FGD: Suck It

Justin Azevedo
November 16 2013 03:30PM

Oilers Flames Hockey

Via halifaxdrunk

Originally, this was going to be a sob piece.

Man, was it ever going to be beautiful. Our cities' respective teams are both, in a word, repugnant. Flawed management persists, coaches play favourites, people still buy tickets and no one wins. There's so many reasons why fans of these two teams are alike.

But then I thought that wallowing in sadness wasn't really in the spirit of the Battle of Alberta.

So then I thought I would write about the juxtaposition of the Oilers (who have gone more than two decades without a cup, who have inept upper management leaders that refuse to abdicate their power to people who in no way could do a worse job running the team, who have endured a streak of more than half a decade without the playoffs and who have fans thinking there is no future) against the Flames, (who have gone more than two decades without a cup, who have inept upper management leaders that refuse to abdicate their power to people who in no way could do a worse job running the team than they have, who have endured a streak of more than half a decade without the playoffs and who have fans thinking there is no future) because the two teams are obviously so different. But that was a garbage idea too.

So, let's be honest here - in terms of the hockey game out there tonight, there's not really much to care about because both of these teams suck for so many reasons. Thus, that concludes your game preview.

 

Haha, man, you really did think that was the end, didn't you? Wouldn't be surprised. You are from Edmonton. Hell, I'm surprised you've even made it this far without slumping over and drooling on your keyboard.

 

I came to the conclusion that what I really should be writing about is how f***ing bad Edmonton is.

  • Every single one of your sports teams is garbage. They've all fallen, and they can't get up.
  • Seriously, what the f*ck is "#GOilers"? Goilers sounds like a mutated version of herpes.
  • H and E are really all that's left and E bleeds shot attempts. How awesome is that contract going to look in like, oh, 8 months ago?

Clean Hit

  • What in the blue f*ck is this stupid "squeeee" bullsh*t? "I'm going to make the most annoying noise possible when my favourite overrated player does anything remotely positive because LOL!" Good thing Eberle doesn't do much good often. 

GAZE UPON YOUR GOD, WHO HAS FORSAKEN YOU

  • God Edmonton media is just the worst, too. "Let's run every talented player who doesn't speak english out of town! GRIT! TOUGHNESS! GAZDICCCCCCCCCCCCCCC"

"Oh Yeah He Totally Won That One"

  • I had to drive through Edmonton on my way to Bonnyville this summer. Even passing through the city was terrible. The roads look like the pockmarked face of a 70 year old pack-a-day smoker. Even the "engineering wonder" that is the Anthony Henday is terrible in comparison to Calgary's ring road. Ours is going to be done when yours is even though it's longer (25 kms) and it started like a decade later.
  • I guess living within explosion distance of refineries makes up for the 2 cent difference in gas.
  • Does anyone really even give a sh*t about West Edmonton Mall anymore? All it is is monolithic, ugly and out-of-date.
  • Haha the downtown arena man that's a horrible idea huge waste of money
  • Oh that's still going forward okay then lol
  • Also looks like sperm

This was actually on the city's website. Seriously.

  • Can a city really be called a city of champions if no one ever wins anything?
  • Why are there hundreds of jacked up trucks that are always sparkling clean?
  • 2011's Homicide Capital of Canada!

Edmonton Sun, Jan. 1, 2012

  • Capital Ex (or Klondike days or whatever it's called) is basically the ginger who writes "butts" as an answer on his test compared to the A+ student that is the Calgary Stampede.
  • http://walkingdeadmonton.tumblr.com
  • We even hate Toronto, Vancouver and Montréal better than you do!

In summary,

Love, Justin

A9d138d0e612f28cd46f9b7057ed715d
Justin is a 22-year-old Flames fan who also happens to be pursuing a double major at the University of Calgary. He has played hockey at high levels, enjoys wearing shorts and tends to drink far too much Grasshopper. Please don't hate him.
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#101 RexHolez
November 16 2013, 07:14PM
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People are actually gonna watch?

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#102 RKD
November 16 2013, 07:15PM
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It's a country club mentality in either city. Darryl Sutter was accused of nepotism. Though the Oilers brass isn't related they could easily be accused of the same thing. Lowe and McTavish hiring only their buddies amongst others are trying to run a team based on an ability that is still a mystery. Both organizations didn't hire hockey-minded people for a number of years. Even if the Oilers had a #1 goalie and better defense I still don't think they would even be better than a .500 team. Upper management in both cities need to stop being so stubborn and address the real problems instead of just riding things out and hoping for a turnaround. Newsflash, that turnaround is never coming by just riding it out.

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#103 MessyEH!
November 16 2013, 07:17PM
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dougtheslug wrote:

Here's what's really tragic.

This province is the hockey capital of the world. We produce hockey players like Vancouver produces street arsonists and Toronto produces ludicrous mayors. Do you realize that there are more than twice as many Alberta born players in the NHL than there are Russian born players? And Russia has 100 times the population, and twice as much snow.

Alberta has produced Hart, Norris, and Vezina trophy winners. Alberta born players captain three NHL teams. The next big thing in hockey, 15 year old Tyler Benson, is from Alberta. He shattered the Alberta Bantam scoring record last year. The record he broke belonged to Joffrey Lupul. And whose record did Lupul break? Jerome Inginla's. This province breeds excellence in hockey.

In the 1980's our professional teams reflected that. For eight (that is EIGHT!) straight years an Alberta team was in the Stanley Cup final, winning 6 times. Alberta owned the NHL in the 1980's. Alberta was called Death Valley for eastern teams making their swing through here.

We have the most loyal, rabid, knowledgable hockey fans in the NHL. And that is because most of us have played the game, coached our kids, got up at 5:30 to clear the outdoor rinks or to drive to 6 a.m. practices. We live, breathe and die for the game.

The Battle of Alberta used to mean something. It used to mean the battle for supremacy of the NHL. Which used to mean, when Edmonton played Calgary back in the 1980's, it was to determine who was the best Hockey Club in the world. Yes. The World.

So now, as we prepare for tonight's tilt, between two bottom feeders with nothing at stake but the title of least worst "professional"team in the NHL, it makes me mad and sad. Ignorance, arrogance, cronyism, breathtaking stupidity, yeah they're all to blame for our plight. We've been over it all so many times I can't bear to rehash the reasons for this disgrace.

I just think it didn't have to be this way. It shouldn't be like this. None of us, North and South, Flame or Oiler, deserve this.

Hemmered on the Nails head good Sir.

This may have been the best comment ever.

I am going to find a Flames fan to hug.

Then pull the jersey over her head.

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#104 MessyEH!
November 16 2013, 07:19PM
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MessyEH! wrote:

Hemmered on the Nails head good Sir.

This may have been the best comment ever.

I am going to find a Flames fan to hug.

Then pull the jersey over her head.

My mom will be so pissed.

She lovez her flames Jersey

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#105 Hauk15
November 16 2013, 07:23PM
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What a $hitty article, douchebag troll

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#106 Bean-counting cowboy
November 16 2013, 07:23PM
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Go Flames! Monahan line will hopefully get going tonight.

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#107 Jeff In Lethbridge
November 16 2013, 07:26PM
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Al Low wrote:

Why is this dumbass even writing on this blog? I come here to read and interact with people about hockey, specifically the Oilers. I live in Calgary but cheer for Edmonton. This piece was inappropriate and on behalf of Calgarians, I apologize to the wonderful people of Edmonton on behalf of this immature fool.

hahahaha

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#108 Hauk15
November 16 2013, 07:27PM
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The sad thing is Flames fans and Oilers fans don't fight over whose team is better, we fight over whos team is worse.

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#109 Bean-counting cowboy
November 16 2013, 07:27PM
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@Hauk15

"Comments are moderated. Pretend your mom is reading over your shoulder". go post that vitriol somewhere else.

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#110 please cancel acct
November 16 2013, 07:30PM
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Hauk15 wrote:

What a $hitty article, douchebag troll

Is that you Wanye

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#111 Batfink
November 16 2013, 07:33PM
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Robin Brownlee wrote:

I've edited/removed comments about or relating to the original reference to the flood in Calgary. That means some of you lost comments speaking out against the first reference because the initial comment was included. No other way.

An event in which people died isn't to be used as a punch line on this website. We're better than that. At least we should be.

In which case, I suggest you take down the article referring to Edmonton's dubious claim as 'Murder Capital of Canada'. What's good for the goose.....

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#112 Hauk15
November 16 2013, 07:33PM
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Bean-counting cowboy wrote:

"Comments are moderated. Pretend your mom is reading over your shoulder". go post that vitriol somewhere else.

take it back to calgary bud, why are there so many flames fans on this site? you tools got nothing better to do than troll an oilers site?

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#113 Fish
November 16 2013, 07:38PM
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How's last years first rounder, and future best player in the draft doing?

http://www.hockeydb.com/ihdb/stats/pdisplay.php?pid=155332

Solid pick.

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#114 Todd
November 16 2013, 07:41PM
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Hauk15 wrote:

take it back to calgary bud, why are there so many flames fans on this site? you tools got nothing better to do than troll an oilers site?

It's cross posted on both sites Einstein

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#115 The Last Big Bear
November 16 2013, 07:41PM
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Should have just left it at "Suck It".

That's a great start for a preview of a game against the Oilers.

Unfortunately it was mostly downhill after that.

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#116 Batfink
November 16 2013, 07:42PM
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@Batfink

"An event in which people died isn't to be used as a punch line on this website. We're better than that. At least we should be."

So, it's allowed to highlight people being murdered now is it? Double standards are great. Twice as good as normal standards, by definition. This site is getting a little too Orwellian.

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#117 Kpat99
November 16 2013, 07:44PM
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dougtheslug wrote:

Here's what's really tragic.

This province is the hockey capital of the world. We produce hockey players like Vancouver produces street arsonists and Toronto produces ludicrous mayors. Do you realize that there are more than twice as many Alberta born players in the NHL than there are Russian born players? And Russia has 100 times the population, and twice as much snow.

Alberta has produced Hart, Norris, and Vezina trophy winners. Alberta born players captain three NHL teams. The next big thing in hockey, 15 year old Tyler Benson, is from Alberta. He shattered the Alberta Bantam scoring record last year. The record he broke belonged to Joffrey Lupul. And whose record did Lupul break? Jerome Inginla's. This province breeds excellence in hockey.

In the 1980's our professional teams reflected that. For eight (that is EIGHT!) straight years an Alberta team was in the Stanley Cup final, winning 6 times. Alberta owned the NHL in the 1980's. Alberta was called Death Valley for eastern teams making their swing through here.

We have the most loyal, rabid, knowledgable hockey fans in the NHL. And that is because most of us have played the game, coached our kids, got up at 5:30 to clear the outdoor rinks or to drive to 6 a.m. practices. We live, breathe and die for the game.

The Battle of Alberta used to mean something. It used to mean the battle for supremacy of the NHL. Which used to mean, when Edmonton played Calgary back in the 1980's, it was to determine who was the best Hockey Club in the world. Yes. The World.

So now, as we prepare for tonight's tilt, between two bottom feeders with nothing at stake but the title of least worst "professional"team in the NHL, it makes me mad and sad. Ignorance, arrogance, cronyism, breathtaking stupidity, yeah they're all to blame for our plight. We've been over it all so many times I can't bear to rehash the reasons for this disgrace.

I just think it didn't have to be this way. It shouldn't be like this. None of us, North and South, Flame or Oiler, deserve this.

I want to give this a million props.

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#118 K_Mart
November 16 2013, 07:45PM
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Really Justin?!? You're making fun of our murder rate? It's tragic and people died, don't go there. Homicide in Edmonton has caused a ton of pain and should be kept separate from sports trash talk.

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#119 Jeff In Lethbridge
November 16 2013, 07:45PM
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Hauk15 wrote:

take it back to calgary bud, why are there so many flames fans on this site? you tools got nothing better to do than troll an oilers site?

Hauk15 are you really this slow or are you faking???

you haven't caught on yet that Oiler and Flames nations share a game day blog, written by the winner of the last game??

my god man calm down have a drink and laugh a little. tonights game really is hillarious when you consider the curcumstances.

and feel free to wear sweat pants with good shoes while your here... want our oiler neighbors to feel at home while in our house. :-D

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#120 Hockey fan
November 16 2013, 07:47PM
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On actual hockey related material and not this waste of space blog, it's crazy the swagger and aggresive style of hockey the Buffalo Sabres have played since the change in coaching. Hmmmmmm!!!

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#121 Jeff In Lethbridge
November 16 2013, 07:48PM
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I bought the new Flames third jersey...

did anyone else yet?

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#122 David S
November 16 2013, 07:52PM
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Jeff In Lethbridge wrote:

I bought the new Flames third jersey...

did anyone else yet?

http://www.tattoostime.com/images/236/sucker-forehead-tattoo.jpg

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#123 ReJ
November 16 2013, 07:52PM
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I hate cowboys

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#124 Jeff In Lethbridge
November 16 2013, 07:52PM
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OK serious question....

does the winner of tonights game have "bragging" rights???

hahahahaha

drop the puck!

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#125 reaperfunkss (2nd tier fan)
November 16 2013, 07:56PM
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This will be my last game to watch this season if the Oilers play like the..well the Oilers.

Not worth my time.

i will pay attention again when Klown gets fired.

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#126 Dangilitis
November 16 2013, 07:59PM
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Yes the roads suck in Edmonton but calgarian drivers might as well be driving on gravel road because they can't go a consecutive 60 minute period without crashing into one another.

I live in Calgary now and there was more to do with my family in Edmonton except if you want to claim the mountains to hide the complete lack of anything resembling excitement in the actual city.

The sense of undeserved entitlement in this city baffles even rob ford.

And the funniest part about this is people like justin who epitomize calgarian fans who watched the downfall of the oilers and why it has persisted way too long and are too stupid to realize that nenshi will be getting senior discounts at Applebee's before calgarians sniff the playoffs again.

As depressing as it has been every night to watch edmonton I will enjoy what a$$ kicking will be laid on the lowly flames for the next decade. So why don't all the flames fans who claim they weren't bandwagoners fold away those kiprusoff jerseys and try and enjoy their teams success in an 8 team league that no one watches outside of Calgary and the province of Saskatchewan ...

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#127 Chainsawz
November 16 2013, 08:03PM
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I tried simulating this game on my PS3 and it keeps going into sleep mode.

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#128 Walter Sobchak
November 16 2013, 08:09PM
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dougtheslug wrote:

Here's what's really tragic.

This province is the hockey capital of the world. We produce hockey players like Vancouver produces street arsonists and Toronto produces ludicrous mayors. Do you realize that there are more than twice as many Alberta born players in the NHL than there are Russian born players? And Russia has 100 times the population, and twice as much snow.

Alberta has produced Hart, Norris, and Vezina trophy winners. Alberta born players captain three NHL teams. The next big thing in hockey, 15 year old Tyler Benson, is from Alberta. He shattered the Alberta Bantam scoring record last year. The record he broke belonged to Joffrey Lupul. And whose record did Lupul break? Jerome Inginla's. This province breeds excellence in hockey.

In the 1980's our professional teams reflected that. For eight (that is EIGHT!) straight years an Alberta team was in the Stanley Cup final, winning 6 times. Alberta owned the NHL in the 1980's. Alberta was called Death Valley for eastern teams making their swing through here.

We have the most loyal, rabid, knowledgable hockey fans in the NHL. And that is because most of us have played the game, coached our kids, got up at 5:30 to clear the outdoor rinks or to drive to 6 a.m. practices. We live, breathe and die for the game.

The Battle of Alberta used to mean something. It used to mean the battle for supremacy of the NHL. Which used to mean, when Edmonton played Calgary back in the 1980's, it was to determine who was the best Hockey Club in the world. Yes. The World.

So now, as we prepare for tonight's tilt, between two bottom feeders with nothing at stake but the title of least worst "professional"team in the NHL, it makes me mad and sad. Ignorance, arrogance, cronyism, breathtaking stupidity, yeah they're all to blame for our plight. We've been over it all so many times I can't bear to rehash the reasons for this disgrace.

I just think it didn't have to be this way. It shouldn't be like this. None of us, North and South, Flame or Oiler, deserve this.

Well said Doug.

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#129 Jeff In Lethbridge
November 16 2013, 08:10PM
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i heard heather luscano (singer) had an affair wih conroys wife and thats why Dion was traded... or something like that

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#130 Hoozonphirst
November 16 2013, 08:14PM
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The vaunted Battle of Alberta has sadly become the 'Bitch Slap of Alberta'. The score is incidental. What's on the History Channel tonight?

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#131 YFC Prez
November 16 2013, 08:18PM
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Smid just doesn't look right in that red sweater.

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#132 Johnnydapunk
November 16 2013, 08:23PM
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It's like the Oil never practise! No one seems to have a clue where the other players are. It shouldn't take 8 mins of hockey to start completing passes, boh!

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#133 YFC Prez
November 16 2013, 08:25PM
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@Johnnydapunk

They're making the flames look like the pens so far. How many teams can make the flames look this good? I think we're just about all.

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#134 YFC Prez
November 16 2013, 08:37PM
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What a fight. Good job boys

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#135 Parallex
November 16 2013, 08:39PM
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I hate that friendly tap Dancing Bear gave at the end of the fight... demonstrates the "only for show" aspect of staged goon fights. Pointless.

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#136 Ed Wailin'
November 16 2013, 08:40PM
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You gotta admit, he's a classy face puncher at least...

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#137 RKD
November 16 2013, 08:40PM
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That was a pretty good fight, if your read Gazdic's lips he told Brian "thanks for the scrap." I think Belov might have a charley horse from that Bouma hit.

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#138 OilersareBRUTAL
November 16 2013, 08:40PM
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Belov looks PISSED! Now get out there and kill someone !

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#139 Clyde
November 16 2013, 08:40PM
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K_Mart wrote:

Really Justin?!? You're making fun of our murder rate? It's tragic and people died, don't go there. Homicide in Edmonton has caused a ton of pain and should be kept separate from sports trash talk.

Agreed

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#140 RKD
November 16 2013, 08:42PM
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Jeff In Lethbridge wrote:

i heard heather luscano (singer) had an affair wih conroys wife and thats why Dion was traded... or something like that

No, I heard the rumour was Dion was sleeping with Reg's wife and that's why Sutter traded him. The same guy told me Dion was wearing a ton of makeup during the presser because Iggy came into the dressing room and gave Dion a black eye. Not sure I buy it.

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#141 Ed Wailin'
November 16 2013, 08:44PM
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now that was a lame face punching....

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#142 Old Retired Guy (A.K.A. Die-Nasty)
November 16 2013, 08:45PM
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Ference is a Beauty!

Takin care of business!

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#143 YFC Prez
November 16 2013, 08:45PM
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Yes! I've been waiting all year for that. I don't care if he gets the extra penalty minutes. When someone takes liberties on you don't give them a choice. Punch out their teeth just like that. Put an end to this soft crap!

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#144 Parallex
November 16 2013, 08:45PM
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RKD wrote:

No, I heard the rumour was Dion was sleeping with Reg's wife and that's why Sutter traded him. The same guy told me Dion was wearing a ton of makeup during the presser because Iggy came into the dressing room and gave Dion a black eye. Not sure I buy it.

He must get around... because the rumor I heard was Conroy's wife (who has definite "Damn!" quality to her)... of course I don't believe any of that and just think that Regehr and Phaneaf just didn't get along in general.

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#145 RKD
November 16 2013, 08:45PM
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Wow, TSN must really have a hard on for Monahan,

The Calgary Flames lead Edmonton Oilers 1-0 in the first period at the Scotiabank Saddledome. Rookie Sean Monahan scored his 14th goal of the season to give the Flames the early lead.

They've anointed him with 14 goals, I bet the Flames wished they knew when he scored those.

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#146 YFC Prez
November 16 2013, 08:48PM
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Ed Wailin' wrote:

now that was a lame face punching....

Said the teeth stuck on ferrence's knuckles

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#147 Ed Wailin'
November 16 2013, 08:48PM
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@Parallex

Conroys wife.

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#148 outdoorzguy
November 16 2013, 08:49PM
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So these guys try and slug the crap out of each other for 2 minutes. They get tired stop and pat each other on the head and say good fight buddy. The Oilers are down by one. They've lost their last 43 games. Why is Gazdic even on the ice? He's not going to score the tying goal!! After the loss tonight to the Flames, the only "BOLD MOVES" have to be the firing of Kevin Lowe (as President of Hockey Operations this crap falls on his shoulders), fire Craig McTavish (he' shown he's out of his element as GM), fire Scott Howson (simply because he was useless in Columbus and was useless in his first go around in Edmonton and what does he really do?) and fire Eakins because he obviously can't do anything with this team (see Patrick Roy). Does anyone think Katz cares? Who in the organization has to call Katz after each game to tell him about another loss. Do you think Katz is watching the game on CBC? Just keep filling those seats Oiler fans because Katz needs the money to finish all the me storefronts on his drug stores. He thanks you very much. By the way, there is no snow in Vancouver!!

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#149 kevin
November 16 2013, 08:49PM
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Getting the show run tonight in Calgary, getting baldly out shot ! what a display of skill and talent we have. J O K E ! our top line and $80 million dollar line no less giving up the puck costing us a goal. This is sickening to watch.

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#150 AngryOilersFan
November 16 2013, 08:50PM
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My god Smyth is brutal, why is he on the PP, Eakins is a brutal coach. This season is brutal. This team is brutal. Just plain brutal!

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