October 26 2013 12:49PM
The poor and sickly Phoenix Coyotes (6-3-2) play the Mighty Edmonton Oilers (3-7-1) today at the gentlemanly hour of 1 PM. There are only so many ways you can write about a last place Oilers team needing to pick up the pace and climb back into the thick of things.
Here goes attempt #405,606.
AN ETERNITY OF WAIT
Is this all there is to look forward to as an Oilers fan? Getting up at the crack of noon to cheer on a last place Western Conference team against the crappy Coyotes who are somehow or other 6th place in the West despite being 1000 fold crappier than the Oil on paper?
No. One has to keep the faith against all odds that there is more than this in store for us. One has to believe the Oilers won't always be playing sub .500 hockey losing games they should win and forcing the perpetual witch hunt among Oilers fans trying to figure out "WHOSE FAULT IS THIS?! I WANT HEADS ROLLING DOWN STREETS DAMMIT"
The Oilers are far better and still losing than other seasons when they were frankly just bad and losing. It's a far different matter to be cheering for the first pick overall in the 2012 entry draft to turn around a slow start than expect Ryan Potulny to forget he is Ryan Potulny and lead the team out of the darkness.
We will all watch every Oilers game for the next 50 years regardless of result and they know it. It will come around we just have to sit tight and wait.
*taps foot expectantly*
LINEUPS - GOOD GUYS
According to our newest friends over at DailyFaceOff.com the Oilers lineup is as follows this afternoon:
And the defensive corps will breakdown like so:
And finally the Oilers have elected to start LaBarbera in between the pipes against his former club.
LINEUPS - BAD GUYS
Given their brutal skill, low compete level and poor odour the Coyotes don't even go to the trouble of announcing their lineup prior to puck drop at their website. Luckily we can go back to DailyFaceOff who somehow figures these things out with uncanny accuracy.
HAHA you call that a lineup? BizNasty is still in the league? Antoine Vermette? How old is he like 145? This is gonna be a beat down of epic proportions.
Who the hell are any of these people? If we passed David Schlemko in the street we wouldn't cast him so much as a sideways glance. No no, these poor examples of NHL players won't have a prayer against the Mighty Oil this afternoon nor will Mike Smith - tasked with the unenviable duty of keeping the biscuit out of the basket for Phoenix this afternoon.
Good luck with that buddy.
*spits on the ground*
GAME DAY PREDICTION: The Oilers win 6-2 with Jordan Eberle netting two wonderous goals.
OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: The Oilers not picking Shane Doan in the 1995 Entry Draft will not go unnoticed by the announcers who will point out the stellar career Doan has gone on to have in the desert for what must be the millionth time.
NOT-SO-OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: Steve Kelly, tired of the MSM calling him out year after year for not measuring up to the career of Shane Doan boycotts the NHL in its entirety for the next 30 years. No one notices.
So lets sit back and enjoy the match shall we? Win or lose lets all just sit back and take in the spectacle of it all. Hits, fights, cheers and the odd goal here and there if the Hockey Gods allow. Speaking of spectacles give the Ohio State marching band moonwalking across the field a quick look. It's pretty sick.