PHOTOSHOP CONTEST VI: BRYZ

Wanye
November 12 2013 09:52AM

 

Let's all simmer down for a moment. Let's put down our shotguns and forget for an instant that Yakupov's agent is showing everyone why he is entitled to hundreds of thousands of 64's dollars every year "having his back" or whatever it is that agents do.

It's time for some fun, some laughs and hours crouched in front of the warm glow of a computer monitor as we touch up photographs in a photoshop contest.

BRYZ

Poor ol Bryz. Sitting on millions, blessed with an imagination that most writers would kill their English Honours classmates to possess. Banished to the frozen Northern tundra to ply his trade for millions more. As a man from the frozen Northern tundra of Togliatti this is going to create some massive culture shock that will take minutes to overcome.

We feel for the guy on one level. He went from being the Boss of all Bosses, signing a 9 year 51 million dollar contract with Philly to being summarily tossed from the league and exiled to the place where millionaires go to die: Las Vegas, Nevada. Now he has been signed to the Oil of all squads and has been reduced to making positive statements about coming to a team so broken it will be studied in GM School for decades to come.

And during all of the inevitable backlash on the twitterz - we Oilers fans are a tense lot these days - we can't think of a single positive message of support that we have seen until last night when we started trying to locate the 5 Bryz fans in the OilersNation.

So you are saying there is room on the Bryz Bandwagon then?

*scratches beard itchily*

GO GET EM BRYZ!

Wouldn't it be great if Bryz showed up and put on a clinic of awesome in net? You know he has it in him - the man has played great for three different teams. Nothing would be more hilarious if he came to Edmonton and gave us what we have lacked for so long - a dose of hot goaltending. Imagine he was the guy that Eakins is able to super charge with all of his Jedi mind tricks? Classic.

Remember when a goalie gets hot and steals you a few games in a row and all the players say "man we had no business winning this game or the last. Thank God our goalie is hot." When did that happen last? Probably 2006.

We need you Bryz Khalifa. It's dire times around here and if you are somehow the answer this is going to be a grand ride for all involved.

PHOTOSHOP CONTEST

Anyone who has seen 24/7 or any of the many other interviews with the new Oilers tendy has probably marvelled at the wonderous statements the man has made on camera. Has he been bitten in the brain by some sort of bug? Is he slightly touched by the angels?  Is this English as a second language acting as a barrier to understanding what he really means?

Ah screw it.

We need this Soviet Space Cowboy to step up and remind us all why he was worth 51 million to Ed Snyder only a few months ago. And that is the theme for the sixth installment of the infamous OilersNation photoshop contest.

Bryz as an astronaut - as my boy @_AGuyNamedKris has brilliantly shown above. Bryz fighting space bears. Bryz as our mystical shaman leading us out of the darkness and into the brilliant light of a nearby dwarf star.

Thy sky is the limit. Send your entries to wanyegretz at gmail dot com. We will close off entries on Friday then we can all laugh and vote over the weekend.

Oh and first prize? Hmm. How about the first Bryzgalov Oilers jersey on the market?

Yeah, that will do nicely.

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Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#2 Rama Lama
November 12 2013, 10:49AM
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Something stinks in the Oilers dressing room and Bryz is the perfect guy to find the smell and tell us about it.

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#3 **
November 12 2013, 10:03AM
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I am one of the 5 Bryzee fans. Everyone is welcome into our wagon. Bring blankets though. And imagination, lots of it.

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#4 vetinari
November 12 2013, 10:48AM
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In Bryzgalov We Trust...*

*because the alternatives are Jason "the Sieve" LaBarbera and Devan "The Seven Foot Midget" Dubnyk

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#5 TheDiplomat
November 12 2013, 10:13AM
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"Now he has been signed to the Oil of all teams and has been reduced to making positive statements about coming to a team so broken it will be studied in GM School for decades to come."

Wayne that may be the greatest and most accurate statement you have ever made!

Well done.

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#7 Zamboni Driver
November 12 2013, 11:08AM
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What are these "playoffs" people are talking about?

Must consult Russian/English dict

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#8 Old School G
November 12 2013, 10:50AM
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Thatta boy Wanye!

This Bryzgalov signing has all the makings to be "that" deal. I love the guy,he's a unique talent with something to prove. It's going to be a strange trip, I'm looking forward to this.

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#9 nunyour
November 12 2013, 01:05PM
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Bryzgalov,will bring a buzz to the dressing room,and he will ask yak why you heff to be mad?

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#10 vetinari
November 12 2013, 11:19AM
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Zamboni Driver wrote:

What are these "playoffs" people are talking about?

Must consult Russian/English dict

@Zamboni Driver - Gather round, my friend... we used to have Oiler playoff hockey when I was a kid... guys with mullets used to beat each other up, for weeks and sometimes months into the summer, to determine who would take home this Cup called Stanley... it was magical... I'm going to now dig out my old VCR and VHS tapes and watch some Oiler playoff highlights... and drink whiskey... and cry...

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#11 lucky
November 12 2013, 10:07AM
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@Wanye

Save some of that lighter fluid. ... dark days ahead ...

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#12 Ambassador humantorch
November 12 2013, 10:07AM
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I'm pretty sure Khabibulin is in the second row in that first picture.

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#14 Hemmertime
November 12 2013, 01:34PM
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Most people I talk to either LOVE the signing or say it cant possibly be worse. 1.38 mil? For a guy who played like that in pheonix? Ive been on that bandwagon since before he was signed. If nothing else, Bryzgalov will make Oil Change hella interesting

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#15 неплотный
November 12 2013, 01:41PM
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"Они пытаются играть жестко, но суть я во вратаря. Я тот парень, который есть, чтобы попытаться остановить шайбу. Я не мог даже остановить простыми выстрелами." "Я заблудился в лесу прямо сейчас."

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#16 war
November 12 2013, 10:04AM
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Bryz gets us to the playoffs,then signs a new contract with the flames!

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#17 Quicksilver ballet
November 12 2013, 11:19AM
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The Smid deal must only confirm the Oil have thrown in the towel on this season. They could've gotten plenty more for Smid had they been willing to add/take salary back and add to this years roster.

The tank is on. Lowe and MacTavish are in dump mode, trying to cut costs (to increase profits for Daryl Ballard)) and minimize his cost for the balance of this season with this move. Who's next, 83, 15, 89? We supported this ship show without question. We're getting exactly what we deserve for enabling these characters.

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#18 Dallylamma
November 12 2013, 10:34AM
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Pass the BryzKoolAid...

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#19 Andy
November 12 2013, 11:26AM
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ALL HAIL BRYZ!

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#21 vetinari
November 12 2013, 05:01PM
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Johnnydapunk wrote:

Count me in as a fan of Mr Universe!

Perhaps all we ended was a little bit of Bryzgalove to make the season at least watchable :-)

Have you checked out the riders in Bryzgalov's contract? Schedule "A" says that:

"The Player is guaranteed no less than 12 minutes of broadcast screen time in each episode of 'Oil Change' of which at least three minutes will be a monologue of the Player's sole choosing on any subject whatsoever, including but not limited to cosmic inflation, comparative Eastern religions, and puppies. Sometimes all of the aforementioned topics shall appear in the same monologue. And some, part or all may be even in English, Russian or Bryzgaleese (a language of the Player's own creation)."

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#22 Andy
November 12 2013, 11:30AM
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vetinari wrote:

In Bryzgalov We Trust...*

*because the alternatives are Jason "the Sieve" LaBarbera and Devan "The Seven Foot Midget" Dubnyk

THAT HE IS WHY HE IS THE SAVIOR AS THE PROPHECY TELLS

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#23 Old School G
November 12 2013, 11:36AM
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@Quicksilver ballet

I would not at all be surprised to see all three of these fellas dealt well before the trade deadline. They are all one dimensional and seem to be part of the old guard. The dismantling of the old guard started with Laddy.

Yak needs his ice. We need more complete players up front. Exit Gags and Hemmer.

Belov and Larsen have made NSchultz expendable.

My hope is that we are starting to bring back players that make us a more balanced hockey team. Is Horak our new Reasoner? Hope so. Broissot seems to be a good prospect. If Bryzgalov plays well and we land a top D man to shoulder the load soon we are at least moving in the right direction.

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#24 JustAName
November 12 2013, 01:54PM
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Wanye wrote:

Согласованный! Нефтяники имеют суперзвезду наконец

По крайней мере, сообщение показывает, игра должна быть интересной!

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#25 Johnnydapunk
November 12 2013, 03:23PM
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** wrote:

I am one of the 5 Bryzee fans. Everyone is welcome into our wagon. Bring blankets though. And imagination, lots of it.

Count me in as a fan of Mr Universe!

Perhaps all we ended was a little bit of Bryzgalove to make the season at least watchable :-)

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#26 Dog Train
November 12 2013, 05:58PM
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This is exactly what we need right now!

I am definitely on the Bryz bandwagon. This season is lost, we need the Bryz to come here and enlighten us all. He single handedly will make the rest of this season watchable.

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#27 He Who Knows
November 12 2013, 10:44AM
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MacT, we thought maybe you had a plan and knew a few things about the business side of things with the degree and all but so far we are perplexed and mentally distraught by your moves. These damn Fanboy owners ruin franchises. Pegula did a number on Buffalo.

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#28 SlowTalker
November 12 2013, 03:12PM
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@Quicksilver ballet

Wayne promised fun and laughs...and then you showed up.

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#29 Bigfan
November 12 2013, 06:50PM
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Come On People!! Signing Bryz is the BOLD move promised since the Spring!

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#30 Eulers
November 12 2013, 07:29PM
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@Wanye: You heff to heff hope!!

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#31 Harlie
November 12 2013, 10:14AM
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Classic from the boy with a box

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7J2qKdOL0ao

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