GDB 36.0: FEASTER AND FAMINE

Jason Gregor
April 03 2013 02:53PM

While the Flames shipped out Jarome Iginla and Jay Bouwmeester and replaced them with prospects that Barry Fraser wouldn't draft, the Oilers skate into the Saddledome ready to show Flames fans what six years of sucking can do for you.

The Flames haven't won a playoff series since 2004, the Oilers have won three since then, and in 24 days the Phlegms will be out of the playoffs for the 4th straight year. Make no mistake the last seven years have been brutal for Oilers fans, but at least they have something to show for their loyalty. The Oilers seven-year drought produced Taylor Hall, Jordan Eberle, Ryan Nugent-Hopkins, Nail Yakupov, Magnus Paajarvi and Sam Gagner.

The Flames' plunge into suckville has garnered them first rounders like: Mikael Backlund (softer than oleo), Greg Nemisz (4th liner in AHL), Tim Erixon (oops, he wouldn't sign in your dump of a city), _______ (didn't have 1st or 2nd round pick when missing 2010 playoffs), Sven Baertschi (solid potential 2nd liner) and Mark Jankowski (say it slowly, Stanstead College in Quebec).

Rob Schremp and Marc Pouliot had a brighter future.

Most Oilers fans won't poke that much fun at Calgary, okay one might in a few paragraphs, mainly because Edmontonians doesn't possess the inferiority complex that exists in Calgary. Oiler fans won't need to say, "At least we finished higher in the standings than you," which was the rallying cry in Calgary the last three years.

Think about that for a second.

Your team never made the playoffs, in fact they "Choked" every year in the final ten games. For the past three years, the Flames were close to the playoffs with ten games to go, and in those combined 30 games, you won a paltry 12. You averaged 4 wins in the final 10 games of the season in your annual push-to-the-playoffs-only-to-fail-and-not-get-a-top-ten-pick.

The only thing more inept than Steve Tambellini's summer free agent signings, is the Flames management in February and March and the Flames play on the ice in March and April.

Which leads us to tonight...

The Oilers and their fans head into this game knowing they will win, which is exactly how the Flames and their fans have felt the last three years. It won't be much of a battle, considering the Flames most effective forward these days is Brian McGrattan.

The Flames got a better return for Joe Piskula than they have for Jarome Iginla and Jay Bouwmeester. At least McGrattan is on your team and contributing. Top-notch GMing by Feaster and company.

  • Hall/Nugent-Hopkins/Eberle
  • Paajarvi/Gagner/Hemsky
  • Jones/Horcoff/Yakupov
  • Brown/Smyth/Petrell

  • Smid/Petry
  • N.Schultz/J.Schultz
  • Whitney/Potter

  • Dubnyk

The Flames will counter with a lineup that would battle stage an epic battle with the 2010 Oilers:

GAME DAY PREDICTION: Oilers win their 5th straight with an easy 4-2 win. The Oilers top line has combined for 19 points in the last four games and they will register six tonight.

OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: Many in Calgary will claim, "Awesome deal, getting something (5th rounder) for Blake Comeau." Get used to saying this Flames fans, as you enter into the phase where you think every draft pick will pan out eventually.

NOT-SO-OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: After he admitted Monday night that he hadn't been, "intellectually honest about his team," Jay Feaster announces during the 2nd period intermission that the Flames will indeed be a playoff contender next year. "Mikka Kiprusoff begged me not to trade him today. He's committed to winning and we will sign him to an extension in the summer.

"Also, now that Jarome Iginla, who secretly always preferred his hometown over Calgary, is gone our core guys will flourish. Want to wager on where we finish relative to Edmonton next year? I’ll tell you very honestly. I’m getting a little sour. How many teams . . . every year, for the last 10 years, five years, eight years, have finished in the bottom five, bottom seven, bottom 10? They’ve had a pick anywhere from No. 1 to No. 10 year after year after year after year, and they still wander in the desert. And they’re no closer to getting out than they were 10 years ago. We are still positioned better than the Oilers," screams Feaster. 

Good times...

***UPDATE...Turns out the NSOGDB wasn't that far off... An actual quote from Jay Feaster today..."Murray Edwards (Flames majority owner)  told me last evening that he expects us to be in the playoffs next year." You can't make this up. Wow, Edwards is delusional if he believes that. 

AND NOW A WORD FROM A DIEHARD OILER FAN

Jeanshorts runs the Oilersnation twitter and when he heard I was writing this GDB he begged me to let him write a quite blurb on behalf of all Oilers fans... so here goes... 

Oh, Calgary...

Where do we even begin? 

You're like the Springfield Tire Yard of the NHL; You're ugly, can be smelled in 46 states (and 10 provinces) and you're nothing but a humungous pile of burning rubble at this point.  

If this is what Jay Fester considers "retooling" then dear god DO NOT let him near your car. It'd be like Pimp My Ride if instead of putting TV's and a new engine in they blew the car up and told you to "never speak of this again!" 

Although, it's not like we should really be surprised that Feaster buttfumbled BOTH the Iginla and Bouwmeester trades. We've all seen Spaceballs; it's only a matter of time until he accidentally locks himself in a limousine and eats himself to death. 

But hey, it's not all no-name prospects and crying into your cousins breasts in Cowtown. I mean, at least your leading goal scorer isn't former Oiler 4th liner Curtis Glencross. 

And it's not like you're relying on a guy who hasn't played an NHL game in 4 years and only has 11 career wins to be your number one goalie next season.

Or that your hot-shot first round pick flamed out (PUN INTENDED) with only one assist in his 10-game stint. 

Or that you traded away two of your marquee players and somehow wound up with an even worse prospect pool than you started with, which was already one of the worst in the league. 

Actually, basically all that's left is for Murray Edwards to sign Feaster to a five year extension and you'll be set!  

 You know what, this is typical Calgary. First you steal all our business headquarters and now you have the audacity to steal the title of "Most Comically Inept Run Team In The National Hockey League"? THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS! 

Unfortunately Calgary looks like they'll be rewarded for this absolute atrocity of a season with a top-three pick. The good thing is that with their recent draft history the nation of Bosnia will be able to celebrate their country's first ever draft pick as the Flames select their top high school player Ahmed Mujo (56GP-0G-0A). 

We fully believe in Karma and things coming full circle. Flames fans, and management, have been ripping the Oilers futility hard for the last 4 years. I hope you brought a flashlight, sleeping bag and foamy Calgary, because the basement is dark, damp and it smells like Jerry Sandusky's rec room. Payback's a bitch and this one's going to hurt. A lot. 

Tell your hot cousin I said what's up. 

"They're ALL my hot cousin!" - Guy from Calgary

Love, Oilersnation

 RECENTLY BY JASON GREGOR

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One of Canada's most versatile sports personalities. Jason hosts The Jason Gregor Show, weekdays from 2 to 6 p.m., on TSN 1260, and he writes a column every Monday in the Edmonton Journal. You can follow him on Twitter at twitter.com/JasonGregor
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#401 Darrell
April 03 2013, 11:03PM
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Ocho Amigos !

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Our score looks like their GM. Hahaha

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#403 Kent Wilson
April 03 2013, 11:04PM
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Well this has been a long time coming. Enjoy it Oilers fans. You've taken it in the teeth for years. Now it's our turn.

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#404 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 11:04PM
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I don't mean to pile on, but I have been waiting a long time, a very long time, for a game like this against Calgary.

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#405 NewAgeSys
April 03 2013, 11:05PM
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I do believe I called it at 8-2 pre-game, yes baby yes.

Now lets forget this game and get ready for our next game,this ones history.

Rest recuperate and let the coaches get you ready to execute again.

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#406 vetinari
April 03 2013, 11:05PM
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Ladies and Gentlemen, our friends in Calgary need your help. They are just at the start of their "retooling" phase and are led by the biggest tool of them all. Please send them your extra draft picks, unused forwards, extra defencemen and European goaltenders because Lord Stanley knows, they need them!

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#407 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 11:05PM
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Kent Wilson wrote:

Well this has been a long time coming. Enjoy it Oilers fans. You've taken it in the teeth for years. Now it's our turn.

A little lower than the teeth, to be honest. But thank you Kent, it is a nice feeling.

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#408 The Soup Fascist
April 03 2013, 11:05PM
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schevvy wrote:

Lol. Laugh is all we Flames fans can do now.

You fellas wouldn't mind helping us out by knocking the Sharks off on Fri ...... er ...... nevermind.

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#409 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 11:06PM
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vetinari wrote:

Ladies and Gentlemen, our friends in Calgary need your help. They are just at the start of their "retooling" phase and are led by the biggest tool of them all. Please send them your extra draft picks, unused forwards, extra defencemen and European goaltenders because Lord Stanley knows, they need them!

Plante and Abney for that 5th round pick?

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#410 Rocket
April 03 2013, 11:06PM
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schevvy wrote:

Lol. Laugh is all we Flames fans can do now.

It sucks now but it really does feel better when you watch your prospects develop & The Flames have some good draft picks coming up.

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#411 Darrell
April 03 2013, 11:07PM
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In the playoffs any !

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#412 @Oilanderp
April 03 2013, 11:08PM
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Jumpin Juniper!

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#413 NewAgeSys
April 03 2013, 11:09PM
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Dam, I predicted 8-3 for us, I regretfully retract my drum beating.

I will still gladly take the two points.

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#414 Canucks Suck
April 03 2013, 11:09PM
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I want to get something straightened out, if St. Louis does not make the playoffs we get their 2013 4th round pick right? So we would get this years 4th rounder and and next years first. Everyones knows this right? or am I wrong?

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#415 StHenriOilBomb
April 03 2013, 11:10PM
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I remember when the Oilers would score 2 goals to start the game and end up being blown out by the end... Feels good to be on the other side of it.

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#416 Dog Train
April 03 2013, 11:11PM
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Operation domination. Welcome to your new reality Flames.

No rest for the wicked. Back at it tomorrow night. Don't want to get too crazy but a regulation win would put us within 3 points of Vancity. The games won't be this easy going forward but at least we took care of business. We needed this one and we got it done big time. We have two legit scoring lines and with Yakupov playing better of late that third line is no slouch either. We need to cut down on the garbage turnovers though.

GO OILERS GO!!

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#417 FireOnIce
April 03 2013, 11:11PM
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Worry not Oilers fans. When the Flames are knocked out of playoff contention for sure in a game or two, they will go on a win streak, and down every team in front of you.

Enjoy the win. You'll need it once Jankowski becomes the best player from his draft class and we show you. Har, har, har. /facepalm

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#418 vetinari
April 03 2013, 11:13PM
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RexLibris wrote:

Plante and Abney for that 5th round pick?

They're led by Feaster, Rex... that means we are likely able to get one of their first rounders for Plante and Abney... maybe even that BIG European goaltending prospect they traded J. Bo for (*snicker)...

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#419 Robert Johnson
April 03 2013, 11:14PM
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Didn't know it was possible to suck and blow at the same time.

Is there level lower than rock bottom?

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#420 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 11:15PM
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@vetinari

We have Tuohimaa and Perhonen to trade before this year's draft!

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#421 RexLibris
April 03 2013, 11:16PM
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Robert Johnson wrote:

Didn't know it was possible to suck and blow at the same time.

Is there level lower than rock bottom?

Yeah, and the best part is we've already got it furnished for you. We left the keys in the mailbox.

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#422 OilClog
April 03 2013, 11:17PM
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The next game day article is simple.

Calgary Sucks.

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#423 Dave Lumley
April 03 2013, 11:17PM
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What's the line "Oiler domination to follow"? Been a long time comin, Tambo - you da man!

Where the sax guy?

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#424 T__Bone88
April 03 2013, 11:17PM
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Yakupov scored the 99th goal of the year.... Is this a sign of a inner Gretzky coming out...YAKCITY!!!!

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#425 negrilcowboy
April 03 2013, 11:19PM
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oucho

yep playoffs next year.

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#426 Dave Lumley
April 03 2013, 11:19PM
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The game even shut DSF up. Great success!

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#427 Mikey
April 03 2013, 11:21PM
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G-G-G-Ghostride this bitch?!?

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#428 vetinari
April 03 2013, 11:21PM
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Been a blast guys, good night and good luck to all the Flames fans that hung around until the bitter end. It gets easier. In 3 to 5 years.

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#429 Rocket
April 03 2013, 11:22PM
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FireOnIce wrote:

Worry not Oilers fans. When the Flames are knocked out of playoff contention for sure in a game or two, they will go on a win streak, and down every team in front of you.

Enjoy the win. You'll need it once Jankowski becomes the best player from his draft class and we show you. Har, har, har. /facepalm

Win streak & down every team in front of The Oilers? Wow, thanks Flames that would really help The Oilers out.

Also, Jankoski might turn out good but best in his draft? I want what you're smoking 'cause it seems strong!

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#430 Charlie Huddy
April 03 2013, 11:22PM
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Best game I've watched in 6 years. If only the Oil played Calgary 48 times this season.

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#431 Bob Cob
April 03 2013, 11:23PM
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That was great, beating the crap out of Calgary will never get old. It's going to be a whole lot more fun being an Oiler fan in Calgary over the next few years.

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#432 The Soup Fascist
April 03 2013, 11:26PM
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vetinari wrote:

Been a blast guys, good night and good luck to all the Flames fans that hung around until the bitter end. It gets easier. In 3 to 5 years.

You bet. The guys that stuck it out were good sports. A true BOA circa mid to late eighties would be awesome.

Here is hoping.

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#433 Wax Man Riley
April 03 2013, 11:26PM
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Clyde Frog wrote:

I wonder if Feaster thinks there is some sort of secret trade deadline only he knows about...

His interpretation of the trade deadline rules has it ending, and I quote, "uuuhhhhhh.... sometime around tee off. Wait, what was the question?"

eatsh!t Flames lol

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#434 Crispy
April 03 2013, 11:34PM
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I love how Feaster said that the Flames hope to make the playoffs next year.... Belated April fools joke?

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#435 kdunbar
April 03 2013, 11:42PM
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So what happens if LB does not sign before the draft Calgary?

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#436 Oilcruzer
April 03 2013, 11:45PM
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If you are going to suck, may as well do it well. Pride gives you lousy draft positioning.

Scary part for Calgary is they let Feaster make these last couple trades. Why would you do that if you plan on firing him?

(the answer is the scary part)

Chin Up. HOPE is better than delusion.

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#437 OilerPunch
April 03 2013, 11:49PM
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Flames suck on these apples 8 :).

Another good omen for the Oilers is that the season is 99 days long!

Go Oilers Go!!!

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#438 Blitz
April 03 2013, 11:50PM
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Yeah we got pounded. Kudos to Oiler nation for that. Aye ya ya. *sips vodka* ..So this is the basement? Mmm.

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#439 drdoogie16
April 03 2013, 11:54PM
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@Jasongregor

Jason, thin-skinned maybe a bit, however thin-haired you got that one covered or I guess not covered in this case. Never have I seen as many posts on this sight - all the 'Oil' fan as they proudly call themselves have jumped out of their half tons and onto the old bandwagon once more. I'll give you greasy mullet heads this, you do stand behind your team!! The beauty of the new 'parody rules' NHL is that there is no long rebuild unless you are the Oiler or the Islanders. Didn't we think that the Habs, Blue Jackets and Ducks were going to be bottom feeders this year. What about Phoenix, NJ and St. Louis the previous year? Don't make idiotic statements like the Flames or any other franchise except the Oil are going to suck for 9 straight years. It ain't gonna happen so sorry to break it to you inbreds. Enjoy the rest of the season 'OIL FANS'!!!!

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#440 Wax Man Riley
April 03 2013, 11:54PM
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This definitely calls for a G-G-G-GHOST RIDE !!!!

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#441 justDOit
April 03 2013, 11:58PM
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Nice effort boys. Two Bettman points out of California will be enough to keep this juggernaut going!

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drdoogie16 wrote:

@Jasongregor

Jason, thin-skinned maybe a bit, however thin-haired you got that one covered or I guess not covered in this case. Never have I seen as many posts on this sight - all the 'Oil' fan as they proudly call themselves have jumped out of their half tons and onto the old bandwagon once more. I'll give you greasy mullet heads this, you do stand behind your team!! The beauty of the new 'parody rules' NHL is that there is no long rebuild unless you are the Oiler or the Islanders. Didn't we think that the Habs, Blue Jackets and Ducks were going to be bottom feeders this year. What about Phoenix, NJ and St. Louis the previous year? Don't make idiotic statements like the Flames or any other franchise except the Oil are going to suck for 9 straight years. It ain't gonna happen so sorry to break it to you inbreds. Enjoy the rest of the season 'OIL FANS'!!!!

What "parody rule" are you talking about? The Flames doing a parody of an NHL hockey team?

You are an embarrassment to Flames fans.

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#443 DigDeepNBleedBlue
April 03 2013, 11:59PM
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That game was ugly. Damn! Even the crowd has turned.

Good times!

Vancouver's fragile right now. Go for blood!

Win and the Oil keep themselves, for sure, in a playoff spot for another night.

Yes, good times!

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#444 justDOit
April 04 2013, 12:04AM
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drdoogie16 wrote:

@Jasongregor

Jason, thin-skinned maybe a bit, however thin-haired you got that one covered or I guess not covered in this case. Never have I seen as many posts on this sight - all the 'Oil' fan as they proudly call themselves have jumped out of their half tons and onto the old bandwagon once more. I'll give you greasy mullet heads this, you do stand behind your team!! The beauty of the new 'parody rules' NHL is that there is no long rebuild unless you are the Oiler or the Islanders. Didn't we think that the Habs, Blue Jackets and Ducks were going to be bottom feeders this year. What about Phoenix, NJ and St. Louis the previous year? Don't make idiotic statements like the Flames or any other franchise except the Oil are going to suck for 9 straight years. It ain't gonna happen so sorry to break it to you inbreds. Enjoy the rest of the season 'OIL FANS'!!!!

I have no retort for this, nor do I want to waste my time on one. I'm merely replying so that I can quote this mess of grammatical maladies and alcoholic ramblings for all to see again. We can only hope that a loved one rolls you onto your side tonight...

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#445 Rocket
April 04 2013, 12:06AM
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DigDeepNBleedBlue wrote:

That game was ugly. Damn! Even the crowd has turned.

Good times!

Vancouver's fragile right now. Go for blood!

Win and the Oil keep themselves, for sure, in a playoff spot for another night.

Yes, good times!

Vancouver is going to be really tough to beat at home. They're still a contender & they have that jerk Bieksa running around apparently doing whatever he wants against the kids.

Still, would be nice for The Oilers to keep rolling. Go for blood totally!

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#446 m3sh
April 04 2013, 12:08AM
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drdoogie16 wrote:

@Jasongregor

Jason, thin-skinned maybe a bit, however thin-haired you got that one covered or I guess not covered in this case. Never have I seen as many posts on this sight - all the 'Oil' fan as they proudly call themselves have jumped out of their half tons and onto the old bandwagon once more. I'll give you greasy mullet heads this, you do stand behind your team!! The beauty of the new 'parody rules' NHL is that there is no long rebuild unless you are the Oiler or the Islanders. Didn't we think that the Habs, Blue Jackets and Ducks were going to be bottom feeders this year. What about Phoenix, NJ and St. Louis the previous year? Don't make idiotic statements like the Flames or any other franchise except the Oil are going to suck for 9 straight years. It ain't gonna happen so sorry to break it to you inbreds. Enjoy the rest of the season 'OIL FANS'!!!!

Ahahaha. This is the 1st stage of grieving my friend: Denial.

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#447 oilman3
April 04 2013, 12:10AM
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drdoogie16 wrote:

@Jasongregor

Jason, thin-skinned maybe a bit, however thin-haired you got that one covered or I guess not covered in this case. Never have I seen as many posts on this sight - all the 'Oil' fan as they proudly call themselves have jumped out of their half tons and onto the old bandwagon once more. I'll give you greasy mullet heads this, you do stand behind your team!! The beauty of the new 'parody rules' NHL is that there is no long rebuild unless you are the Oiler or the Islanders. Didn't we think that the Habs, Blue Jackets and Ducks were going to be bottom feeders this year. What about Phoenix, NJ and St. Louis the previous year? Don't make idiotic statements like the Flames or any other franchise except the Oil are going to suck for 9 straight years. It ain't gonna happen so sorry to break it to you inbreds. Enjoy the rest of the season 'OIL FANS'!!!!

wow it's hard to know where to even start with this long and almost incoherently bad post. so first you say the oiler fans know how to stand behind their team after saying they are jumping on the bandwagon. secondly you obviously went to great lengths to try to insult the culture and intelligence of the oiler fan base, even to the point of calling us inbreds. you would think such an intelligent flames fan such as yourself might know that when you were trying to talk about how even the talent level in the nhl is, you would use the word "parity," as in equal, rather than "parody" as in mimicking something for a joke. so which one of that list of teams you wrote about are you thinking the flames will be like? most of those teams haven't been going through a rebuild for one thing, and the blue jackets have been a bad team for a very long time and currently sit behind the oilers. your flames team has a weak crop of prospects and has been relying far too long on a goalie who made you look better than you were and is now packing it in after this year. if you don't think the flames are in for a long, painful process to get back to a competitive level, you are in for a rude awakening. the oilers still have a long way to go, but they're only getting better. the flames are just getting to ground zero.

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#448 Rocket
April 04 2013, 12:12AM
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Finally just watched the highlights for the first time because I missed the game stuck at work.

Survey says: Great game!

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#449 G Money
April 04 2013, 12:14AM
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G Money wrote:

I am a little worried about tonights game (which I will be at) ... teams with nothing left to play for can be uninterested and terrible, or they can be so relaxed that they play superbly well.

And the Flames still have Tanguay, Cammalleri, Glencross, Cervenka, and Hudler ...

Speaking of which, that Cervenka kid looked pretty good last game. No way someone talented belongs on the Flames. Perhaps Fester will trade him to us for, say, Tulupov and Martindale? Honestly, those guys are prospects, so they *must* be good!

OK, fine, 8-1 Oilers.

Damn, off by one error.

I assumed the Oilers would spot the Flames just one goal to make it a bit more interesting.

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#450 FireOnIce
April 04 2013, 12:18AM
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Rocket wrote:

Win streak & down every team in front of The Oilers? Wow, thanks Flames that would really help The Oilers out.

Also, Jankoski might turn out good but best in his draft? I want what you're smoking 'cause it seems strong!

In the 90s, the Flames would get knocked out of contention, and then beat every team that was actually good and going to the playoffs. Something about how "the pressure was off" so they were just playing hockey and having fun.

And the Jankowski comment was laden with sarcasm...

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