GDB 15.0: RED WINGS

Wanye
November 02 2013 01:09PM

 

Jason Gregor texted me to say "I have baby business to attend to on Saturday. Gregor 2,0 is only weeks away. I will need you to write the GDB for the Red Wings game." "Me?" we replied "last time I wrote a GDB people said it was silly and cried for you to write every one until 2099."

Well one doesn't argue with Jason Gregor if one hopes to be alive for the next Oilers win. So here goes nothing.

AND SO IT CONTINUES

How many ways are there to say that the Oilers rebuild is taking longer than it took to rebuild Europe after WWII?  At some point we start to scramble for new acronyms making a chase for last place an exciting proposition.

After the pantsing the Leafs gave the Oil on Tuesday - in front of LeafsNation Steve Dangle who had flown in for the match no less - it is hard to make bold predictions of Oilers wins. We sat there at Rexall Place, next to the King of all Maple Leafs fans watching them cheer and smile and raise their fists in triumph. We want that so badly for all our fellow Oilers fans it hurts.

Yes, if you told us "Wanye, all you have to do is get hit by a car and the Oil will turn around quick as a flash" we would run screaming from Wanye Manor and get hit square by the first motorcar we happened to see. Sadly it ain't that easy. But there are still things we can do as Oilers fans to try and turn the ship around.

In fact we have an idea.

AN IDEA

We hockey fans are a superstitious lot. Lucky underwear, lucky beer brand, lucky type of fur coat deodorizer. Cheering from the same seat on the couch. We all have some little foible we cling to in the hopes it makes our beloved Oilers win. Well Nation whatever we are doing is wrong.

We need to collectively reboot our lucky charms and send a wave of new karma out into the universe. Rather than focusing on what we don't want - more losses, more injuries, more Grebeshkovs in the lineup - we need to take new actions focused on what we want.

Wins.

Pictured at the top of the article is our most prized possession - our Eberle jersey purchased minutes after 14 scored his mind shattering first goal in the NHL. Thinking it was lucky we haven't so much as cleaned it once in the 4 years since. At the quarter pole of his 5th season it is clear the luck ain't working.

So we took the jersey to the cleaners on Thursday and got it back clean as clean can be. This was our major good luck charm these past 4 years and we wouldn't dream of doing this normally. But drastic times call for drastic measures. We invite you to reconsider whatever lucky charms you have and bring new ones out. The team needs it Nation. It's the only thing left we can think of doing.

Let us know if you think of anything you can do to reboot the franchise's luck. Burn your lucky drawers. Switch brands of game day beer. Remarry a new luckier wife if you think it will help. Just do something positive that is a break with the past.

We beg you.

LINEUP - GOOD

 

According to DailyFaceOff.com the Oilers are icing the forward corps above and the defensive pairings below. And according to the very same site Bachman will get the start in between the pipes tonight.

LINEUP - BAD

 

Forwards up, defense below and something called a Petr Mrazek will be tending for the Wings tonight. Poor bugger won't even have a chance. 

 

PREDICTIONS R US

GAME DAY PREDICTION: Oilers win 4-2 shocking many including the Oilers themselves.

OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: During the second intermission Coack Babcock screams at Mrazek to step his game up to which the goalie tearfully replies "I don't even know who I am. WHY ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH DID YOU START ME IN AN NHL GAME?"

NOT-SO-OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: Hearing about the jersey cleaning Jordan Eberle pots a pair of goals. In the post game scrum he comments "I knew something was holding me back this year. Here all this time it was a ratty jersey covered in shots of Jack Daniels from the Pint. I wish Wanye had gotten his hygenic act together years ago."

Hearing my name mentioned by King Jordan I immediately transcend into a beam of pure joy and shoot into space.

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#251 Loweblows
November 03 2013, 09:59AM
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Memo to city: Please do not release any funds for the new arena until we have assurances from Katz that the Oiler mamangement team be fired immediately and replaced with someone, anyone!

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#252 Gordie Wayne
November 02 2013, 02:30PM
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Wanye: I was filling with gas when the nozzle clicked off and I thought of you when I saw the resulting numbers. Maybe this is a sign??? Eberle and Yakupov to light it up tonight??? See the picture at the link below:


Eberle-Yakupov-Perfect-Fill

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#253 6Rings
November 02 2013, 04:12PM
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I think it will be very ugly tonight and the booing will start early and be relentless.

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#254 WheresYourTowel
November 02 2013, 04:13PM
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To: Roughly 60% of the commenters

Is there a bus full of people that will die if you let Oilers fans have a shred of hope?

If so, great work.

It doesn't take a genius to predict the failure of a struggling team decimated by injuries. Don't feel too proud of yourselves.

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#255 Ari Gold
November 02 2013, 05:08PM
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Wanye wrote:

WHAT THE HELL YOU ARE CORRECT

*Calls new friends at DailyFaceOff*

Relax, Wanye, that was a bada$s GDB, loving the alcoholic spin. I'm on board with the new good luck charms. Usually I watch drunk and fully clothed, tonight I'll be sober and naked.

Glad to see Schultrz Jr. out. They should have some cronies tie him to a chair and rough him up a bit. Either that or don't feed him for 3 days then throw him into a cage with a rabid hyena.

Make these Oilers MAD!!!

Get'er dun Oilers!!

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#256 Wonger
November 02 2013, 07:48PM
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justDOit wrote:

Why not bring back Stortini while you're at it? Just go down to the Petrocan on 111th and ask him in person!

He is playing for Anaheims AHL team in Norfolk! PS Don't put down people who work at gas stations. Pps Stortini will be joining the RCMP or OPP upon his retirement from hockey! WONGER KNOWS ENFORCERS!!! Any questions?

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#257 FIREEAKINS
November 02 2013, 08:28PM
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FIRE COACH EAKINS! LOOK AT THAT 2~0 with 50 minutes to go ! Oilers suck ass

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#258 Newj
November 02 2013, 08:33PM
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Oilersfan4 wrote:

Petry looks brutal and Bachman. Ahhhhhh here we go again

What's with Petry? He's handling the puck like its a grenade. How you fault Bachman though? A breakaway & then a point blanker in the low slot.

This could turn out to be a real &*%#show.

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#259 Ari Gold
November 02 2013, 09:20PM
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This team is a joke.

The Wings are playing like garbage. Babcock will be furious with his team.

Still we're getting destroyed.

**puts on paper bag at home**

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#260 Doug Diggler
November 02 2013, 09:24PM
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The oilers suck so much i'm starting to think about becoming a basketball fan... go raptors?

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#261 Buzz
November 03 2013, 01:27AM
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Speaking of the Boys on the bus, didn't I just read somewhere that Katz and Lowe made room for Messire at the trough er...Rexall sports?

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#262 Coco crisp
November 03 2013, 01:33AM
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This organisation is wack as f

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#263 Lars Eller
November 03 2013, 02:16AM
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Enuff said...I say no more

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#264 TeddyTurnbuckle
November 03 2013, 04:27AM
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Man petry and Smid were terrible again. Trade these clowns, they are both supposed to be in their prime yet they suck.

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#265 Loweblows
November 03 2013, 08:20AM
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Their once was a team called the oilers, They worked hard and were toilers, KLowe he can win, But now winnings a sin, Now the team are porcelain coilers.

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#266 vetinari
November 03 2013, 08:24AM
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pelhem grenville wrote:

...I pvr'd this game, got up, put the clocks back an hour read this blog and deleted it...

I think i'm a leaf fan now...

Sadly, can't find it in my DNA to cheer for Toronto-- maybe Chicago? At least that was a successful rebuild...

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#267 michael
November 03 2013, 09:49AM
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Suck it up you bunch of fair weather pansies. What did you expect coming out of the gate this season? 10-0 ,20-0.

I expected just what I am seeing. I thought we would get 8 points in October. We got 8 points.

There was o way in my mind that we were going to any better. No RNH.NO Gagner.New systems. New coaches. New coaches. The chemistry for this team was and is so messed up its not even funny.

Who expected to win last night give your head a shake.

A veteran team that plays a system that they have had for years under a coach they have had for years with a group of players that have played together for years. Yup we should have beaten that team.

Reality check over. Now that you've all been put in your right frame of mind I'll tell you what else I believe.

I believe that this team will not make the playoffs. Given what we know about the analytics that was easy to say. The harder thing to say is that I believe that Dallas Eakins will turn this team around by the Olympic break. Till then it will not be pretty. At all. Put your fire Klowes,trade Yakupov, and all your other fear driven ideas to rest and for the next little while watch this team learn and grow. It'll like watching a two year old toddler. It won't be pretty but eventually the toddler learns.

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#268 Zamboni Driver
November 03 2013, 10:20AM
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@michael

WOW!

You picked the number of points EXACTLY?

What are the chances?

You're a genius!

And in your professional, way smarter and more level-headed than everyone else, opinion...the Oilers will "not make the playoffs". I'm glad you clarified. I will cancel the appointment with my bookie in Vegas.

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#269 Rama Lama
November 03 2013, 11:52AM
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Well it's a good thing we have a coach who can teach something to the opposition players..........players like Lars Eller.

Now if we can get our coach to teach something to our team ..........we should be good.

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#270 Jordan Nugent-Hallkins
November 03 2013, 12:32PM
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No new article today - even the Nation guys are too disgusted to write about this debacle.

Can't say I blame 'em.

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#271 #ThereGoesTheOilers
November 03 2013, 12:41PM
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Laughing from comments that some of us will never shop at a Rexall store again.

Right, just like you told Bettman you would never spend another dime on NHL merchandise again.

I'm fine now, but even after fifteen hours elapsed, I still feel really bad for Eakins and his family. They deserve better.

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#272 Crondor
November 02 2013, 01:45PM
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WOW! The Oilers lineup tonight looks soooo sweet! All that offensive power! Speed! The Wings will be no match for our beloved. I have in my possession a cardboard sign made by my friend when he was hitchhiking back into etown during the '06 final. I've held onto it for many years, but this afternoon I plan on putting it in the fire pit. Go Oilers!!!

here is the sign http://www.flickr.com/photos/60404254@N00/10631665896/

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#273 boxman
November 02 2013, 02:29PM
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Wanye wrote:

WHAT THE HELL YOU ARE CORRECT

*Calls new friends at DailyFaceOff*

Don't stress, you had some of the players right.

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#274 Walter Sobchak
November 02 2013, 02:41PM
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DSF wrote:

Yakupov-Gagner-Hemsky

vs.

Datsyuk-Zetterberg-Bertuzzi

What could go wrong?

Didn't MC79 (Delow) do a thesis on how bad this line actually was?

The Oilers can’t help but re-invent there past mistakes!!

Bloody hell! Like, why fire Krueger then?

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#275 Serious Gord
November 02 2013, 03:28PM
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Lowetide wrote:

I've changed from drining Crown Royal with Coke to trying coke with Crown Royal. Here's hoping!

Crown Royal is plonk. It has long been downgraded by its maker using among other things corn syrup as a sugar source. Sweet, bland and devoid of depth.

May I recommend one of the worlds great whiskeys:

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alberta_Premium

A true rye whiskey it is fantastic, cheap and made right here in Alberta.

It's more Mature brother is also one of my favorites - not as BOLD, but wonderfully smooth:

http://www.canadianwhisky.org/reviews/alberta-springs-aged-10-years-40-alc-vol.html

Cheers

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#276 rob
November 02 2013, 04:22PM
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after a 6 pack and dusting off of my smyth jersey i am feeling really good,so game day prediction is oilers 7 wings 2.if that doesent work time to roll up a a a a cigarette!

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#277 mrBacon
November 02 2013, 05:39PM
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@Wanye

If you're telling me I can't drink Jameson's in my tighty whities and throw the glass through my T.V. screen when the Oil lose than I'm telling you to go to hell. Seriously though I can only afford so many t.v.'s

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#278 Serious Gord
November 02 2013, 06:29PM
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Puritania wrote:

Keeping with Wanye's wishes, I have switched to inhaling carbon dioxide and exhaling oxygen.

So you will become a potted plant - much like most of the sports journos in Edmonton.

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#279 outdoorzguy
November 02 2013, 08:37PM
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I'm switching to the Food Channel. I'll learn more and have more fun. Have fun you Oiler losers. You think a new arena will solve our crappy team? Good luck. This a Crappy team. WE ARE JUNIOR A. This is an even crappier organization!!!I. I'm out, got more pressing personal things to take care of before I give anything else to this Loser Lowe, drunk driver McTavish murderer leadership group!

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#280 youguysarehotgarbage
November 02 2013, 08:40PM
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As a flames fan, i am wanting to see wins from you guys.

Do you realize how bad you need to be for this to happen,Detroit of a back to back and your supposed to be young fit team andthey jump on guys... wow

eakins might want mix some hockey stuff with strength and conditioning program

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#281 Ryan
November 02 2013, 08:54PM
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Oilers look pretty good for a Junior team

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#282 Dave
November 02 2013, 10:16PM
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Any fans still watching the game at Rexall ?

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#283 Alsker
November 02 2013, 10:27PM
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Sounds like I should be glad I had family sh^t to do tonite and haven't heard/seen anything of the game. Is it too late to ask if ANY Oiler actually showed they cared tonite.

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#284 Doug Diggler
November 02 2013, 10:39PM
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Alsker wrote:

Thought Bachman was starting? Oh, 5-0, I understand

Bachman left due to injury

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#285 Seriously
November 02 2013, 11:04PM
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Alsker wrote:

LOWE MUST GO..LOWE MUST GO...LOWE MUST GO...LOWE MUST GO..sorry for yelling but DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Could not agree with u more..... Might as well add Mac d0uche bag in the chant ass well!!

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#286 boxman
November 03 2013, 07:43AM
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dougtheslug wrote:

Something died inside of me tonight. I was at the game and left after the second period. The worst Oiler performance I've ever seen, and seen a lot over the past 35 years. Walking back through the blizzard, I really felt I can't do it anymore. I'm tired of caring more than the team does. I'm feeling more sad than angry, though. I think maybe it's just time to move on.

I joined the tier one fans at Rexall last night and I felt sad for all the season ticket holders. Never mind that the team itself was whipped and lifeless as the fans seemed even more beaten and bruised. Most fans were way more despondent than angry. Between periods fans were not talking about what needs to be done but rather avoiding the subject of hockey altogether. The lad who took me to the game had four tickets 7 rows up near Detroits' bench and he couldn't give away the tickets. For gords sake Detroit was playing and no one would take the free tickets. I know Edmonton fans have been loyal to a fault but I sense a change. Apathy is replacing anger and I wish I still cared enough to yell at Lowe. I don't. The Oilers are taking their soul sucking act on the road now but really....... who cares.

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#287 KenL
November 03 2013, 08:35AM
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When the Oil went 2 games on the road last season without scoring a goal, I was pissed. Now that they've repeated the same streak at home I'm super pissed! Every season for the last 20 years, I naively believe the Oil would get into the playoffs, regardless of talent. I have no such optimism for this group.

I have purchased a share of season tickets for 20 years, and would always jump at the chance to buy extra games if the season ticket holder couldn't attend. Not this season. Even if he offers me the Pens game (which he never does), I will forego the opportunity to see Crosby live than support this sad sack lifeless team.

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#288 6rings
November 03 2013, 10:05AM
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@michael

Sure you did . And all I expected , and was assured would take place, was effort , try, compete and moves by management that would be bold. Very simple.

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#289 Don W
November 03 2013, 10:08AM
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I guess I understand now how Atlanta was so bad even with their high picks.

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#290 Serious Gord
November 03 2013, 10:16AM
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Out with the trash wrote:

I have been trying to figure out how to best convey how I feel about the current Oilers situation. As a second generation ticket holder I have been attending games since the age of 5. In that time I have seen some highs and lows, but last night I witnessed something else. The passion for this team has turned into apathy. I thought it was bad in the mid 90's when I'd be in the stands with 6000 other fans watching abysmal hockey played by a sub par team. Last night almost 17,000 fans showed up to watch the Oil. Except the Oil didn't show up. I have been as loyal a fan as I could possibly be. But now is the time to cut my losses. It has become painfully obvious that the only thing the Oilers want from me is my money. Well, no more money for you. I am cutting you off. No more driving thru blizzards for games, no more jerseys, hats, nothing. I am washing my hands of this team. I have paid over $300,000 in tickets since the Oilers last playoff game. I bought into the rebuild but this is not a rebuild it is a fleecing. My seats will remain vacant for the remainder of the season and the ticket renewal notice and calls will be left unanswered at years end. The Oilers will undoubtedly fill my seats next year but for the first time in almost 36 years. I don't care. I sincerely hope for the best for the Oilers but I am no longer willing waste my time or throw away money on the garbage product that has been on display since 2007. Ah... Now to get rid of this CoolAide taste left in my mouth.

Right now six rings is sitting on Katz' couch with tears in his eyes.

300000 down the hole is a very sobering way to frame the issue.

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#291 The Real Gongshow
November 03 2013, 11:55AM
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This organization is getting what it deserves. What an f**cking joke. Perennial Cellar Dwellers. "When we challenge for a cup again". Ya right. None of the current fans will be alive when that sh*tshow commences. Hey Oilers !?! Leave me alone, get off my tv. More importantly, get out of my life !!

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#293 vetinari
November 02 2013, 02:27PM
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Fine. Tonight, I'll throw a sacrifice onto the fire thingy in my backyard... Maybe a cow or a pig... And then I'll devour its essence to give our team strength. Desperate times calls for desperate measures...

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#294 Willy
November 02 2013, 02:28PM
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Last night I won the NUGE jersey from the bar I frequent. Turns out the Oilers horrible start allowed me to out drink everyone else last month and take home the prize. Jersey is now with the rest in the rack and if like to think the product on the ice was only so bad so I could claim the prize. So thank you Oil.....prize is in hand now.....time to start winning

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#295 R-DAWG
November 02 2013, 04:05PM
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"fur coat deodorizer"!!! Classic. The Oil are playing kinda douchey!

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#296 madjam
November 02 2013, 04:30PM
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The snow will scare Detroit , and Oilers will pounce on a old tired club like the Red Wings . Oilers chase goalie after first period bombardment and coast to an easy 10-0 victory . Oh the turnaround is so delightful , but isn't it quite frightful - let it snow , let it snow , let it snow . A couple more hot toddies should do .

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#297 **
November 02 2013, 07:02PM
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this game is going to be an Oil massacre.

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#298 justDOit
November 02 2013, 07:08PM
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@Wonger Jr.

Why not bring back Stortini while you're at it? Just go down to the Petrocan on 111th and ask him in person!

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#299 Oilersfan4
November 02 2013, 08:26PM
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Petry looks brutal and Bachman. Ahhhhhh here we go again

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#300 Randy
November 02 2013, 10:32PM
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This is bovine manure.

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