May 02 2014 02:02PM
So one week goes by and your ol' pal bm has dropped 100 spots in the playoff pool - magic genie I am not. Last week, I was talking trash about the poor suckers below me in the standings, fast forward to today and I am in the tank. I'm dropping faster than lady garments in the red light district. DAMN YOU CHRIS KELLY! I'm not sure who I would have picked had I remembered you were injured, but I am blaming you for all my pool related misfortunes. For shame, Chris Kelly.
Someone must know these Las Vegas Goons and MoFos fellows. These dudes are still on the leaderboard even though the rest of the top 10 has changed! What special powers do these gentlemen possess? How many chickens and or lambs and or witches and or bronies have they killed in order to acquire this fortune telling ability? I don't know the answer to these questions, but I'm going to investigate and not for very long either. As it stands right now, I'm calling shenanigans! Ok, maybe I'm just jealous.
Looking at Round 2, I wonder how many of us are heavy on San Jose and Colorado players? The stats guys would have told you that Colorado had no chance against the Wild, but I'm pretty sure no one expected the Sharks to collapse after a 3-0 series lead. I almost feel bad for Sharks fans, but since I'm an Oilers fan I don't. Ohhh you guys make the playoffs every year but go home early???? WAHHHHH!
High five to all the Canadian team fans that have nothing to cheer for! *raises hand for high five* Don't leave me hanging now... *rubs back of head, puts hand in pocket*
Read em and weep, gentlemen and lady! 225th place and falling like a one legged man in an ass kicking contest! JEALOUS?!? I thought so. Once again, if you're lower than me in the standings please hit me up on Twitter or in the comments so I can ridicule you for your obvious lack of hockey knowledge. If you're in the couple hundred people higher than me in the standings, I will bow to your greatness and accept your jabs will open arms.
Dear Marc Andre Fleury,
I have Crosby, Malkin, and Letang in my pool, and if there's any hope of getting back in this thing I need you to stop giving up disgusting goals like they're Christmas kisses. You need to stay in your net when the puck gets rimmed around the glass and put at least as much interest in shots from the blue line as you would a Corner Gas marathon.