GDB 36.0: FEASTER AND FAMINE

Jason Gregor
April 03 2013 02:53PM

While the Flames shipped out Jarome Iginla and Jay Bouwmeester and replaced them with prospects that Barry Fraser wouldn't draft, the Oilers skate into the Saddledome ready to show Flames fans what six years of sucking can do for you.

The Flames haven't won a playoff series since 2004, the Oilers have won three since then, and in 24 days the Phlegms will be out of the playoffs for the 4th straight year. Make no mistake the last seven years have been brutal for Oilers fans, but at least they have something to show for their loyalty. The Oilers seven-year drought produced Taylor Hall, Jordan Eberle, Ryan Nugent-Hopkins, Nail Yakupov, Magnus Paajarvi and Sam Gagner.

The Flames' plunge into suckville has garnered them first rounders like: Mikael Backlund (softer than oleo), Greg Nemisz (4th liner in AHL), Tim Erixon (oops, he wouldn't sign in your dump of a city), _______ (didn't have 1st or 2nd round pick when missing 2010 playoffs), Sven Baertschi (solid potential 2nd liner) and Mark Jankowski (say it slowly, Stanstead College in Quebec).

Rob Schremp and Marc Pouliot had a brighter future.

Most Oilers fans won't poke that much fun at Calgary, okay one might in a few paragraphs, mainly because Edmontonians doesn't possess the inferiority complex that exists in Calgary. Oiler fans won't need to say, "At least we finished higher in the standings than you," which was the rallying cry in Calgary the last three years.

Think about that for a second.

Your team never made the playoffs, in fact they "Choked" every year in the final ten games. For the past three years, the Flames were close to the playoffs with ten games to go, and in those combined 30 games, you won a paltry 12. You averaged 4 wins in the final 10 games of the season in your annual push-to-the-playoffs-only-to-fail-and-not-get-a-top-ten-pick.

The only thing more inept than Steve Tambellini's summer free agent signings, is the Flames management in February and March and the Flames play on the ice in March and April.

Which leads us to tonight...

The Oilers and their fans head into this game knowing they will win, which is exactly how the Flames and their fans have felt the last three years. It won't be much of a battle, considering the Flames most effective forward these days is Brian McGrattan.

The Flames got a better return for Joe Piskula than they have for Jarome Iginla and Jay Bouwmeester. At least McGrattan is on your team and contributing. Top-notch GMing by Feaster and company.

  • Hall/Nugent-Hopkins/Eberle
  • Paajarvi/Gagner/Hemsky
  • Jones/Horcoff/Yakupov
  • Brown/Smyth/Petrell

  • Smid/Petry
  • N.Schultz/J.Schultz
  • Whitney/Potter

  • Dubnyk

The Flames will counter with a lineup that would battle stage an epic battle with the 2010 Oilers:

GAME DAY PREDICTION: Oilers win their 5th straight with an easy 4-2 win. The Oilers top line has combined for 19 points in the last four games and they will register six tonight.

OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: Many in Calgary will claim, "Awesome deal, getting something (5th rounder) for Blake Comeau." Get used to saying this Flames fans, as you enter into the phase where you think every draft pick will pan out eventually.

NOT-SO-OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: After he admitted Monday night that he hadn't been, "intellectually honest about his team," Jay Feaster announces during the 2nd period intermission that the Flames will indeed be a playoff contender next year. "Mikka Kiprusoff begged me not to trade him today. He's committed to winning and we will sign him to an extension in the summer.

"Also, now that Jarome Iginla, who secretly always preferred his hometown over Calgary, is gone our core guys will flourish. Want to wager on where we finish relative to Edmonton next year? I’ll tell you very honestly. I’m getting a little sour. How many teams . . . every year, for the last 10 years, five years, eight years, have finished in the bottom five, bottom seven, bottom 10? They’ve had a pick anywhere from No. 1 to No. 10 year after year after year after year, and they still wander in the desert. And they’re no closer to getting out than they were 10 years ago. We are still positioned better than the Oilers," screams Feaster. 

Good times...

***UPDATE...Turns out the NSOGDB wasn't that far off... An actual quote from Jay Feaster today..."Murray Edwards (Flames majority owner)  told me last evening that he expects us to be in the playoffs next year." You can't make this up. Wow, Edwards is delusional if he believes that. 

AND NOW A WORD FROM A DIEHARD OILER FAN

Jeanshorts runs the Oilersnation twitter and when he heard I was writing this GDB he begged me to let him write a quite blurb on behalf of all Oilers fans... so here goes... 

Oh, Calgary...

Where do we even begin? 

You're like the Springfield Tire Yard of the NHL; You're ugly, can be smelled in 46 states (and 10 provinces) and you're nothing but a humungous pile of burning rubble at this point.  

If this is what Jay Fester considers "retooling" then dear god DO NOT let him near your car. It'd be like Pimp My Ride if instead of putting TV's and a new engine in they blew the car up and told you to "never speak of this again!" 

Although, it's not like we should really be surprised that Feaster buttfumbled BOTH the Iginla and Bouwmeester trades. We've all seen Spaceballs; it's only a matter of time until he accidentally locks himself in a limousine and eats himself to death. 

But hey, it's not all no-name prospects and crying into your cousins breasts in Cowtown. I mean, at least your leading goal scorer isn't former Oiler 4th liner Curtis Glencross. 

And it's not like you're relying on a guy who hasn't played an NHL game in 4 years and only has 11 career wins to be your number one goalie next season.

Or that your hot-shot first round pick flamed out (PUN INTENDED) with only one assist in his 10-game stint. 

Or that you traded away two of your marquee players and somehow wound up with an even worse prospect pool than you started with, which was already one of the worst in the league. 

Actually, basically all that's left is for Murray Edwards to sign Feaster to a five year extension and you'll be set!  

 You know what, this is typical Calgary. First you steal all our business headquarters and now you have the audacity to steal the title of "Most Comically Inept Run Team In The National Hockey League"? THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS! 

Unfortunately Calgary looks like they'll be rewarded for this absolute atrocity of a season with a top-three pick. The good thing is that with their recent draft history the nation of Bosnia will be able to celebrate their country's first ever draft pick as the Flames select their top high school player Ahmed Mujo (56GP-0G-0A). 

We fully believe in Karma and things coming full circle. Flames fans, and management, have been ripping the Oilers futility hard for the last 4 years. I hope you brought a flashlight, sleeping bag and foamy Calgary, because the basement is dark, damp and it smells like Jerry Sandusky's rec room. Payback's a bitch and this one's going to hurt. A lot. 

Tell your hot cousin I said what's up. 

"They're ALL my hot cousin!" - Guy from Calgary

Love, Oilersnation

 RECENTLY BY JASON GREGOR

Ddf3e2ba09069c465299f3c416e43eae
One of Canada's most versatile sports personalities. Jason hosts The Jason Gregor Show, weekdays from 2 to 6 p.m., on TSN 1260, and he writes a column every Monday in the Edmonton Journal. You can follow him on Twitter at twitter.com/JasonGregor
Avatar
#251 Clyde Frog
April 03 2013, 09:38PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

YAKUPOV! Just freaking JEBERLEED!

Avatar
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Wow, nice shot

Avatar
#253 schevvy
April 03 2013, 09:39PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

*drink*

Avatar
#254 Hat tricker
April 03 2013, 09:39PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Rob Kerr should go sell used cars...he's so brutal....

Avatar
#255 negrilcowboy
April 03 2013, 09:40PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
1
cheers

hey murray the flames makin the playoffs next year is ummm .....#$%@ dilusional the odds of that are the same a flyin j only have one helping

Avatar
#256 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 09:41PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

@schevvy

New Flames drinking game?

Avatar
#257 Simon
April 03 2013, 09:42PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
1
cheers

@Hat tricker

Kerr is the kid that got beat up for his lunch money......well deserved.

Avatar
#258 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 09:42PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
1
cheers

Feaster is actually quite healthy.

Every night he sleeps in a hyperbolic chamber.

Avatar
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Goal, assist and a save for Whitney.

Avatar
#260 vetinari
April 03 2013, 09:43PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Cheaters!!! Go to the penalty box and be ashamed....

Avatar
#261 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 09:43PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Are the Flames even trying? That was a horrible penalty by Sarich. Ridiculous.

Avatar
#262 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 09:44PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers
The poster formerly known as Koolaid drinker #33 wrote:

Goal, assist and a save for Whitney.

Quick trade him while his stock is high- wait! Darnit!

Avatar
#263 TonyT
April 03 2013, 09:45PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Any word on Brown? Haven't seen him since the fight.

Avatar
#264 Feaster bater
April 03 2013, 09:45PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

@Simon

He should let his hair grow...looks like a mental patient.

Avatar
#265 Darrell
April 03 2013, 09:45PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
1
cheers

FlamesNation EVER had 250+ Posts total ? God Bless OilersNation !

Avatar
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers
RexLibris wrote:

Quick trade him while his stock is high- wait! Darnit!

Trade bait hat trick.

Avatar
#267 negrilcowboy
April 03 2013, 09:46PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

ME wasnt feelin well, went to the doctors. doc did a colonoscopy found three things turns out it was KK fly j and havad

Avatar
#268 Clyde Frog
April 03 2013, 09:46PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

HALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

Avatar
#269 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 09:46PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

=)

Avatar
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Seriously that was a sad looking PK. Wow!

Avatar
#271 NewAgeSys
April 03 2013, 09:47PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

someone needs to retaliate for MPS for that cheap Sarich hit, if we cant fight to pay them back then lets set MPS up and feed him the passes so he can pay them back personally, Gagners stick looks fast tonight tell him to shoot more, J Schultz can feel free to let the shot go a little sooner if he wants and stop dragging them over so far, its a bit to much time and they are adjusting.

Nice shot Hall. Man he is on fire. He is working so heard without the puck, excellent, now 3 more goals and we are ok.

Avatar
#272 Kent Wilson
April 03 2013, 09:47PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
1
cheers

Not getting any better for the Flames in this period.

The teams have officially switched spots.

Avatar
#273 vetinari
April 03 2013, 09:47PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

4 -2 OILERS!!!! Tic-tac-toe past Joey "Don't Call Me Sir John A." MacDonald... right by his missing minister of defence!!!

Avatar
#274 schevvy
April 03 2013, 09:48PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

*drink*

Actually, a drink for every terrible play that happens to the Flames. We'll be passed out soon.

Avatar
#275 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 09:49PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Is Sarich looking for the penalty-box hat trick tonight? And the best part is that he is signed for one more season after this. NMC to boot.

Avatar
#276 Feaster beaster
April 03 2013, 09:50PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
1
cheers

Feaster should lace up the skates and chase down some Pringles..

Avatar
#277 negrilcowboy
April 03 2013, 09:50PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
3
cheers

man we miss comeau

Avatar
#278 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 09:50PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers
schevvy wrote:

*drink*

Actually, a drink for every terrible play that happens to the Flames. We'll be passed out soon.

Probably for the best. I've been there, my friend. They say laughter is the best medicine.

Avatar
#279 Romanus
April 03 2013, 09:50PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers
RexLibris wrote:

9-3. 93. An omen?

;-)

Yes it is an omen

Avatar
#280 vetinari
April 03 2013, 09:51PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

5-2 !!!!! Past Joey "Don't Call Me Old" MacDonald on the rebound!!!

Avatar
#281 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 09:51PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Nugent-Hopkins' shoulders looked alright there.

Avatar
#282 Comeau for Mayor
April 03 2013, 09:51PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
1
cheers

@Feaster beaster

Comeau would never have let this happen....

Avatar
#283 The Soup Fascist
April 03 2013, 09:52PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers
RexLibris wrote:

Probably for the best. I've been there, my friend. They say laughter is the best medicine.

Booze is the best medicine.

Avatar
#284 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 09:52PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

If Smid scores then Flames fans will know that their world is coming to an end.

Avatar
#285 negrilcowboy
April 03 2013, 09:52PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers
RexLibris wrote:

Probably for the best. I've been there, my friend. They say laughter is the best medicine.

heroin seems to be the answer

Avatar
#286 NewAgeSys
April 03 2013, 09:52PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

we need to step it up and get more involeved physically, we have the dynamoc advantages in every way imaginable, NOWS the time to go HARDER so we dont get hurt being in the wrong frame of mind, we need to step on the pedal immediatly and kick them in the bags, repeatedly.

I think Nuge loves Calgary as much as gretz did, ha ha ha.

Ralph , get the guys giong, nows the time to get to the net and be physical, hit them hard and look for greasey ones.

Use the wraparound, mix it up.

Avatar
#287 Clyde Frog
April 03 2013, 09:52PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

HOPKINS!

Avatar
#288 Oil Feasters Hips
April 03 2013, 09:54PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
1
cheers
Comeau for Mayor wrote:

Comeau would never have let this happen....

Cervenka is the best player not currently playing in any league......

Avatar
#289 schevvy
April 03 2013, 09:54PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

This is gonna be a long month. Actually a long 5 years. Oof

Avatar
#290 Kent Wilson
April 03 2013, 09:54PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
1
cheers

Well, this is a paddlin'

Avatar
#291 They're $hittie
April 03 2013, 09:54PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

and Ebs doesnt even have a point.

Avatar
#292 Subversive
April 03 2013, 09:56PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
2
cheers
Kent Wilson wrote:

Well, this is a paddlin'

Feaster said the players would play better since they were relieved trade deadline was passed.

My first thought was "Well, won't the other teams players have the same level of relief?"

What a f*cking maroon.

Avatar
#293 negrilcowboy
April 03 2013, 09:56PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
2
cheers

whats next, feasta goin tell us he found the best something or other... feaster announces flames sign a kid from afghanistan al kayda

Avatar
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers
schevvy wrote:

*drink*

Actually, a drink for every terrible play that happens to the Flames. We'll be passed out soon.

Smoke some weed for Popeye's kid.

Lets get stoned for big Seth Jones.

Avatar
#295 Harlie
April 03 2013, 09:57PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

haha Fmales

Avatar
#296 Cervenka for Prime Minister
April 03 2013, 09:57PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
1
cheers
Oil Feasters Hips wrote:

Cervenka is the best player not currently playing in any league......

Mark jankowski will wear # 12 next year

Avatar
#297 negrilcowboy
April 03 2013, 09:59PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

brian mcgratton flames new scoring threat

Avatar
#298 vetinari
April 03 2013, 10:01PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
1
cheers

Jay Feaster is walking down the street with a six pack of beer under his arm.

Jay sees his friend who asks him "Hey, Jay, whatcha get the case of beer for?"

Jay replies "For my friend, Jarome Iginla, he's leaving town."

The friend says "Your best trade yet."

Avatar
#299 Dirk diggler
April 03 2013, 10:02PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

@Cervenka for Prime Minister

Rob Kerr gets all of the hot chicks....

Avatar
#300 Eddie Shore
April 03 2013, 10:02PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Hillarious thread! Love the despair. Thank you fLamers.

Comments are closed for this article.