THE SEASON AHEAD

Wanye
July 31 2013 11:10AM

Sitting around with the team at NationHQ the conversation never veers far from our beloved Oilers. "Ever hear of the Oilers?" we will often muse aloud to an empty room. "Remember the time they went to the Cup Finals in 2006?"

At this point a tumbleweed or something equally forlorn will roll down the centre of the office and we will go back to playing Clash of Clans, misty eyed with memories of a better time.

But things are starting to pick up around here. Full time staffers are starting to increase, there are ever more people showing up to work. And we get to have actual conversations with actual people. It's all very exciting you see. Like an elderly Fred Durst in the song above - we are ready to go.

Just this morning someone asked "What do you think is going to happen next season Wanye?" We looked at their bright little faces glowing with the expectations of an Oilers fan in late July and said "Well gang, I suspect it will be much like Gloucestershire cheese rolling. We all know what that is right?"

Kids today. They haven't heard of anything good.

EVER SEE THIS? HOLY COW

For the uninformed the Gloucestershire Cheese Rolling - also known as Cooper's Hill Cheese Rolling - is a seemingly straight forward affair. 

"From the top of the hill a 9 lb round of Double Gloucester cheese is rolled, and competitors race down the hill after it.The first person over the finish line at the bottom of the hill wins the cheese. In theory, competitors are aiming to catch the cheese, (which) a one second head start and can reach speeds up to 70 mph (112 km/h),"

This doesn't sound so crazy right? Kinda like the 2013-14 Oilers season we suspect. Last year there was a lockout and the team never really got a chance to gel goes the thinking. There were injuries that affected the standings too and the Oil were probably better than their record indicated.

This year everyone is healthy. The Oil have gone out and made some moves to address glaring holes in the lineup. They have a new GM and a new Coach and a new Captain. Grebeshkov is back. How badly can this go?

OBSERVE HOW BADLY THIS CAN GO

We have a sneaking suspicion that what looks like a straight forward proposition could end up going sideways in a hurry just like the cheese rolling. People going ass over tea kettle left and right. Medics coming out every 10 minutes. Danger lurking around every corner.

Speed. Excitement. Luxury.

The 2013-14 NHL season will have it all we predict. A very straight forward proposition - make the playoffs - could go sideways in a hurry if the Oil don't avoid the dangers in the way.

DANGER ONE: YET ANOTHER REGIME

Pity the poor Fab Five of the Edmonton Oilers. The Nuge has had three coaches in three years. Do you think he has the faintest idea who is going to be telling him where to go score goals on any given night? He probably still wonders what happened to Pat Quinn for heaven's sakes.

"One day he was here telling me to stand on the half wall and dish lazers to Hall" 93 probably whispers to his teddy bear late in the night. "Next thing you know he isn't coming to the rink anymore. I was told he has gone to a ranch to hang out with other Head Coaches like Coach Renney. But sometimes I wonder if that's even a thing."

Pity the poor Oilers and the circus of the franchise they are currently experiencing. Children need consistency and structure. Yet another Coach - no matter how sexy - with yet another spin on how things are going to go could lead to things going ass over tea kettle quickly if we don't get the season started on the right foot. And a new GM? And a new Captain who remains to be named? 

Yikes.

DANGER TWO: STILL NOT ENOUGH THIS

The Oilers have arguably gotten tougher or at least bigger over the summer. With the additions of  Ferrance, Perron and Gordon they can be upgraded from "butter soft" to "pillow soft." But things still need to get a lot tougher, the Oil cannot go on failing to intimidate a single team in the NHL and expect to climb out of the league basement.

Not only would the Oilers have had a tough time competing in the playoffs this year, but 70% of the team would have probably suffered career ending injuries by game 3 of round 1.

Until there are handful of Oilers who will run guys through the boards for laying a hand on our precious Jordan, Taylor, Ryan or Nail they are going to continue to get frustrated, injured or worse. We can link to approximately 1,506,200 articles to this point in the past 5 years but the facts remain that.

The facts.

Year over year over year over year.

DANGER THREE: GOALTENDING = SHAKY

Call us crazy but bringing in LaBarbera and Randy Bachman of BTO and punting Khabibulin doesn't exactly qualify as "fixing the goaltending situation in Edmonton." There are far smarter people who will be able to more intelligently describe what needs to happen between the pipes but suffice to say that the tendy situation doesn't exactly fill us with confidence these days.

Yes, MacT was in the running on a few goalies and he seems to understand the gravity of the situation but that doesn't really keep the biscuit out of the basket on opening night does it?

And to close more people chasing cheese.

That's good hockey commentary right there.

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#51 YFC Prez
August 01 2013, 01:41AM
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Wow Negative Props button!!!!!

#Gone Trashin'

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#52 Oilcruzer
August 01 2013, 06:45AM
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Neg props ?

LOL.

How did one post get 10 props so quick?

Grit. Abrasiveness. People who don't take stupid penalties but aren't afraid to send a message. Definite need, cuz you can't put that onto #4 - he's not effective in the penalty box.

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#53 rubbertrout
August 01 2013, 07:36AM
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Negative props? NEGATIVE PROPS!

Obviously I haven't been paying attention.

"Butter soft to Pillow soft" That's comedy gold Wanye

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#54 A-Mc
August 01 2013, 11:19AM
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Cheese chasing is hardcore! I have more respect for cheese chasers than i do Baseball players

I always knew about the cheese chasing but i never actually watched it. That video was GOLD! I didn't realize how quickly sh!t hit the fan; guys were only 10ft down the hill before all grip on reality was lost.

Cheese chasers will keep me entertained until the NHL season starts up. *Reloads the video*

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#57 Darrell
August 01 2013, 01:49PM
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DSF wrote:

Get back to me when the Oilers make the playoffs,

#notanytimesoon.

If the Oilers are never making the playoffs WTF are you doing on Oilersnation?

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#58 OilClog
August 01 2013, 02:01PM
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Wanye wrote:

YOU WANT MORE WANYE? YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND

*starts gaining weight*

How could I spell it wrong.. I'M A HORRIBLE PERSON!

MORE WANYE!!!

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#59 OilClog
August 01 2013, 02:28PM
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DSF wrote:

That, and $2.50, will get you a large double-double.

actually for $2.06 after tax, you get a XL DOUBLE-DOUBLE!

But ALWAYS! just buy a mug, make friendly with the staff, they'll charge you for a medium refill, mug has paid for itself in no time. And by the end of the year your extra savings, you could possibly hire someone to do your work for you for a few hours while you visit Oilersnation.

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#60 nuge2nail
August 01 2013, 10:57PM
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Oiler Domination To Follow

Yaks wearing the Pavel Bure #10 has got to be on the first pp unit.

He's got the best shot on the team.

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#61 Oiltimer
August 02 2013, 09:51AM
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Can't wait until they mate cheese rolling with wife carrying ... the things they do without hockey EH !!

Would that be wife rolling or cheese carrying ?

I like the carry while steering the cheese with the wife's feet maybe.

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#62 Austin Ayala
August 02 2013, 11:07AM
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SUFFICE IT TO SAY****

Holy moly...

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