GDB 15.0: RED WINGS

Wanye
November 02 2013 01:09PM

 

Jason Gregor texted me to say "I have baby business to attend to on Saturday. Gregor 2,0 is only weeks away. I will need you to write the GDB for the Red Wings game." "Me?" we replied "last time I wrote a GDB people said it was silly and cried for you to write every one until 2099."

Well one doesn't argue with Jason Gregor if one hopes to be alive for the next Oilers win. So here goes nothing.

AND SO IT CONTINUES

How many ways are there to say that the Oilers rebuild is taking longer than it took to rebuild Europe after WWII?  At some point we start to scramble for new acronyms making a chase for last place an exciting proposition.

After the pantsing the Leafs gave the Oil on Tuesday - in front of LeafsNation Steve Dangle who had flown in for the match no less - it is hard to make bold predictions of Oilers wins. We sat there at Rexall Place, next to the King of all Maple Leafs fans watching them cheer and smile and raise their fists in triumph. We want that so badly for all our fellow Oilers fans it hurts.

Yes, if you told us "Wanye, all you have to do is get hit by a car and the Oil will turn around quick as a flash" we would run screaming from Wanye Manor and get hit square by the first motorcar we happened to see. Sadly it ain't that easy. But there are still things we can do as Oilers fans to try and turn the ship around.

In fact we have an idea.

AN IDEA

We hockey fans are a superstitious lot. Lucky underwear, lucky beer brand, lucky type of fur coat deodorizer. Cheering from the same seat on the couch. We all have some little foible we cling to in the hopes it makes our beloved Oilers win. Well Nation whatever we are doing is wrong.

We need to collectively reboot our lucky charms and send a wave of new karma out into the universe. Rather than focusing on what we don't want - more losses, more injuries, more Grebeshkovs in the lineup - we need to take new actions focused on what we want.

Wins.

Pictured at the top of the article is our most prized possession - our Eberle jersey purchased minutes after 14 scored his mind shattering first goal in the NHL. Thinking it was lucky we haven't so much as cleaned it once in the 4 years since. At the quarter pole of his 5th season it is clear the luck ain't working.

So we took the jersey to the cleaners on Thursday and got it back clean as clean can be. This was our major good luck charm these past 4 years and we wouldn't dream of doing this normally. But drastic times call for drastic measures. We invite you to reconsider whatever lucky charms you have and bring new ones out. The team needs it Nation. It's the only thing left we can think of doing.

Let us know if you think of anything you can do to reboot the franchise's luck. Burn your lucky drawers. Switch brands of game day beer. Remarry a new luckier wife if you think it will help. Just do something positive that is a break with the past.

We beg you.

LINEUP - GOOD

 

According to DailyFaceOff.com the Oilers are icing the forward corps above and the defensive pairings below. And according to the very same site Bachman will get the start in between the pipes tonight.

LINEUP - BAD

 

Forwards up, defense below and something called a Petr Mrazek will be tending for the Wings tonight. Poor bugger won't even have a chance. 

 

PREDICTIONS R US

GAME DAY PREDICTION: Oilers win 4-2 shocking many including the Oilers themselves.

OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: During the second intermission Coack Babcock screams at Mrazek to step his game up to which the goalie tearfully replies "I don't even know who I am. WHY ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH DID YOU START ME IN AN NHL GAME?"

NOT-SO-OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: Hearing about the jersey cleaning Jordan Eberle pots a pair of goals. In the post game scrum he comments "I knew something was holding me back this year. Here all this time it was a ratty jersey covered in shots of Jack Daniels from the Pint. I wish Wanye had gotten his hygenic act together years ago."

Hearing my name mentioned by King Jordan I immediately transcend into a beam of pure joy and shoot into space.

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#1 Lowetide
November 02 2013, 01:14PM
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I've changed from drining Crown Royal with Coke to trying coke with Crown Royal. Here's hoping!

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#2 Vincheese
November 02 2013, 01:15PM
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Remember there's one other guy working in hockey that has more cups than K-Lowe. so he knows a thing or two about winning.

Let's take a more recent approach. Is there even one more GM in hockey that's lost as much as Kevin Lowe has in hockey? Just sayin'........

That clip still makes my skin crawl.

In any case, the Oilers will get dominated tonight, as per usual. The not so obvious gameday prediction is that Stephen Weiss will come out of his slump to make things happen for Detroit offensively.

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#3 Walter White
November 02 2013, 01:15PM
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fist and formost Wayne - I thik you GDB zre awesome

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#5 Johe
November 02 2013, 01:17PM
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Those lineups are slightly out of date.

WE WANT GREGOR BACK!!!

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#8 StHenriOilBomb
November 02 2013, 01:23PM
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Perron? Really?... and Schultz?... At least get Gregor to help you with the lineups!

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#9 LJAC
November 02 2013, 01:23PM
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Lineups need to be slightly adjusted.

Perron out for the Oilers

Franzen out for the Wings

Get your game together Wanye!

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#10 dougtheslug
November 02 2013, 01:25PM
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Justin Schulz being replaced by Phil Larsen. Pitlick and Perron still out.Ryan Hamilton in. After 6 years in the toilet Oilers are still icing an AHL lineup, only now it is only 15 games into the season. I do not know what else to say.

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#11 Alsker
November 02 2013, 01:27PM
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lol..hey Sir Wanye did you just copy and paste the last lineup you did here...thats ok, just tells me I havent downed enough Capt M yet to be able to endure another rousing Oiler outing.

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#12 Rama Lama
November 02 2013, 01:30PM
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No more predictions! It's causing the problems........now everyone retract your predictions, and the Oilers will dominate.

Anything less will ensure this train wreck in slow motion will haunt your dreams!

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#15 Mikey
November 02 2013, 01:38PM
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Wanye wrote:

Just got a text from my main man Rick at the Pint "Just found my '06 Western Conference Champions hat in the back of my closet. We have had bad luck since I bought it the day after we beat Anaheim. I just threw it out."

THATS THE STUFF RICK!

Not good enough, Burn it!!

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#16 Lowetide
November 02 2013, 01:45PM
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Wanye wrote:

I BEG YOU TO DRINK ROYAL RESERVE AND PEPSI FOR THE GOOD OF OUR OILERS

DONE!

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#17 Crondor
November 02 2013, 01:45PM
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WOW! The Oilers lineup tonight looks soooo sweet! All that offensive power! Speed! The Wings will be no match for our beloved. I have in my possession a cardboard sign made by my friend when he was hitchhiking back into etown during the '06 final. I've held onto it for many years, but this afternoon I plan on putting it in the fire pit. Go Oilers!!!

here is the sign http://www.flickr.com/photos/60404254@N00/10631665896/

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#19 bwar
November 02 2013, 01:45PM
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Wayne can you please write every GDB? This made my day.
I think Gregor has been the Oilers unlucky charm. 5-0 Oil. Eberle gets all five and Wayne wins $1,000,000 via Safeway Score and Win. Which he immediately invests the winnings in dry cleaning gift cards to ensure his jersey is never dirty again.

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#20 konst16
November 02 2013, 01:49PM
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No Gags ? Line up looks like the one from a week or so back.

I've been with my girlfriend since the last game of the SJ series in '06....

Oh dear.

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#22 mlcsellil
November 02 2013, 02:02PM
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OMG--getting away from tradition. I have worn my Oiler jersey since forever. If doing the opposite or something else unthinkable and outrageous, is going to be our ticket to get in the win column, then I must buy a Flame jersey. Jesus Christ have mercy on me. No, come to think of it I'd rather take the loss---can't wear anything Flames----GO OIL

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#23 DSF
November 02 2013, 02:12PM
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Yakupov-Gagner-Hemsky

vs.

Datsyuk-Zetterberg-Bertuzzi

What could go wrong?

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#24 MessyEH!
November 02 2013, 02:24PM
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DSF wrote:

Yakupov-Gagner-Hemsky

vs.

Datsyuk-Zetterberg-Bertuzzi

What could go wrong?

Keeping with Wanyes theme. ..

If things go wrong we win.If they go as expected we lose.

Here's hoping for the wrong result.

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#25 MessyEH!
November 02 2013, 02:26PM
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Wanye wrote:

I BEG YOU TO DRINK ROYAL RESERVE AND PEPSI FOR THE GOOD OF OUR OILERS

You sir are a monster!

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#26 vetinari
November 02 2013, 02:27PM
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Fine. Tonight, I'll throw a sacrifice onto the fire thingy in my backyard... Maybe a cow or a pig... And then I'll devour its essence to give our team strength. Desperate times calls for desperate measures...

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#27 Willy
November 02 2013, 02:28PM
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Last night I won the NUGE jersey from the bar I frequent. Turns out the Oilers horrible start allowed me to out drink everyone else last month and take home the prize. Jersey is now with the rest in the rack and if like to think the product on the ice was only so bad so I could claim the prize. So thank you Oil.....prize is in hand now.....time to start winning

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#28 boxman
November 02 2013, 02:29PM
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Wanye wrote:

WHAT THE HELL YOU ARE CORRECT

*Calls new friends at DailyFaceOff*

Don't stress, you had some of the players right.

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#29 Gordie Wayne
November 02 2013, 02:30PM
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Wanye: I was filling with gas when the nozzle clicked off and I thought of you when I saw the resulting numbers. Maybe this is a sign??? Eberle and Yakupov to light it up tonight??? See the picture at the link below:


Eberle-Yakupov-Perfect-Fill

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#30 DoubleA 34
November 02 2013, 02:31PM
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GDP a little boy sitting behind Dallas tells him that he sucks.

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#31 reaperfunkss (2nd tier fan)
November 02 2013, 02:36PM
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Kill me please...Stop me from watching tonight. I am weak and kinda dumb apparently cause I am drawn to the games. I almost get a giddy high when the opponents score now cause maybe that next goal against will cause significant change for the better.

Help me please...

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#32 NJ
November 02 2013, 02:39PM
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I'm gonna change my game day ritual ...

I'm not gonna watch the game ... Seems like a good plan for the rest of the season actually.

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#33 Walter Sobchak
November 02 2013, 02:41PM
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DSF wrote:

Yakupov-Gagner-Hemsky

vs.

Datsyuk-Zetterberg-Bertuzzi

What could go wrong?

Didn't MC79 (Delow) do a thesis on how bad this line actually was?

The Oilers can’t help but re-invent there past mistakes!!

Bloody hell! Like, why fire Krueger then?

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#34 Slats
November 02 2013, 03:21PM
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Gordie Wayne wrote:

Wanye: I was filling with gas when the nozzle clicked off and I thought of you when I saw the resulting numbers. Maybe this is a sign??? Eberle and Yakupov to light it up tonight??? See the picture at the link below:


Eberle-Yakupov-Perfect-Fill

That's funny

Actually my credit card got stolen one time and the cops said gas attendants were likely the source. So I took to always filling up my car myself and always ended the #s with 94, 14, 4, 93 etc my wife has been filling the cars since the start of the season!!!

I apologize to Oilernation .. ..

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#35 Serious Gord
November 02 2013, 03:28PM
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Lowetide wrote:

I've changed from drining Crown Royal with Coke to trying coke with Crown Royal. Here's hoping!

Crown Royal is plonk. It has long been downgraded by its maker using among other things corn syrup as a sugar source. Sweet, bland and devoid of depth.

May I recommend one of the worlds great whiskeys:

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alberta_Premium

A true rye whiskey it is fantastic, cheap and made right here in Alberta.

It's more Mature brother is also one of my favorites - not as BOLD, but wonderfully smooth:

http://www.canadianwhisky.org/reviews/alberta-springs-aged-10-years-40-alc-vol.html

Cheers

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#36 rob
November 02 2013, 03:29PM
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Vancouver kills the leafs and the oilers destroy detroit!we can all have our own little dreams cant we?cant we....................

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#37 Oilers G- Nations Poet Laureate
November 02 2013, 03:46PM
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Why would one switch from drinking Crown n Coke to Royal Reserve n Pepsi? I mean thats like switching from Timmies to that over-priced American Swamp Water*. Both are a MAJOR step down

* aka Starbucks

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#38 Todd
November 02 2013, 03:48PM
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@Wanye

@WANYE - For the next photoshop contest.

http://i.imgur.com/1XIyPjN.jpg

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#39 Harlie
November 02 2013, 03:49PM
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Even the Red Wings jersey's look bigger and more dominating than ours.

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#40 Harlie
November 02 2013, 03:51PM
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Todd wrote:

@WANYE - For the next photoshop contest.

http://i.imgur.com/1XIyPjN.jpg

Gold!

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#41 Brad
November 02 2013, 03:54PM
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@Lowetide

Does anyone know what the actual lines look like tonight? This game could get pretty lopsided!

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#42 Serious Gord
November 02 2013, 03:57PM
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Notice that there is a physical presence on every Detroit line...

GDP - ugly. The score will flatter the oil.

5-4 Detroit.

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#43 Wax Man Riley
November 02 2013, 03:58PM
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DSF wrote:

Yakupov-Gagner-Hemsky

vs.

Datsyuk-Zetterberg-Bertuzzi

What could go wrong?

Choose one:

Eberle and a knee injury? Knees are the new shoulders, don't you know.

-OR-

Did anyone watch the leafs game? Ya... that again.

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#44 R-DAWG
November 02 2013, 04:05PM
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"fur coat deodorizer"!!! Classic. The Oil are playing kinda douchey!

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#45 R-Dawg
November 02 2013, 04:11PM
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In keeping with the theme, my wife bought me some Oilers p.j sweats in 06 during the run. I have just torn them up and will be using them as shop rags. Here's to the Oil! 3-1 win!!

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#46 6Rings
November 02 2013, 04:12PM
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I think it will be very ugly tonight and the booing will start early and be relentless.

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#47 WheresYourTowel
November 02 2013, 04:13PM
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To: Roughly 60% of the commenters

Is there a bus full of people that will die if you let Oilers fans have a shred of hope?

If so, great work.

It doesn't take a genius to predict the failure of a struggling team decimated by injuries. Don't feel too proud of yourselves.

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#48 Alsker
November 02 2013, 04:14PM
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Ok Wanye, pulled out the huge Oiler flag I had in the front window for the'06 playoff run from its hiding place where its been since The Rakes trophy wife bitchslapped him out of town and rehung it in full view of the neighbours. Lady to my left asked if it had something to do with halloween, people across the street are pointing and giving me the headshake of shame. The jerk to my right(met once said he was from Cal. havnt spoken since) is rolling around on the front lawn splitting a gut. HAPPY WANYE!!! Piss on it, someone pass me another.

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#49 Johe
November 02 2013, 04:15PM
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Brad wrote:

Does anyone know what the actual lines look like tonight? This game could get pretty lopsided!

Jones RNH Ebs

Yak Gags Hemmer

Hamilton Gordon Arco

Eager Acton Gazdic

Smid Petry

Ference Elder Schultz

Belov Larsen

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#50 rob
November 02 2013, 04:22PM
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after a 6 pack and dusting off of my smyth jersey i am feeling really good,so game day prediction is oilers 7 wings 2.if that doesent work time to roll up a a a a cigarette!

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