April 09 2013 12:00PM
We missed a draft update on account of being lazily on vacation but best belive the biweekly prize will still go out and another one is awarded in this edition of the draft update. Plus some faint praise for Brooks Laich who has graced the NHL with his appearance after a lengthy spell on the injured reserve list with an unconfirmed injury*
Oh and we will also give a tantalizing glimpse of the playoff draft game that is currently being built.
FIRST UP BROOKS LAICH
Three points in nine games since your miraclulous return to play huh Brooks? Give us a break. If you had half the heart of people with a ninth of your talent you would be contending for the Art Ross Trophy. Never again Brooks Laich. Never again will we hitch our hopes and dreams to the likes of a trillionaire layabout like you.
You are on our list of eternal enemies sir. You have made a powerless foe today by jove.
SECONDLY THE LEADERS
Before we discuss the leaders at the top of the pops of this draft can we point out that in the last month the Ministry of Squee has rocketed from 519th place to a stunning 427th place? Yes, if this season went for another 39 weeks we might have an outside chance at cracking the top 300.
HOW YOU LIKE THAT EX-GIRLFRIEND WHO SAID WE WEREN'T "SUCCESSFUL ENOUGH?"
(leans back in chair smugly)
Oh yeah uh *dimly squints at the leaders about 44 miles above his team* Bernie Nicholls' Blue Skate Blades seems to be killing it still, although our main man Uncle Bearsnake is closing in.
What players did these leaders pick? Players that weren't in the boxes the Ministry of Squee had at it's disposal? Are they super hackers who have figured out a way to crack the IPS firewall with its 500 kps router and rig the game?**
We sense shenanigans of some sort.
THIRDLY THE PRIZES
Ah the prizes. We didn't announce last update that Got Ebs? had won a $50 Gift Certificate to Jiffy Lube but they most certainly did. Got Ebs? We most certainly do my friend he plays for the Oilers, wears number 14 and leaves the house on Thursdays at exactly 7:03AM.
And because unimaginable luxury loves company this week Rayna B will be getting the very same prize mailed to their stately door. Congrats you random winners. You can't fake that kind of winning - it's all skill baby.
*pouts knowing he is ineligible for prizes*
FOURTHLY THE FUTURE
There is a lot that is awesome about the first ever NationDraft pay-to-play draft. The prizes are pretty sick - a big thanks goes out to our sponsors United Cycle, The Pint, Jiffy Lube and Oodle Noodle. It`s awesome that we can play each other and chirp - if we had a nickel for everyone in the draft that has lipped us off on twitter we would go to United Cycle and treat ourselves to a $5,000 shopping spree.
Its awesome that so many people signed up and are playing and seemingly enjoying themselves Brooks Laich not withstanding. Its really awesome we were able to donate $3,800 to local charities as part of our race to $200,000 in donations annually asap.
There is definitely room to improve though. This inaugural draft was open to Northern Alberta only because of our sponsors prizing. It`s all very well and good to land a sweet Oodle Noodle GC but if you live in the Sea of Cortez it might be a bit of a wait for delivery. This closed off a lot of people who wanted to play and for that we apologize.
The game itself - your standard pick a player in a box and hope for the best - is fun. Well maybe better described as "fun-ish." As a moron who prides himself on wasting scads of time every day screwing around when he should be working we can`t help but wish that the game was more interactive and you could do more after the initial selection process.
To that end we have sat down with the NationDraft Brain Trust and Design Committee and have concocted a brand new game that will launch in time for the playoffs. It`s going to be something completely new way more interactive and completely sick we hope. And the prizing will be global so your cousin in Tanzania can play too and have a shot at things she can actually use.
(cue dramatic music if you are still somehow reading after all of this gibberish)
*It has since been confirmed as a phantom injury by an anonymous source we will call "WG"
**All actual technical terms. Ask any IT person you know to confirm.