WANYE ON THE ROAD: AMSTERDAM II

Wanye
April 06 2013 09:46PM

 

This is a story about three young lads who go travelling to Amsterdam in search of optimistic adventure. Two are Canadian, one is an Australian who is now the newest resident of Edmonton and Wanye Manor. We meet up with an ex-pat Canadian living in Amsterdam who sobers us up more than anything that has ever happened before in the history of time.

It ain't a story about looking cool - that's for sure. Read on at your own risk.

BACKSTORY

As we described in painful detail in an earlier article we went to an Ajax soccer game last week in Amsterdam. Owing to having two tickets together and one bought at the last minute we split up to sit in different seats - two down in the fancy pants section and your ol' pal Wanye up high in the sky with a Swedish lady who had the misfortune of buying the single seat next to mine and was sitting apart from her friends too.

As any good fan of the footy, we put away as many beers as time and good behaviour would allow. For a seasoned animal like myself that meant five beers and two for the lady totalling approximately 500 Euros.

After the game we met up with the boys. "How was it fellas?" we breathlessly asked. "Oh fine that was a wicked game and the arena was so full" came the equally cheery reply. "Did you get any beers in ya? I took down 5 cause you know that I'm a G."

That got the boys good who admitted they had only 4 each - 2 per half. Either way we were all feeling pretty darn good as an afternoon of beers can get you. That news filled us full of swag as we were clearly the top dog of the crew.

As we walked towards the cab stand we all noted that there didn't seem to be a lot of people drinking at the game. "I think it's because we were surrounded by all the fancy types who were old as sand" hypothesized @thesquireyeg. "That's probably it, they take these games so seriously" agreed @17samb.

ENTER AMBASSADOR HUMAN TORCH

Showered, shaved and still feeling the effects of a handful of Grolsch beers we made our way to dinner and more beers with @humantorch both a fine citizen of the Nation and the official Ambassador of OilersNation in Amsterdam.

Should anyone decide to go to the City of Haze, please look up one of the finest fellows you will ever have the good fortune to meet. He is cool with this and is down to take you for a beer and point you in the direction of trouble that he is far too classy to get involved in. Tweet him for reals. 

Anyhoo, we sit down with the Human Torch and proceed to regale him with tales of near and far, Oilers hockey, general nonsense, dreams for the future of Edmonton and finally how we put down a bunch of beers at the game that afternoon.

What follows is a rough transcript of the conversation:

Wanye: Yep so we went to the game and I tried to wheel a Swede and that didn't go well but I put down 5 beers so you know thats a win.

Human Torch: Oh really? 5 beers? That's a pretty good number. How bout you fellas (motions to @thesquireyeg and @17samb) did you have any beers too?

17samb: (translated from Australian) Sure did. Had four myself - all Grolsch. @thesquireyeg did too.

Human Torch: Were you boys feeling it at all? Those things can sneak up on you.

The Squire: Yeah, we were feeling pretty good by the second half. All the fresh air I guess too.

Wanye: I was raised on Rexall Beers man. I am made of steel but yeah I was feeling it by the end.

Human Torch: (nods smiling whilst full of knowledge) Oh really. Feeling it you say? Did you know they only sell non-alcoholic beers at the games? Keeps the fans from going crazy.

(Three jaws simultaneously hit the floor, Human Torch smiles for effect and has a sip of a normal beer)

NEK MINUTE

One minute you are trying to impress your cool buddy living in Amsterdam who had the balls to move there and kill it in the corporate world. Nek minute you find out you have been drinking non-alcoholic beer the entire time next to a Swedish girl who most certainly knew what was what but was too polite to say anything.

Why would they sell non-alcoholic beer at a sporting event you may be asking yourselves as we most definitely have been for a few days now. Turns out soccer games can get mega rowdy and the teams are sanctioned if things get too out of control. To avoid fines - and because they make most of their money off of TV deals not booze sales - all the beers are quietly alcohol free.

Try THAT move in North America. If they suddenly replaced the heroin beers at Rexall Place with booze free booze there would be riots so epic you would swear the Canucks were in the Cup Finals.

Or maybe not - maybe it's all in our minds.

SO THERE YOU HAVE IT

We remember once going to a party as a young man with a bunch of our toughian high school friends. Before we left someone took an empty bottle of vodka, filled it with good ol' Edmonton tap water and brought it to the party.

Fast forward through a few hours of filling several ladies' glasses of our non-boozian moonshine and we watched them descend into madness - fuelled only by H20. It was a great prank at the time that showed "how easily chicks can be tricked."

Well karma is an absolute bitch isn't it? We are all grown men years later and we fall for the oldest trick in the book.

Classic Amsterdam.

Photo montage above courtesy of the Sam Brown Collection, 2013.

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Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#1 lostdog82
April 06 2013, 09:57PM
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Awesome burn. Australia they serve mid strength beer to tame the crowds. Bring on Canadian full strength heroin beers.

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#2 Lowetide
April 06 2013, 10:00PM
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I may have worked with Nek Minnit during the mid 1980s.

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#3 Rocket
April 06 2013, 10:01PM
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Classic Wayne. Keep up the good work buddy.

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#4 samwise17
April 06 2013, 10:17PM
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lostdog82 wrote:

Awesome burn. Australia they serve mid strength beer to tame the crowds. Bring on Canadian full strength heroin beers.

That is very true, and we usually complain about mid-strength back home. But non alcoholic really throw me for a loop..

@wanyegretz @thesquireyeg and @humantorch will agree, out of embarrassment we had to take it to the NEK level once we were informed Of this information. We tore Amsterdam up that night

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#5 David S
April 06 2013, 10:18PM
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Booze that is in fact NOT BOOZE???

Next you'll be telling me Jordan Eberle prefers guys!*

BLASPHEMER!!!!

*Which of course would mean you might actually have a chance.**

**Not that there's anything wrong with that.

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#8 David S
April 06 2013, 10:35PM
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Wanye wrote:

And now you see why I didn't do my stereotypical beer raise shot. I DELETED THAT PICTURE OF LIES

I was wondering about that. No beer raised shot usually means FAKE.

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#9 David S
April 06 2013, 10:36PM
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Wanye wrote:

And now you see why I didn't do my stereotypical beer raise shot. I DELETED THAT PICTURE OF LIES

[EDIT} Ever post up and wish you could delete that filthy piece of trash comment? This space is eminent proof of that.

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#11 BUCK75
April 06 2013, 11:28PM
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CLASSIC

That totally makes up for not posting a picture of said ikea gurl

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#12 Alex Steenberger
April 06 2013, 11:37PM
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0.0% Not even written on the bottle/can! UNBELIEVABLE!!! JUST LIKE JUSTIN SCHULTZ WRIST SHOT!! Or TAYLOR HALLS SPEED OR EBERLES BACKHAND --- you get the point!!

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#13 Brad Naylor
April 06 2013, 11:51PM
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You are a clown Sir - Wanye

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#14 Alex Steenberger
April 06 2013, 11:55PM
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To: Brad Naylor

That is sick. JUST GOT MENTAL PICTURE OF RYAN SMYTH.

P.S. Is your name really Brad Naylor, cause that's what I used to put on my baseboards.

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#15 Brad Naylor
April 07 2013, 12:01AM
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I wasn't referring to Smyth actually licking testicle hairs. I'm referring to his poor play this year.

And yes that is my real name. My uncle once said with a name like that I could have been either a finishing carpenter or a porn star! Go figure.

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#16 Alex Steenberger
April 07 2013, 12:04AM
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So it was either Brad Nailer or Brad Nail'her ?

And btw I will never look at Ryan Smyth the same way again!

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#17 Brad Naylor
April 07 2013, 12:08AM
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Smyth should retire this year. Maybe he could finally join the family business with his brothers and spray Bedliners at Line-X Red Deer.

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#18 Ambassador humantorch
April 07 2013, 02:33AM
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samwise17 wrote:

That is very true, and we usually complain about mid-strength back home. But non alcoholic really throw me for a loop..

@wanyegretz @thesquireyeg and @humantorch will agree, out of embarrassment we had to take it to the NEK level once we were informed Of this information. We tore Amsterdam up that night

We sure the hell did tore Amsterdam up that night. I may or may not have actually not made it into work the next day.

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#19 Ambassador humantorch
April 07 2013, 04:02AM
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^ by which I mean "I absolutely did not make it into work the next day."

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#20 Unhealthy scratch
April 07 2013, 07:59AM
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@Brad Naylor

You should meet Brad Puller, The Clumsy Finishing Carpenter

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#21 Reidja
April 07 2013, 12:02PM
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More empty carbs...

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#22 vetinari
April 07 2013, 12:47PM
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Fake... beer... why??????

Isn't there a Geneva Convention or something against these types of things???

What kind of diabolical villain does this?

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#23 Quicksilver ballet
April 07 2013, 02:16PM
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Most trips are usually nothing but an short lived overpriced gong show like you've described here. You don't have to go many places to realize, everyday is a holiday right here at home in Canada.

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#24 Wax Man Riley
April 07 2013, 03:53PM
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Quicksilver ballet wrote:

Most trips are usually nothing but an short lived overpriced gong show like you've described here. You don't have to go many places to realize, everyday is a holiday right here at home in Canada.

The point is to realize there is a world outside of Canada. Other places, other beliefs, other customs.

If you don't leave, you end up being that guy that was born in Sherwood Park, raised in Sherwood Park, grows up to buy a house in Sherwood Park, drives a giant truck because that is what you do in Sherwood Park and NEK MINNIT realizes he has never done anything.

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#25 World Traveller
April 07 2013, 05:00PM
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Wax Man Riley wrote:

The point is to realize there is a world outside of Canada. Other places, other beliefs, other customs.

If you don't leave, you end up being that guy that was born in Sherwood Park, raised in Sherwood Park, grows up to buy a house in Sherwood Park, drives a giant truck because that is what you do in Sherwood Park and NEK MINNIT realizes he has never done anything.

@Oil Change.....just buy a new car already in agreement with @Wäx Män Riley

Not to mention NEK MINNIT is from New Zealand. You wouldn't even have a NEK MINNIT.

I have seen the world beyond Mill Woods. It is a pretty cool place, I haven't lived in Canada in 9 years now.

Outside of E-town there are allot of awesome things, that you have to leave the city for. If you have never been in a South American stadium for a soccer game.. If you haven't walked the Great Wall.. If you haven't gone snorkelling in the tropics.. If you haven't had an elephant ride in Thailand where you had to switch elephants by climbing from one to the next.. If you haven't driven a scooter in Asia.. If you haven't bought glasses at a 24 hour optometrist while eating at a 21 hour Teppanaki restaurant.. If you haven't sailed on the ocean with Whale & Dolphins leading the way.. If you haven't had apes jump on your car in Gibraltar.. If you haven't secretly pretended you were a local in Venice and rented a boat to self-drive the canals..

etc.etc.etc. you are missing out, on experiences that you just can't get in E-Town.

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#26 Harlie
April 07 2013, 06:59PM
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C'mon Wanye, no one goes to Amsterdam to drink anyways.

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#27 Post game recap
April 08 2013, 02:57AM
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wondering why there's no post game recap for Flame game?

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#28 forex brokers
April 09 2013, 09:09AM
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Seeing Depth of Market - Best available bid/ask prices and market volume.

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#29 forex brokers
April 09 2013, 10:26AM
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Seeing Depth of Market - Best available bid/ask prices and market volume.

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#30 The Worrier
April 11 2013, 12:20AM
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Hey Wayne

How do Dutch soccer fans (AJAX) compare to Oilers fans - are they bitching about management and running players out of town?

Hup Holland!

Joe Van Nieuwendyk #25

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