A TALE OF WOE AND HEARTACHE

Wanye
August 16 2013 01:36PM

Most of our efforts at the moment are concerned with the business of the Nation as opposed to writing or tweeting much of anything. It’s the big run up to the start of the season and your ol pal Wanye needs to be on his game or the Nations could be screwed quicker than the Flames will fall out of the Western Conference Playoff Picture.*

Today a hilarious story of how we know we have picked the right sales person. Nothing really is happening in actual news anyways so it’s not like we are taking up valuable space on the front page of the site.

After an exhaustive search we finally found our star salesperson when we recently hired Eugene Der to take the helm. He immediately got to work redoing all of our “sales collateral” and getting everyone “business cards” and a whole bunch of other “stuff” that seems to be “completely professional.”

No longer is the Nation about watching Star Trek in your underwear and screaming “WONT SOMEBODY ADVERTISE AND GIVE WANYE ALL THE MONIES” to an empty room.

Now it’s becoming a legit real thing.

NOW BACK TO EUGENE

So it took about 2.24 meetings with Eugene before we started discussing the Oilers disastrous G7 back in the 2006 SCF. We are Oilers fans dammit and until the Cup is hoisted by Captain Jordan Eberle this game shall never be forgotten and is never far from our mind.

“Oh man do I have a story about the Oilers losing G7” Eugene began. “I was working at a car rental place at the time and one day I got a call from the Oilers head office. They said they needed 7 white Ford F-150s ready to go after they return from Carolina. I guess they were going to be for the Cup Parade.”

As Eugene was telling us this story all of the anger and bitter, bitter disappointment washed over us all over again.

“Man that game was some serious BS. It took too much out of them to get to G7 and they just didn’t have enough gas left in the tank. That spring probably took 4 years off poor ol’ Smytty’s life. Remember how haggard he looked? WHY WAS MARC ANDRE BERGERON ALLOWED TO LIVE AFTER HE DESTROYED ROLI’s KNEE??”

(cue Wanye tears of rage)

“Yeah well I can tell you I didn’t feel so great either the day after the Cup went to Carolina” came Eugene’s reply. “I was already as disappointed as I have probably ever been in my life as I dragged myself into work. Then things got waaaaaaay worse as I took the call from an equally disappointed person from the Oilers office who had to inform me that they wouldn’t need the trucks anymore as there was no need for a parade.”

STRANGE TIMES THESE

So let’s get this straight. Our sales champion was the guy who was literally told to put a bullet in the Cup Parade. As the Oilers get ready to rocket out of the basement of the league and start destroying everyone in sight** it’s good to know that everyone involved in the Nation has deep painful personal wounds that won’t be cured until the Oilers reorder those white F-150s and get the parade we have all wanted for so long.

And if you want to talk to Eugene about the logistics for the next cup parade, console him for his loss so long ago or discuss advertising email him at eugene@oilersnation.com.

*Eat shit Calgary

** This year? Next? WHEN?!

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#2 Todd
August 16 2013, 01:57PM
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This article sucked. Honestly, this article is a waste of the internet. Pretty impressive since the standard for something worthwhile on the internet is almost zero.

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#3 TheRightSalesPerson
August 17 2013, 01:45AM
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Wow you are a level 7 loser - Wanye

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#5 OilClog
August 16 2013, 01:40PM
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MORE WANYE!

if only they ordered CHEVY'S!!!

I now push part of the blame from MAB to FORD! as our team was .. Found On Road Dead ;(

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#6 Next up, is Connor McJesus.
August 16 2013, 02:52PM
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Todd wrote:

This article sucked. Honestly, this article is a waste of the internet. Pretty impressive since the standard for something worthwhile on the internet is almost zero.

Do not read the next sentence.

You little rebel, I hear you make a mean bowl of cereal.

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#7 The Last Big Bear
August 16 2013, 01:45PM
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I don't get it... You don't think Calgary will make the playoffs?

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#8 OilClog
August 16 2013, 05:11PM
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YFC Prez wrote:

Are we talking teams or just fans?

Calgary team is #1 enemy, #2 is a so far down on the hate meter it isn't even worth mentioning. I wish nothing but ill will on the team to the south. Don't mind the fans or even the flame players. It's the logo I can't stand, I have evolved in my flame hate...it is a part of me now.

Now if we are talking worse fan base it is without question the Canucks fans. Obnoxious never seen their team win anything, know nothing, lets all brag about our presidents trophies know it alls.

And the Green men can go to hell!

I'm actually ok with the GreenMen.. They bleed Canuck colours, so as a fan, they're pretty damn good fans. Everything else about the Canucks is trash.

Which is why Calgary is #1 fan base and team base enemy on my list. They have more heart, a slightly better history, and a incredibly stubborn refusal to accept the mighty Oilers are the gods of Hockey.

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#9 Fresh Mess
August 16 2013, 07:27PM
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Todd wrote:

This article sucked. Honestly, this article is a waste of the internet. Pretty impressive since the standard for something worthwhile on the internet is almost zero.

Farty...fartyyyyy.... FART, FART, FART !!!

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#10 geoilersgist
August 16 2013, 01:38PM
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FISTS IN THE AIR FOR WANYE AND EUGENE

Now I am going to go cry as I remember 06

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#12 Citizen Alpha
August 16 2013, 03:15PM
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And here I thought Wanye was too busy to astroturf as his Todd alt. TRASHES FOR ALL.

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#13 Kent Wilson
August 16 2013, 02:02PM
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@Todd

Im curious...what value, then, do apply to needless comments on useless articles? Asking for a friend...

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#14 Rocket
August 16 2013, 05:34PM
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DieHard wrote:

How much would you pay per month for access to the Nations Network? 1.99, 4.99, 9.99

That's an interesting question. The issue of paywalls was brought up here months ago and it led to a goo debate. Seems like people are really divided on this. Personally I like the way the nations are right now but if it was in serious financial trouble, I would consider paying for access.

Wanye & Kent, Has paywall been discussed at meetings or has advertising revenue taken care of all financial considerations?

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#16 OilClog
August 16 2013, 01:59PM
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Todd wrote:

This article sucked. Honestly, this article is a waste of the internet. Pretty impressive since the standard for something worthwhile on the internet is almost zero.

Sounds like you need a hug! everything alright little buddy?

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#17 Next up, is Connor McJesus.
August 16 2013, 03:21PM
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WARNING: This article may contain statistical inaccuracies.

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#18 OilClog
August 16 2013, 08:30PM
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Ari Gold wrote:

I vote Canuck fans as the worst bloody fan base in the hockey world. Living in Van, I am privy to the constant unadtered, ignorant obnoxiousness and general lack of class/hockey-wisdom. The proportion of savvyness to ignorance is so much higher in BC than any hockey city in which I've lived (Etown, Cowgary, Montreal & Van).

I hex the city of Vancouver for alls it's sports teams. Furthermore, the only reason I don't hope for this fart-hole to be washed into the ocean is in favour of another epic playoff collapse where their spoiled, clueless fans would burn downtown down themselves.

$5 to the first Oiler goon that destroys one of Kesler, Edler, Burrows or the Sedins. $10 to the one that wipes that smug $hit-eating grin off Bieksa's face.

Clowns for players, clowns for fans.

Eat $hyt Vancouver!

This is beautiful.

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#19 DieHard
August 16 2013, 03:38PM
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cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan wrote:

i agree, you should demand a refund. nobody should have to pay hard earned money to read such trash laced articles.

How much would you pay per month for access to the Nations Network? 1.99, 4.99, 9.99

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#20 cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan
August 16 2013, 05:30PM
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David S wrote:

I wonder if anybody would be so kind as to point me in the direction of said "trash laced articles".

Asking for a friend.

aisle 3, just past the Kyle Wellwood cuddle pillows

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#21 Ari Gold
August 16 2013, 08:14PM
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I vote Canuck fans as the worst bloody fan base in the hockey world. Living in Van, I am privy to the constant unadtered, ignorant obnoxiousness and general lack of class/hockey-wisdom. The proportion of savvyness to ignorance is so much higher in BC than any hockey city in which I've lived (Etown, Cowgary, Montreal & Van).

I hex the city of Vancouver for alls it's sports teams. Furthermore, the only reason I don't hope for this fart-hole to be washed into the ocean is in favour of another epic playoff collapse where their spoiled, clueless fans would burn downtown down themselves.

$5 to the first Oiler goon that destroys one of Kesler, Edler, Burrows or the Sedins. $10 to the one that wipes that smug $hit-eating grin off Bieksa's face.

Clowns for players, clowns for fans.

Eat $hyt Vancouver!

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#22 Brad 21
August 16 2013, 08:45PM
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Watching Vancouver burn lol. I would personally pull up a nice relaxing lawn chair with my marshmallows,wieners and $hit eating grin. And I will give a 100 bucks ha ha ha to the first oiler who drinks a beer out of Alexander Burrows empty skull.

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#23 YFC Prez
August 16 2013, 09:05PM
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Ari Gold wrote:

I vote Canuck fans as the worst bloody fan base in the hockey world. Living in Van, I am privy to the constant unadtered, ignorant obnoxiousness and general lack of class/hockey-wisdom. The proportion of savvyness to ignorance is so much higher in BC than any hockey city in which I've lived (Etown, Cowgary, Montreal & Van).

I hex the city of Vancouver for alls it's sports teams. Furthermore, the only reason I don't hope for this fart-hole to be washed into the ocean is in favour of another epic playoff collapse where their spoiled, clueless fans would burn downtown down themselves.

$5 to the first Oiler goon that destroys one of Kesler, Edler, Burrows or the Sedins. $10 to the one that wipes that smug $hit-eating grin off Bieksa's face.

Clowns for players, clowns for fans.

Eat $hyt Vancouver!

There is a loop hole in the new proping cba here at the nation. You may prop then sign in refresh and prop again. I felt this comment was worthy of a loop hole double prop !

Double props to you!!!

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#24 vetinari
August 16 2013, 02:57PM
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geoilersgist wrote:

FISTS IN THE AIR FOR WANYE AND EUGENE

Now I am going to go cry as I remember 06

I cry when I remember the 2006 SCF... but I drink when I think of the Steve Tambellini years...

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#25 cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan
August 16 2013, 02:58PM
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Todd wrote:

This article sucked. Honestly, this article is a waste of the internet. Pretty impressive since the standard for something worthwhile on the internet is almost zero.

i agree, you should demand a refund. nobody should have to pay hard earned money to read such trash laced articles.

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#26 David S
August 16 2013, 04:52PM
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I wonder if anybody would be so kind as to point me in the direction of said "trash laced articles".

Asking for a friend.

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#27 I tried it at home
August 16 2013, 07:14PM
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OPEN LETTER TO EUGENE DER, c/o Oilersnation

Dear Sir, I have been given to believe you have taken over control of advertising at the Nations HQ. As such, I would like to inquire into advertising with the Oilersnation, in the following manner. I wish to run a personal ad mentioning all my good qualities and wonderful quirks, as well as obviously lying through my teeth about same, and list the following qualities I prefer in my potential mate. Female, blond, must wear strategically torn OKLA) (HOMA tops, have been pictured not nearly enough times in ON, and have low standards in men. Low self esteem and daddy issues a plus as well. Please let me know if this is doable, thanks and have a good one in your new job

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#28 David S
August 17 2013, 11:12AM
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TheRightSalesPerson wrote:

Wow you are a level 7 loser - Wanye

As a long time Oilers Nation poster I'm not in the habit of getting my comments deleted. And I'm not proud about the warning I'm about to get in my inbox, let alone risking the chance of getting banned. But I gotta say...

Dude. You're a f*cking loser.

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#30 geoilersgist
August 16 2013, 01:43PM
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@Wanye

I will make it sound not so horrible haha. I was so excited to FIST your article

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#31 Will
August 16 2013, 02:04PM
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Oilers will be cup contenders when like the impressive group at forward, their young D core matures. With a mature J schultz, Klefbomb, Nurse, Petry, and Smid on the blue, helped by a great depth defender and a solid top two vet *cough, Yandle, cough*. That is going to be one impressive team.

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#32 OilClog
August 16 2013, 02:05PM
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Kent Wilson wrote:

Im curious...what value, then, do apply to needless comments on useless articles? Asking for a friend...

Pretty sure, Todd is a Flames fan. So.. You're under Guilt by association Mr. Wilson. Why is Flames nation so angry about the internet's article quality?

PS. This is just a jab at Flames fan, I'm sorry for saying Angry Todd is one of you.. well Almost sorry.

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#33 Oiler Al
August 16 2013, 02:15PM
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Oilers Nation, the best of the Nations sites,if not one of the best hockey sites period.Kudo's to all the writers.

Eugene, makes your job easier, keep making those " cold calls", they will come.

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#34 rubbertrout
August 16 2013, 03:13PM
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OilClog wrote:

Pretty sure, Todd is a Flames fan. So.. You're under Guilt by association Mr. Wilson. Why is Flames nation so angry about the internet's article quality?

PS. This is just a jab at Flames fan, I'm sorry for saying Angry Todd is one of you.. well Almost sorry.

Think he's a Canucks fan actually. Even worse IMHO.

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#35 Anthony l
August 16 2013, 04:25PM
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Will the green men still be taunting the opposing penalized players when the Nucks are in last place?

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#36 Chainsawz
August 16 2013, 05:22PM
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NM

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#37 YakZ
August 16 2013, 05:42PM
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@Todd

Says the Hypocrite while probably reading this blog in his Canucks or Flames underwear. But that's OK, because comments like these "bring balance to the force" on OilersNation.

Speaking of underwear... Wanye, I appreciate the plug but would it hurt for you to put some pants on around the office?

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#38 I tried it at home
August 16 2013, 07:03PM
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OilClog wrote:

Pretty sure, Todd is a Flames fan. So.. You're under Guilt by association Mr. Wilson. Why is Flames nation so angry about the internet's article quality?

PS. This is just a jab at Flames fan, I'm sorry for saying Angry Todd is one of you.. well Almost sorry.

I trashed you for apologising to a flamers fan, for anything.

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#39 OilClog
August 16 2013, 08:28PM
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I tried it at home wrote:

I trashed you for apologising to a flamers fan, for anything.

I'll accept this.

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#40 David S
August 16 2013, 10:40PM
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Holy crap! Wanye is out-duelling DSF for highest ever negative Dakin!

Did. Not. Think. That. Was. Possible.

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#41 OilClog
August 17 2013, 12:41AM
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If his Dakin is -151... Lots of creepers in Oilersnation.

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#42 Sanaa Montana
August 17 2013, 02:03PM
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David S wrote:

As a long time Oilers Nation poster I'm not in the habit of getting my comments deleted. And I'm not proud about the warning I'm about to get in my inbox, let alone risking the chance of getting banned. But I gotta say...

Dude. You're a f*cking loser.

I really don't see how you were so touched.

He cracked a poor joke, uncalled for-sure, but it is no different than any other stereotypes that can be found on ON.

You're either a new employee at the Anti-Defamation Legue or your Jew Sensitivity is cracked up a notch too much.

It is no secret that Eugene Levy is a jew, and it is also not a secret that Jews were one of the earliers salesmen/tradesmen.

If you didn't like the joke that is fine, but to call a guy a #@$%ing loser is pretty weak. To avoid being banned and picking up a bad habit, as well as regreting things you are not proud of, you should appologize to the sales person.

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#43 vetinari
August 16 2013, 03:39PM
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rubbertrout wrote:

Think he's a Canucks fan actually. Even worse IMHO.

Shouldn't Todd be better spending his time trying to make Roberto Luongo feel more at home? Like maybe taking down the "Schneider Forever" sign pinned above Lou's stall before training camp?

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#44 OilClog
August 16 2013, 03:52PM
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rubbertrout wrote:

Think he's a Canucks fan actually. Even worse IMHO.

Now this is the debate..

What fanbase is worse Oilersnation.. Is it

A. Calgary

B. Vancouver

Now, I do live out here on the west coast, and yes I take digs at every Canuck fan I can. But, to be honest with you guys.. The amount of Blood, Sweat, and Tears die hard Canuck fans out here, pale in comparison to either Alberta Squads back home.

So my answer is this. Calgary, you will always truly be Enemy #1. Vancouver, you will always be the runner-up ;) like when you try to win a Stanley ;) ;) ;)

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#45 YFC Prez
August 16 2013, 04:16PM
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OilClog wrote:

Now this is the debate..

What fanbase is worse Oilersnation.. Is it

A. Calgary

B. Vancouver

Now, I do live out here on the west coast, and yes I take digs at every Canuck fan I can. But, to be honest with you guys.. The amount of Blood, Sweat, and Tears die hard Canuck fans out here, pale in comparison to either Alberta Squads back home.

So my answer is this. Calgary, you will always truly be Enemy #1. Vancouver, you will always be the runner-up ;) like when you try to win a Stanley ;) ;) ;)

Are we talking teams or just fans?

Calgary team is #1 enemy, #2 is a so far down on the hate meter it isn't even worth mentioning. I wish nothing but ill will on the team to the south. Don't mind the fans or even the flame players. It's the logo I can't stand, I have evolved in my flame hate...it is a part of me now.

Now if we are talking worse fan base it is without question the Canucks fans. Obnoxious never seen their team win anything, know nothing, lets all brag about our presidents trophies know it alls.

And the Green men can go to hell!

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#46 H.O.P.E (guess its now, H.E.Y.H)
August 16 2013, 05:09PM
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damnit, i must have missed the fact you were hiring a sales person. Im a Sales Manager and i would have easily left to work at Oilers Nation. Let me know when you are hiring again!

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#47 RexLibris
August 16 2013, 05:19PM
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OilClog wrote:

I'm actually ok with the GreenMen.. They bleed Canuck colours, so as a fan, they're pretty damn good fans. Everything else about the Canucks is trash.

Which is why Calgary is #1 fan base and team base enemy on my list. They have more heart, a slightly better history, and a incredibly stubborn refusal to accept the mighty Oilers are the gods of Hockey.

"...They bleed Canuck colours..."

Has this been scientifically supported? I suggest a series of field experiments to determine if this statement can be proven true or false.

I also strongly believe that it is an issue that may find favour in both Alberta NHL camps.

*Please note, I am not actually endorsing physical harm to any person, real or imagined, based solely on their being a Canucks fan.

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#48 Bigfan
August 16 2013, 10:34PM
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Ari Gold wrote:

I vote Canuck fans as the worst bloody fan base in the hockey world. Living in Van, I am privy to the constant unadtered, ignorant obnoxiousness and general lack of class/hockey-wisdom. The proportion of savvyness to ignorance is so much higher in BC than any hockey city in which I've lived (Etown, Cowgary, Montreal & Van).

I hex the city of Vancouver for alls it's sports teams. Furthermore, the only reason I don't hope for this fart-hole to be washed into the ocean is in favour of another epic playoff collapse where their spoiled, clueless fans would burn downtown down themselves.

$5 to the first Oiler goon that destroys one of Kesler, Edler, Burrows or the Sedins. $10 to the one that wipes that smug $hit-eating grin off Bieksa's face.

Clowns for players, clowns for fans.

Eat $hyt Vancouver!

You can't put a bounty on a man's head!

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#49 OilClog
August 17 2013, 12:41AM
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If his Dakin is -151... Lots of creepers in Oilersnation.

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#50 Sanaa Montana
August 17 2013, 01:16AM
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Next up, is Connor McJesus. wrote:

WARNING: This article may contain statistical inaccuracies.

I was under the impression that Willis had the rights to all the stats and question marks in ON articles.

Comments are closed for this article.