GDB 15.0: RED WINGS

Wanye
November 02 2013 01:09PM

 

Jason Gregor texted me to say "I have baby business to attend to on Saturday. Gregor 2,0 is only weeks away. I will need you to write the GDB for the Red Wings game." "Me?" we replied "last time I wrote a GDB people said it was silly and cried for you to write every one until 2099."

Well one doesn't argue with Jason Gregor if one hopes to be alive for the next Oilers win. So here goes nothing.

AND SO IT CONTINUES

How many ways are there to say that the Oilers rebuild is taking longer than it took to rebuild Europe after WWII?  At some point we start to scramble for new acronyms making a chase for last place an exciting proposition.

After the pantsing the Leafs gave the Oil on Tuesday - in front of LeafsNation Steve Dangle who had flown in for the match no less - it is hard to make bold predictions of Oilers wins. We sat there at Rexall Place, next to the King of all Maple Leafs fans watching them cheer and smile and raise their fists in triumph. We want that so badly for all our fellow Oilers fans it hurts.

Yes, if you told us "Wanye, all you have to do is get hit by a car and the Oil will turn around quick as a flash" we would run screaming from Wanye Manor and get hit square by the first motorcar we happened to see. Sadly it ain't that easy. But there are still things we can do as Oilers fans to try and turn the ship around.

In fact we have an idea.

AN IDEA

We hockey fans are a superstitious lot. Lucky underwear, lucky beer brand, lucky type of fur coat deodorizer. Cheering from the same seat on the couch. We all have some little foible we cling to in the hopes it makes our beloved Oilers win. Well Nation whatever we are doing is wrong.

We need to collectively reboot our lucky charms and send a wave of new karma out into the universe. Rather than focusing on what we don't want - more losses, more injuries, more Grebeshkovs in the lineup - we need to take new actions focused on what we want.

Wins.

Pictured at the top of the article is our most prized possession - our Eberle jersey purchased minutes after 14 scored his mind shattering first goal in the NHL. Thinking it was lucky we haven't so much as cleaned it once in the 4 years since. At the quarter pole of his 5th season it is clear the luck ain't working.

So we took the jersey to the cleaners on Thursday and got it back clean as clean can be. This was our major good luck charm these past 4 years and we wouldn't dream of doing this normally. But drastic times call for drastic measures. We invite you to reconsider whatever lucky charms you have and bring new ones out. The team needs it Nation. It's the only thing left we can think of doing.

Let us know if you think of anything you can do to reboot the franchise's luck. Burn your lucky drawers. Switch brands of game day beer. Remarry a new luckier wife if you think it will help. Just do something positive that is a break with the past.

We beg you.

LINEUP - GOOD

 

According to DailyFaceOff.com the Oilers are icing the forward corps above and the defensive pairings below. And according to the very same site Bachman will get the start in between the pipes tonight.

LINEUP - BAD

 

Forwards up, defense below and something called a Petr Mrazek will be tending for the Wings tonight. Poor bugger won't even have a chance. 

 

PREDICTIONS R US

GAME DAY PREDICTION: Oilers win 4-2 shocking many including the Oilers themselves.

OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: During the second intermission Coack Babcock screams at Mrazek to step his game up to which the goalie tearfully replies "I don't even know who I am. WHY ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH DID YOU START ME IN AN NHL GAME?"

NOT-SO-OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: Hearing about the jersey cleaning Jordan Eberle pots a pair of goals. In the post game scrum he comments "I knew something was holding me back this year. Here all this time it was a ratty jersey covered in shots of Jack Daniels from the Pint. I wish Wanye had gotten his hygenic act together years ago."

Hearing my name mentioned by King Jordan I immediately transcend into a beam of pure joy and shoot into space.

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#51 R-Dawg
November 02 2013, 04:24PM
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WheresYourTowel wrote:

To: Roughly 60% of the commenters

Is there a bus full of people that will die if you let Oilers fans have a shred of hope?

If so, great work.

It doesn't take a genius to predict the failure of a struggling team decimated by injuries. Don't feel too proud of yourselves.

Speaking of "fur coat deodorizers"!! here's Wheres your towel to spread the cheer!

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#52 TayLordBalls
November 02 2013, 04:27PM
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Wayne is a pessimist!

In October of 1983, Edmonton elected Laurence Decore as our new mayor. The Oilers went on to win the cup in following spring.

Fast forward

2013, Almost exactly 30 years to the day - Edmonton elects a new mayor.

I think this team is no way near a peak and is loaded for bear with talent.

Although it has been a poor start - that's expected for a new coach, new system and new players.

2014 - Edmonton wins a cup!

GO OIL

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#53 Poolanov
November 02 2013, 04:28PM
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RR and pepsi it is yum yum!!!!

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#54 madjam
November 02 2013, 04:30PM
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The snow will scare Detroit , and Oilers will pounce on a old tired club like the Red Wings . Oilers chase goalie after first period bombardment and coast to an easy 10-0 victory . Oh the turnaround is so delightful , but isn't it quite frightful - let it snow , let it snow , let it snow . A couple more hot toddies should do .

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#55 Oilers need Ogie Ogilthorpe!
November 02 2013, 04:31PM
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So, do I leave the Gags jersey in the closet and wear the Gilbert instead?

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#56 K_Mart
November 02 2013, 04:34PM
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*removes '06 M-A Bergeron jersey.... throws it in the trash. Held on too long.

Yes, you read that right. I owned the jersey of the player that ran into roloson, indirectly costing us our beloved stanley cup.

I apologize.

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#57 K_Mart
November 02 2013, 04:37PM
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I just sent out props to every comment, good or bad. Even DSF. How's that for sending positive energy out into the universe.

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#58 Cynic
November 02 2013, 04:49PM
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I cherish my Steve Smith throwback jersey. I like sitting behind my buddy in the Grant Fuhr jersey.

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#59 Dog Train
November 02 2013, 05:02PM
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Stupid CBC thinks I would rather watch the Habs and Avalanche tonight. No way Jose.

The three days off has me excited for this game. That will probably only last for a period or so but I am back on the kool-aid! The Oilers usually play the Red Wings tough so 4-3 Oilers in a shootout! I'll watch the game on the computer so if we win, I will have to get used to watching games on my computer.

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#60 Ari Gold
November 02 2013, 05:08PM
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Wanye wrote:

WHAT THE HELL YOU ARE CORRECT

*Calls new friends at DailyFaceOff*

Relax, Wanye, that was a bada$s GDB, loving the alcoholic spin. I'm on board with the new good luck charms. Usually I watch drunk and fully clothed, tonight I'll be sober and naked.

Glad to see Schultrz Jr. out. They should have some cronies tie him to a chair and rough him up a bit. Either that or don't feed him for 3 days then throw him into a cage with a rabid hyena.

Make these Oilers MAD!!!

Get'er dun Oilers!!

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#61 mrBacon
November 02 2013, 05:39PM
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@Wanye

If you're telling me I can't drink Jameson's in my tighty whities and throw the glass through my T.V. screen when the Oil lose than I'm telling you to go to hell. Seriously though I can only afford so many t.v.'s

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#62 The Real Gongshow
November 02 2013, 05:40PM
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Does that mean I should keep the Oil locked in the closet and wear Wings jersey tonight ? Datsyuk anyone ?!?

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#63 justDOit
November 02 2013, 06:02PM
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@Dog Train

What region are you in?

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#64 justDOit
November 02 2013, 06:05PM
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@mrBacon

Flying shards of glass - exposed skin. At least cover up before you start hurling the tumblers!

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#65 Puritania
November 02 2013, 06:13PM
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Keeping with Wanye's wishes, I have switched to inhaling carbon dioxide and exhaling oxygen.

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#66 @Oilanderp
November 02 2013, 06:25PM
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Gordie Wayne wrote:

Wanye: I was filling with gas when the nozzle clicked off and I thought of you when I saw the resulting numbers. Maybe this is a sign??? Eberle and Yakupov to light it up tonight??? See the picture at the link below:


Eberle-Yakupov-Perfect-Fill

I was amused how your fuel may contain up to 10% ET! Do you drive a space-ship?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iyFijjikkeM

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#67 Serious Gord
November 02 2013, 06:29PM
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Puritania wrote:

Keeping with Wanye's wishes, I have switched to inhaling carbon dioxide and exhaling oxygen.

So you will become a potted plant - much like most of the sports journos in Edmonton.

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#68 Darrell
November 02 2013, 06:33PM
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Walter Sobchak wrote:

Didn't MC79 (Delow) do a thesis on how bad this line actually was?

The Oilers can’t help but re-invent there past mistakes!!

Bloody hell! Like, why fire Krueger then?

"Their" not "there" for Christ sakes get educated ! * trying getting mad a dumb mistakes before the game for my game day change ..

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#69 dawgtoy
November 02 2013, 07:00PM
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Darrell wrote:

"Their" not "there" for Christ sakes get educated ! * trying getting mad a dumb mistakes before the game for my game day change ..

FAIL!

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#70 justDOit
November 02 2013, 07:01PM
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I hope the Oilers don't go down tonight!

http://www.red-wings.com/images/RedWings.gif

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#71 Wonger Jr.
November 02 2013, 07:02PM
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Oilers need Ogie Ogilthorpe! wrote:

So, do I leave the Gags jersey in the closet and wear the Gilbert instead?

What a great game Tor- Van! See what happens when you have 8 JERKS on your team to agitate and fight! Oil need to pick up Joey McDonald off of waivers tomorrow. Also, when the Canuckleheads put Alberts on waivers soon ( fought Big Mac to a draw a few years ago) pick him up! I don't care if he can't skate- we need way more TOUGH JERKS on this team! WE NEED SOME JERKS WHO CAN FIGHT MAC T!!!! DESPARATELY!!! TOOTOO, Engelland , Alberts, Ott, Folignom Zack Smith,etc. etc. etc.

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#72 **
November 02 2013, 07:02PM
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this game is going to be an Oil massacre.

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#73 Big Daddy
November 02 2013, 07:06PM
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Wonger Jr. wrote:

What a great game Tor- Van! See what happens when you have 8 JERKS on your team to agitate and fight! Oil need to pick up Joey McDonald off of waivers tomorrow. Also, when the Canuckleheads put Alberts on waivers soon ( fought Big Mac to a draw a few years ago) pick him up! I don't care if he can't skate- we need way more TOUGH JERKS on this team! WE NEED SOME JERKS WHO CAN FIGHT MAC T!!!! DESPARATELY!!! TOOTOO, Engelland , Alberts, Ott, Folignom Zack Smith,etc. etc. etc.

Wonger Junior sounds like a chip off of the old block- Wonger Sr. I agree! Let's get some TOUGH JERKS into this SOFT- except GAZDIC lineup!

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#74 justDOit
November 02 2013, 07:08PM
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@Wonger Jr.

Why not bring back Stortini while you're at it? Just go down to the Petrocan on 111th and ask him in person!

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#75 beloch
November 02 2013, 07:45PM
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The Wings played one solid period last night, but were otherwise pretty soft. They did, however, know how to take advantage of crap goal-tending. If Edmonton has a little net-luck for a change the Wings are definitely beatable.

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#76 Alsker
November 02 2013, 07:48PM
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In one final act to break the curse I rescue my Salo jersey from the world of mothballs. Holy sh%t, forgot it was a 3rd jersey..sweet..have no fear Tommy is in the house(providing Detroit doesnt shoot from center).

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#77 Wonger
November 02 2013, 07:48PM
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justDOit wrote:

Why not bring back Stortini while you're at it? Just go down to the Petrocan on 111th and ask him in person!

He is playing for Anaheims AHL team in Norfolk! PS Don't put down people who work at gas stations. Pps Stortini will be joining the RCMP or OPP upon his retirement from hockey! WONGER KNOWS ENFORCERS!!! Any questions?

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#78 Butters
November 02 2013, 08:04PM
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My pre-game ritual consists of reading GDBs...ooops

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#79 RexHolez
November 02 2013, 08:08PM
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Just quickly logged on to note that I'm not watching tonight's game. Even though I have no prior commitments, for the first time in years, perhaps for the first time since childhood... doing some laundry, perhaps scrubbing the toilet sounds like a more appealing option to me than the agony of watching my team struggle to play a complete NHL calibre game yet again... 8 years later. Hey Wayne, how long did it take Europe to rebuild after wwII

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#80 I tried it at home
November 02 2013, 08:17PM
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Im the spirit of shaking it up and trying out some new pregame rituals, I have passed on Captain Morgans and switched over to Sailor Jerrys spiced rum. Anything to help the cause. GOILERS!!

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#81 Ari Gold
November 02 2013, 08:26PM
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2-0 Wings.

Loving the team D by the Oilers.

I thought Eakins was supposed to bring effort and accountability. What gives?

I guess you can't teach effort. Bring out the paper bags.

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#82 Oilersfan4
November 02 2013, 08:26PM
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Petry looks brutal and Bachman. Ahhhhhh here we go again

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#83 Hemmercules
November 02 2013, 08:27PM
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Petry. Not an nhl defenseman. Foolish me looking forward to another game. Got me again oilers you sneaky basterds.

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#84 FIREEAKINS
November 02 2013, 08:28PM
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FIRE COACH EAKINS! LOOK AT THAT 2~0 with 50 minutes to go ! Oilers suck ass

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#85 BingBong
November 02 2013, 08:29PM
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Is this a joke? Is it April 1st? Did they really have 3 days off and start this badly?

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#86 Reg Dunlop
November 02 2013, 08:29PM
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2-zip Wings. Looks like the oil have given up already. Hope the wings don't ease up, they can send a loud message to Katz about the abortion that is the oil; if he is tuned in from his palatial Vancouver home.

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#87 Zamboni Driver
November 02 2013, 08:30PM
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Honestly blind-faithers - this has gotta be ridiculously hard to keep up.

Did people watch Van vs. Toronto - that game had nothing to do with a single game the Oilers have played in years. Fast. Hard hitting. Mean.

The Oilers.

Have "so much skill and upside".

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#88 FIREEAKINS
November 02 2013, 08:33PM
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WE NEED TO BOYCOTT THIS TEAM! WE NEED REXALL PLACE TO BE EMPTY, 0 fans, 0 DOLLARS TO KATZ. THEY NEED A SLAP IN THE FACE!

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#89 Newj
November 02 2013, 08:33PM
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Oilersfan4 wrote:

Petry looks brutal and Bachman. Ahhhhhh here we go again

What's with Petry? He's handling the puck like its a grenade. How you fault Bachman though? A breakaway & then a point blanker in the low slot.

This could turn out to be a real &*%#show.

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#90 spawnlauncher
November 02 2013, 08:34PM
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Is there any way we can get NewAgeSys to coach the Oilers?

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#91 Dave "Killer" Carlson
November 02 2013, 08:36PM
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CBC has the Colorado/Montreal game on HNIC in Winnipeg tonight. I could stream the Oilers game on my computer but it's not worth the effort (sending this from my phone). Tonight, I'm choosing to be an NHL fan, not an Oilers fan.

Something has to give with this team. When it does, I'll watch again. Till then, I'm not going out of my way to watch.

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#92 BingBong
November 02 2013, 08:37PM
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Newj wrote:

What's with Petry? He's handling the puck like its a grenade. How you fault Bachman though? A breakaway & then a point blanker in the low slot.

This could turn out to be a real &*%#show.

Petry was our best d-man until about 3 games ago, when for some unknown reason he became our worst.

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#93 outdoorzguy
November 02 2013, 08:37PM
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I'm switching to the Food Channel. I'll learn more and have more fun. Have fun you Oiler losers. You think a new arena will solve our crappy team? Good luck. This a Crappy team. WE ARE JUNIOR A. This is an even crappier organization!!!I. I'm out, got more pressing personal things to take care of before I give anything else to this Loser Lowe, drunk driver McTavish murderer leadership group!

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#94 Reg Dunlop
November 02 2013, 08:39PM
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Oiler's token forecheck pressure reminds me of a beer league team. 2nd division beer league.

Coach should call time out and the players should all get dressed and head home. Or to The Rack, before the kitties are all picked up.

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#95 outdoorzguy
November 02 2013, 08:39PM
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@@Oilanderp

I'm switching to the Food Channel. I'll learn more and have more fun. Have fun you Oiler losers. You think a new arena will solve our crappy team? Good luck. This a Crappy team. WE ARE JUNIOR A. This is an even crappier organization!!!I. I'm out, got more pressing personal things to take care of before I give anything else to this Loser Lowe, drunk driver McTavish murderer leadership group!

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#96 Loweblows
November 02 2013, 08:39PM
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Looks like the detroit goalie is going to get a shutout in his first nhl game- a effin peewee goalie would get a shutout vs these pathetic losers- 5 effin minutes in and this game is over- this whole organization blows

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#97 OilersSuck
November 02 2013, 08:39PM
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OILERS SUCK ASS! THEY ARE SO DAMN BAD! I AM STARTING TO HATE THE OILERS!

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#98 youguysarehotgarbage
November 02 2013, 08:40PM
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As a flames fan, i am wanting to see wins from you guys.

Do you realize how bad you need to be for this to happen,Detroit of a back to back and your supposed to be young fit team andthey jump on guys... wow

eakins might want mix some hockey stuff with strength and conditioning program

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#99 OilersSuck
November 02 2013, 08:42PM
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youguysarehotgarbage wrote:

As a flames fan, i am wanting to see wins from you guys.

Do you realize how bad you need to be for this to happen,Detroit of a back to back and your supposed to be young fit team andthey jump on guys... wow

eakins might want mix some hockey stuff with strength and conditioning program

f**k off flamer. get off our oilers site. flamers deserve to die

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#100 Ari Gold
November 02 2013, 08:42PM
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I'm watching, hoping, waiting for the fans to begin to boo and pull out the paper bags.

This is the sole reason why I'm currently watching.

An Oiler goal wouldn't even please me anymore.

I'm sick of the excuses. I just want them to lose brutally so there are no more 'we were out-finished' garbage. The Oil have been lucky to have been a part of the games they've played.

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