2013-2014 STAR SELECTION

Wanye
September 26 2013 12:56PM

On Tuesday we named the 2013-14 Goat and all hell broke loose in the comments as people debated who should wear the horns for the coming year. There were plenty of candidates thrown about including your ol’ pal Wanye himself as we are correctly called out as a “try hard.”

Then the Nation voted Ryan Jones official Goat of the year prompting the Oilers to immediately place him on waivers. Yikes.

WHY NAME A STAR?

 

We name Goats to pin all of our frustrations and smashed dreams on a single player. Even if he isn't on the ice or even in the building it is all his fault. Similarly you name a star as the reason for everything grand. Oilers win 8-2? It's due exclusively to your star bringing the heat. He has no points? No matter, his mere presence on the ice was the spark the Oil needed to fill the opposing net.

He wasn't in the lineup that night? His selfless play and team first attitude were an inspiration to everyone involved.

Yes naming a star for the year is as important to getting ready for the season as anything else we can think of really. Without further delay let's get to it.

’13-14 STAR: JORDAN EBERLE

Ever since he entered the NHL Jordan Leslie Eberle has been our star, our moon and the rock on which we have built our life. Look at 2010 Wanye putting his heart on the line prior to 14 ever taking a regular season twirl on NHL ice:

Picking Jordan Eberle - a 20 year old rookie who hasn't played a single game in the NHL - might seem like a bad idea. But on a team with more teenagers than a Justin Bieber concert, going with youth is probably the best move. We feel it is extraordinarily important that everyone understand that Jordan Eberle is going to be our boy. He's ours dammit. Go get your own Jordan Eberle. This one is all ours! 

Yeah that's right. Picked the kid right from day one. Heh heh heh Wanye you GENIUS. This totally erases the year you picked Erik Cole as your star.

Anyways, 2013-14 is our year Jordan. This is the year we put all the nay sayers, lookie loos and haters to bed. SHHHHHHH haters. Me and Jordan see you on the twitters whispering about how 14 has lost his edge and isn’t going to live up to his big ticket contract.

We see you prattling away about how he didn’t have the greatest year last year. The guy had a broken hand you heartless vultures. If you broke your hand you probably would live in an iron lung while your Mom brought you soup until the thing had healed.

Not Jordan. He still found time to score 16 goals and 21 assists in 48 games and is currently leading the NHL in preseason scoring. This year his hand is healed, his heart is true and he is going to destroy the NHL whilst skating backwards whilst visually impregnating every woman in the lower bowl of Rexall Place with his mind.

Yes this is the year Jordan. When you make the leap from Oilers star to bonafide NHL superstar. Getzlaf. Perry. Stamkos. Elvis Presley. Kofi Annan. Jordan Eberle.

Shining light of humanity type stuff.

YES THIS IS THE YEAR

And when the dust settles on the season and you have potted 30 goals we will write a twitterbot that will comb through the tweets from last season and identify all haters. Then we will deploy a squadron of drone aircraft to take care of everyone that needs taking care of.

Anything for you.

If you don’t understand Ice Hockey and are thinking of naming someone else your star let us know in the comments.

STREAKCRED

If you haven't already signed up for the early bird special of StreakCred for only $15 for the season you are missing out. The first day signup was top drawer with many of the brightest minds of our generation signing up to pick winners in games, winning immense prizes and helping local charity ICCP in the process.

Please please please sign up here. Come the weekend it will cost you an extra $5. Even then it will still be a deal.

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Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#1 Bicepus Maximus - Huge fan boy!
September 26 2013, 12:57PM
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STAR FIST!

Hallsy FTW no doubt!

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#2 rubbertrout
September 26 2013, 02:31PM
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Come on Wanye it can't be Ebs BECAUSE UNSUSTAINABLE!

My star is Mr. Dangles himself, Hemmer.

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#3 Spydyr
September 26 2013, 01:12PM
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Hall that is all

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#4 Yaklemore
September 26 2013, 01:14PM
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Duby! I bet he steps up in a huge way this season with all the extra confidence he'll have in the defensemen in front of him

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#6 Bucknuck
September 26 2013, 02:10PM
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Ryan Smyth is my star.

Now that we have a coach that will actually play him on the wing so he can use his best skills (along the boards and in front of the net) he's going to show you that there is some gas left in the tank.

He's all compete, and everything that all the kids do is because they are inspired by the Great Canadian Warrior that is Ryan Smyth! EDIT - he will have 20 goals this year.

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#7 David S
September 26 2013, 02:46PM
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My star will be Sam "EIGHT POINTS ONE NIGHT" Gagner.

He's gonna come back with fire in his heart and shock every Gagner hater on these intarwebs. Naturally I live for this day and will rub all your noses in it every chance I get next summer.

*Sets self up for fail of epic proportions*

*Doesn't care*

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#8 Hall for Captain
September 26 2013, 01:14PM
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Wanye: Although I do admire the sublime sniping skills of Ebs, Taylor Hall is going to be this year's SuperStar.

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#9 The Oilers Shot Clock
September 26 2013, 01:15PM
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Dallas Eakins

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#10 DSF
September 26 2013, 06:06PM
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Perron.

Book it.

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#11 DaveChamp
September 26 2013, 01:12PM
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The star of this year will be Nail Yakupov. Contingent on him being moved to the second line, I see him scoring 30+ goals this year. He is a beast and gives all he's got every shift.

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#12 #ThereGoesTheOilers
September 26 2013, 01:23PM
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Hall and Ebs are too easy, just as Grebs was an easy goat.

Has everyone already forgot that Nuge is about to hit puberty? He's the guy to watch this year.

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#13 916oiler
September 26 2013, 01:40PM
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Nurse! Oh wait...

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#14 Romulus' Apotheosis
September 26 2013, 07:44PM
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Ladi Smid.

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#15 @Oilanderp
September 27 2013, 12:03AM
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I will now summarize the preceding article:

Eberle star. Join streakcred.

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#16 Bishai in the Benches
September 27 2013, 11:55AM
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Guys I'm predicting into the future, but my star is Lance Bouma. For real the oilers should trade for him. He's a better sniper than Stamkos. 4 goals on 4 shots this preseason. Imagine if he gets a reasonable 200 shots on net this year, we haven't seen a 200 goal scorer ever!!!! This guy has a chance to break some records. Eff unsustainability. Har-de-har-har-har

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#17 VK63
September 26 2013, 01:14PM
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I gotta go with wanye gretz.

The hugest beauty on the interwebs and a stupendous feller to quaff heroin beers with.

Plus I picked tencer for my goat so I must restore equitable balance in my life.

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#18 freeze
September 26 2013, 01:16PM
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YAKCITY!!

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#19 Ducey
September 26 2013, 01:17PM
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David Perron

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#20 Mikey
September 26 2013, 01:17PM
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Check out that stat line for Jordan. He is shooting at an impossible 22.2% There is no way he can continue that for the rest of the season....

/sarcasm

*Edit* Holy crap hole, Perron is shooting 85% and Martin Marincin is shooting 200%!!

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#21 Aitch
September 26 2013, 02:10PM
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Eakins - who'll win the Jack Adams.

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#22 Ales Hallsky
September 26 2013, 02:12PM
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Nautica Thorn

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#23 Smythyyy
September 26 2013, 02:15PM
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LOL! You always make me crack up Wayne!

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#24 Harlie
September 26 2013, 04:52PM
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Star - Yak

Goaty McGrebeshkov will retain his former title.

Goat 2 - Face La Barbera

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#25 Travis Dakin
September 26 2013, 09:06PM
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rubbertrout wrote:

Come on Wanye it can't be Ebs BECAUSE UNSUSTAINABLE!

My star is Mr. Dangles himself, Hemmer.

I DO love you.

Ales Hemsky is and always has been the Star

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#26 Quicksilver ballet
September 26 2013, 11:21PM
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The triple digit man Taylor Hall.

A hundred points, a hundred penalty minutes, and one suspension. The beast is unleashed.

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#27 Puritania
September 27 2013, 12:45AM
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OilCanFan wrote:

Taylor Hall and Jordan Eberle are too easy to pick so I'll go with David Perron to make a statement this year

I agree. Yakupov is to me what Eberle is to Wanye, but it's too easy to pick one of the super kids. I'm gonna go with Perron as well.

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#28 God
September 27 2013, 01:27AM
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Agreed about Perron. This kid belongs on any top 6 in the NHL. He is going to turn some heads. I'll predict 30 goals if he can stay healthy.

Goat, MacIntyre. The Oil will get lit up while he's on the ice.

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#29 Dan 1919
September 26 2013, 01:27PM
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When Hall turns the puck over at the blue line, it is to put the other team in a vulnerable position. HallStar

Hey Wayne,

The season is about to start and Eakins said he'd bet a dollar that he will have the captain named before the start of the season. He also suggested that speculation fans may have heard is not correct as he has never made a final decision yet. Do you still maintain that Gagner will be named captain?

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#30 smiliegirl15
September 26 2013, 01:28PM
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I'm with you Wanye! I heart Eberle too!!! He is my star. My second choice - Jesse Joensuu. Go JoeJoe!!

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#31 OilCanFan
September 26 2013, 01:30PM
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Taylor Hall and Jordan Eberle are too easy to pick so I'll go with David Perron to make a statement this year

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#32 Justino
September 26 2013, 01:39PM
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Jordan Eberle will be the star of the year, hes my boy. Yak will outshine him though with his many goals sitting beside a healthy Nuge.

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#33 gongshow
September 26 2013, 02:12PM
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So many more obvious choices, but David Perron is my pick. He will flourish here with a bigger role in a different system.

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#34 Archaeologuy
September 26 2013, 02:23PM
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I am going with David Perron this year. I cant seem to shake the feeling that he will just go into hyperdrive here. He's still just 25 years old! Feels like he's been around forever.

Go Perron!

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#35 GrillBoss
September 26 2013, 02:35PM
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Yak City!

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#36 Oil Fan in Ottawa
September 26 2013, 02:38PM
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TAYLOR HALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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#37 David S
September 26 2013, 02:44PM
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rubbertrout wrote:

Come on Wanye it can't be Ebs BECAUSE UNSUSTAINABLE!

My star is Mr. Dangles himself, Hemmer.

Travis Dakin surely loves you.

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#38 rubbertrout
September 26 2013, 02:45PM
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David S wrote:

Travis Dakin surely loves you.

I couldn't remember if it was Travis or Cory that said it last year.

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#39 Wigswag
September 26 2013, 02:48PM
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I'm going to go with J. Schultz. He will sustain for a full season this year. Honorable mention, Belov for big hits once he gets his timing down.

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#40 DieHard
September 26 2013, 02:49PM
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David Perron will be a surprise star this year. He won't be better than Eberle, Hall, Nuge and Yak but still, the unexpected star.

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#41 Rob...
September 26 2013, 02:55PM
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I'm going to say Belov. He's going to continue to improve, hitting a level where he starts popping up on other team's blogs as a 'D' they should trade for.

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#42 oilerjed
September 26 2013, 03:34PM
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Beeeeeeeelllllllloooooooooooovvvvvvvvvvvvvvv! You dont hear it yet but by the first maybe second round of the playoffs you will all be spilling your uncovered beers jumping to your feet in praise. Bow down suckaz

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#43 Will
September 26 2013, 03:35PM
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I'm going to go right the hell off the board and say Joensuu. Yep, I think early on for whatever reason he's going to be the guy Hartikinen never was. Watch what happens when Smyth needs a night off and Nuge comes back, they will shift Joensuu into the top 6 and because he's not facing the top pairing competition Hall will draw, he will be able to muscle his way onto the score sheet and into our hearts.

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#44 OILERSORDEATH
September 26 2013, 03:48PM
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Going with YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKK!!!

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#45 Wax Man Riley
September 26 2013, 03:51PM
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Is it too easy to pick Hall?

We all know he is a superstar already.

If not Hall (who is my pick), I say it will be CAPTAIN GAGNER!!!

That's right!I'm going for one f the most divisive players in the league.

My pick is Hall..... but since that is too obvious.... GAGNER!!!!

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#46 Lochenzo
September 26 2013, 04:00PM
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J Schultz. Combination of player growth and playing under Ference's wing has us calling him the Erik Karlson of the Western Conf.

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#47 Walter Sobchak
September 26 2013, 04:04PM
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He's no Ronnie Mac but I'm going with YakCity!

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#48 Rama Lama
September 26 2013, 04:14PM
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Eberle is good but Hall is in a class by himself. If Eberle can learn how to one-time the puck, he will score an extra 12 to 15 goals a year.

Look at all the greatest goal scorers and they all had this in their bag of tricks. If Eberle learns how to one-time a few shots........look out. Right now he is the king of the wrister......not enough trick s in his bag yet.

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#49 ubermiguel
September 26 2013, 05:08PM
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Perron. He's an established NHL player, a 20 goal scorer, and it looks like he's eating up the system and loving his team mates.

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#50 ginganinja
September 26 2013, 05:14PM
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My star is Perron since he was the only decent oiler forward i could draft in my hockey pool. My goat is most certainly, without a doubt Petry. Hes terrible

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