April 13 2013 03:23PM
It's that time again Calgary. You managed to get ahead of the Mighty Oil by a measly two goals last Battle of Alberta. Fortunately the good guys dug deep and managed to pump eight straight past your goaltending duo. Eight. Straight. Goals.
Let the soundtrack be the sequel to Gangham Style which dropped today. We have a few things to say.
YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG
Perhaps someone can explain why the Flames have won two of your last three games since selling off everything of value in the Saddledome including the scoreboard. Do the remaining "NHL calibre players" not understand what needs to happen from here on out? You need to l-o-s-e. Every game. Not squeak out shootout victories in Phoenix and celebrate like you are a few good powerplays away from being back on top.
You're so bad down in Calgary that you are bad at being bad. Let that sink in. Up here we are great at being bad. Hell the Oilers are the Lebron Jameseses of being bad - we understand exactly what it takes. A burning desire to see your squad crater into the league basement at 800 km/h, the ability to mail it in on any given night. You have to want it for heaven's sakes.
Fortunately the Oil will show you how to spectacularly implode as they look to pump another 8 past you tonight. Think of it as helping kick off your 6 year rebuild.
FIRST GAME FOR @17SAMB
Speaking of people who are doing it wrong the residents of the venerable Wanye Manor here in Edmonton have elected to scalp tickets for tonight and take Edmonton's newest permanent resident - former Morningside Panther Sam Brown - to his first Oilers game.
This guy is one hell of an Oiler fan already mind you - he knows the team from tip to toe and has been streaming games from Australia all year. He knows that Tambo is an indecisive wreck riddled with crippling second guessing and is more interested in solving the Caramilk Mystery than he is figuring out how to take the Oilers to the next level.
But we still have blind faith in the Oilers up here. Yes they may have cooled off after being red hot and yes it's not looking good for the Mighty Oil to streak into the post season. But you gotta keep the faith that selling most of the furniture in the Manor and going to a Saturday Night Battle of Alberta will result in victorious mayhem.
You think the Oil are going to let down Sam Brown at his first Oilers game?
Please. Chalk this up as a win right now.
According to the Oilers official twitter feed there will be no changes in the Oilers lineup from last game
Khabibulin gets the start in net.
The Flames lineup is hard to determine tonight. Their official site has no mention of how things are shaping up, nor does their twitter feed. The ever helpful folks over at Coppernblue have published the lineup below which is quite a different squadron than suggested in the Edmonton Sun today. It's almost as though the Flames themselves are running a smoke screen to mask how far the franchise has fallen.
Anyways, the "lines" are as follows:
Horak - Cammalleri - Baertschi
Glencross- Backlund - Stempniak
Hanowski - Reinhart - Jones
Jackman - Cervenka - McGrattan
Joey MacDonald gets the start tonight until he is inevitably pulled.
Note: Rumour has it that Glencross is out too with some sort of mystery illness - most likely being sick of being a Flame. If this happens chuck another crumb you have never heard of onto a line randomly.
Note 2: In addition to having one of the worst lineups in the NHL, the Flames have to be near the top for the hardest lineup to spell. Who the hell are any of these players? What the hell is a Ben Hanowski?
GAME DAY PREDICTION: Oilers win 5-2 on goals from Hall, Eberle (2), J. Schultz and Yakupov. Scoring for Calgary "who cares" and "some guy you quasi know"
OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: The Oilers remember that they might be on the outside looking in this year but the Flames are on the outside of the outside looking in. They shell them into oblivion.
NOT-SO-OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: After lumbering into his perch in the press box Flames GM Jay Feaster will scan the lineup for tonight's match. "Jeez the Flames don't look very good on paper do they?" After it's brought to his attention that it is in fact his job to fix the lineup he will dimly shrug his shoulders and say "nothing that can't keep till the summer am I right? Now where's that free popcorn I heard about up here?"
From across the press box Steve Tambellini smiles knowingly and gives him the thumbs up.