May 23 2014 02:48PM
It's Friday again and I know how much you guys look forward to the weekly Nation Drafts update! As expected, I have absolutely nothing happening in my pool since the only player I have left is Drew Doughty. It's a sad state of affairs. I can't even blame Chris Kelly anymore since the Bruins are out. The only thing that would make me happy is if one of you had Dan Carcillo on your roster since he, quite possibly, got the dumbest 10 game suspension in the history of ice. Elbowing a linesman for reasons unknown? Genius!
Rammertime has been overthrown! Look at you, Hemmercules, climbing up the ranks like a young Sylvester Stallone in 1993's Cliffhanger. Last week, Hemmercules was in 2nd spot and Rammertime was 1st, but this week the roles have reversed. It's like when John C. Reilly's character wanted to finish first in Talladega Nights but Ricky Bobby wouldn't let him. Well you didn't listen did you, Hemmercules? Even though you picked your team weeks ago, I applaud your efforts and commend you on your dominating ascent.
Speaking of domination, I really thought that the Montreal Canadiens were going to drop a turd on themselves as soon as Carey Price went down. They got blown up in Game 1, played well and lost in Game 2, and barely did enough to win last night. It surprises me that they're still in the series. I'll be excited when they get bumped so that Habs fans can be as miserable as the rest of us. Canada's only team? No. Canada's only chance left to have their fans be super annoying if they win.
So what if I'm bitter? You try being an Oilers fan.
Please take a minute to soak in the mediocrity that is my playoff pool standings. The sweet smell of failure is washing over me like the rising tide, and my hope of winning anything has gone the way of the spirit of Oilers fans. My chances are dead and unless Drew Doughty goes on a herculean run of doom there is no hope of reviving them. If the playoff pool was a 90s movie, Shang Tsung would be sucking my soul through his dirty wizard fingertips. If I had a towel, I would throw it in. I would be more bummed if not for that sweet Mortal Kombat reference I just dropped.
Dear Dan Carcillo,
You got a 10 game suspension for quite possibly the stupidest decision I've seen in a long time. Brandon Prust threw a late hit and you were fired up about it, I get that. The problem is that the linesman you threw the elbow at had nothing to do with it. Prust's hit landed him the disciplinary hearing we all expected, but your cranium was too thick to realize that and now you very well could be done for the playoffs.
Congratulations on the missing chromosome (allegedly, in my opinion, of course)