August 16 2013 01:36PM
Most of our efforts at the moment are concerned with the business of the Nation as opposed to writing or tweeting much of anything. It’s the big run up to the start of the season and your ol pal Wanye needs to be on his game or the Nations could be screwed quicker than the Flames will fall out of the Western Conference Playoff Picture.*
Today a hilarious story of how we know we have picked the right sales person. Nothing really is happening in actual news anyways so it’s not like we are taking up valuable space on the front page of the site.
After an exhaustive search we finally found our star salesperson when we recently hired Eugene Der to take the helm. He immediately got to work redoing all of our “sales collateral” and getting everyone “business cards” and a whole bunch of other “stuff” that seems to be “completely professional.”
No longer is the Nation about watching Star Trek in your underwear and screaming “WONT SOMEBODY ADVERTISE AND GIVE WANYE ALL THE MONIES” to an empty room.
Now it’s becoming a legit real thing.
NOW BACK TO EUGENE
So it took about 2.24 meetings with Eugene before we started discussing the Oilers disastrous G7 back in the 2006 SCF. We are Oilers fans dammit and until the Cup is hoisted by Captain Jordan Eberle this game shall never be forgotten and is never far from our mind.
“Oh man do I have a story about the Oilers losing G7” Eugene began. “I was working at a car rental place at the time and one day I got a call from the Oilers head office. They said they needed 7 white Ford F-150s ready to go after they return from Carolina. I guess they were going to be for the Cup Parade.”
As Eugene was telling us this story all of the anger and bitter, bitter disappointment washed over us all over again.
“Man that game was some serious BS. It took too much out of them to get to G7 and they just didn’t have enough gas left in the tank. That spring probably took 4 years off poor ol’ Smytty’s life. Remember how haggard he looked? WHY WAS MARC ANDRE BERGERON ALLOWED TO LIVE AFTER HE DESTROYED ROLI’s KNEE??”
(cue Wanye tears of rage)
“Yeah well I can tell you I didn’t feel so great either the day after the Cup went to Carolina” came Eugene’s reply. “I was already as disappointed as I have probably ever been in my life as I dragged myself into work. Then things got waaaaaaay worse as I took the call from an equally disappointed person from the Oilers office who had to inform me that they wouldn’t need the trucks anymore as there was no need for a parade.”
STRANGE TIMES THESE
So let’s get this straight. Our sales champion was the guy who was literally told to put a bullet in the Cup Parade. As the Oilers get ready to rocket out of the basement of the league and start destroying everyone in sight** it’s good to know that everyone involved in the Nation has deep painful personal wounds that won’t be cured until the Oilers reorder those white F-150s and get the parade we have all wanted for so long.
And if you want to talk to Eugene about the logistics for the next cup parade, console him for his loss so long ago or discuss advertising email him at firstname.lastname@example.org.
*Eat shit Calgary
** This year? Next? WHEN?!