FGD: Suck It

Justin Azevedo
November 16 2013 03:30PM

Oilers Flames Hockey

Via halifaxdrunk

Originally, this was going to be a sob piece.

Man, was it ever going to be beautiful. Our cities' respective teams are both, in a word, repugnant. Flawed management persists, coaches play favourites, people still buy tickets and no one wins. There's so many reasons why fans of these two teams are alike.

But then I thought that wallowing in sadness wasn't really in the spirit of the Battle of Alberta.

So then I thought I would write about the juxtaposition of the Oilers (who have gone more than two decades without a cup, who have inept upper management leaders that refuse to abdicate their power to people who in no way could do a worse job running the team, who have endured a streak of more than half a decade without the playoffs and who have fans thinking there is no future) against the Flames, (who have gone more than two decades without a cup, who have inept upper management leaders that refuse to abdicate their power to people who in no way could do a worse job running the team than they have, who have endured a streak of more than half a decade without the playoffs and who have fans thinking there is no future) because the two teams are obviously so different. But that was a garbage idea too.

So, let's be honest here - in terms of the hockey game out there tonight, there's not really much to care about because both of these teams suck for so many reasons. Thus, that concludes your game preview.

 

Haha, man, you really did think that was the end, didn't you? Wouldn't be surprised. You are from Edmonton. Hell, I'm surprised you've even made it this far without slumping over and drooling on your keyboard.

 

I came to the conclusion that what I really should be writing about is how f***ing bad Edmonton is.

  • Every single one of your sports teams is garbage. They've all fallen, and they can't get up.
  • Seriously, what the f*ck is "#GOilers"? Goilers sounds like a mutated version of herpes.
  • H and E are really all that's left and E bleeds shot attempts. How awesome is that contract going to look in like, oh, 8 months ago?

Clean Hit

  • What in the blue f*ck is this stupid "squeeee" bullsh*t? "I'm going to make the most annoying noise possible when my favourite overrated player does anything remotely positive because LOL!" Good thing Eberle doesn't do much good often. 

GAZE UPON YOUR GOD, WHO HAS FORSAKEN YOU

  • God Edmonton media is just the worst, too. "Let's run every talented player who doesn't speak english out of town! GRIT! TOUGHNESS! GAZDICCCCCCCCCCCCCCC"

"Oh Yeah He Totally Won That One"

  • I had to drive through Edmonton on my way to Bonnyville this summer. Even passing through the city was terrible. The roads look like the pockmarked face of a 70 year old pack-a-day smoker. Even the "engineering wonder" that is the Anthony Henday is terrible in comparison to Calgary's ring road. Ours is going to be done when yours is even though it's longer (25 kms) and it started like a decade later.
  • I guess living within explosion distance of refineries makes up for the 2 cent difference in gas.
  • Does anyone really even give a sh*t about West Edmonton Mall anymore? All it is is monolithic, ugly and out-of-date.
  • Haha the downtown arena man that's a horrible idea huge waste of money
  • Oh that's still going forward okay then lol
  • Also looks like sperm

This was actually on the city's website. Seriously.

  • Can a city really be called a city of champions if no one ever wins anything?
  • Why are there hundreds of jacked up trucks that are always sparkling clean?
  • 2011's Homicide Capital of Canada!

Edmonton Sun, Jan. 1, 2012

  • Capital Ex (or Klondike days or whatever it's called) is basically the ginger who writes "butts" as an answer on his test compared to the A+ student that is the Calgary Stampede.
  • http://walkingdeadmonton.tumblr.com
  • We even hate Toronto, Vancouver and Montréal better than you do!

In summary,

Love, Justin

A9d138d0e612f28cd46f9b7057ed715d
Justin is a 23-year-old Flames fan who also happens to be pursuing a double major at the University of Calgary. He has played hockey at high levels, enjoys wearing shorts and tends to drink far too much Grasshopper. Please don't hate him.
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#401 please cancel acct
November 17 2013, 09:17AM
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Thinker wrote:

Wayne where are you? I think a lifetime ban is in order.

Wanye loves this crap.

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#402 Kenta
November 17 2013, 09:21AM
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@travis

Well said although Danglenuts likely doesn't crawl out from under his rock until the sun sets.

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#403 moody13
November 17 2013, 09:21AM
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@Dangilitis

Lol dangilitis. Sup Broski? Broseph? Get a coupla brewskis bud and we'll chill with a coupla other bros go snowshoeing or somethin. Is that was broskis do in edmonton these days?

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#404 2004Z06
November 17 2013, 09:38AM
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I certainly hope this was some kind of a joke. I have no issue with poking fun at each other sports teams futility over the last several years, but mocking the city of Edmonton and Edmontonians is going a little too far. How quickly they forget that thousands of Edmontonians and Edmonton based companies were there to help when your city was completely underwater less than a year ago.

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#405 Derzie
November 17 2013, 09:52AM
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The Coilers are by far and away the worst managed team in the NHL. Last night we lost to those lowly beasts. Call this our rock bottom rebuild moment. Nowhere to go but up now.

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#406 Quicksilver ballet
November 17 2013, 09:59AM
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@2004Z06

The overstepping the sporting bounds often happens when a loser is established. It's just heat of the moment meanderings that will fade into oblivion. We all have our "dagger" moments.

We should cut them some slack. The flames did just lose to a 30th place hockey club. There's obviously some healing time required for Flames fans.

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#407 Brent G.
November 17 2013, 10:08AM
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Having had the unfortunate experience of being moved to Edmonton recently for work I can tell you it is a total sh*t hole in comparison to Calgary; and I was born in Edmonton. Sure u of a is a great school and lister was the best year of my life but really the city is old, tired, ugly and disjointed. There is literally nothing in the downtown core worth speaking about and the night life is subpar.

The people are friendly but I have yet to find someone who is really committed to the city and wouldn't leave tomorrow. Katz owns that monstrucity of a house and doesn't even live there, choosing greener pastures as so many people here would love to have the option of doing. Edmontonians know they are living in Calgarys shadow. Even the 'nice' areas of the city (like south side) are generic, cookie cutter houses that are boring.

I look forward to getting out of this place ASAP and hope to watch the city burn in the review mirror as I go. This city was obviously a mistake from day one and burning it to the ground and starting over seems to be the only likely option at this point.

Calgary definitely has it's problems like all cities do but I can tell you in my return to Edmonton recently it really puts things into perspective of what a great great place it is by comparison

Too much...? :)

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#408 SmellOfVictory
November 17 2013, 10:19AM
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Todd wrote:

I know lots about your prospects. Lots a prayers and 2nd tier guys. Not 1 true elite guy. Zilch.

You have Robert Nilson, Andrew Cogliano and Pajarvi. Except even those guys were good enough to make the NHL at 19.

We have been in your shoes. We also hyped up second rate prospects as elite hopeful. You have no idea what's in store.

Serious Johnny Hockey?? Do you mean Nathan Gerbe. The other 5'0" college phenom hobby baker winner that Buffalo just bought out (Buffalo!!) it's hilarious how much hope Flamers but in an NCAA drawf with less then 1 second experience of pro hockey at any level .

You'll learn... Enjoy it

There's a difference between "good enough to play in the NHL at 19" and "rushed into the NHL because management is stupid." Cogliano is the only one of those three that's a legitimate NHLer, or ever was.

Additionally, while way too many Flames fans hang their hat on Gaudreau, as size does still present a potential barrier to success, JG has far outperformed Gerbe at the same age. Or any recent small forward prospect in the NCAA.

Points/Game: 18 y/o season: Gerbe: 0.46 Gaudreau: 1.00

19 y/o season: Gerbe: 1.15 Gaudreau: 1.46

20 y/o season: Gerbe: 1.58 Gaudreau (so far): 1.82

You will note that there is a large gap in production between the two at every single step in their NCAA careers for their age. They're not comparable outside of size. Their playstyles are completely different and Gaudreau is substantially more productive. It's like comparing Hal Gill and Zdeno Chara as players just because they're both really tall defencemen.

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#409 BIG E
November 17 2013, 10:24AM
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Brent G. wrote:

Having had the unfortunate experience of being moved to Edmonton recently for work I can tell you it is a total sh*t hole in comparison to Calgary; and I was born in Edmonton. Sure u of a is a great school and lister was the best year of my life but really the city is old, tired, ugly and disjointed. There is literally nothing in the downtown core worth speaking about and the night life is subpar.

The people are friendly but I have yet to find someone who is really committed to the city and wouldn't leave tomorrow. Katz owns that monstrucity of a house and doesn't even live there, choosing greener pastures as so many people here would love to have the option of doing. Edmontonians know they are living in Calgarys shadow. Even the 'nice' areas of the city (like south side) are generic, cookie cutter houses that are boring.

I look forward to getting out of this place ASAP and hope to watch the city burn in the review mirror as I go. This city was obviously a mistake from day one and burning it to the ground and starting over seems to be the only likely option at this point.

Calgary definitely has it's problems like all cities do but I can tell you in my return to Edmonton recently it really puts things into perspective of what a great great place it is by comparison

Too much...? :)

Way to verbose. Ya gotta git in there with quick hitters, jab and run just like I do with your sister. Really we don't expect much intellectual tenacity by mouth breathers from Calgareeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

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#410 Jason
November 17 2013, 10:29AM
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Why is a bra better than the flames?? It has two cups .. Gg

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#411 FlamesRule
November 17 2013, 10:57AM
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@Dallas Eakins' Magnificent Forehead

He looks good in red...maybe we can swap you back for Smid?

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#412 Dangilitis
November 17 2013, 11:07AM
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travis wrote:

It's non-sense because you wrote a goddamn essay to try and overcompensate your personal insecurities. I'm an Oilers fan you retard. I'm just telling you to not get too proud because we've been worse longer than them, and I have 0 confidence it'll get better anytime soon. As an observant hockey fan, the flames management for many years were living in an illusion predicated on Darryl Sutter's terrible signings and philosophy. Feaster finally had some cap room and flexibility to put his own stamp on this team, and I'd say he's done a better job than our idiotic general managers. The moves Feaster made this offseason were actually pretty solid. He signed effective role players for cheap, retained useful veterans,has a plan of a team identity moving forward, and now has tons of cap space to work with. He also has us as an example of not to run a rebuild.

As mind boggling as they are at times (Jankowski??) I can guarantee you, when the time comes to draft a defenceman or a forward,they'll go for need and realize the importance of a strong blueline, and versatility/size down the middle. Our inept management clearly does not know how to build a team. Unfortunately, I am still an Oilers fan through and through, sigh. I'm hoping when our young guns reach their prime, we'll be a good team once again, but that will mainly be due their talent. Not a solid team game.

I also go to University of Toronto, which is better than the U of A and U of C combined. What is your point? What do universities have to do with anything?

Hey Travis if you are so damn clever how come you call yourself a proud edmontonian and then talk about the city being a dive. An oxymoron, kind of like Travis and clever being used in the same sentence. Wow talk about personal insecurity. What are you studying at u of t, douchebagggery? I brought up universities because young justin is studying at u of c. It's called a joke, kind of like his entire blog. If you can't understand the trash talk why don't you tuck that male organ back between your legs and get back to your studies at U of t (which for the record in my graduating year from the md program was outperformed by u of a, not even "u of a and u of c combined"). Get over yourself man. If you are a proud self loathing edmontonian then edmonton really is a laughing stock....

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#413 Todd
November 17 2013, 11:37AM
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SmellOfVictory wrote:

There's a difference between "good enough to play in the NHL at 19" and "rushed into the NHL because management is stupid." Cogliano is the only one of those three that's a legitimate NHLer, or ever was.

Additionally, while way too many Flames fans hang their hat on Gaudreau, as size does still present a potential barrier to success, JG has far outperformed Gerbe at the same age. Or any recent small forward prospect in the NCAA.

Points/Game: 18 y/o season: Gerbe: 0.46 Gaudreau: 1.00

19 y/o season: Gerbe: 1.15 Gaudreau: 1.46

20 y/o season: Gerbe: 1.58 Gaudreau (so far): 1.82

You will note that there is a large gap in production between the two at every single step in their NCAA careers for their age. They're not comparable outside of size. Their playstyles are completely different and Gaudreau is substantially more productive. It's like comparing Hal Gill and Zdeno Chara as players just because they're both really tall defencemen.

Sorry... Extreme small size IS a factor that you cannot wish away. Until Gaudreau produces at the NHL level there is not a single scout in the universe that would call him a sure thing. Lots of deficiencies you can hope improve (foot speed etc). But size is obviously no changing. There is no stat, video, photo or award you could show me that would make me believe Gaudreau's game will translate to the NHL except him doing it. I'm not saying he can't. But with a pint sized skill player they are guilty until proven otherwise. I challenge you to find one scouting report in the planet that doesn't start or end with "but nobody can be sure his game will translate to the professional level". Not even NHL level, any professional level....

I don't say any of this to disparage you or Johnny G. I think he may be a star one day. But even including him on a list of top prospects is a stretch IMO until he proves he can do it against Chara & Hall Gill.

Its hilarious you call Pajarvi, Nilson not legitimate NHLers. I actually agree. They aren't. But my point was Oiler fans thought they were, and talked them up before they proved ANYTHING. But in the same breath Flames fans talk about all their sure fire awesome prospects who actually don't even have near the pedigree all of our flops did. Maybe some of your late 1st rounders will overachieve... But more than likely they won't. And in a few years you'll realize that all the guys you are pinning the future on are just 2nd tier average prospects who might, if they are lucky have an NHL career.

You should listen to us. We know what its like to have unrealistic expectations of guys like Nilson/Pajarvi (AKA all of you prospects outside Monahan).

I know you guys all hang your hat on the fact that Feaster will do it better. You will develop better. You will find hidden gems in the late 1st round picks. OK. Good luck with that.

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#414 travis
November 17 2013, 02:47PM
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@Dangilitis

It is. Thank you for finally admiting it. You're the best. I love you.

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#415 Loweblows
November 17 2013, 03:27PM
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Brent G. wrote:

Having had the unfortunate experience of being moved to Edmonton recently for work I can tell you it is a total sh*t hole in comparison to Calgary; and I was born in Edmonton. Sure u of a is a great school and lister was the best year of my life but really the city is old, tired, ugly and disjointed. There is literally nothing in the downtown core worth speaking about and the night life is subpar.

The people are friendly but I have yet to find someone who is really committed to the city and wouldn't leave tomorrow. Katz owns that monstrucity of a house and doesn't even live there, choosing greener pastures as so many people here would love to have the option of doing. Edmontonians know they are living in Calgarys shadow. Even the 'nice' areas of the city (like south side) are generic, cookie cutter houses that are boring.

I look forward to getting out of this place ASAP and hope to watch the city burn in the review mirror as I go. This city was obviously a mistake from day one and burning it to the ground and starting over seems to be the only likely option at this point.

Calgary definitely has it's problems like all cities do but I can tell you in my return to Edmonton recently it really puts things into perspective of what a great great place it is by comparison

Too much...? :)

I was raised in Sherwood Park and moved to calgary for school in 1988 and havent left yet. As a resident of both cities I can tell you both are two of the best cities in the world. Edmonton I can tell you with its river valley is far superior to calgary in that aspect. Calgary has wonderful mountainview and its core since I moved here in 1988 has become dynamic. When Edmonton gets the downtown arena I am sure it will bring that same electricity. It is obvious that Brent G lives a shallow life, probably lives in a basement suite and plays xbox all day since he probably has no friends since he is obviously a very negative person. My advice to you Brent is put down the controller, find a friend and start enjoying the wonderful city that you moved to for employment. Once you become more positive you may actually meet someone who enjoys being in your presence. Good luck in the future Brent.

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#416 Oiler Al
November 17 2013, 03:30PM
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travis wrote:

It is. Thank you for finally admiting it. You're the best. I love you.

You two guys live on Charles street by chance?

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#417 TonyT
November 17 2013, 03:33PM
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Hahaha this is pretty funny. I'm a diehard Edmontonian but even I can admit Calgary is nicer. The funny part of this topic was that in as much as people would leave Edmonton if they could, the same is true for Calgariy. It's nicer but that's not saying much... A lady at Costco this summer, asked me if I wanted to donate to Red Cross for flood victims. I thought she meant India (where they had a massive death toll) but then she said Calgary. I burst out laughing, I hope the rivers crest again next year you hick f*cks!

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#418 Loweblows
November 17 2013, 05:37PM
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TonyT wrote:

Hahaha this is pretty funny. I'm a diehard Edmontonian but even I can admit Calgary is nicer. The funny part of this topic was that in as much as people would leave Edmonton if they could, the same is true for Calgariy. It's nicer but that's not saying much... A lady at Costco this summer, asked me if I wanted to donate to Red Cross for flood victims. I thought she meant India (where they had a massive death toll) but then she said Calgary. I burst out laughing, I hope the rivers crest again next year you hick f*cks!

Actually having lived in both cities i found both have their upsides and downsides- calgary has warmer winters and edmonton has nicer summers-edmonton has a nicer river valley, calgary has mountain views, edmonton is richer in arts, calgary has the stampede-people who say one city is better than the other probably have obviously not experienced the best that each city can offer-im sorry but driving a ring road doesnt teach you squat about the city-and finally edmonton has 5 stanleys and calgary has 1 and edmonton will get another before calgary so eat sh@$ edmonton haters.

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#419 Sal
November 17 2013, 05:53PM
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i suck

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#420 ubermiguel
November 17 2013, 06:02PM
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