better careers, or be more impactful for their team over what Smyth and Horcoff bring to the Oilers, is clearly chewing on a mouth full of troll poop.
Question is...who is going to fight Hordichuk tonight? WHO?
#EatSh!tFlames
That is all.
@DSF and if your waiting on the flameouts you will be waiting an awful lot longer then the Oilers for competition.
Hudler and Cervenka are a band aid, on a better team they might actually be better, but its a collective group that will drag the rest down....eventually.
I've seen it! witnessed it! Ray Whitney, Lupal, Satan it can go on and on.
I am no fan of Horcoff by any means, but I see the Oilers as the one that does take a step this year, I'm still saying above a lottery pick around 22nd overall.
Flames will be 29th or 30th.
@Kent Wilson
Ivanans???? Oh wait a second........
Whoever Hordi picks knowing Iggy it will probably be him which I will take that trade off every day of the week.
Iginla will fight him, he's auditioning for the Oilers tough guy role. He just wants to win baby
Please no I like seeing the flameouts out of lottery territory. Knowing them tho they will probably take some player nobody has heard of first overall haha.
@Oilertown
I doubt they'll be on the ice at the same time.