2013-2014 STAR SELECTION

Wanye
September 26 2013 12:56PM

On Tuesday we named the 2013-14 Goat and all hell broke loose in the comments as people debated who should wear the horns for the coming year. There were plenty of candidates thrown about including your ol’ pal Wanye himself as we are correctly called out as a “try hard.”

Then the Nation voted Ryan Jones official Goat of the year prompting the Oilers to immediately place him on waivers. Yikes.

WHY NAME A STAR?

 

We name Goats to pin all of our frustrations and smashed dreams on a single player. Even if he isn't on the ice or even in the building it is all his fault. Similarly you name a star as the reason for everything grand. Oilers win 8-2? It's due exclusively to your star bringing the heat. He has no points? No matter, his mere presence on the ice was the spark the Oil needed to fill the opposing net.

He wasn't in the lineup that night? His selfless play and team first attitude were an inspiration to everyone involved.

Yes naming a star for the year is as important to getting ready for the season as anything else we can think of really. Without further delay let's get to it.

’13-14 STAR: JORDAN EBERLE

Ever since he entered the NHL Jordan Leslie Eberle has been our star, our moon and the rock on which we have built our life. Look at 2010 Wanye putting his heart on the line prior to 14 ever taking a regular season twirl on NHL ice:

Picking Jordan Eberle - a 20 year old rookie who hasn't played a single game in the NHL - might seem like a bad idea. But on a team with more teenagers than a Justin Bieber concert, going with youth is probably the best move. We feel it is extraordinarily important that everyone understand that Jordan Eberle is going to be our boy. He's ours dammit. Go get your own Jordan Eberle. This one is all ours! 

Yeah that's right. Picked the kid right from day one. Heh heh heh Wanye you GENIUS. This totally erases the year you picked Erik Cole as your star.

Anyways, 2013-14 is our year Jordan. This is the year we put all the nay sayers, lookie loos and haters to bed. SHHHHHHH haters. Me and Jordan see you on the twitters whispering about how 14 has lost his edge and isn’t going to live up to his big ticket contract.

We see you prattling away about how he didn’t have the greatest year last year. The guy had a broken hand you heartless vultures. If you broke your hand you probably would live in an iron lung while your Mom brought you soup until the thing had healed.

Not Jordan. He still found time to score 16 goals and 21 assists in 48 games and is currently leading the NHL in preseason scoring. This year his hand is healed, his heart is true and he is going to destroy the NHL whilst skating backwards whilst visually impregnating every woman in the lower bowl of Rexall Place with his mind.

Yes this is the year Jordan. When you make the leap from Oilers star to bonafide NHL superstar. Getzlaf. Perry. Stamkos. Elvis Presley. Kofi Annan. Jordan Eberle.

Shining light of humanity type stuff.

YES THIS IS THE YEAR

And when the dust settles on the season and you have potted 30 goals we will write a twitterbot that will comb through the tweets from last season and identify all haters. Then we will deploy a squadron of drone aircraft to take care of everyone that needs taking care of.

Anything for you.

If you don’t understand Ice Hockey and are thinking of naming someone else your star let us know in the comments.

STREAKCRED

If you haven't already signed up for the early bird special of StreakCred for only $15 for the season you are missing out. The first day signup was top drawer with many of the brightest minds of our generation signing up to pick winners in games, winning immense prizes and helping local charity ICCP in the process.

Please please please sign up here. Come the weekend it will cost you an extra $5. Even then it will still be a deal.

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Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#51 YFC Prez
September 26 2013, 08:51PM
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Yakupov.....Kid shows a love of the game that is rarely seen in the NHL anymore. Love the goals, cellys, the kissing of the crest, the unreal skill! Star 13/14 The Yak!*

*the real one...not the amateur cartoon drawing that bozo uses for his avatar.

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#52 Oilers Coffey
September 26 2013, 08:55PM
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This years STAR is going to be: Drum Roll....

NAIL YAKUPOV!!! WOOO #TeamYakupov

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#53 Travis Dakin
September 26 2013, 09:06PM
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rubbertrout wrote:

Come on Wanye it can't be Ebs BECAUSE UNSUSTAINABLE!

My star is Mr. Dangles himself, Hemmer.

I DO love you.

Ales Hemsky is and always has been the Star

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#54 book¡e
September 26 2013, 09:22PM
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Star - Yakupov

Goat - Acton

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#55 Quicksilver ballet
September 26 2013, 11:21PM
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The triple digit man Taylor Hall.

A hundred points, a hundred penalty minutes, and one suspension. The beast is unleashed.

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#56 @Oilanderp
September 27 2013, 12:03AM
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I will now summarize the preceding article:

Eberle star. Join streakcred.

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#57 Puritania
September 27 2013, 12:45AM
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OilCanFan wrote:

Taylor Hall and Jordan Eberle are too easy to pick so I'll go with David Perron to make a statement this year

I agree. Yakupov is to me what Eberle is to Wanye, but it's too easy to pick one of the super kids. I'm gonna go with Perron as well.

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#58 God
September 27 2013, 01:27AM
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Agreed about Perron. This kid belongs on any top 6 in the NHL. He is going to turn some heads. I'll predict 30 goals if he can stay healthy.

Goat, MacIntyre. The Oil will get lit up while he's on the ice.

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#59 Eulers
September 27 2013, 01:37AM
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I'll make it all Russian: Star: Yak Goat: Grebs

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#60 Puritania
September 27 2013, 02:02AM
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God wrote:

Agreed about Perron. This kid belongs on any top 6 in the NHL. He is going to turn some heads. I'll predict 30 goals if he can stay healthy.

Goat, MacIntyre. The Oil will get lit up while he's on the ice.

Pretty sure Mac has only been on the ice for three goals against with the Oil. His defensive deficiencies are overblown.

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#61 Klima's Mullet
September 27 2013, 05:09AM
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J Schultz

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#62 Dave "Killer" Carlson
September 27 2013, 07:58AM
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Gotta stay with my boy Ladi Smid as the star. While the young guns will light up the league, someone has to be the unsung hero blocking a million shots per game.

Shout out to Sam Gagner too. Love his compete and I feel his pain with jaw surgery. Been there, done that. Not fun.

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#63 Bishai in the Benches
September 27 2013, 11:55AM
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Guys I'm predicting into the future, but my star is Lance Bouma. For real the oilers should trade for him. He's a better sniper than Stamkos. 4 goals on 4 shots this preseason. Imagine if he gets a reasonable 200 shots on net this year, we haven't seen a 200 goal scorer ever!!!! This guy has a chance to break some records. Eff unsustainability. Har-de-har-har-har

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#64 Bigfan
September 27 2013, 12:59PM
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I HOPE Dubnyk is the star this year - no softie goals and keeping out the opposition's tie goal game after game after game! Big helping of confidence for all the rest of the team; money goalie.

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